We checked out that Battle Creek show. What’s the deal with the coffee cake?

Your quantitative methods won’t work on me, research monkey!

I haven’t used this much alcohol gel in years.

I’ve always thought crows were cool. We particularly appreciate them because they chase the hawks away from our chickens. Crows do not like hawks.

Dude. I dunno. I have mixed feelings about purchasing this kind of paraphernalia. Also, I will firmly maintain until the day I die that Gein was not, by definition, a serial killer.

Sometimes I like Darjeeling.

I never understood the hero worship thing that was going on there.

Stop winking at me, you smarmy jackass! Gah.

I don’t know who this chick is, but this made me smile.

Nope. Still don’t like Easter.

Huh. You’re really kind of a hypocritical, hyper judgmental, super bitch, aren’t ya?

I completely lost myself in this video. I bought this book several years ago, but still haven’t had the time to read it. I will, though. I will.

You know, I didn’t even notice Faith Hill’s neck scar until People pointed it out.

How fun to be invited to join this knit-along! I’ve never been invited for one before. I’ve never just randomly joined one either.

Am I the only person who never visits WebMD?

A new season of Broadchurch?! Yes, please!

So long, Lootcrate. Maybe I’ll be back someday.

Sometimes I think I liked the world so much better before the internet.

Noooo thank you. Also it just kind of creeped me out. Also the one of the baby just made me worry about the baby.

I find this very interesting.

“Laughter is poison to fear.” I totally read that as if laughter were poison and should be feared. It seriously took me a minute. What? It’s a George R.R. Martin quote. Have you read his books? It made total sense.

The nice thing about umbrellas is the relief of not having to make eye contact with other humans. Well. That and the whole keeping you dry thing.

Proof I’m going to hell: Bobbi Christina is pretty much dead after a weird ass life and every time I see a picture of her all I can think is, “All their money and they couldn’t get that poor girl’s teeth fixed??”

Man. I really need to wash my hair.

I might have to rethink this whole Girl Scout cookie thing next year.

Sorry, Jason Newstead. I’m not wishing you a happy birthday. I forgot we were even Facebook friends. Why are we Facebook friends?

Ali needs the Outsiders necklace. I kind of love the Black Beauty one. I loved that book when I was a lass. And holy wow, that Wind in the Willows ring! I would never wear something like that but it’s beautiful! Also, that was my favorite book as a wee small. That and Harold and the Purple Crayon.

I need to go to Wales right now.

This just breaks my heart. Why can’t people just be decent?

This is not a problem you need me to solve for you.

Ummmmm. um. no.

OK OK OK OK OK. OK. O.K.

That is a lot of repetition.

I repeat myself here, but generally I mention it, as in, “I feel like I’ve said this before.” or “I’m pretty sure I’ve said this before.” Or I repeat myself purposely. Some things bear repeating.

I used to have a form of echolalia when I was a kid. I would say something and then silently repeat the exact same thing. My lips would move, mouthing the words, and everything. Only one person ever said anything to me about it. She thought it was fascinating. Maybe that qualifies as palilalia. At any rate. Now I only do it in my head. I managed to break myself of mouthing the words.

I’m sorry, but I kind of figure if you’re a super hero, you’re not going to have an “average” body type. You’re going to be toned and buff and strong enough to kick some serious bad guy ass. Not carrying around an extra 20 pounds from your last baby because you’re too busy with your life to go to the gym, which you wouldn’t do anyway, because you’re an introvert and dear God, the thought of working out in front of other humans is paralyzing. So yeah. Stop with the making super heroes look like regular people. They’re not regular people.

Bah. Daylight Saving this weekend. Like I can afford to lose another hour of sleep. I mean really.

Creeptastically awesome. But also, maybe, now that I’m thinking about it more, kind of really sad.

Maybe I’m not really a Shawl Person after all. But maybe I’m a Knit Shawls for Other People Person. Because they’re nice to knit, and they keep my hands occupied, and I like some people who probably need shawls.  I still kinda wish I was a Shawl Person though.

Why does my pasty taste so bland today? How strange.

Forgot my stupid text book. I’m going to take advantage of my unfortunate lapse and catch up on some Wallander over this lunch hour.

Wait. He’s been carrying around an empty pistol. When did he reload his magazine???

Isn’t that phrase kind of redundant?

Blah blah, special special snowflakes, everyone is a victim, down with the patriarchy, white privilege, male privilege drama drama my feelings are more important than your civil liberties blah. Am I blue in the face yet?

Whee. InDesign tutorial on Lynda. Exciting day.

Wow. You people are straight up nuts.

Um. My version doesn’t do picas, dude.

Yeeeesh. Lynda. I know all this part. It’s the same as Photoshop. Tell me crap I do not know.

I always add an e to doctor when I type it. Every time. Doctore. I have no idea why.

I cannot wait!!! But what’s with the frame moving around? That was kind of nauseating.

That’s not as many spiders as that one house. Where was that house? Georgia or something?

All these cookies and I haven’t even eaten a single one.

“You can’t be blue in the face, you’re not a Dem.” he said. hee.

I’m getting veeeeerrrrry sleeeeeepppyyyyy.

Could you just confirm that you did the thing that you already sent an email confirming that you did?

Oh man, I totally forgot about that skully knitting chart. It is sweet. I’m going to have to do a Zimmerman with a skully yoke. I can totally see it.

Kinda love it!

Alright. This has gone on long enough. Or has it.

It has. Get me to my cuppa.

Apparently I failed entirely to post anything between last Random and this. If I can climb out of this hole I’ll try not to let that happen again this week.

This hurts my eyes.

“Sith generation Utahn.”

Don’t let the muggles get you down.

I don’t have a photo.

Fantastic. Now they have me sending mail to dead people.

This made me happy.

I’M FINE. REALLY.

Wow. Bruce Willis’ genes are strong.

I want to transfer. I wonder if I can work there and get tuition just like here.

There should be a category on Good Reads called “Books I just could not finish, they were so awful.”

That sounds like a weird euphemism. Shave some Love.

This would make me homicidal.

No, seriously. I want to know. What is it with the internet and cats? I don’t get it.

You have a private message that will be deleted in 4 days earnestness.

I just don’t think that qualifies as a real problem. You can’t have my money.

There’s a photo. I feel like I’ve used it before. I guess I don’t care that much. I like it.

Crap. Meetings.

It sure would be nice to catch a break, here, Universe.

I just want to go home.

I guess maybe I didn’t use that picture before.

I cannot spell the word alphabetize correctly the first time ever. I suppose there’s some irony in there.

There. Bibliography sorted. For better or worse, this paper is done.

OFFS. That is all I can say.

That girl has a very large, starched lace bow in her hair. Hello 1987.

Honestly even if I set up a crowdfunding page, I bet it wouldn’t make the goal.

I wish I had a cup of tea. And my home. And not this place.

You do not have the right to not be offended.

“Name a celebrity!”
“Milton Friedman!”
“…”

I can’t fix what’s broken if no one tells me it’s broken. This is not complicated.

Maybe it’s a tumor. When was my last brain scan? It’s not a tumor. Tumah. I need better drugs.

Political parties were inevitable. The two party system was inevitable.

I just don’t see how a bloody math book needs to cost $120.00.

Yes. This is actually a good day for pizza. I just looked at the high for tomorrow. I want to cry.

Holy shit. I just saw Kim Kardashian’s outfit at the Brit Awards. From the back. Holy shit. That thing defies the laws of physics at every turn.

You’re a conservatarian!

Hmmm. That email is not good news.

This stupid phone only works when it wants to.

I like the word “foreign”. I don’t know why.

My hair is an actual disaster.

Parchment barriers are not sufficient.

I don’t understand girls who sit in classes and braid their hair.

I just realized I haven’t been listening at all.

Sometimes you get so lonely …

I had no idea that thing even existed. This is wonderful!

That’s a new and interesting pain.

Let’s give em somethin to there’s nothing to I don’t want your talk talk talking

Never mind never mind never mind I’M FINE, REALLY.

There comes a point in the day where you read a sentence like “But in both eras, strong House leaders were followed by weaker leaders, reflecting the countervailing electoral interests of individual legislators and the party, rather than the reintroduction of heterogeneous constituencies and congressional parties.” three or four times and it just stops making sense after you hit “countervailing.” Time to hang it up for the night I think.

What a spectacular disaster this week has been. What a profoundly bad week this has been.

But I suppose it could always be so much worse. Or so I’m told.

Where did I put that zen?????????????

I guess I’ll just go brush my teeth instead.

If your sentence starts with “It’s none of my business, but …” you should just stop talking right there. Because it really is none of your business.

Gaaaah. I thought I was done. Dammit.

I love it when all my meetings get canceled. Unexpected time to catch up on all the crap!

Some very beautiful work. I am happy that overly Photoshopped work has been disqualified. I can’t decide if 20% is surprisingly high or surprisingly low.

I’d give up carbs for Lent if I were still Catholic and I didn’t think someone would end up dead.

I’m starting to hate the word “groundswell.”

awww yeah.

Lack of a college degree would not keep me from voting for someone. College degrees mean very little to me any more. This snobbery that pervades this country, and has for all of my life, that those with degrees are somehow more intelligent than those without, really is very offensive to me. It’s entirely baseless and utterly ridiculous.

I want to live in a cabin in the woods far, far away from all the people. Can someone give me a job I can do remotely please?

That’s gotta be the weirdest spam I have ever in my life received.

“People in VA are snow blowing snow that we don’t even bother to shovel.”

Yer a bertiful astrnaut

The weather is so much worse today than I expected.

I want some Gallium please. Also, I need to remember that for presents for the Tiny Time Lord and Miss W, because they would love that shit.

It just. Doesn’t. Stop.

Oh, hello, Oreo.

Yeah, that’s just kind of hilarious.

Except that we’re not all fat and have bad hair …

“i just need one burger though.”

so much monday   monday everywhere   monday all over the place

… Except it’s Wednesday.

Hoooooow has it been thirty years already? How??

Jesus!

I’m about one passive aggressive email away from rage quitting.

I think a nap would go a long way toward improving my outlook on my existence right now.

Um. What?

You know what? I don’t care. I really just do not care what you do. Just stop talking to me.

I should have worn my glasses today. My eyes are all bleary.

At what point do you actually succumb to the rage quit urge? I guess I’m not that reckless, really.

Wantses.

I still need a Stand with Rand t shirt. Maybe now a Stand with Rand for President t shirt.

Um. Obviously I NEED this bag.

I think we have some potato chips.

I’m pretty sure that’s the same opening riff – can I say riff? – as Beast of Burden.

I just almost missed my chair and fell straight flat on my ass.

Well. Glad I didn’t drive home that way!

It was weird talking about Iran Contra in Constitutional Law the other day. I think the instructor and I were the only two people in the room who were alive when all that went down.

That is not good for you.

I should have taken my contacts out as soon as I got home. Gah.

I’m so happy you’re here!!! But I’m so sad that you’re here.

“It is like a totally different universe in this house.”

I think Offices Depot and Max should change their name to Maximum Office Depot now that they’ve merged.

Is Instagram broken? Dammit.

I won’t stand for this any more!

findyourownman dot com

unless you crack your head on the marble table …

“I think I’m getting old because I can’t remember the words that I used to remember.”

What does this remind you of?

James Spader is older than I thought he was.

Oooooh. See that’s totally not what I thought you meant by blogging being dead.

No. 3. Also the one that says Teddy Roosevelt, because that is hilarious.

I, I, I, I, I. It’s like reading the transcript of an Obama speech, but significantly less engaging.

Really? The interwebs raised over $300,000 for you and you’re going with a Taurus? Dude.

Sometimes I don’t hate people.

I’m sorry, but I want it.

“I think I would have been a lot happier had I been born about 50 years earlier.”
“We all would have. Even the bearded fat manlady.”

Oh my God, THIS “Want to know how many times I’ve said “I can’t understand you when you whine” to my kids? 5,273,926, give or take a few. Seriously, kids don’t whine because it works. They whine because they like the sound of their whiny voices.”

I don’t know how it’s even possible to have your head that far up your own ass.

Yes, my employer did just send me a newsletter that contained the little known fact that the Michigan Capitol is in Lansing. Who knew?

Gah. I’ve always been Team Snape. I’m not even lying.

This is fascinating.

It’s on account of the word sneeze is funner to say than sternutate.

blah blah blah blah blahbity blah blah

Aaaaaand the meeting is hijacked. We’re gonna be here all flippin’ day.

I accomplished precisely one item on the to do list that has been stuck to my laptop for over a week.

Man. I don’t even know.

I have a raging headache today. Which is saying something, I suppose.

I am fairly certain it’s Diet Mtn. Dew time. Werd.

For the twelvetieth time, this is not a youth hostel. It’s a college.

I don’t actually like roses.

I think I just don’t really get dance. But that is some impressive discipline.

I’m so overloaded I can’t focus on a single damn thing.

All I want to do is sleep.

I love you, Rand Paul, but stop spamming my in box.

That sounds like a euphemism.

Sign. Me. Up.

Yep. Now I’m hungry.

i used to know her

Huh. I thought Mel Brooks was dead.

Those psycho guys in the white jumpsuits are gone, you know?

“You really should have hired Jen.”

I bet you would, genius. I bet you would.

“Most of the time when they’re talking about those ‘douches on Fox’ they’re not talking about the news programs. They’re talking about Bill O’Reilly, they’re talking about Sean Hannity. Whereas Brian Williams was not only the head anchor, he was the editor at a national news organization. That’s actual news. Whatever. I don’t watch any of those assholes anyway.”

You know. I’ve been looking at all of the posts in my FB feed really objectively lately and it’s just making me very tired. It makes me wonder “If that is what you really think, how can you continue to call me a friend? Because I’m in that group of people you’re talking about.” It makes me very tired.

awww. That’s terrible. And kinda funny.

I miss reading for fun right now.

Swedish Death Metal.

Let’s just stable that topic for today.

I’m never going to remember this crap. Who made up this ridiculous schedule anyway??

He wants to eat the candles in the drawer.

I feel like a whale today. Shut up. You’re not helping.

Well huh.

I just think it’s an interesting dichotomy – you’re over there thinking about Taylor Swift being a cutie and I’m over here thinking about how sexy James Spader is.

I’m always taking Stormageddon into the walk in and saying “What should I wear to work tomorrow?” But he generally just ignores me and tips over the clothes basket looking for something to bite.

I’m doomed. Dooooooooomed!

It just boggles my mind that you can honestly believe that that is somehow a valid argument.

Fine. I will try and find a way to give up the carbs. Fine. FINE.

*sob*

It’s just weird. I just don’t think of you that way.

“If you like to climb on things and get high, this is the place.”

Oh my God, Hugh Jackman. Go home, and take Joss Whedon, and the 90 “celebrities” that make up the Hollywood Warren Brain Trust, and take Sarah Palin, Ron Paul, Mitt Romney, and Jeb Bush with you.

I want chocolate, she said. But it was late. So late.

I just want to survive tomorrow.

I maintain, and will maintain until the day I die, that Kennedy and I would totally be bffs were we ever to meet.

I just feel like I’m forgetting something.

doom doom dooooooom

It’s not a “deadly commute for hundreds of passengers” if only six people died. It’s a deadly commute for six people.

This job is ridiculous.

I would just rather not have to sit next to someone whose teeth I want to kick in. I don’t think that’s unreasonable.

“I guess he was trying to say, ‘We’re out of toilet paper. Bring more.'”

I gotta stop holding my reading glasses with my teeth.

Well. Look at ya.

Why is crap always about “finding beauty in the most unexpected places”?

Things never really change all that much, do they?

“Who did you vote for, you money sucking social security whore?”

and it’s hard without you

Series of spam subject lines: My Decision. I Have An Announcement. Hear It From Me First. My Announcement.

I’ve been saying that I’m not electable. After spending the last hour with a recent Congressional candidate, I stand corrected.

“It’s funny when that’s subversive.”

Dear Good Friend,

I think this is so cool.

Painfully cheerful.

“Just think if how my stable you’d be.”

What is all over that girl’s face? Aside from the poorly applied lipstick I mean.

Sigh. This pains me. Go home Joss Whedon, and take the 90 “celebrities” that make up your Hollywood Warren Brain Trust, and take Sarah Palin, Ron Paul, Mitt Romney, and Jeb Bush with you.

I’m sorry, but honestly, right now, I just really kind of hate the whole world.

Did you guys just use something smelly?

Where the hell is all this spam coming from???

I don’t know why people “follow” me on FB if they’re not friends with me. They can’t see anything.

Read a book, read a book, read a …

“First I pictured you snapping in two at the waist, then I pictured you using your desk for cover as your co workers ran screaming from the office.”

snort

I want the Michigan TWAW hoodie. I don’t want to spend the money.

Oh honey. Please.

Crap. Did the internet break again? That usually only happens on Fridays.

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

I’m really only knitting this shawl because it’s kind of mindless and it occupies my hands while I read textbooks. I can’t just sit with unoccupied hands. I can’t.

I need a Diet Mtn. Dew. Or a Biggby run for coffee. Caffeine has to happen either way.

. . . Make it go away . . .  . .   . …. .  . . . … . . now please …….. . . . . .  … . .   .

I don’t even know how that happens. How is that even possible?

Everything is delayed delayed delayed. Oh snow.

I could stand to be one up on David Bowie. *nods*

Oh snow! It’s snowing like crazy out there!

more

Nothing I love more than doing the job you’re ridiculously overpaid to fail to do.

I don’t even know what planet I’m on any more.

in the rear view now

I don’t think you know what that means, Regis.

OK. Over the whole Bruce Jenner thing before it even started. Enouuuuuugh.

I’m tongue tied and bleary eyed.

I wonder if I’ll have my voice tomorrow. I feel like I’m losing it.

That’s not a metaphor.

Um. That’s not a mistake. That’s a straight up lie.

See?? SEE??? It’s not just me! Stop crunching at me!!!

He cannot stand order. He is Captain Chaos. General Disarray.

Wait. Was it Kaptain Kaos?

I can’t remember.

Don’t put walnuts in chocolate chip cookies. Just don’t. It’s sick and wrong.

“I am merely noting—with a tremendous amount of inner joy—that leftist intersectionality has devolved to the point where real women and fake women are arguing over whose vaginas smell worse.”