Yesssss! I love the fake blood on the teeth of the trap.

Allegedly.

aww!

“Structurally unsound and in danger of collapse”

I’ve said more than once that Canadia can have Detroit, but frankly, I think Canadia’s too smart to take it.

aquitard

Raul Threat

I like that word. Catastrophe.

oooooooh!

I’m being responsible and not going to Chris Isaak.

I hate being responsible.

The Fortress of Girlitude.

Bitchitude.

I think I dislike Leonardo DiCaprio a little more every time I see him.

This is such a great photo. I am not a big enough Star Wars fan for this though. At Ats walk on water??

I love a chilly morning.

I made you a cake. I hope it doesn’t suck.

I need to just buy this lens for myself.

hydrospherical

Argh. Fire drill day. Must remember to call public safety this time.

same old sad song same old story

This is going to be pretty sweet, I think.

Binary gender? Really?

I keep thinking it’s Monday.

Things like “safe ketchup” and “depends on the …” and “nuanced thought” yep.

Except without the Jesus bits.

Can I just have a protein IV or something?

The concept of a dead letter office has always seemed so intriguing to me.

It’s not like a religion or anything.

Too much bergamot.

There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that we chose the perfect name for Miss W. And anyone who has ever met her will tell you the same.

Wow. Why are you such a giant asshole? All the time? Doesn’t it get tiresome being that big of a douche 24 hours a day?

Honestly, I could have gone my whole existence without seeing that pic of Geraldo Rivera. That man should seek help.

It just seems like it’s more complicated to give me a VOB file than it is to just give me an mpeg or QuickTime format. What part of “submit all audio and video files as .WMV or .MPG” are people NOT GETTING. What a pain in the ass.

convert export convert export convert export

I have come to believe that anyone who is not of the British Isles and says “shite” is just being pretentious. You don’t want to look pretentious do you? Of course not.

I think my tea might taste like bubble gum flavored dish soap.

I keep hearing my name today. A lot of people seem to be talking about me.

It’s only a flesh wound, dude.

I really kind of love jalapeno kettle chips. Because I know you really wanted to know that.

“Share if you love your kids.” So. What? If I don’t share, I don’t love my kid? Facebook is dumb.

I think I’ll take a walk now. That’s probably a good idea.

Cute!

I kind of love that Fortnum & Mason sells Johnnie Walker Blue. Not that I can afford it from them either …

Monkey Picked Oolong. It’s a real thing.

Niagara Falls is retreating toward Lake Eerie. I wonder what will happen when it gets there.

This is what’s wrong with this country.

I’m coming to the conclusion that the great majority of English speakers do not actually understand proper apostrophe usage.

cookies

So sweet! Also, that man knows how to pick out socks.

I really don’t think I’m feeling my best today. Not at all.

I should have gotten a Buc-ee’s travel mug.

I love the library.

Now you’re messin’ with a

I hate this class.

I just want to go to bed. 7:51 is late enough for bed, right? Right?

“Did you get your sexting name I generated for you?”
“Yes. But I already have my own, and have been using it to chat with Anthony Weiner for years.”
“Oh yeah, what is it?”
“Amanda Huginkiss. Actually, I’m a little surprised he hasn’t caught on by now. He’s kind of dumb.”

Interesting conversation with Miss W in the car about the afterlife. Mostly about coming back as animals.  Until … “Would you ever want to come back as a black person just to prove you’re not a racist?” I blame the left for that one.

I told her that I don’t feel the need to prove any such thing.

Facebook always wants to correct lederhosen to leaseholder. So does WordPress. Huh.

So because I asked you a question once, and you gave me notes, you don’t feel like you really need to explain it further, even though I have told you that I still don’t understand? What the fuck are you being paid for?

There’s a reason houses in Detroit are so cheap.

I hate this class I hate this class I hate this class I hate this class I hate this class I hate this class I hate this class

hmmmm I would wear them once, just to say I did.

I love getting letters! I almost never get letters! That totally made my day!

It’s probably too late for a cup of tea now, but what the hell.

Nope. It’s too late. Maybe I’ll just have two in the morning. I can have two cups of tea if I want to. Shut up.

Miss W thinks Midnight Train to Georgia sucks. I don’t know where I went wrong.

Tomorrow is not Tuesday, so I got that goin’ for me. Which is nice.

In other words, In other words

This is not a good day. It just isn’t.

Feminist Civility

Another is slate’s exceptional cleavage.

This fucking computer just randomly rearranges icons on my desk top so I can never. find. ANYTHING.

just eat the fucking burger

“My opponent is taking donations from Washington elitists, Mexican drug mules, and Somali pirates.”

Wouldn’t bread, by definition, NOT be a paleo food?

ooooh!

Once again, I feel compelled to remind the world that Detroit is not the only city in Michigan.

Obviously I’m not an expert, but I’m quite certain that that is a photo of an Aa lava flow. NOT a Pahoehoe.

LC9. That’s the way to go. Feel free to donate to the cause.

I’da been locked up for life a long long time ago.

So. What. This is unintentional parenting???

Man. I don’t know. I don’t think I like it.

1) Understand the difference between Stand Your Ground and Self Defense before offering your opinion about them.
2) It is absolutely hysterical that suddenly liberals everywhere have discovered “The most fundamental of civil rights — the right to life”. I suspect it still doesn’t apply to fetuses, though.
3) There is a difference between killing and murder.

Nope. Still don’t care about Banksy.

It’s too hot for anything but braids this week. Ugh.

Carnies are so spectacularly creepy.

I’d say that’s pretty accurate.

I wonder how the phrase “I’m looking forward to it” became associated with something positive. If an event is in your future, you’re going to be looking forward to it, regardless of whether it’s good or bad, simply because it hasn’t happened yet.

Aw, best yarn bomb ever!

I’d like to take up archery. Maybe I can try out for the Olympics someday like Geena Davis.

Maybe I should leave that to Miss W.

Calling someone a cracker is racist. Plain and simple. White people need to stop making excuses about how it’s OK to be called a cracker. If it’s not OK to call someone the “n” word, it’s not OK to call someone a cracker. Having been called a “cracker bitch,” more than once, I can assure you, it’s straight up racism.

PICK UP YOUR FEET WHEN YOU WALK! You are a grown woman! STOP shuffling!

Heat advisories. Ugh.

My news would be hilariously awesome. And sweary.

“Van Jones posted this.”
“Who is that supposed to be?”
“Martin Luther King, Jr.”
“Fail. MLK did not dress like a slob.”

It’s a shame you never think about her. She’s a lot of fun to hang out with.

I enjoyed this. I LOVE clouds. I’m always photographing them. I don’t look at them to find shapes though. I just enjoy how incredibly beautiful they are. Clouds make me happy.

Have I ever seen fjords spelled with an i? I must have.

i get a second chance

Oh! There are more episodes now!!! “Because I am naked, I’m the boss.”

Except that the clerk could very easily have had his gun taken away from him by the moron with the bb gun, so … Maybe not quite as cool as some think. The kick in the ass was hilarious though.

Yep. You are not a unique and special snowflake. Get over it.

That is an erroneous error.

Oh good. I’m in that phase where no food sounds good, I don’t want to eat, but I’m hungry, so I have to choke something down. You’d think I’d be able to lose pounds this way, but no.

Here’s what I’m looking forward to: Halloween. Which will be here in 105 days, 19 hours, 41 minutes, and 36 seconds.

Yes, I know you canceled my class. I’m still upset about it. I had the perfect fall schedule and you demolished it. But as I am no longer registered for that class, because you canceled it, I can’t drop it, as you keep asking me to do. So stop asking me to drop it. I can’t drop something that no longer exists.

Good God. Has it seriously been 17 years since the last Mazzy Star album? How am I that old???

Oh how fun! I could use something like that in the back yard. Maybe it would scare the coyotes away.

Oh please, yes, tell me all about what it’s like to be me. I obviously wouldn’t have the slightest idea and I need your insight.

This is officially my least favorite class of all the classes EVER.

“Quanell X, the man who organized the protest, told his followers not to break any laws, nor to touch or harm anyone.”

I wonder how many people who wear Misfits t shirts have ever actually heard a Misfits song.

I do not appreciate Christmas in July. Halloween in July is something I could get behind. But not Christmas.

But probably not even Halloween.

Bloody teddies.

Bloodthirsty capitalist.

Yeah, OK. I don’t normally link to Upworthy, because mostly they just annoy me. But this was really … a pleasant surprise.

YES! Keep your weird food issues to yourselves!!! I don’t tell you what to put in your body, leave me and my Diet Coke alone.

Actually, I almost never drink Diet Coke any more, any way. But that’s not the point!!!

Yeah, I’m going to do that … not right now.

Plug it in right there.

I can never remember the name of that painter.

I don’t know why the devil can’t beat his wife when it’s gloomy. Or maybe that’s when she beats him.

i’ll be your

There’s a difference between “phobia” and “ignorance”. Just because someone is ignorant about something, does not mean that they are phobic about it. Enough with the bullshit.

Additionally, just because you are ignorant about something, does not mean you are stupid. It means you are lacking education on a topic. I am completely ignorant on astrophysics. And yet, I am an astonishingly intelligent human being.

I think I need a standing desk. Too bad for me there’s nothing in the budget for that.

The search tool in Webmail is useless.

But. But. It’s for our own good!

Why do people feel the need to continuously announce where they are going as they walk out the door? I don’t care.

112 days to Halloween!

Piss off, lady.

Well. That was considerably less painful than anticipated.

The air is so thick with humidity you can practically lean on it.

Someone should tell Tom Hanks that that mustache is just creepy and he needs to shave it off his face right now.

#21. Teen slang makes you viscerally angry. Like my friend Dalee, I would argue that most of these apply to those of us nearing 40 as well.

Although, I have no idea what West Elm is.

Oh look at that. We can drive through Illinois with loaded pistols legally now. The question remains, why would anyone want to go to Illinois in the first place?

I need a snack.

2698 hours to Halloween!

What the hell happened to my crow feather?

It’s sort of … mesmerizing.

45 Enemies of Freedom

For the love of all that is holy. STOP TALKING WITH YOUR MOUTH FULL OF FOOD!!!!!!!

Interspecies internet? Um.

This is pretty cool.

AMAZING!!

“When that became a thing was a dark time in history.” Yes. Yes it was.

I REALLY need an office with a door. Really.

I think someone should ask me to take photos of Neil Gaiman. And pay me. And make sure he’s actually there to photograph.

Look. I don’t really ask all that much of you people, so my handful of very simple rules should not be that difficult to comply with. Do NOT speak to me before 8:00 a.m. That is my personal time. I don’t care what your work issue is, it is never so important that it can’t wait until I’m on the damn clock. DO NOT interrupt my lunch break because you need something. That is my personal time, and your procrastination is not going to become my emergency. DO NOT walk into my pathetic excuse for an office and start talking to me without my acknowledging your presence. Knock and wait. It’s common flipping courtesy.

And that’s why I have cranky face right now. Your procrastination is NOT my problem.

WHY are there so many versions of this horrific song?

If you’re spending that much time worrying about Barbie’s influence on your daughter, you need to calm the hell down and buy her a Tonka truck or something.

“Jesus take the wheel.” That makes me giggle. I may have to start using that.

It’s hard not to be resentful. Or not resentful, so much as just sort of … I don’t know. Shunned.

I am building my own family, and it will be a mighty empire! Mwah-ha-ha-ha-ha …. !

I can’t believe you actually asked that question. What are you, deficient?

161928 minutes to Halloween!

No, really. I REALLY need to dye my hair.

Oh Come ON. OK, yogis. Give it up. Go home. You’re a bunch of asshats appropriating culture and shit. Think about that during your next sun salutation.

Wait, you don’t think I should be involved in an argument about a “woman’s right to choose” because I don’t happen to be “pro choice.” Honey, last time I checked, I not only had a uterus, but used it to grow a person. I’d say that’s all the qualification I need.

Dammit! The interwebs just ate a good portion of Random! ARGH.

I wish someone could magically make me love running.

Runners always look completely miserable.

I wasn’t sure on the time is all.

Courage and cowardice. Yes.

You don’t want to argue the morality of abortion, but everyone who wants one should have one. You want universal health care, provided by the government, but you don’t want the government to legislate your body. You want taxpayer funded abortions, but you don’t want the taxpayers to have a say in those abortions. Grow up. Just grow the hell up.

I used to be pro-choice. No. I used to think I was pro-choice.

Of course, I used to think I was a liberal.

And now I’ve gone all off on a tangent.

Bring it on back now, people!

OK, yeah. I love the iPhone. It is so very awesome. Thank you, Liesel.

I think it qualifies as satire. Because I actually have a great deal of admiration for him.

Ugh. I’ve been walking in crappy shoes all week and now my shins hurt.

I never think of Mike Rowe as unimpressive. I quite often think of Mike Rowe as … lunchable.

Too many tabs open at once! I got lost!

9715706 seconds to Halloween!

Just drawing pictures of your comfort food allegedly makes you happier. My desk is going to be covered in doodles of little tea and toasts.

So with all the talk about choosing the actor to play Jamie Fraser I’m kind of getting SUPER excited about Starz turning Outlander into an actual series. I love those books so much.

Aw, this made me sad. They are such a great band.

Dammit, Facebook! Stop changing shit!

Chicken tacos. You are not my favorite. But you are, on occasion, delicious.

heeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaad. ouch.

Wow, the humidity has dropped a good 60% since this morning! Excellent!

Taxpayer funded racism. Your president’s men at work, ladies and gentlemen.

I never really pictured the devil as the wife havin’ type, actually.

I used to write all the time. I used to write crazy short stories. Not sure what happened with that, really. I’m probably a better photographer than I was a writer anyway.

I just know someone out there just said “Well, that’s not saying much!”

One day. one day. some day. A day.

No, I didn’t order that t shirt. I really wanted to though.

system system system system subsystem system system system system systematic

Wow. As an aside, she says she “just want(s) people to think about what these bullets can do.” As a responsible gun owner, I can assure her I do, and if that’s what it takes to protect my family, that’s what it takes.

This is what I hate about art. Or maybe just artists. And I’m speaking here as a fine art photographer. I don’t believe that an artist should tell you what message they want you to take away from their work. Every single person who looks at any single piece of art is going to take away from it something different. That’s how it should be. You can create a magnificent work and give it to the world and let the world take from it what it will. But as soon as you start telling the world what it’s *supposed* to see, how it’s *supposed* to feel, you’ve managed to destroy what might be THE most important aspect of your work. It shouldn’t matter to you what I take away from your work. It should only matter that I take away SOMETHING from your work. It can mean whatever you want it to mean to you, you can create it for whatever reason you want. Chances are someone, somewhere will have the reaction you want them to have. But art should NEVER be about the artist forcing the audience’s reaction. If I don’t agree with your message, it becomes nearly impossible for me to separate something that is breathtaking from something I wholeheartedly disagree with. And when that happens, you have failed.

I love this.

Why do we call it Pangaea?

I have a great deal of admiration for this woman.

ARGH. THIS is why I didn’t go into the sciences. So confused. So lost. I hate you science.

atomic number 7

“The chemical analysis that determines the quantities of parent and daughter must be painstakingly precise.”

planetesimals

Look at all the different architecture. Look at it!

plate tectonics, baby

Poor Mrs. POTUS. Thinks she’s in a really nice prison. I have good news for her! We can let her out on an early release program!

I am not a comic book character.

Registering Miss W for  partnership school classes is about twelvety seven times more complicated than registering for my classes at the university.

Eleventy!

Maybe I should take Latin.

you can read me anything

Most of these just made my stomach go “Urg.”

Aw! Best flowers ever! Good job, T’s husband!

Oh, that’s why we call it Pangaea.

Ack! The cuteness! And check out her earrings at the end. Adorable.

The stripper was Amanda’s idea. I just thought it was a good one.

I’m changing my blog name. Moneypenny. Jentober. Jentober Moneypenny.

OK, not really. Too late for that nonsense.

Love!

Classy.

I’m going to invest some money in the stock robot.

You’re crowdsourcing your existence.

How tall is Rand Paul?

She just always seems like she needs a shower.

Are you SERIOUS?

I love the Audrey Hepburn shot.

Apparently no one thought it was important to proofread this lab manual either online or in the actual book. There are a couple of very impactful mistakes here.

I am just not good at science. Despite my ruthless logic.

Yes, I would like a smart phone.

Aw!

Free. On demand. Ugh.

uniformitarianism

The plural of thesis is theses. Thesis. Theses. thesis theseseissisesesises

Webmail is spamming me about installing their spam filter.

It’s nothing short of infanticide. That is a fact.

The current incarnation of my perpetual migraine.

Now I want BBQ.

I should live in

Hmmm. Wait. What?

I hate that word.

It’s funny how the internet works. There’s always some jackass that comes along and has to make some assy remark on something you post because he thinks he’s flipping hilarious.

My brain is broken.

Two browsers at once!

I’m just not sure that that is my tribe.

Old timey.

It is my Instagram, after all. You wouldn’t be following it if you thought it sucked. Unless you’re following it so that you can mock me. I suppose that’s possible. Damn. Now I’m afraid you might be mocking me. You’re mocking me, aren’t you? Jerkface.

I can’t get enough of that song.

Now that’s just crazy talk! Calm down there, sister!

1 out of every 15 people that have ever been born is alive today. Damn.

That’s quite a paragraph.

No, seriously. Chex Mix without the Chex. Chex is just not delicious. At all. Who invented this crap?

don’t wanna miss

I’m a little more sensitive than you might think.

That was a sorry excuse for a rain shower. It better not be all humid now.

bitchy bad bangs

let us

Too much pink.

My tummy is not happy right now.

But. I want an Independence Day brisket!

You seem like you’d be a really fantastic letter writer. I wonder what I can do to coerce you into being my pen pal.

magnificent carcass

I’m so excited about my Halloween costume this year. I just have to figure out what I did with that collar …

Oh, we’re #8 in the country for unemployment now? Nice. When Granholm was in office we were back and forth between #1 and #2. Worst governor ever.

RUINED

I want to visit the National WWII Museum.

I am simultaneously over and under qualified.

Whoo.

I love Ron Swanson. No. 21 is how I felt when I went to Whole Foods for the first time.

Oh ho!

I don’t have a bag of top soil. I have 6 bags of mulch. I think you are confused.

I might have to have some Johnnie.

I’m in the mood for pumpkin bread. Also a nap.

i’m not, and i don’t, and it looks like i won’t be

You should be reading this strip. I’m still holding out hope that I’ll be able to convince Chris to draw me one day.

I’d be a terrible Science Officer. I clearly belong in Command.

Oh, right. Solar system. Poor Pluto.

What the hell did I do with my reading glasses?

Shut up. I only need them when I’m wearing my contacts.

Shut up. I am not old.

I don’t think you’re picking up what I’m laying down.

Ack! I hate it when I overfill the kettle.

Oh no. You never wear blue boxers on Wednesdays when it rains. That’s purple boxer day.

Uncanny.

parade parade parade we’ll go to the parade, and we’ll be asked to sign petitions by liberals. parade parade.

I will be so happy when Summer II is over.

Honestly. Why do I bother.

It’s the Allied Star. It’s not the Captain America star. Though the Captain America star is the Allied Star.

I’ve only been there twice.

Peeping goat.

It’s a little stuffy in here. Can we take things back to the cool, rainyish low 70s, please? I’d really appreciate it.

Speaking of Captain America, Happy Independence Day!!!!!