Holy

Maybe it should be Random Monday.

Next semester will be less nuts. Probably.

This isn’t Juliard, sweetie.

Um. That’s literally the job description.

Such convictions! Such assurance!

What????

I could not open that bottle. Jug. Thing.

These shoes are so creaky!

Why does my shin hurt?

Look at this tiny vacuum.

I cannot. I CANNOT.

Why do they insist on coming in sick??? Why do they think anyone else wants their germs?????

Can we just fire him?

Rejoice.

At least I am well-hydrated.

And there it is.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

I just don’t think it’s unreasonable to want everything to NOT hurt all the time.

This should not have been this hard.

It’s all just getting away from me.

Again?

I hate it here.

What am I even going to do with so few people?

Huh. I do not hate the way I look in these photos.

I am trying not to hate it here.

Radically rethink it!

It’s going to be sparse. Maybe that’s for the best.

BATS

Look at this tiny desk vacuum.

Everything hurts. Everything.

What am I even doing here?

I don’t have to track your snacks!

I should just call in.

Why are you broken. Stupid thing. WORK!

UGGGGGGGGGGH I am so bloated.

I could really use like a 20 minute nap right now.

I do not know what to say to you.

Why do you hate me all of a sudden?

P.S. Fun fact …

His face looks like it was put on crooked.

Oooooh what’s that about?

Why am I even here?

It’ll be easier when I’m back in the office, miserable.

The Grandmother Hypothesis is a nice story that makes you feel better about aging I suppose, but I’m not sure it holds much water. It feels like another pat on the head for menopausal women, rather than actual help for menopausal women.

All of my favorite things get discontinued.

Argh. Answer the phone.

There is a gorram fly in here.

Maybe I’ll be able to kind of ease into it.

It’s just a job. It’s just a job.

“[P]rotecting the interests of women and girls requires the courage to challenge dominant narratives—even when they appear to carry the weight of consensus.”

I am a little surprised by the level of anxiety being here has induced.

Gotta defrost this giant hunk of ice that is my tiny tiny freezer in my tiny refrigerator in my tiny tiny tiny tiny tiny cubicle.

Maybe I should take a walk.

Completely unsurprised by your total lack of follow through.

Oh I like her!

“White House officials have had it with Laura Loomer.” Girl, literally everyone has had it with Laura Loomer.

It’s hilarious that y’all are suddenly concerned with the cognitive state of the president. You sure didn’t seem to give a shit when Biden was clearly unfit to serve because he could not form a coherent sentence.

Hypocrites. As ever.

Apathy.

OK for real I am seriously reconsidering my employment in this place today. What the actual fuck.

Well that’s convenient, isn’t it.

It’s like a refresher, you see.

De-identify it!

My stomach hurts.

How do you know if you’re having a nervous breakdown, though?

I really dig this author.

Why did I think this happy hour was a good idea? Oh right. It was a good idea. But nobody cares.

And this is why I make lists.

moral kiosk

What happened in Berlin?

“Imagine going back to the ’90s and explaining to someone that the big marketing controversy of 2025 was a hot young blonde selling jeans.”

I don’t even know what to do with this.

Well I hope I have better luck with this round.

Why did I did this?

So glad I’m not the only one who hates that guy.

Arrgh what is wrong with my tooth?

Well I would, but I don’t want to live in Colorado.

It’s because I left for an appointment and then utterly forgot about it.

Sudden inexplicable deja vu.

Doesn’t seem to matter how many times you tell them.

I do enjoy the vicarious horror.

all of them

HOW does this happen?

I didn’t intend to lose track.

I love iced tea and peanut M&Ms.

At least my desk is tidier.

Crap, what did I do with those cards?

Oh there they are. Sheesh.

It’s a patchwork.

Well there’s some other things tidied.

A glaze on the cake.

I don’t know why this is so much harder at home.

A lot less fuckery I suppose.

I swear I was going to tell you something.

It’s a baseball game.

Ozzy is gone. Infinite sadness.

I really expected to be more productive than this. I’m disappointed in myself.

Perpetually.

Wow.

Kinda wish I hadn’t read that.

Better have a few peanut M&Ms about it.

I just don’t think I should have to pay for that.

I think these flowers are cooked.

Why does Benson Boone look like an extra from Boogie Nights?

This week in The Very Definition of Irony: “A new U.S. edition of George Orwell’s 1984 now comes with a trigger warning. In a new preface to the great anti-totalitarian work, novelist Dolen Perkins-Valdez calls the novel’s protagonist Winston Smith “problematic” and warns modern readers may find his views on women “despicable.”

Is it even

In a slight panic

It’s fine. Academia is a viper pit full of backstabbing liars. Who cares, right? And yet I continue to allow myself to be lulled into a false sense of safety. Idiot.

My emergency umbrella disappeared!

Well I’ll never be a beauty queen.

Remote business athlete?? What does that even mean?

I don’t know how much more clearly anyone can spell it out. At some point you have to just admit that this is purposely ignored.

THANK YOU FOR THE REMINDER!

Is it too early for a Diet Mtn. Dew? No. No it is not.

Dang this is a good book. I don’t want it to end.

Holy shit I am in so much pain today.

Well it was nice for a while. But here we are.

delve delve delve delve delve

oi.

ARGH I need this book and it’s only available in the UK.

“Antecedent to the modern death doula.”

death watcher

Freud again. whee.

the faucet. the door. the fuck?

What foolishness.

OK but when will it be released in the US?

Why would you cut the electricity but not the gas?

I was not prepared for this heat.

Ok. Alright.

I could use a drink, now that you mention it.

It’s not like I can help it.

Cults are fascinating. You cannot deny.

Maybe a cult hole. Not a Manson hole.

A loaf of bread, a container of milk, and a stick of butter.

I just don’t think I should be making less money than the incompetent baboon.

That did not go according to plan.

See? I almost nearly forgot again.

Did you complain?

Tradition? Traditionnnnnn?

hot in the city tonight

Webinar. Exciting.

Maybe I should have been a lawyer.

I definitely should have been a plumber.

I don’t know. It seems like a fail.

I bet someone will have changed their mind and they’ll deny my application. And then what?

I’m hooked on This is Us. I never got to watch it when it aired originally.

And then I forgot again!

I probably could use a professional haircut …

I need to borrow some belief.

Three down, one to go.

I feel like my lunch these days is just a vehicle for my salsa.

I think I need some lower sodium tortilla chips.

It’s not so bad when she’s out of the office. I mean it’s still awful. Just less awful.

I’m not interested in what NPR has to say for itself. I don’t want to fund it. Period. I’ve said this for years. My stance hasn’t changed. Well. Maybe I want to unfund it even harder than ever.

Every time I look away, new email pops up.

Huh. I thought there was more.

She spat through her mouth pegs.

trickster and deceiver

At least I didn’t pay full Christ.

AND WE’RE DONE.

Master’s no. 2 in the books. So to speak.

Now if I could only figure out what the hell to wear to graduation.

What. These are not the students I trained.

lies lies lies yeah

Well it would have been nice if anyone had followed through on this. Sheesh.

And I got a haircut. It only helped a little. Maybe I should go shorter. But I don’t wanna.

I think we might have killed it.

I don’t know why people don’t like me. I’m delightful.

How did I fall into this Manson hole?

I cannot wake up today.

Eat some lunch then.

I don’t know what that means.

But it’s nice to be graduated.

tis, tis

I read that as benevolent violence. It did not say benevolent violence.

I am starting a list of movies I want to marathon after graduation:
Benny and Joon
Singles
Twisters
What else …

Perhaps we have stumbled upon the solution!

We’ve updated our privacy policy!

I wonder how much my presence really matters.

Ninja parade! “A record crowd of 3,000 people turned out to not see the ninjas.”

I’m 98% sure.

Weeeellllll …

Oh no! My notes are wet!

No one wants to go to Lily Dale with me. Sadness.

No one ever wants to go places with me.

OMG come on. It’s always something.

It’s just a buncha court cases.

Where are my other notes?

So many witch trials!

Oooh severe thunderstorm potential. Just a watch, not a warning.

Why is the temperature dropping again. Why. I am done with winter.

Diocesan seems more difficult to say than it should.

Diocesan see. Now you’re just torturing me.

Dear Canada, as the resident of a border state, I’d just like to say I rather like being an American, have no interest at all in becoming a Canadian and partaking of your weird bagged milk, and would really like it if you limited your visits here to just that, friendly visits, and not invasions. Thanks muchly.

“Many of us would rather have our eyes spooned out, be thrown in acid, be eviscerated, tortured, run over by tanks, have our heart pulled out of our mouth, than have anything to do with the United States.” Well good. Stay home then, we don’t want you here. The rude.

Too many and not enough.

Curses!

I thought he was going to say “You’re fucked!” but he said “You’ve fallen behind!” Same thing, really.

“The point is to be in pain all day.” Got that covered.

I am Menocchio. Menocchio is me.

You are presupposing an awful lot, buddy.

An awful lot.

AI AI AI AI AI

The crows are very loud today.

There are no teaching jobs, madame.

I cannot find my High Class Hillbilly hoodie.

I have found my High Class Hillbilly hoodie.

Someday I’d like to take the week off work and actually go somewhere.

I don’t speak Italian, buddy.

I typed Badginger instead of Badfinger, but it kind of works, doesn’t it?

Menocchio’s droppin’ some science.

I don’t know, it seems like you might have done that slightly wrong.

We need to leave NATO. Yesterday.

OK, focus, jentober. FOCUS.

Whole lotta nothin’.

That’s fine, I don’t need to see you either.

Primordial cheese.

Whelp. Guess I missed mass.

Restock my gum, yo.

Man, I really like that yarn, but it’s soooooo spendy.

Remind me never to eat a paczki that late in the evening again.

I am trying, but I am sooooooooooooo sleepy.

I can imagine the conversation, “ugggh I just don’t have it in me to see jen right now!”

I just bought this half and half, I can’t give up cream for Lent. It will go to waste. Jesus doesn’t like waste.  I’m pretty sure.

The she of weird.

Kinda hate you, LinkedIn. Don’t take it personal.

I do not speak Latin either, buddy.

Oh! There’s a thing I need to do.

In absentia …

Most unexpected.