Try this at home.

I can’t believe I

Oh, you’re so broken right now!

I might actually wear a bikini if it was this one. Maybe.

The heat might be too much for me.

Ooooh! Nice!

I’m pretty sure I’ve been off work more than on this May. And I am so totally OK with that.

The problem with most concealed carry bags is that they’re hideous. And the ones that I would actually rock, I can’t afford. Lame.

I’m about to sell the two of you to the gypsies for a bag of gold.

This is both devastating and beautiful.

Oh good. Now I have to find a new dishwasher for the office.

Generalissimo Franco is still dead.

“Hey buddy, what are you doing with my meat?”

I don’t know that Angelina’s situation really qualifies as a “health crisis” or makes her a “survivor”. Come on.

How to Be Less Scary in the Workplace

I want to go to the Johnny Cash museum.

Squeak! Squeak! Squeak!

Man. I think I need to quit the photog business if *that* is what people are paying for these days.

Maybe I can send a formal letter annulling my relationship to specific people in the family. A gentle disowning, if you will.

Wow. That was straight up crazy pants. WTF.

I am so frustrated, I just don’t even have the words.

rain rain rain rain rain

there’s no time to second guess it

Moisturize me!

This is not my best day ever.

I’m reading this book set in a place called Baron Hollow and I keep reading it as Barton.

Cat naps are just not doing the trick.

It’s so humid in here. I kind of wish we could turn the AC off.

Mostly I’m always wishing we could turn the AC off.

I dunno. Maybe it’s me. I don’t think it’s funny. I look at it and tilt my head, say “huh,” and click away.

I bet Miss W would eat more corn if we had these.

The only good thing about today is this fantastic rain storm.

Yes, I will do it a week ago, which I told you I did already.

haven’t listened in a while

It isn’t “accidental racism.” You’re just assigning meaning to something that isn’t there because you want to believe it’s racist.

Aw yeah.

Beautiful. Well.

That’s just spectacularly bad timing.

“Food for thought: There is no redemption in burnt toast.”

I wish I was somewhere I could sit with a cuppa and just stare out the window and listen to the downpour.

And likely fall asleep, because I can’t seem to stay awake if I sit still lately.

This just made me laugh. I think the Pink Pistols started in the Mitten.

Do we really need to have the Your/You’re talk again?

Temperature drop!

Hee!

Aw, I want it, cos it’s so cute.

And also I get cold all the time.

la la la

um. Huh.

I can’t believe you made me watch that. I am actually horrified.

I’ll just continue my cold war campaign of polite indifference, I think.

Mermaids???

Good piece from Nick Gillespie. I like the word “redaction.” I don’t approve of the act, in most cases.

I had not heard this version before. I LOVE it. The video is so fun!

Well. That makes me feel like I belong to some cool genetic club or something.

I still haven’t bought my Chris Isaak ticket. I still have not convinced myself that it might be OK to spend that money.

Boy, Instagram sure is pretty on an iPad.

Exterminate!

OK OK OK  Enough Doctor Who references for one week. Shut up.

Yeah, I had no idea who Chris Hardwick was.

Wow, when I die, I want my grave to look like this.

I very much dislike that perfume you wear. But it would be rude to say so, I suppose. It’s much easier when I can say “Hey! Your cologne gives me a migraine. Please stop wearing it.” People respect that shit. They don’t care so much if you just find something unpleasant.

I had to unsubscribe from you, I’m sorry.

It’s nice and cool this evening. But the rain stopped.

That’s an awfully long time to go without knitting.

I have completed the Visitor’s Safety Orientation.

undead undead undead

Don’t give up, lovey. You’re a better mom than most of us.

Except that I actually LOVE The Time Traveler’s Wife. But I haven’t read any of the other ones, and yes, I agree that enough already.

Now that makes perfect sense!

OK, I lied, but come ON! Seriously.

I need Shelli’s dress.

Extended daylight hours confuse my internal clock. I am perpetually losing track of time in the summer.

I think I just became one of those travelers who makes lists before she packs. Dear Lord, how did that happen???

Baby turkeys make the cutest noises. I always type “turkerys” first.

Hell’s Bells. My computer just went all insane and I had to reboot and it removed ALL of the line breaks from Random.

I may or may not have briefly considered just posting it that way …

“OK OK OK  Enough Doctor Who references for one week. Shut up. Yeah, I had no idea who Chris Hardwick was. Wow, when I die, I want my grave to look like this. I very much dislike that perfume you wear. But it would be rude to say so, I suppose. It’s much easier when I can say “Hey! Your cologne gives me a migraine. Please stop wearing it.” People respect that shit. They d”

You’re welcome.

Cursed mosquitoes!!!!!!!

Cursed goat!!!!!!!

Whatever. I thought it was funny. Who doesn’t love a little political tree humor, I ask you?

I am not at liberty to confirm, nor deny. Good day.