nobody here but us chickens

Author: AntiJenX (page 2 of 119)

Random Wednesday

There’s nothing wrong with addressing everyone in a room as “guys.” It’s as “inclusive” as you can get. You use it on both men and women. If you find it offensive, you probably should GTFO of the Midwest, first of all. But come on. If you find it offensive, you’re actively trying to be offended. I refuse to stop using this word.

Teams has the potential for being a really useful tool, but the notifications system is trash. I am constantly missing messages and posts.

kind of everyone’s trial is staticy sometimes

I readily admit that this has, in fact, been me more than one winter.

Another shirt I absolutely don’t need, but really really want. I’m being good and not ordering it.

It’s cheese, Gromit!!!!

And this is just one of the many reasons we are best bitches.

Well. That’s not me.

What was the point in allowing dude to recover, just to ask him if he recognized you, and when he said no, you murdered him. That makes zero sense.

I don’t know why, but I feel like my Amazon wishlist is super dull right now.

Who wants to send me to the 2020 ADEC conference for a week? Anyone? Anyone at all.

Póg mo thóin, Biden.

OK, but what if I’m actually right about my Red John suspicion?

OMG “humble bragging about his pecs.” Ha.

I dunno. Complaining about snow in Michigan in December just seems a little ridiculous.

This is pretty cool.

Whatever will you all do when I finally retire Little Justin Timberlake?

It’s the voice. THE VOICE.

It’s none of those people though. That list. None of those people.

I don’t care what anyone says, Highlander is a good movie.

As far as I’m concerned, I don’t know you.

I wonder what happened to my FIRE tee. I wish I had a YAL tee.



I have no idea what I was about to type there. I swear I am not high.

Is there a crystal that effectively serves as an invisibility cloak? Cos I need one of those.

Worried you’re going to retire in a bear market? Um. I don’t even know what that means.

Also? It’s not like I’m going to be able to retire.

Unless I become wholly self sufficient by then. Farming wise I mean. I need to buy different land. Probably in a different state.

Well I’m trying to stay awake.

SHIT. I just remembered I don’t get to go home at 5. Pardon me while I crawl under my desk and cry.

It’s not like I’m getting paid.

oh. ok then.



Random Wednesday

I mean. It’s a blend.

I feel like I haven’t slept in 3 days.

This just in: Rømmegrøt  still revolting.


Reasonably accurate.

a whole universe

Clearly I am working for the wrong employer.

I don’t know. I’d rather have like a nice lasagna or something for Thanksgiving dinner. Pork chops? Cuban pulled pork! Not ham. Not really a ham fan.

“Barack Obama is a conservative.” Now that’s the funniest shit I’ve ever read on the interwebs.

Miss Dolly, Queen of Everything

Google has Black Friday in my phone as a ‘holiday in the US’. Um no.

Yeah, yeah, change is hard. But the new candy canes are legitimately awful.

I don’t know. I feel like I should feel worse than I do. Maybe I just haven’t had time.

it’s just that

It took me FOREVER to start listening to podcasts because I hated them. Now I go in fits and starts. I listen to nothing but to and from work for a good month. Then I can’t take it any more and stop for months on end. This is hilarious.

But I’m still hoping to start my own death education podcast, notwithstanding.

No, I won’t knit you a Mr. Rogers sweater.

It’s not racist to dislike a type of food. Shut the fuck up.


The “gonna tell my kids” memes are dumb. Stop. It’s like you blew all your energy on the cat and Epstein and you’re trying too hard when really you should just be taking a break. They’re not funny.

I don’t think Patrick Jane is a psychopath. I love him.

OK, but the new ones are still ugly.

I’ve wanted to visit this island for a long time.

Jesus. I can’t concentrate on anything.

And why is it so fucking hot in here?

I need a perfume oil that smells like this candle: leather and oak.

Sorry. the short week threw me off.

Gobble gobble.

what in the what??

Why yes, I do spend the majority of my waking hours engaged in an activity that is not life-affirming.

Arrrrghhhhhh wet socks.

I can’t for the life of me remember where I put all the tiny props for Little Justin Timberlake.


I don’t even get the Hallmark Channel.

No thanks.

Homemade Lunchables for life.

I need a new remote for my bloody camera. Again. Dammit.

I’m a good choice for Giving Tuesday. Or Wednesday. Or any other day.

No one cares if you don’t go to school, angry little Swedish girl.

there’s a million little battles that

No come on. Biden is missing a whole handful of screws. They’re not just loose. Y’all can’t be serious with this guy.

I just want a nap. I JUST WANT A NAP.

And why is it so fucking bright in here?

I almost have the whole Red John thing figured out. Almost.


Already 100% over Christmas and trying very very very hard not to be.

Come on, son.

Oh good. Anxiety stomach. Fucking yay.

OK, it’s dark now. It’s not even 5. This is bullshit.



Random Wednesday

I think Sinclair Lewis got it wrong.

It’s funny to me that so much of what progressives espouse is fascism wrapped in altruism, but they are wholly convinced it’s the right that are the authoritarians.

I can’t remember why I get these emails from Telegraph. It’s weird.

Nick Cave looks like the live action version of a Tim Burton claymation character. But also, he’s spot on.

First of all. Who carves pumpkins in their bedroom?

No, but really. Does no one else find it worth commenting on the fact that there is an intermission in the There Will Be No Intermission tour? Is she trying to be ironic?

This kind of stalled out. Death’ll do that to a girl I suppose.

I’d like to go to Rhinebeck some year.

And Scotland.

And Ireland.

And back to Norway.

And New Orleans.

I really don’t see what possible use I will have for this training. I’ve honestly tried. And I just cannot see it. Not in this context, anyway.

This is hilarious and true.

It’s not the body that bothers me.

Like I’ll ever own a vacation home.

Jesus. What is. Why. You’re an idiot.

Fun fact: Daddy Longlegs are arachnids, but not spiders.

Actually, my real dream would be to get an MLS with a focus in thanatology. I mean. Death Librarian. Come on.

Anyone want to be my wealthy benefactor and pay for my MLS? Anyone?

Anyone want to be my slightly less wealthy benefactor and pay for my ADEC membership? Anyone at all.

Stick with impunity.

OK. Where am I supposed to go?


It’s hard to jump back into this. My heart isn’t much in it.

Although. I suppose that’s silly. It’s more like I just don’t have the energy to spew my stupid thoughts out in this blank space.

I totally thought that was a close up of like a panther’s face or something. So weird.

My sleep is wonkier than ever.

By now you’ve likely gotten used to my not being here, and Random is but a distant memory.

Those three blondes are essentially identical. I wonder who made that casting decision.

There was another Charlie’s Angels movie? Why?

I’ve accomplished absolutely nothing this morning. Nothing. Not one thing.

You know what. I’m just going to go ahead and post whatever this is. No sense continuing to drag it out, trying to add to it. Make it more interesting somehow.

Gotta stop crying in the stupid bathroom.

The thing is.

I’m actually listening to my Christmas playlist right now. Try not to have a coronary.



Random Wednesday

This, honestly, is hilarious.

Whatever happened to Crag Sheffer?

I disagree. Because I disagree.

I don’t often see concealed carry bags I like, but this one is close.

I’m still not convinced you should carry in a bag. If someone snatches your bag, then what? A cross-body bag is a much better design, but I have yet to find a cross-body design for women I actually find appealing. Better to stick with ITWB.

That reads like it’s the women I need to find appealing. It is not.

Best. Listing. Ever.

I accidentally clicked a link to a seemingly innocuous possibly cute story about an obscure film prop only to find myself on Jezebel, hating the author after the first sentence because they have to politicize every fucking thing that exists ever. JESUS take a fucking break.

Is it ironic that I can never remember what epistemological means?

Ellen is 100% right the fuck on.

I don’t fit anywhere.

I’m supposed to be reading this book for class and I cannot concentrate at all today.

It’s not a toomah. It’s totally a toomah. Maybe it’s a toomah. It’s not a toomah.

I still have never set foot on your deck. It’s become a sort of superstition now. Should I ever set foot on your deck now, it will signal that that is the final visit I’ll ever make to your house. Now I can’t ever walk out onto your deck. It would be tempting fate.

I do actually go into a slight panic if I realize I don’t have a lip balm. I’d rather be without my phone than my lip balm.


Exactly how many times do I have to say OK, I give up, I surrender before the shit just fucking stops?

You are here.

Motives matter.

There were never any razor blades in your candy. Remember in the 80s though, when the fire department had the X-Ray machine thing set up with the conveyor belt and you could take you candy and have it scanned?

I just wanted to see an X-Ray of my candy. I never did though. I imagine it would have been a very dull picture.

I both very much do and do not want to see this film.

Yeah, but they don’t really care.

I just realized I accidentally threw my hanky in the trash.

Just say no to mohair.


I would argue that she doesn’t deserve punishment of any kind, not even “clapping erasers” (which I’m pretty sure they don’t do any more), but this? This is bullshit.

Wow. Classy jackass.

Why didn’t anyone tell me The Mentalist was such a great show? I’m glad it’s finally available for streaming.


Hey, wouldja look at that.

I really just want to order in lunch today. I really should just eat my freezer lunch today.

“Can a cat have an existential crisis?” Are you serious? Who gives a shit? It’s a cat.

Maybe Luther College will give me a job.

I am against making election day a paid holiday.

I really hate whistling. I extra hate that you come in here every afternoon whistling while you deliver the mail, because it seems a little over the top. And oh look. Literally none of this mail is for our office.

No. I never want any lutefisk.

Fuck. I thought that was due the 24th. It is not.

Well, now clearly I have to see The Rise of Jordan Peterson.

I wonder if we all stopped spending so much fucking time on these people if they’d just go the hell away.

I wonder about the efficacy of your face!

That’s not a reference to what you think it is.

I got your distant intercessory prayer right here, pal.

Maybe it’s that my brain resists the concept of the meaning of the word epistemological, therefore, I have to keep looking it up.

I hate when I can’t grasp a concept because I’m really fucking smart.

We never should have been in Syria in the first place.

I feel extra stupid this semester, let me tell you.

GAH. Fine. You win.

Find an upright yet effortless posture? Yeah right.


Year Seventeen: Love means never having to say you’re ugly.

Just couldn’t decide this year so you get two. (Quote from The Abominable Dr. Phibes.)


Year Seventeen: It’s almost time, kids. The clock is ticking. Be in front of your TV sets for the Horrorthon, followed by the Big Giveaway. Don’t miss it. And don’t forget to wear your masks. The clock is ticking. It’s almost time.

Just couldn’t decide this year so you get two. (This quote from Halloween III: Season of the Witch. Outtakes in both posts.)


Random Wednesday

rerun. did you know how much i love halloween? ha. just kidding.

Well. That was harder than it should have been.

Wow. I’m totally impressed but also cracking up. Totally goth emoed this thing right up.

Oh more wow.

I just read another interview with Brad Pitt. First of all, who wears eight hundred dollar sweaters in real life? But also, he really should come to one of our workshops.

Could someone please, for the love of all things holy, teach me how to just not give a shit any more?

If my head didn’t hurt so much this week I’d switch to some death metal. Or at least Sisters of Mercy’s Vision Thing album.

WTF even is that?

I don’t begrudge you your cat love. I just don’t understand it. I’m like the libertarian of pets. Love your cat all you want, just don’t expect me to care.

I’ve never been much of a Sonic Youth fan, to be honest.

For a bunch of people noted for their devotion to science and scorn for most types of organized religion (by which I mean Christianity), they sure expect people to take an awful lot on faith.

I never played Oregon Trail.

Every time you ask a question I just want to give you a smart ass response, which tells me I should just avoid that space altogether right now, because that just isn’t productive.

What am I even doing here?

Funny how no one seems to have any problem giving me extra work. God forbid anyone should even suggest that some other people take on extra shit.

So much for all my optimism at a new regime.

Why the fuck does this office smell like Spaghettios?

Sometimes I just have to blast New Order in my ears in order to escape your pointless sibilance.

Great. Now the Cure is stuck in my head.

Well then how should you describe yourself?

What the hell is on my pants? Dammit!

People make me so tired.

Maybe instead of parading your mentally ill child across the globe as your own personal political football, you should perhaps be getting her some actual help so that she can function in the world she claims she’d so desperately like to save.

It is dangerously balanced on the razor’s edge of TRENDY. We already see its being worn like an accessory, a badge of hip modern matronliness, by some women who fancy themselves the new Earth mothers.

OK, now I’m getting SPAM with actual naked chicks in it. What the fuck.

When emailing two people of the same name, don’t pluralize them. Simply say good morning.

There is only now.

Just FYI, I cannot deliver a Random next week. And possibly the week after. Prepare yourselves for the drought. Or reprieve. It could really go either way.

“I’ll believe climate change is a crisis when the people who keep telling me it’s a crisis start acting like it’s a crisis — by making any sort of actual personal sacrifice at all.” ~ Glenn Reynolds

I do not approve.

I think there’s something wrong with this a

Finally get the patio cleaned off and now I can’t use it for fear of being murdered by mosquitoes.

I had to jensplain it to them.

No. No no no no no. We don’t need it. No one wants it. No. Just let it flipping die.

It’s not THE Ukraine. It’s not. It just isn’t. Stoppit.

Halloween is a frame of mind.

Did I tell you I won’t be here next week? I did. You’ll be OK.

This right here is why people hate the left. This is the kind of shit that gets a President Trump. Also? This is why no one with any sense can take your 16 year old Swedish scold seriously.

People’s brains don’t finish forming until roughly age 26. Why don’t people stop and think about that more often? It’s significant.


Random Wednesday

i put my canon down for months, and now that i don’t have ANY time to pick it up, i’m itching to. here’s another rerun.


Oh well. Fuck it. I just have to learn to say no. That’s fine.

Of course, this makes sense.

It would have been more accurate if it were a bunch of plastic food containers and lids, none of which match each other.

this is ourselves

“There are many things the next generation should be encouraged to be. Brilliant, exceptional, inventive, remarkable. All of this and more. But one way to stop that happening is by continuing to fragment the most tolerant societies on earth along group identity lines. And then invite people to spend their lives gazing at their navels. Or indeed at their pronouns.”

Perpetually prepared for disappointment.

Wow. First brand new alumni newsletter and there’s a spelling error on the very first line because God forbid you should let me proofread this shit before you publish it.


I’ve seen plenty of flashed penises at parties. I never mistook it for sexual assault. I took it for drunken morons behaving like drunken morons.

Oops. I just opened a Quest bar and then noticed I had half a Quest bar already open on my desk.

That’s just blasphemous.

I just really don’t wear that much makeup though.

It’s just absolutely infuriating.

You know, I really need a new pair of Chucks, but I have been putting off buying them. And then all of a sudden it hit me, maybe I’m not actually a Chucks girl. Maybe I’m really a Vans girl. Maybe my insistence on wearing Chucks all these years is actually the root of all of my existential woes. And now, I still need some new shoes, but am caught in a spiral of doubt and questioning the very basis of all of my life choices.

That’s an interesting question, and one I’m going to carry around with me for a while.

I’m mostly just avoiding reading this pointless study.


The important thing here is …

Honestly, what is Joe Biden even doing? Why is he here?

I guess I didn’t know that Danny Elfman was married to Bridget Fonda.

Or did I?

suerte suerte suerte

I should brush up on my Spanish.

I’m posting early today. I know. Try not to hurt yourself in your shock.


You’re right. I would make an excellent assassin.

Man, my desk is really dusty.

I bet people do that shit on purpose to see if anyone actually notices. Kind of like when I wear the same skirt 4 days in a row.

Well. I finally got a Reason speaker on campus. No Nick. But still cool. Go me.

I’ve been trying to read this all day, so if I link it here I can find it later.

And I’m off.


Random Wednesday

here’s an old one that pretty much sums up my frame of mind right now.

Yeaaaahhhh I’ll pass thanks.

I just love it when people treat you like a faceless entity because you happen to be covering the reception desk.

See? Stop guilting me.

I’m sorry, I’ll come back.

Soooooo. Until that magical fairy land happens, we should just allow ourselves to be utterly defenseless? Is that what I’m supposed to take away from this? JAYsus.

Yeah, no. I kind of feel judged right now. It’s true.

Hmm. Maybe that scent is only available at Christmas.

Well that’s just wonky.

I don’t know if you know this, but white people tan. Or if you’re me, burn.

Doesn’t that feel better than arguing about politics?

I should have photographed the event, I suppose. I’m not sure anyone noticed I was there.

I have no idea where I’m supposed to park for this thing.

I love this story.

I just read an interview with Brad Pitt in the NYT and I really think he should come to one of our Unthinking Mortality workshops.

I was not a Brad Pitt fan back in the day. I do believe he has gotten much better with age.

Hey Whitmer


Sometimes I am thoroughly convinced that I am the last remaining pragmatist on this planet.

File under Shit That Only Works In Theory.

Yeah, Thanos wanted to minimize suffering and look how well that went down.

I can never get those predictive text things to work.

I should have become a locksmith, apparently.

Great. Another new person using super strong scented lotion that assaults the brain like an ice pick of horrible deathy doom.

What if you’re a perfect storm of both types of people? What then, huh?

Note: “liking” my email = still not a valid response to my email.

I really don’t like it when people say “that being said” in a lengthy email. First of all, just say “that said.” Secondly, just cut to the chase already.

No, but why are you doing this to me?

The worst thing you can do to citizens of a democratic nation is to silence them. And the easiest way to silence a woman or a man is to threaten his or her livelihood. Let’s not accept the McCarthyism of secret condemnation. Instead let’s delve a little deeper, limiting the power that can be exerted over our citizens, their attempts to express their hearts and horrors, and their desire to speak their truths. Only this can open the dialogue of change.”

I had every intention of posting this on time, but I somehow completely forgot it was Wednesday.

Enough with the humidity. Come on.

I’m just going to go ahead and admit that I have no idea who Daniel Johnston was.

I really need a Biggby.

Oh. So I haven’t missed anything.

Please. Just.                    JESUS.


I have had a constant stream of students in my office today. Just because they love me and want my advice. It’s amazing.

And I haven’t gotten a goddamn thing done.



Look. I only signed up for all the subcommittees because it was a way to get out of the toxic hell that was the office. I just don’t need that any more.

Sing it with me. Top of your lungs. Here we go.


Random Wednesday

I used to (unfortunately) go out with a guy who said I had a Judas Complex because I couldn’t sit with my back to a door. I don’t. It’s just good strategic sense. I absolutely loathe working in a space where I can’t have a ninja proof seat. It makes me less productive and it stresses me the fuck out. I really can’t function with people walking up behind me. Which I’ve said over and over. And so few people respect that.

Bye, Kirsten.

Literally every time I start working on something I get interrupted.

I need to be infused with vital spirits.

I have no experience in that area.

First of all “plant based meats” are not meats.

It’s here in the states too. And all I can say is NO.

“And go!” is still just as annoying as ever.


So hilarious.

Literature reviews. Yawn.

When I said I’d be on this committee I did not realize I’d be responsible for coming up with a list of speakers and panelists. However. I realize I’m probably ideally suited for that very task.

I love this podcast.

I just love it when people tell me OK no problem when I haven’t apologized because it was, in fact, their fault.

Curses! I burned my finger on my lunch steam!

Looks like your Randoms are going to be short and sweet for the foreseeable future, chickens.

So. Fucking. Busy.

I sincerely loathe this song, but this is legit some awesome cosplay.

I opened at least 4 different articles to read today and never got beyond the first paragraph in any of them.

That’s not at all how I pictured that woman from just hearing her voice. I still wish they’d stop letting her read the news.

Is there an actual committee even? I’m starting to think there is no actual committee.

OMG new Pernice Brothers!!!!!

Why does my stupid toe hurt?

I honestly thought the vegan suing her BBQing neighbor was satire for a whole day. I’m still not quite convinced it’s legit.

Now I want BBQ.

And cupcakes.

Oh I have cupcakes at home!

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