Yarrrrr, matey.

I don’t care what anyone says. I’ll always be true to the Oxford comma.

I like the Washington Crossing the Delaware one.

I kind of love that carnivorous cupcake.

farmy farm farm

I suppose I’m wrong for finding the cover of Spiderwoman #1 kind of hilarious.

Wow, I had no idea this existed. I love it.

Random tweet from the past: I dreamt I gave @adamsbaldwin a hair cut. He looked great, considering I don’t know anything about cutting hair.

Woebegone is all one word, dude.

Oh! I love love love this!

sigh. Words mean things. Just because a word *sounds* like it fits what you’re trying to say, doesn’t make it true.

When I say I want mustard on my sandwich, that does not mean you should squirt half the bottle on it. Mustard has a pretty powerful flavor. You don’t need much. Get me to the napkins.

ITS not it’s. ITS NOT IT’S!!!!!!

“Tim McGraw still has the hots for his wife.” How could he not?

Wow. Weird. And creepy.

I’m liking this site right now.

I’m so glad control z worked there!!!

Ha!

automaton annihilation

How is “naked dating” even a thing???

Lena Dunham. Why. Ugh. Just stop.

These are beautiful.

They’re raising awareness so that they can continue to raise awareness.

Everything is just so damp. bleah

I could go for a donut.

Instagram appears to be broken. Now what will I stare at?

I just ate a really good chicken, bacon, ranch wrap. I think I need to have them for lunch regularly.

Dear God, what is that smell?

So much dumb.

My battery is dying.

Tractor crossing signs signaling some weird, centaur like hybrid of man and machine.

I do not like the new Lipton tea packaging at all.

Any table is a dining table if you dine at it.

Tiffani Thiessen has the best hair ever in White Collar. I wish it was mine.

See? That is why people don’t like spiders. Because when you hook your fingers over the handle of the lint trap and feel something crunchy they jump out at you. THEY JUMP OUT AT YOU.

I think I have encountered at least 5 different types of spider in this house.

I’m making this shawl so I can be a shawl person. It’s going to be so cozy.

The word “impeach” is becoming sort of meaningless.

That was one of those “I’m not really sorry” sorries. Sorry.

This baby is not happy today. Not. Happy.

“Fiddlers bottle dance sticks in my mind.”

I smell like a campfire and cheap cigars.

Those are surprisingly good cookies.

That blue guy is my favorite.

“As if there’s a fucking difference.”

I’m cooooooold.

I feel like I should have been able to read more on this trip.

one two three four five six

There is youe spider friend who lives on the ceiling. Do you see him smiling? He is waving at you.

Bite his face so he knows you love him.