nobody here but us chickens

Category: random wednesday (Page 2 of 48)

Random Wednesday

It’s the Man Who Fell TO Earth, not FROM Earth.

But what if I have angst, ennui, and weltschmerz?

I suppose it’s not the end of the world if I have to live out my days as an over-educated executive assistant. How many people get to do their dream job anyway? Especially now that the government has wholly tanked the economy?

It’s mosquito season. So. You know. There’s still time for us all to contract some exotic virus and die. The year’s only half over.

Dude. It’s debreeeeee. Not debreeze. JESUS.

My most sincere wish for this world is that people would learn the difference between “in lieu of” and “in light of.”

Nope. Schitt’s Creek went right back to being spectacularly unfunny. Shame. Also I super hate Chris Elliott.

Antipathy is the word I’ve been searching for. I hadn’t realized for quite how long. How could I have forgotten it?

Don’t mind me. Just wandered in to virtue signal. Carry on.

Hail to the King, baby.

Maybe I should move to South Dakota. I feel like I’d fit in in South Dakota.

And now Nick Cave is canceled. Fuck absolutely everything.

“It’s vital to resist the temptation to allow our present moment, so rich with the potential for genuine and overdue social change, to deteriorate into a McCarthy-like hunt for wrong-thinkers.”

Does everyone just assume actors actually mean the shit they say in those ridiculous black and white repetitious videos they put out? They’re actors, FFS. They literally make their living convincingly lying to you.

That guy might look better with a beard.

Every family who lost a loved one as a result of Whitmer’s nursing home policy should file a wrongful death suit against her and Dana Nessel.

Liberalism is not just a set of rules. There’s a spirit to it. A spirit that believes that there are whole spheres of human life that lie beyond ideology — friendship, art, love, sex, scholarship, family. A spirit that seeks not to impose orthodoxy but to open up the possibilities of the human mind and soul. A spirit that seeks moral clarity but understands that this is very hard, that life and history are complex, and it is this complexity that a truly liberal society seeks to understand if it wants to advance. It is a spirit that deals with an argument — and not a person — and that counters that argument with logic, not abuse. It’s a spirit that allows for various ideas to clash and evolve, and treats citizens as equal, regardless of their race, rather than insisting on equity for designated racial groups. It’s a spirit that delights sometimes in being wrong because it offers an opportunity to figure out what’s right. And it’s generous, humorous, and graceful in its love of argument and debate. It gives you space to think and reflect and deliberate.”

“He was found in Baja, California. He has already been extradited to the U.S.”

Oops. I did not mean to delete that app.

Yeah, thanks, but absolutely none of my research is on Asia. At all.

Dear God. More thumb drives.

This is my life.

What I want to know is – Is Mercury ever NOT in retrograde?

There are snails crawling on that woman’s face.

Rick Astley’s actually got a great voice, and back in middle school I listened to him quite a bit. I’m not embarrassed. This is a dope cover.

I don’t even know where to send this.

I have no control over this. For. The. Record.

“Be like that tree, in the meridian.”

I clearly need a larger work space. This desk is much too small.

This is absolutely absurd. This is sloppy police work, it’s clearly biased work on the part of the prosecutor. THIS is why technology is dangerous. Stop doing this. STOP.

I can’t remember when I started this. I suppose it’s probably time to stop.  This post I mean. Probably not the whole blog.



Random Wednesday

If I had regular video meetings, B would totally do this if I asked him to.

The needs of the many never outweigh the needs of the few. You have no right to make that call.

I wish my patio was clean and it was a little warmer so I could just go out there and sit.

I wish I had the energy to clean my patio at the moment.

I can’t really do anything about the weather.

Gaaaah They made a movie out of that horrible book?

“The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few” is not a legitimate moral argument either, so stop claiming it.

I don’t care about Fiona Apple.

Obviously, the only reporting or comments I’ve seen from the left about this have been “ZOMG, how can they let this horrible bastard off the hook???” Abuse of power is abuse of power, no matter where it comes from or who the victim is.

“Stop protesting or I’ll extend the lock down” seems like a pretty parental thing to say. The governor is not your mommy.

She is, however, a fascist.

I don’t understand roll up ice cream.

We were out in Seattle last fall. After we got home, we all got sick one by one. M missed about two weeks of school. We took him to the doc twice who said “it’s just a virus, it’ll run its course, nothing we can do.” And it did, eventually. Fevers, loads of coughing, cold-like runny noses. I was diagnosed with “it’s probably bronchitis” at one point. It started in early October, and we were finally all feeling completely well in January. Maybe it was COVID, maybe it wasn’t. But there’s so much “we don’t know” about this whole thing that I don’t even care any more.

You can’t keep this film on pause for fucking ever.

OFFS So, essentially, you did all this for attention, because what? The world wasn’t paying quite enough of it to Amanda Palmer? Fucking drama queen. Also? YOU’RE NOT THE ONLY MOTHER IN THE WORLD AND YOU HAVE A FUCKING NANNY. Stop acting like you fucking invented this shit.

Also? If you and your husband are finding your marriage strained by this shit, perhaps you have bigger problems that should be addressed. That’s just kind of a blanket message to everybody. Because I’m a marriage therapist now.

I think I might be feeling a little tiny bit bitchy. So, I’m going to go read a book for a while.

Sorry, I’m never going to be on your “new normal” bandwagon. I’m never going to be OK with facemasks forever. I’m never going to blindly accept whatever the government is telling me as gospel, because how often has the government been right so far? Throughout history.

I was taking this virus seriously. For a minute. I quickly got over that. I see it as any other illness on any other given day. And that doesn’t make me an asshole. It doesn’t make me selfish.

And we very very clearly are not all in this together.

But. Haven’t the CDC and the WHO been very very wrong about several very important things so far?

Referring to your side as “the majority” or the opposing view as “the minority” doesn’t make it true.

Still not interested in a vaccine.


It’s nice to take a break from research and death ed reads and just get lost in this murder mystery.

We’re all in this together in these unprecedented times this situation is evolving rapidly we must flatten the curve stay home stay safe we hope you are well we hope this finds you healthy we’ll get through this together healthcare heroes social distance don’t touch your face wash your hands safe at home

Just stop.

“We were living with this thing just fine until the whole world freaked out.”

Wow. I did not realize he had traveled in violation of restrictions. I sincerely hope he doesn’t make any future “we’re all in this together” comments about fuck all.

I do so enjoy the rain though.

Step 7: Do not move until nightfall. Repeat.

I feel like lofi hip hop music – beats to relax/study to is my generation’s equivalent to my grandparents’ easy listening “elevator” music and I’m OK with that.

Or maybe it belongs to Millennials, but we stole it from you. I’m OK with that too.

They’re pennants, not pendants. PENNANTS.

It’s so cute that My Favorite Murder thinks it knows anything at all about being punk.

That’s a sarcastic cute. In case you missed it.

I really have grown to kind of hate them.

Maybe I should delete some of this …

No, it’s fine. Fuck it.

I wasn’t sure about Schitt’s Creek for the first couple of episodes, but it’s hilarious. I’m glad I stuck with it.

Not much I hate more than vaguebooking.

I like to be surprised with things in the mail too.

Why do people always want to surround the subject with intangibles when they write? “The rights surrounding these people.” Rights don’t surround you. They belong to you. You used “surrounding” or a variation thereof at least 3 times in one paragraph. How did you get a Master’s degree with this kind of writing? Dear God, get a copy editor.

I’m generally not seeking advice.

I should come up with a way to do a giveaway in the Read Death Book Club.

Sometimes the giveaway is the only thing that keeps me going in a KAL.

I really would like to quit the internet entirely. But then I likely will spend the rest of my days an executive assistant. Which really isn’t all that fun.

Something just flew out of my hair.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand Whitmer extends the stay at home order AGAIN. Petty Fascist Karen Supreme.

This is actually pretty awesome.

The mailman hates us, but he’s too nice to let it show.

Sorry about this HuffPo link, but this statue is perfection.

“The downstream health effects…are being massively under-estimated and under-reported. This is an order of magnitude error.


Wear a mask but only the right kind of mask and not the good mask because those should be reserved for our health care heroes and the only mask you should wear should be the mask that we approve of that’s this kind of mask, not that kind of mask, with a valve without a valve why aren’t you wearing a mask you selfish asshole?

I clearly need to start this Billy Squier album over and turn it up to eleventy.

I can’t believe I did that whole workout with my reading glasses on my head. My posture must really be improving.

I could see myself aligning with some Christian Anarchists. On occasion.

swim. until you can’t see land. swim.

OK. No one showed. Feed full of COVID Karens. I’m done. See ya.  Maybe I’ll try again tomorrow after I defy the extension of the stay at home order to place flags at Ft. Custer, as is tradition.

Never have I wanted a hat more than I want this one.

“This is unprecedented, and we’re in this together,” which is Latin for “We’re not lowering our prices, bitches.”

Did you trademark that shit? #IMWITHHER

Frankly, seems like nominating a PhD WOMAN in the party that just wants people to be able to live their lives in peace is the real progressivism.

Course, that’s not really what progs want, is it?

Wow, this got really long.

It’s not like we get invited to cook outs when there isn’t a stay at home order.

I still want a JEFFSTER! t-shirt.

At least my patio is clean now. Or it was. For a minute. Goddamn chickens. And bats.

Well it sure as hell ain’t the Mothman Prophecies.


Random Wednesday

I don’t know who to share this with. You’re welcome.

I need a calming pet bed.

What even is this mood?

If you think homeschooling is a threat to children and society, you’re not paying enough attention to what goes on in public schools. Moron. Clearly, Harvard has no actual standards.

“homeschooled children are not instilled with the “skills needed to participate productively in society as adults through employment” and will grow up “alienated from society, ignorant of views and values different from their parents.” Lies lies lies lies lies.

I wonder if she even has children?

Um. A photo of someone else is not a “selfie.” A photo someone else took of you is not a “selfie.”

Pink and brown should not be paired. Ever.

I don’t know why we waited so long to watch The Boys. That was so good.

Random and lockdown don’t really mix. Apparently.

You can’t just stop reading in the middle of a sentence and assume you understand the statement.

Do you even know how to use a computer?

Holy shit my shoulder hurts this morning.

Now I can’t stop listening to Mumford and Sons’ Wilder Mind.

Famous guy pretended to be the super hero he plays in film to entertain other famous guy’s kid for his birthday. WHO. FUCKING. CARES.

All of a sudden I’m drinking iced tea like water again. My teeth are gonna be sooooooooooo stained.

I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me, but evidently the only cure for it is a can of Pringles and a bottle of Diet Dr. Pepper.

I love it when people say “this is not up for debate.” Shut up.

You’re not the boss of me.

And while we’re at it. Stop saying “the new normal.” Stop.

I just really hate that phrase. It’s dumb.

Man. Follow Steve Zahn and Rick Gomez on Instagram. I love them so much.

Oh please. No one is going to shoot you.

Here’s another phrase I’m thoroughly sick of – “flatten the curve.”

Um. How is this laundry basket $130???

Why does Banksy have such a dingy bathroom? I looks like it’s coated in about 25 years worth of nicotine and cooking grease.

Hey, CNN? Hornets don’t “bite.”

I always thought, and have said, that Neil Gaiman and Amanda Palmer were a weeeeeeird combination. It never worked for me. And now it seems it didn’t work for them.

“Maybe having to actually spend time together did them in.”

I’m not any more interested in a COVID vaccine than I’ve ever been in a flu vaccine.

What happened to Madonna’s face??

What happened to Madonna period? That woman has gone completely round the bend. Yikes.

Sorry this has been so erratic and short and weird lately. There’s not much to talk about. My mind has been nicely quiet. Until today. When I got the email that LAYOFFS ARE COMING.

All the people telling me not to worry are people with guaranteed paychecks.

These women saying “Biden could rape me in the street right now and I’d still vote for him” are disgusting, revolting hypocrites. You should be ashamed to share air with other humans.

It’s like a semi-hiatus.

I really don’t want to get laid off.


Random Wednesday

I think it’s hysterical that all the progs in MI want to pretend like Whitmer didn’t pick this fight with Trump. She’s been going on national television for months poking him with a stick. Now that he’s poking back, she’s gonna pretend like she’s the martyr? She might be a worse governor than Granholm was.

And this stimulus. Jesus. I haven’t seen an idea this bad since Obama was in office.

Don’t think I’m not a tiny bit bitter about growing my gray out before the lockdown when people would have been way less judgmental about my roots.

Look, cut it out. Nobody knows WTF Missy Elliott was even talking about.


I need to make a grocery run. Pray for my soul or something.

Am I the only one who sees the irony in the SERF acronym? Yeah? It’s just me?

I want a secret decoder ring so I can be in on it too.

In this time of economic uncertainty and chaos, go spend money supporting small business.

What money, I ask you? What money?

Great. Now the rest of the Supernatural series end is on hold. Awesome.

Massie is at least a voice of reason.

“Biden says Michigan’s Gov. Whitmer is on vice president list.” You can have her Joe. Forever. Both of you can ride off into the sunset of obscurity as far as I’m concerned. You deserve each other. You’re equally horrible people.

Are we sure Adam Schiff isn’t a non-essential worker?

Probably I should get out of this house and adjust my attitude.

I left the house and never came back to this post. Sorrrrrrrryyyyyyyyyyyyy!

I find it bizarrely fascinating that Jim Jones and John Wayne Gacey both had close contact with Rosalyn Carter. Not her fault, she didn’t know they were who they were. But still.

You’re such a fucking child.

Who keeps putting all these childish brats in leadership positions?

Why is this Quest bar so hard?

I think it might be time to throw these socks out.

I can’t stop listening to this album.

I’m glad we’re a household full of hankies.

I should make more hankies.

A cult leader by any other name …

I forgot what I was going to say.

The thought of a virus having agency without conscious thought is alarming. Is it less alarming than a virus having agency with conscious thought?

Totally unrelated to COVID-19, just happened to read something about viruses and agency. Written long before this pandemic. Just one of those strange moments of serendipity, perhaps. I’ve had a few of those recently.

Tales from the Loop is too sad to watch during this lockdown. It’s very good, but it’s much too sad. I could have cried for hours after episode two. It broke my heart.

I am not up for this.

Guess I’ll do it anyway.

And suddenly the whole world wished they’d not killed off home ec classes everywhere.

I miss my mom.


You know what I need more of? People getting on social media to screech at me to stay home. How about you just STFU and worry about yourself.

Isn’t the right to peaceably assemble in say, your favorite bar, protected under the First Amendment? And yet, here we are.

Even Bill Maher agrees with me.

Honestly, spelling my name is not that hard. It just isn’t.

I feel like when I sat down to write this paper I flipped some previously unidentified switch in my brain that, evidently, puts me in manic mode and now I’ve spewed all this weird vaguely jointed strangeness that doesn’t overtly answer the question, but doesn’t not answer the question either. I have to clean this mess up. Fuck.

I contend that it is entirely possible to be simultaneously appalled at the treatment of the big cats, believe that Carole Baskin is a straight up murdering bitch (not a victim), think that every single person in that docu-series is  either nuts, just trying to make a living, or a garbage human being, and be thoroughly entertained at the sheer insanity of the entire tale. But. Go ahead and judge me.

I’ve been nursing this cup of coffee for 4 hours. It is now ice cold.

I give up. I need a nap.


Random Wednesday

“Stop shooting each other. We need the hospital beds.”

There’s nothing racist about calling a virus that originated in China a Chinese virus. It could just as well have originated in any other country. America, for instance. Oh look, it’s an American virus! How about if you just stop. Stop kissing the Chinese government’s ass. They’re communist thugs. They’ve been communist thugs for decades. Stop.

You’re not the bleep in bleeping, so just bleeeeep.

There’s a very real possibility that I’m rather irritable today.

Here’s a thing that’s not helpful: lecturing or guilt tripping people about leaving their homes when they don’t have the option to work from home. Fuck off. Believe it or not, most of us are doing the best that we can.

I do miss being skinny. I do.

This virus is going to ruin my VIP Nick Cave experience in September, isn’t it?


I really just can’t think of a single good reason not to order a plague doctor mask.


Jesus these fucking people. The drug has been used to effectively treat malaria every day for more than 50 years. But Trump says run with it and suddenly OMG IT’S GOING TO KILL US ALL! You should seek professional help for that TDS. You’re unfuckinghinged.

And just like that, I’m ordered to work from home.

They should be paying my phone and internet bill for the next five weeks.

ha ha ha that’ll be the day.

See? I told you it’s not possible to access the shared drive from here.

Oh there it is.

Dear God. Why would you ever eat that??

The Association of Electricizers.

For all the work Democrats did to prevent Bernie from getting the nomination, they sure did a handy job of turning this country into a fascist socialist hell over the last few weeks.

Why are more of you not outraged, terrified, and livid at the blatant violation of constitutional freedoms happening right now?

Driving over to the forest is essential. I’m leaving my house to go to the forest. Or I will lose my fucking mind.

I may not need people, but I need some zen.

Hey. Maybe I’ll finally get skinny again.

Yeah, I know. I’m laughing too.

I never thought I’d be this desperate for an ergonomic office chair in my house. Jaysus.

Who the hell is Florence Pugh?

“Influencer” should not be a thing.

It’s not Trump’s fault you’re stupid enough to consume fish tank cleaner.

I may or may not have decided day 4 is a good day to stop wearing a bra.

The Hu may be the only thing that gets me through this fascist nightmare.

There’s a reason we don’t keep Rice Krispies treats in the house.

I get to sleep in tomorrow.

Sometimes I miss my dyed hair, but not often.

I’m reasonably certain a 32oz gas station Diet Mtn. Dew is essential to my survival.

Prodigal Son could be a good show. It could. The premise is fantastic. I love it. Right up my alley. Michael Sheen, despite his taste in women, is fucking brilliant as a narcissistic predatory psychopath. Yes. It could be a very good show, even despite it’s nightmarishly trope heavy weekly plot lines. It could. But it isn’t. Because every single person on that show (excepting Lou Diamond Phillips and Michael Sheen) are such terrible actors it’s actually kind of like being punished to watch them. They’re positively cartoonish. Especially the prodigal son himself.

The new John Douglas audio book is read by the dude that plays the character based on John Douglas in Mindhunter, and it’s kind of perfect.

OK, audio books and the Hu are getting me through the work remotely bizarro land I find myself plopped down in.

Give me back my 40 hours, dammit.


Random Wednesday

There’s this song from the mid-ish 90s that is swimming around in the back of my head and I can almost hear it, but not quite and I can picture the artist who wrote it and I really liked it and want to listen to it now, BUT I CAN’T REMEMBER THE NAME OF IT OR THE ARTIST AND IT HAS BEEN DRIVING ME NUTS FOR FUCKING DAYS.

Yeah. I deleted some shit. So what?

ILU Swiss cheese.


This whole office is going to end up under goddamn quarantine.

Bats will kill us all, and you never suspected it. … Maybe that’s why I love bats so much. Mwah-ha-ha-ha-ha.

Nobody cares what Chris Evans thinks.

God I hate chickpeas.

And just like that, the 2nd Amendment was popular again.

“The cops will make sure your restaurant is closed, but if someone is stealing your car we can’t break quarantine.”

The Ocean of Margaret

Man I love indices.

I do not belong here.

Is it Wednesday? Jesus. What the hell day even is it right now?

Government shuts down your business to stop spread of COVID-19, crippling you. Government says gosh, you’ve been hit so hard by this virus! Let’s just give you a loan to see you through it! Suddenly you’re indebted to the government just to keep from going under. Government = Mafia. This shit is serious.

This is pretty much me. Except I walk right into conflict. All the time. Sucks.

If you need me, I’ll just be over here.

There is nothing happening. At all. Campus is a ghost town. The biggest thing going on right now is my recent perpetual migraine.

The smell of hand sanitizer makes my head hurt. You can imagine how much fun my life is right now.


I accidentally clicked on a link to a story about Tik Tok censorship. I don’t even care about it. I don’t use it.

No no no no no. Alumna is the female.

Why do you people need all the goddamn dishwasher detergent? Come on!


I definitely need a pet raven. Or crow. I hear ravens are vicious.

A lot of drive through windows will take walk ups, dude. Also most restaurants will let you walk in, they just won’t let you stay to eat.

Did I already say the dystopia thing? Probably. Last week.

This is the worst my head has been in a long time, actually. It just isn’t going away. And god forbid I should be allowed to take real pain medication for it. WAR ON DRUGS.

I’m doing a lot of all caps lately. I feel like I should apologize, but I probably won’t.

Yeah. This is pretty much what my thoughts have looked like for a while now.

I don’t really give a shit what Chrissy Teigan is doing right now.

I’ll post this tomorrow.

Eh. Maybe today. I don’t know. This blog is so boring. It’s nothing but Random Wednesday after Random Wednesday now. I don’t even have time to talk about the books I don’t have time to finish.

Or the books I lost interest in finishing.

No, the government should absolutely not give every household $1,000 a month until this crisis has passed. STOP IT.


I just remembered I have Meijer cupcakes at home. YES!

The Republic of Heaven

Heaven is a meritocracy.


Random Wednesday

I’m not taking any chances with you people.

Just kidding, they made me wear this at the walk in clinic when I went in with bronchitis in December. Seemed appropriate for the current climate. ha ha ha.

I miss my hair.

I’m not wearing a necklace today and I feel naked.

I honestly was like “Wait. I know I suck at math, but. Wait. No. No, that’s very wrong.

Although why anyone is surprised by anything Brian Williams says …

Can you believe I’ve never seen a single Bloomberg ad? Neither can I. But it’s true.

I haven’t managed to accomplish a gotdamn thing today, and I’m not even sure I care.

Dammit. Now I need to squeeze in a big ass batch of bee balm.

I don’t have a laundry chair, I have a floordrobe.

Why does Amazon keep taking that book out of my cart and putting it in “save for later”?

Man. I’d love it if we closed in pandemic panic. Work from home for weeks? Sign me up, bitches.

Buy some cinnamon people!

I’m almost as sick of the virus as I am of the election.

I keep reading that as ectoplasty.

I don’t really care about your Coney Dogs.

I always thought Dr. Drew was rather an attractive man.

Introvert – check. Natural over-producer of Vitamin D – check. Chickens, I’m golden.

I used to urge people to vote. Now I urge people not to vote. Look what you’ve done to us with your voting. Biden is in my state yelling at people FFS. Enough of this foolishness.

Gah. Generations at work. Why do I feel like this is going to be a bunch of people telling me I’m doing it wrong because I’m old?

But what does she eat?

Yet another chaotic Wednesday leads to forgetting to post on Wednesday. May as well add to it I guess.

I have to say. I feel like we’re finally reaching the dystopian future I always expected to be living in.

How does that prove hands exist? It doesn’t.

I guess I didn’t add much at all. OH WELL. Blame it on COVID-19, bitches.


Random Wednesday

I guess that’s not as sharp as I’d like it to be.

They don’t stamp books any more. That kind of makes me sad in a nostalgic why does everything have to be so techhy way.

Tecchy way? WTF was I trying to type there?? Ohhhh Techy today. Weird.

Well, they stamp them at our little local library, I guess. So that’s something. The university just sends me an email telling me when stuff is due.

Never mind, I changed the photo.

I did not even know you could get a doctorate in semiotics, but that seems like a really geeky fun PhD.

I mean. I’m a states’ rights kinda girl, but there are limits.

Yeah, this is pretty much what I’ve been bitching about for the last decade +.

No one uses an ice pick on their windshield.

See? Now this is the kind of dollhouse I’d have on display to this day. Positively perfect in every way.

Clicked on the Google Doodle for Leap Day and a list of famous birthdays came up. First on the list? Richard Ramirez. (Still arguably the greatest apprehension tale in criminal history.)

This is bullshit.

Tried to contribute. Got ignored. Deleted it.

Why. Do. I. Bother.

and i don’t think i have ever seen a soul so in despair

“Under postmodernism, there’s no crime you can’t pin on somebody. You just claim you feel harmed or “unsafe” from something they’ve said or done – basically, take offence and run with it.”

Family vacation in Salem Mass would be pretty cool.

But why is the deer levitating?

Voltaire never said that.

Australopithecus is a fun word to say.

Maybe I’ll just skip the primary this year. Unless they stick other shit on it. Like shit that raises my taxes. Then I’ll go vote NO.

I can’t even remember what dude said about this shit.

That girl never says bless you.

I’m over the weird colored hair. Yes, even if I love you. I’m not talking about anyone specific. I’m talking about everyone specific.

I am become curmudgeonly.

I’m really fine with that.

“Despite blowing over $252 million on failed campaign, Tom Steyer says ‘Zero Regrets.'”

First of all. I cannot even comprehend the mind that can have zero regrets over wasting that kind of money. I mean Jesus H.

Second of all. I had never even heard the name Tom Steyer until a week ago, so clearly he made some really good choices with that cash.

Assholes. All of ’em.

“It smelled of dead things.”

Man my cube is dusty.

That libertarian test says I’m “Hardcore Libertarian,” which surprised me, to be honest, because I really sometimes think I’m not terribly libertarian at all, or at least small l libertarian, but more just independent on account of just leave me the hell alone.

Wait. You named your kid Audio Science?

This is what is wrong with the world.

There. I dusted.

Ooooh. I think I need to try Berroco’s Quinoa.

I’m not saying bless you to her any more. Let her be taken over by restless spirits. I don’t even care.

Well, there you have it.

Opine away.

I don’t need Facebook reminding me to vote, thanks.

“The effluvium arising from it is, in certain atmospheric conditions, pestilential.”

Where’s my gotdamn membership renewal gift, NRA?

While I’m quite sure that the author of this piece (apologies for linking to trash like Vox) did not intend to send this message, my take-away from it is this: Sorry white college educated Americans, but your countrymen are just too dumb to appreciate the gloriousness that is Elizabeth Warren.

And that is precisely one example of the kind of tone-deaf bullshit that got Trump elected last time.

I’m so out of it today I actually typed 1794 as my birth year.

Amash will likely always have my vote for pres. And my mailbox will always vote for him for Congress.

I especially like the part where the Gazette makes the hilarious claim that Whitmer has positioned herself as a moderate and has become known as a coalition builder. I almost peed my pants. Hi-larious.

I honestly meant to post this yesterday. I just got really caught up in that paper I was writing.

I can assure you, I will never be interested in purchasing The Yogurt Cookbook.

What’s another 9 credit hours, really?


Random Wednesday

Well, I can’t go to Cambodia, now can I?

Trying to stay away from a crutch for this.

I guess I looked and then forgot that I looked.

Of all the weird band names, that one’s always stood out as extra weird to me.



“Great for the stupid that’s learning.” Interesting advertising, lady.

I love Facebook marketplace ads.

What fresh drama is this?

This is kind of gorgeous.

No, I don’t think I want to go on your Crime Cruise, thanks.

I wonder if I’ve developed allergies.

“Precious plant peoples.”

“A mother’s prayer is that her children love each other long after she is gone” … to the grocery store.

I’m sorry you don’t like my Instagram feed. It’s not at all likely to change.

I just don’t think fake poop on baked goods is appetizing.

Yes, I do still hate the word “hubby.”

Dude. Please. I beg of you. Stop using the word bricolage. We get it.

Table of Tables

I’d totally be an anarchist if I didn’t loathe chaos so much.


But we don’t have a Ministry of Health.

Man. Now you just sound pretentious. No one talks like that.

Look, I can’t walk around behind you people turning lights off all goddamn day.

“It’s probably because of genetic genealogy.”

As opposed to … ?

I know this may come as a shock to you, but I totally forgot it was Wednesday for like 4.5 hours.

You get what you get I guess.


Random Wednesday

I bet someone reported it. I thought FB notified if you if your post was reported though.

You guys!

I was on a roll before the surgery. Now I’ve totally lost it. Which really kind of sucks.

Who the fuck eats a cinnamon roll like this?

This was surprisingly good. I actually couldn’t stop reading.

This is hilarious and this man’s head is an odd shape that is vaguely off-putting.

I had failed to notice that Labor Day is so late this year.

Blame it on February 29th.

And now I am talking to myself.

Talking to myself is not something I normally do.

Clearly this is a sign that I probably need an intervention of some kind.

“you cannot have 20, 30, 40, 50 clips in a weapon.” … well no, no you can’t.

OMG I HATE THIS SO MUCH. Now I get to listen to all of

I don’t think you’d say “peak … season is high.” You sort of imply the high by using peak. That’s what it means. Try harder.

Sinus drainage. Now I can’t breathe through the other side of my nose.

Jesus. Of course there is genuine evil in the world. What is wrong with people?

Yeah, no. You mean formerly. Not formally.

I think I need a break from the world.

The world would be a better place if

This talent is breathtaking. Thanks for sharing this JR.

Seriously. Stop. STOP. Stop putting so much fucking emphasis on these Myers Briggs type tests. They’re bloody fucking meaningless.

Fucking cults.

Amazon: We found something we think you might like. Hmmmm. Sure, Amazon. Sure thing.

Oh I wanted to read that book! Too bad I don’t have time til MAY.

Wait. I’m definitely not the advisor for College Republicans.


Jesus God. I haven’t seen that many ads on one page since the dawn of the internet.

Well, clearly no one gives a shit, so. I’ll just stop announcing things.

Dear Grove. Your website is always broken. It’s irritating. Love me.

Gonna go get some more pharmaceuticals now. Wheee.

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