I wear my Chucks a lot in the summer.

I totally need a new pair of Chucks.

Such weird non-sequitur emails. It always takes me a minute to decipher what the hell she’s talking about.

I’m going to get canceled, amn’t I?

It doesn’t matter how many actual notifications I have. The number is always 20. The number used to always be 13. I liked the 13 better. Interestingly, notifications are turned off. You’re really knocking it out of the park, Microsoft.

I should have been a park ranger.

Guess whose campaign doesn’t give a flying … how many times you ask them to stop texting you because how did they get your phone number in the first place? Jon Hoadley’s campaign, that’s who. Don’t vote for Jon Hoadley. He doesn’t actually care what you want.

Quite probably the only person you know with three and a half sheets of postcard stamps on hand.

I just realized my textbook smells like patchouli and I’m trying to decide if it’s from me or the previous owner.

“They think rich people got to the 7-Eleven first and gobbled all the Ding Dongs, leaving poor people to lick the plastic wrappers.”

I thought that said German subculture. It did not.

The mosquitoes haven’t even been that bad this year.

I really hate it when I can’t read my own handwriting.

I wonder if Big Gretch has heard about this yet. Who wants to tell her?

I just accidentally clicked on an “affordable dentures” ad and now my algorithm’s about to get even weirder.

It is also OK NOT to dose yourself with massive levels of cancer causing radiation annually to have your boobs squished.

And actually, my GYN said stop giving yourself exams too, because you don’t know what you’re doing.

I don’t need you to protect me from content, Spotify, you liberal nanny state suck up bitch.

Wait. Wee Willy Winky is a creepy goddamn story.

The longer I work on this paper, the further away from the computer my chair gets so that by the end I’m bent almost in half to type. And this happens every time I write a paper.

This is pretty fucking outstanding.

“The deification of 9 fallible human beings just because they wear black robes is gross.”
“It’s not just gross, it’s dangerous.”

RBG was not a god. Stop behaving as if she were.

And please, PLEASE, stop acting like you wouldn’t be pushing a nominee through as quickly as possible if the situation were reversed.

I think it was the 5 minute alphabetical alliteration opening of that episode of Letterkenny when I finally started to actually enjoy that show.

“Republican presidents now only nominate deeply conservative judges.” Where do they get this stuff??

Even if a Republican POTUS¬†thinks he’s nominating a “deeply conservative judge,” more often than not, that judge ends up being pretty centrist, because more often than not, SCOTUS judges actually do care more about upholding the Constitution than about the agenda of whomever is in office. Not always, but usually.

SCOTUS has made some pretty sketchy rulings.

New one for the list – it’s a marathon, not a sprint.

Gorram VPN.

re-relected.

Y’all have got to know how stupid you look posting videos of yourselves screeching about shit in your car. I mean how can you not?

Hey. I’m just sitting here eating my bowl of Count Chocula. I am not with them.

According to the Social Security Administration, I shall live to be 88.6 years old. I don’t really have any feelings one way or the other about that. Except maybe I’d like some grandchildren.

Prolly still be able to take care of my own chin hairs at 88. That’s not that old.

Well. I think that’s enough of that then.

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