This has been stuck in my head for days.

Interesting.

It’s not “the” Ukraine. It’s just Ukraine. I know, I always want to add a “the” too.

I didn’t even know this existed!

Doc Martens on the Doctor! Hell yes!

Exclamation point!

You know what this frigid cold needs, don’t you? Donuts. Many donuts.

Orphan.

It’s so bloody cold. It’s just stupid bloody cold.

If we never drove on ice ever we would be housebound for 6 months out of the year. Please.

Bust. You just get worse every time you email me. I didn’t think that was possible.

No one wants cookies for breakfast.

I will be glad to be done with these Common Read candidates. I’m really looking forward to starting Lonesome Dove.

How does this even happen??? How is that car on FIRE???

Also, 4WD does not make you immune to the laws of physics. Yes, you can still lose control on ice. If you don’t know how to drive on snowy or icy roads, DON’T DRIVE ON SNOWY OR ICY ROADS.

I have to stop paying attention to the south now. I’m sorry. Bless your hearts. I know you just don’t know.

When did the Cure get a woman? Oh wait … heh. Never mind.

“Have you been missing Dollhouse?” No. No I haven’t. Because that show sucked.

I completely forgot Tom Greene even existed.

I had no idea NFL cheerleaders were paid so little. I’m really surprised.

Yeah, no seriously. Loving the new Doctor’s wardrobe. Completely.

That’s just. Ew. ew ew ew. No.

I think I hate fake pockets more than I hate just straight up no pockets. I mean, at least when there’s no pretense I’m not trying to put my hands in there. I already KNOW it doesn’t exist. It’s just mean.

I typed “decrible”.

Stop putting an apostrophe in “the Crowes”. You are pluralizing, not giving them possession of something. Come on.

Stupid Olympics. No new Blacklist til you’re over. No one even likes you, Olympics. Why do you have to spoil everything?

Whee meeting. Whee.

A thank you?? Unprecedented!!

I’ve now used that word twice this week. Which is twice more than I’ve used it in the last year.

Woah. Heavy deja vu moment there.

Wow. You do not need to sit that close to me.

No seriously. It’s like the area right outside the door to my cube is some magical space where people just PAUSE to have these loud, epic conversations. Stop doing that. STOP.

I just don’t find Liam Neeson all that impressive, I’m sorry.

No. I don’t know. Really.

I can practically hear you seething all the way over here. Please move on to your huffy stage. Let’s just get this over with.

Sure it’s 51 days until spring. But how many days till the snow melts? Yeah. Got you there, didn’t I?

Barn cats do not know how to behave indoors. This weather had better start warming up soon.

Dear Lord. What the hell happened to Prince?

hee

Wow!

“Remove blood stains from clothing with Coca-Cola.” But. Coca-Cola stains clothing …

That was nice of Chick-fil-A. I wish we had one of those here.

I need … something. I don’t know what. But something.

“Middle school girl, big girl body.” Yep.

OK OK OK

In all seriousness, I’m sorry ya’ll are having a hard time down there in Georgia. Really.

Every time I make headway on one emergency, another one pops up.

Maybe I need a Coke.

Someone I used to know said something to the effect of government being better than business. That person is a moron.

I think Nick Gillespie is actually a super huge secret fan of Random Wednesday and never misses a post. Shut up, it’s totally plausible.

boo.

We need music now.

I dunno. Would have been nice to have been able to have use of it while you were gone. But whatever.

You never heard about the Yugo?

Honestly, at this point I just stop reading your articles and posts as soon as I hit the first misplaced apostrophe. Life is too short to waste on crap that hasn’t been proofread.

Please copy and paste to avoid typos.

No really, all I can think of now is Guns N Roses lyrics. This is a disaster.

hee

29. Only 2 more to go! I can do it!

I need to admit that I am never going to finish reading that article and just close the damn tab already.

want

I need to take my contacts out. Right now.

That was delicious. I should not have eaten it. But it was delicious.

Why does everyone go to Florida all the time? What’s so appealing about humidity and giant insects?

Ew. I hate flan.

I cannot take these cats much longer. I don’t know how people live in a house with more than one cat. I would go insane. Which is odd, because I have actually lived in houses with multiple cats in the past. The older I get, the less I like cats. That’s just a fact.

I almost did it again. I almost went to bed without poking publish. What is with this brain? Oh right.

and so I …

Don’t worry. I’m getting tired of my face too. Well. Sort of. Whatever.

I will shoot otherness this week. I will. I will. I will.

There are times when I really, if only very briefly, wish I owned a pair of sweat pants. Happily they are few and very far between.

I need to dye my hairs.

Shortbread is one of those things where it can easily cross the line from buttery dreaminess to sugary queasiness. One bite too many is all it takes.

Mixed breed pens!

Chickens are complicated.

See, sometimes things are funny because they’re so blatantly the opposite of what is true.

I would totally wear a Guns N Roses t shirt. If I had one.

Interesting take. My first thought was how this type of technology could help quadriplegics, not “couch potatoes” or people who have short attention spans.

Of course, the inevitable Fox News cracks in the comments. Because conservatives are dumb!

You know, the problem with Wednesdays is that sometimes the random thoughts I have are great, hulking paragraphs that are just too much for the day.

“You’re looking for something beyond terrestrial restraints. If you’re trying to defy gravity, the best place to do it would be Bespin. While you’re there, say hi to the Baron Administrator, Lando Calrissian.” Huh. You know, I’m not really a Star Wars fan.

You spelled listserv wrong. Page 203. Seriously. People should pay me for this shit.

Can we do away with the whole “let’s make it go viral” phraseology now? Please?

I’m feeling oddly invisible. Odd. That.

I love Alex Kingston’s hair.

I like Charlie Daniels’ daily Facebook words of wisdom.

I call bullshit on page 209. Michigan State Troopers don’t wear brown uniforms. They wear blue. So if this chick did, in fact, run into a law enforcement officer in a brown uniform it was likely a sheriff’s deputy.

Also ran. Story of my life.

“Oh my God, the suspense is killing me!”

And there you have it.

No one even noticed that I put February on that sign up sheet and not January. Not one single person. The Earth is doomed.

I read that as “Gallifrey”. It says “gallery”.

I’m telling you. That painting of Paul Revere looks just like Bob Hope.

Yeah, that is pretty much right on.

Aw, he’s so cute!!!

SIX INCHES OF SNOW?! Have they declared a state of emergency yet? Is anyone coordinating relief efforts?

Ha!

You completely fail to mention the minor fact that the very reason it was more difficult for him to obtain a handgun is because no one under 21 may legally possess a handgun! Your “facts” are so disingenuous that this book is causing me actual head pain.

Of course, those rare occasions when I could genuinely use a Scotch, like for real, could murder for a Scotch, and I can’t bloody drink.

I hate this book.

Ha! Again.

Argh. Now I have that damn song stuck in my head.

Not one word.

I love this photo.

Wow, I haven’t had cinnamon sugar toast in years! That sounds good right now. Also a cinnamon roll. Actually a cinnamon roll sounds better than the toast. Can I have a cinnamon roll? Please?

I would really like to visit the Johnny Cash Museum.

each one she passes goes – ahhhhh

Nice, so I can’t even make a “fun” post on Facebook without some asshat coming along and being … well an asshat. Can. Not. Win.

New book. Here’s hoping I won’t be disgusted.

“… smiling cheerleaders on the sidelines, begging for notice.” Now, I might be wrong here, not having ever in my life been a cheerleader, but I’d be willing to bet that they don’t have to “beg”.

I wonder if Mike Rowe knows about this book. I imagine he probably does.

Shut up. I don’t need excuses to post gratuitous photos of Mike Rowe. I just post them. Because damn.

I definitely need more sleep.

Sis. Did. I’m glad you can translate my crappy typing.

Hmmm. I think they meant “shelter in place”, not “shelter in police”.

My friend Alan’s first time ever sledding. It will make you smile.

I think I’d really enjoy working in a toll booth. That would be a good job.

I just, for serious, need to not have to work. sigh.

It’s so weird the way that outlined. I should just crop that out.

No. Just no. Entire universes full of no.

Yep.

I like modern amenities, but I do adore the clothes. I wish I could dress like that all the time.

Great. Thanks, Amanda.

Honestly, I could go to sleep right now.

Sneezing actually hurts.

Ack!

I can’t help it if I have 37 questions. You should just send more information in your original emails.

My space heater is just not cutting it today. It’s 10 degrees outside and one entire wall of my cube is window. I’m freeeeeeeezing.

Oh “real feel” is -7. So there you go.

I had to take a break from the chicken purse.

I’m going to go through this entire bottle of lotion this week. I need to bring some Nivea Creme in to keep at my desk. This is ridiculous. And also painful.

More needles. More blood. So much yay.

I would like to visit Sleeping Bear in the winter sometime. Just for a minute. That would be a really cold visit. But I imagine very beautiful.

Robot shorts!

Can I have a massage when this is all over? Like a really epic massage? Maybe a whole spa day. Get all girlie. I’ve never done that. Manicure, pedicure, facial, massage. All that stuff that girls do all the time.

I like those purple pants. Those are cute pants. Too bad they don’t make those any more.

hahahahahahahahahaha

Aw, I was just looking through the Baltimore pix again. Such a great weekend.

I should just do them all in high key black and white.

poke poke poke poke poke

I think I need some Tylenol.

Yes. Yes I did make Steve McQueen my phone wallpaper.

Oh wow. Yes.

“So how does Jen like working at the college?”
“Oh you know, it’s alright. It’s a job. She gets to go to school for free, so that’s good.”
“Oh great! What does she want to be?”
“Well … I think she might want to be a hitman.”
” … ”

I cannot get warm today. It’s hard to wrap up in warm snuggly things when all the warm snuggly things are not giant pregnant belly sized.

What? I just never even bother to put the witch hat away for the year.

Or, you know, just ignore me. That works too. Whatevah.

I brought a lot of formal communication. ~JenniferBot

Here’s something else that’s very very quickly becoming annoying. “This person did this thing. What happened next will amaze you.” variant: “stun you.” You know what? Almost never actually amazed.

Shut it, Little Debbie! Stop taunting me with your zebra cakey goodness!

Shut it!

oh no love –

I don’t think Seth MacFarlane is all that funny.

Oh brother.

I like peppermint.

I never win those stupid contests. I should stop entering.

I really miss Oreo O’s. Misuse of apostrophe and all. Also Jell-O Pudding Pops. Those were my favorite.

I love Johnny Cash.

Juice Boxes and Bullets.

I love this.

So cool!

Man the internet is a weird place.

Boy I’m glad we didn’t sell all that Thomas stuff. Also the Potato Heads.

I did not miss the sound of your shuffling feet at all.

OK. I’m thoroughly impressed.

What a stupid word. Bleg.

That thing you do, where you slam the filing cabinet drawers shut so that they bounce back open, and then you just walk away, leaving them ajar? It infuriates me.

This is just plain awesome.

“If you think you’ve lost data, be sure and write over it as much as possible …”

Swoonable.

Ugh. My desk is so dusty!

“Similarly, the foregrounding of gun control seemed very strange, as if, again, there hadn’t been a finger on the trigger, a decision made to pull it.”

I just. Huh.

I have this calendar that runs from July to December of the following year. That doesn’t make any sense to me. What do you do for January through July of the year after that?

Michael Rapaport looks like shit. I’m sorry, but it’s true.

Is there anyone who does NOT hate this chick?

Wait. Did I actually manage to paint my nails without smudging them? Unheard of!

It looks really best!

It’s kind of spendy.

Levitating might be a nice skill. I wonder if it would be relaxing at all. I need one of those sensory deprivation tanks. Although I suspect it would just make me really dizzy. I don’t like to be dizzy.

My belly is simultaneously itchy and numb. It is a very odd sensation.

This is so awesome.

Incredibly beautiful.

People act like I’m blaming the goat. At no point have I said that this was the goat’s fault. I have, in fact, very clearly, and several times, said it was the UPS driver’s fault. Honestly, it’s like I’m speaking a foreign language that no one has ever encountered before.

Huh. Looks more yellow on this monitor. Damn.

I may or may not have said those words. Where is my lawyer? Allegedly.

Argh! This book! The murder weapon was a shotgun. It is very clearly documented in police reports, at several different points throughout the work, and all of a sudden she calls it a rifle. EDITING is not that hard. I should message her. Page 189. How do people miss this stuff??

I hate this bra.

These little cookies are surprisingly delicious. But I still wish I had a donut.

Oy. Her perfume! Awful!

Ah, no one gives a damn what I’m doing over there. I think I’ll do 31 days and quit. Fuggit.

Well, sorry, but that’s just kinda dumb. Just do Instagram.

I tried Snapchat for about 5 minutes. It never made any sense to me and I hated it.

… weird.

Why “evil apples”? What an odd name.

Fascinating. I had no idea he was from Jackson.

Yeah, this is so totally me.

I really hate it when people stand right outside the “door” to my cube and carry on conversations. Especially when they’re conversations about dogs. I don’t care about your dogs. Move along.

I can’t believe my hands haven’t started bleeding yet. My skin is so dry.

That is … um.

Foooooooooooooooood!

You know what? I don’t think I’m going to have time for it tonight anyway. So maybe I’ll just stop now. Forget 31 days.

Place your order!

I might have a tiny cookie problem.

Ack! Tomorrow is potluck day! I have to make a chocolate cake!

Well, hello there new phone! I think I’ve finally entered a more modern century …

ew. Dude. no.

That’s weird. I wonder why those came up.

I really need to go to bed.

sigh. I could really have gone for just one more snow day. Oh well. I got two and that’s unheard of.

Seems like if you won an Oscar you’d probably dust it on occasion.

Crazy!

I dreamed I went through all this trouble to hurriedly register for a 5k that was starting imminently. The guy handed me my t shirt and it was a large. I said don’t you have a small? He looked at me and grinned and said in that patronizing voice some people use when speaking to small children “do you have a wittle belly?” I looked down and remembered I was pregnant. I told him it was a temporary condition, asshat, gimme a small. Amanda Palmer was there and the place was nuts. I was looking for my friend to get to the starting line when I realized I wasn’t dressed to run, I was dressed for Michigan winter. After working through how I was going to deal with that I realized I couldn’t run anyway. I’m six months pregnant.

I love this lamp.

Ha. I just found a Novell lapel pin in my drawer. How funny.

You must be joking. Who pays $50.00 for a tea mug? And just looking at the photo, I can tell you that I would never want to drink tea out of that thing. It looks like an overgrown ramekin.

I have a birthday coming up. It’s one of those big ones.

Vortex is such a science fictionish word.

Um. I hate to break it to you, but no, we didn’t actually win.

mmmmmmmmmmmm pepperminty

“Self aware artificial intelligence.” We really ought to know by now that this is never a good idea.

But. Ducks have ears. You just can’t see them.

Chuck Norris’ beard looks oddly fake. Don’t tell him I said that.

I wasn’t being rude. Honestly, who does that? I think they were being rude.

I’m for serious going to be needing this shirt.

Someone needs to tell this girl she doesn’t pull off “corpse” particularly well.

Wow. How did today get so busy??

Oops. That is not what I wanted.

blah blah blah, blah blah blah

Argh. That might possibly be one of the single biggest pains in the ass in my job.

I think I’ve spent my entire day either in meetings or answering emails. Half the time I feel like that’s all my job is. There is so little sense of accomplishment. I’M SO UNFULFILLED!

This is not remotely how I came about my love of Scotch, but I HAVE made this argument about how Scotch is not marketed to women at all, and this is a huge mistake on the part of distilleries. I specifically mentioned Johnnie Walker, because that’s my Scotch of choice, this chick is a Dewar’s fan. I still say I could photograph a kick ass spread for Johnnie. I have ideas, people. I have ideas.

Gah. I’m in dire need of a snack.

Snow plows aren’t socialist.

I had so much momentum and now it’s … I’m so sleepy.

Holy high strung … Have some patience woman! It’s only January. You don’t teach until September.

Oooh I can’t wait to watch Justified!

Reading a book on the iPhone that isn’t a phone is less than ideal.

I’ve barely looked at it today. I have no idea.

Sheesh. The drive home was more treacherous than the drive in. Stupid other cars.

I love you, applesauce.

Those onions made my eyes all stingy and I wasn’t even cutting them.

I love hats and hats love me.

Seven whole days! Who knew? I wonder how long I can keep that whole thing up.

Like an oatmeal chocolate chip cookie for breakfast?

I could go for a peanut butter cookie. I haven’t had a good peanut butter cookie in a long time. A nice, big, soft, chewy one.

sigh

Russia! I think you mean Soviet Union, kid.

I dunno. I think it needs to bake a teensy bit longer.

I like oatmeal in things. I just don’t like oatmeal in the traditional oatmeal sense. It’s revolting. Though not as revolting as cream of wheat. That’s just a crime against nature.

I think it’s pretty well established that Rachel Maddow is a complete idiot.

What’s this? What is this?

I cannot make a decision.

Jeebus, If this belly gets any bigger I’m going to need a cane to lean on so I can remain upright.

Wow, that is totally something I would do. Nice.

Dammit! Still can’t decide. Indecision will do me in.

I really really really like this band. Really. A lot.

That is a hand.

Holy shit. That’s with a discount?!?

strange things are afoot at the circle k

I need a break from these animals. All of the animals. Big break. Big.

I need my own private yoga instructor. Just til April.

Brush yo teeth brush yo teeth

The presidents in residence.

Cannot stop yawning. Pajamas are clearly the answer. Shut up, they are too.

He’s forgotten how. I can’t explain it to him. I don’t speak Cat.

Well. Sometimes I mind. But that’s mostly because I’m contrary by nature.

No one appreciated my idle threat joke today. Work is dumb.

No, no, no. You got it all wrong, see?

Yeah, I guess you don’t.