Just say no to neon yarn, people.

But I don’t have $25,000.00 to contribute to get Jim Lee to paint my wall.

Boys are more likely to be struck by lightning than girls.

It doesn’t matter if the prices come down if you still can’t find ammo anywhere.

Huh.

I would like some Chex Mix without the actual Chex.

Ohhh. It’s the Legend of Zelda. That’s why it sounded so familiar.

Yep.

Every time I’m fixing to start a new class there are suddenly 37 new books I want to read, but won’t have time for for months. le sigh

the future looks awful dim

Go have your ridiculous conversation somewhere else. And stop speaking in sentence fragments. My head hurts. You are not helping.

There are days when two monitors is not actually enough monitors.

No, you are not, Alex Chilton. Shush.

You said Goddanged. But I read it as Goddamned. 3 times. I wonder what that says about me. It sounds better in my head as Goddamned. Just so you know.

I had a much harder time than was necessary typing that sentence.

I love them!

The Super Friends’ Super Fund

All that I am saying, is that if you are that incompetent on a computer, you shouldn’t be poking around in areas where you might “accidentally” delete things that should not be deleted. I don’t think I’m being unreasonable.

Dammit, man! It’s freezing in here!

See? We totally could have been BFFs, me and Kennedy. Kennedy and me.

I love the Instavids with the sound turned off. They’re like tiny ethereal dreams and poems. I wish I could make them. Here’s my 35 second contribution via Youtube.

While I think this project is creeptastic, it’s also quite fascinating.

Did I say the thing about bees or did I just think it?

I don’t think he even noticed. I don’t know how you can not notice something like that.

Ah hell.

Something smells like cinnamon gum. It’s nice.

I’d very much like this song to be out of my head.

Quiet, phone! It’s 7:00 in the morning. There is no one here.

glitchy

you should know me better than

They have a definite Eggleston influence, but don’t quite hit it for me. Worth looking at, though.

I love Eggleston.

Whole Foods is now in bed with Monsanto, eh? No, really, I swear, I’m not laughing.

!!! Donuts!

Who is this Wendy person and why are people standing with her?

Ohh.

You staged a sit in to stand with Wendy? Shouldn’t it have been a stand in?

This is disturbing, and this is why I will continue to be an advocate for my right to self defense.

“YOU. Do not need to lose any weight. Eat a donut.”

I wonder if the ACLU would take my case.

STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP walking into my office and immediately speaking to me WITHOUT KNOCKING. Stop now.

Luddite.

The woman is not wrong.

I just. REALLY. Do not like Lena Dunham. I just don’t.

“How are you this morning?”
“Peachy.”
“How come no one ever says, ‘Apricotty?'”
“Well, that’s not really the flavor I’m going for.”

Multiplied by eleventy.

I didn’t know Michigan had a Shakespeare Festival.

Sooooo, it’s not “feminist” to do something you enjoy, simply because it’s “stereotypical”??? This is why I hate femifascists. How utterly ridiculous.

It’s always the women. Men don’t do that kind of ridiculous criticism. Men don’t care. If the women are happy, the men are happy.

Who was it, again, who got DOMA instituted in the first place? Oh, right. Democrats.

I really don’t want to eat this food. I just want the donuts. All the donuts.

Foul gelatin!

This is beautiful and makes me happy.

Oh shut up, so-and-so!

Tween. Oy.

Neon Yarn People.

I’m fairly certain I spend half my work day responding to email. People should send less email. Write a nice interoffice letter instead. Put a personal touch on it.

Put a bird on it.

How did I get ink all over my arm??

I’m not that forgettable, am I??

The cute! eeeeeeeee!

Should I stop at Walmart and get some pizzas and bikinis?

No, not Wallchart.

“No! I like it in here!”

Well. That’s kind of stinky.

Ha. Governor Zoolander.

I don’t know if I like this stuff or not.

It’s making my nose feel like it has to sneeze.

Ugh. That is precisely why I don’t keep a journal.

Achoo!

plumpplumpplumpplumpplumpplumpplumpplumpplumpplumpplumpplumpplumpplump

Rain! I love the rain! I shall make some tea and find a blanket because it’s freezing in here.

Migranal. Not really doin’ the trick.

Must remember the eggs!

Come on, Internet! You can do it!

A whole car. Ha!

… I could really use a new car …

I had completely forgotten about the zombie boy who likes turtles.

We lost Beaker.

Bipartisan.

Gahhhhh I am so bad at these games. I should find Alice again. I was really good at Alice. And Medieval. I kicked Medieval’s ass.

It’s all wonky. Wonkified. Wonked. WOnkeD.

Ouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucccccccccccccccchhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Say it in the E.T. voice. OuCH.

Need more something.

Aren’t you

The last time I remember seeing it was in Texas.

Teach Yourself Norwegian!

The study/home-office/geekery is in desperate need of a maid.

I got a rock!

“I’d rather be a man of honesty & integrity than a man with a full head of hair and up to no good.”

Look at that heroic stance. Total badass.

Or total dork. Whatever.

What was it? Oh yes. I am a nerd. A smokin’ hot nerd.

Werd.

Why are there fruit flies in my bathroom?

I hate it when a hair gets stuck on the soap.

Can you imagine?

I probably need this for my commute.

Well. Some of these are, in fact, timed that way purposely.

God, I wish she would pick up her feet when she walks.

satisfication

I hope today isn’t tornado drill day. These are the wrong shoes for a tornado drill.

I wonder what it’s like to live with a persecution complex.

Absolutely incredible. Particularly Portfolio III (Portfolio II doesn’t really do anything for me.)

How often am I really going to need to shoot a Glock underwater?

I wish I could say

These are nice. We did this in photography school.

My attitude needs readjusting. For serious.

This pic has always bothered me, because if you were, somehow, to literally stick your head up your own ass, wouldn’t your skull be right side up?

Brad Pitt: Angelina is sexy as ever. Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for Brad Pitt.

If you’re not going to be MARRIED married, why bother getting married at all??

“Today, I’m Doctor Who Gives a Crap?”

Ugh. Jelly beans are not a subsitute for protein.

All I saw was her face, not her rack. When I saw her face I thought it was Dolly Parton. It’s not Dolly Parton. It’s Debbie Harry.

“Quinoa and her BFF Chevron prepared a class presentation on The Captain and Tennille for Famous Person’s Day.”

The digital age has made piss poor proofreaders of us all. Well, not me. I’m still awesome. I’m mostly talking about the “news.”

I actually typed “The stupid age” by mistake. Which may also be fairly accurate.

“I can extract enjoyment out of it.” As if, after poring over the experience, carefully examining every detail, you surgically removed the enjoyment, setting it aside for later, to be partaken of with your bedtime cuppa and perhaps some buttered toasts.

I just. Really???? How did these two people not only find each other, but somehow fall in LOVE? She just makes it so incredibly easy to hate her. And enough with the blender metaphor.

I shouldn’t judge. So. Fine. I’m sure that their totally bizarre relationship works very well for them. I’d say it’s none of my business, but when you put your business out on the interwebs it kind of becomes everyone’s business.

I hate it when a link to an article is posted with a thumbnail and you click through specifically because you want to see the thumbnail larger, but when you do, THAT image is no where to be found. It’s just rude.

Wit Wit Fang? witwitfang? witwitfang.

I will drive past your house

I don’t care what anyone says, I love Dolly Parton.

Do you ever have a moment where you just suddenly stop what you’re doing and say, “Oh shit! What if I’m really dead, and I just don’t know it yet?”

Yeah, me neither.

I broke the interwebs.

Seems like that would be an annoying shirt to garden in.

50 degrees is not warm enough for air conditioning! Stupid building.

brainssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

This is a rad cake.

What is more ridiculous to me than Miss Utah’s answer, is the fact that everyone is talking about a beauty pageant contestant making a comparatively half witted response to a comparatively half witted question. How does anyone give a shit what these women have to say? How does anyone pretend that these pageants are about anything other than tits and ass?

I’m not a Katy Perry fan, but she seems like a sweet enough girl, and that was just a douchey thing to do. Of course, Russell Brand is a creeptastic douche, so …

I just don’t want to know about masturbating fetuses.

I’d add a “What others are saying about me” section, but I don’t have any idea what others are saying about me.

OK, that’s a lie. I have an idea. But generally you just don’t want to perpetuate those kinds of things. It’s all a dirty, vicious lie anyway.

No, really, I swear I’m not evil.

Just yesterday I was tempted to do something an eensy bit evil but just the thought of it made me feel so guilty I couldn’t bring myself to do it. And it wasn’t even that evil. It was like a -3 on the Evil scale of Evil – 1 being networks canceling your favorite shows and 10 being Nancy Pelosi on a whiskey bender about to fuck with your health insurance.

No, I think you’re going to have to come back when you can rephrase that.

$100.00 just to rent that stupid book. ARgh. Do I still have a tip jar?

Oh thank the Gods. You could not have chosen a worse actor to play Connor McLeod.

Every time I see a current picture of Val Kilmer I exclaim, “Dear God, man!” It’s like an involuntary reflex.

I’d like to read your blog. It looks like it might be fun. But you use white text on a black background. And it huuuuuuuurts my eyes, man!

“We have the solstice Friday and a full moon on Sunday. Expect everything to get exceedingly more fucked up as the week progresses.” Oh that’s just spectacular.

satisficationism

Geekery!

Well. That’s enough of that!

I’m sorry, I think intervention in Syria is a bad idea.

Everyone hates the United States, but everyone needs the United States. Everyone wants us to police the rest of the world, and then bitch about us while we do it. I say we quit. See how you like it when we stay at home and play in our own yard.

That goes for the billions in aid, as well.

Yep, that’s a good one.

I don’t still have a tip jar.

I’m awful sweary today.

I have been putting this damn thing off long enough. Must. Focus! So boring!

WTF is subtweeting?

Why haven’t I just gone ahead and deleted my Twitter account?

I need this dress, right? It’s not a want issue. It’s a legitimate need.

Also, why isn’t this the door to my study/office/place I go in my house with all my stuff in it?

Babalooooooooo!

I was trying to suspend my disbelief when I realized that this shit is meant to be non fiction.

I do so love Italian food.

“Wow. First of all. Who can possibly write that MUCH, so OFTEN about themselves?” “Amanda Palmer.”

Oh God.

Yeah, that’s what I said too.

Wait. This is a real guy? *snort*

Okaaaaaaaaay.

“You’re really good at getting people to do stuff they’re supposed to do.” Tell that to Miss W.

Cute!!!

“I don’t know how much longer I have, I’m almost out of food. The creatures on the outer rim are moving closer every day. I don’t know if help is coming, or if I will ever make it home. I just want to see my wife and daughter one last time … I’ll keep updating for as long as I can. If anyone ever finds this, please – tell Lulu I love her, from the moment I first laid eyes on her …” *crackle* *static* *shots fired* *dead air*

Ha!

I just saw #audittheirs and read it as Audit Theirs. Which, really, also fits.

now i’m overwrought. i’m overwrought.

Oddly, I still remember the first time I ever saw that video. MTV. High school. 120 Minutes.

I wanted to be bffs with Kennedy.

Er. You know it’s only Wednesday, right?

Oh, is it Passive Aggressive Facebook Time? I didn’t get the memo.

Wait. I have both of those things …

Whatsits.

Well. I suppose you could use your candy dish for your ammo …

Khaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan! That would so RULE.

Leg fence, FTW!

Honestly. That’s a serious set of balls.

The bird. And the waterfall. Magic indeed.

Gosh, I’m glad I’m not a gun blogger.

Mad elf! Mad elf! Duck!

Your hairy armpits don’t so much perturb me as gross me out.

I hate you G+! I wish I could make you go away!

Are those reams of paper on the stage at the Tea Party Rally?

Hey, Microsoft Word? School is actually a word. Quit with your red squiggles.

(Original) Monsters Inc at the Park Theatre? I think I’ve seen that movie 47 times.

I’m wearing the blue tube top.

Shut up, it’s long. It’s not like the 70s tube tops.

Tea.

Yes. You were right. I did need that shirt.

I don’t know what to do about a theme song. I’m not a musician.

I really should have learned an instrument. Or been born with some musical talent. Or both.

I should be allowed to be a Friend of the Library in ways that do not involve large monetary donations. Because we all know that while I am generous of spirit, I am not exactly swimming in the Benjamins.

Oh, it’s like ten dollars. Never mind. I can probably swing that.

Argh! It’s Chrome! Chrome has been causing all my problems! Stupid GOOGLE.

I ride and ride and ride and ride

la la la la la la lalala la la

OK. See? Now I feel bad about being judgey about Neilmanda.

I need a hair cut.

I need a hair dye.

Oh my!

Did you win any money?

half buried in the

I actually hate it when people tell me to smile. I’ll smile when I have a reason to smile, jackass. Plus it’s just rude. And possibly bullyish. Yeah.

You never sound that enthusiastic when it’s ME calling you.

I feel like I must have shared this with you before. It’s just the sort of thing I would. Incredibly beautiful, but also sad.

I was testing the milk.

I just think the term “self care” sounds kinda pervy. Is that just me?

Ha.

Too much humidity. It’s that time of the year where I have to stop blow drying my hair and embrace the ‘fro. Already.

I have no focus this week at all. It’s terrible.

I really need to get going on this course catalog. Or this procedure manual. Or any one of thirty seven thousand other things that fall under my domain. I do not get paid enough.

Oh, I’m sorry. Am I boring you?

I stumbled upon this bearded fellow on Youtube. I kind of love it.

Also on the list of things I’m loving: The new Civil Wars single. Damn.

I don’t always care for those mash ups.

Look. I can’t top that shit. Give it up.

I don’t know what that means.

Mine doesn’t glow in the dark.

Aw, Nashville, I’ve only ever driven through you, but you just made me kind of love you.

Trouble Will Find Me is the perfect traveling music.

I dunno. If they asked me, I’d probably have to make that trip again.

If it weren’t for the weather …

Oh Lord.

Oops. I used that photo twice. I wonder if anyone noticed.

I should probably water these plants.

Michigan was the first state to do away with capital punishment in 1846.

Everyone has something to hide. Don’t be ridiculous.

I don’t want it to be funny, and yet it’s kinda funny.

So apparently Kalamazoo cops have Segways now.

It’s knit in public week. Are there still people who won’t knit in public?

waiting here

Just FYI, if you’re on a plane, it no longer qualifies as a road trip.

Yes please.

Michigan gas prices are the highest in the continental US. For absolutely no reason. I’m more than a little pissed off about this.

I don’t think this bamboo is doing well, really.

I had no idea pianos needed tuning that often.

Well, let that be a reminder to you.

I should have learned an instrument.

Shit. I moved my monitors and now they’re all wonky. I can’t find the proper placement!!!

My hair is a disaster.

WHAT??? EWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Chevy Chase has reached that period of his life that some men reach where he really just creeps me out because you know he’s just a slimy perv.

I’m having a really tremendously hard time getting back into the office scene. I don’t belong in an office.

Pretty sure we’re on Rockwell overload this month. (Also, Solove’s paper is in short form here.)

I am too!

Can’t get enough of it.

Honestly, I don’t know why they don’t just give it to me.

I maintain that Ed Gein was NOT a serial killer.

I know you’re thinking that this sounds like something I would do (more so the Tanner kid than Julieanne) but no, I never wrote to any serial killers.

I did send my underpants to Black Label Skateboards once …

Nudge some crazies, etc.

Borders are just a good idea.

with my

Man. Do we really have to do this today?

Orwell vs. Huxley.

I want to be in that audience, please.

I should prolly oughta update that thing.

Um. OK. Still, probably a better gift idea than this.

Field trip!

It’s just insulting.

So being conservative is the new gay. I’m claiming discrimination. I’m oppressed. Reparations!

Oh, bravo. Truly, your intellect is towering.

But. I NEED them.

I’m trying on a new scent. I don’t know. It’s kinda spicy, which I like. Not sure yet. Somebody smell me.

just get up an go

Also for the record, this is not how I take my tea.

Oh for crying out loud.

Vine. Hmm.

Yep. I can see how that would make you think of me.

If I were to ever get pregnant again, I’d want all my maternity clothes to come from this place.

I need a snack.

Oh you wish, MSNBC.

I still don’t understand the Bitcoin thing.

So where is this severe thunder storm?

Maybe.

Oops.

That won’t do at all.

Well. You don’t work at the front desk.

I don’t think Facebook needs hashtags. Then again, I never use Twitter any more, and frankly, sometimes hashtags are useful tools of sarcasm or more mundane explanation. So never mind. Hashtag it up, Facebook.

Should I cut my hair all short again? I can’t believe I’ve managed to go this long without hacking it all off. This is the longest it’s been in probably 25 years. That doesn’t make me sound old at all.

What books do you just hate? Number 1 on my list, for all time, A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius. I get pissed off just thinking about how much of my time was wasted by that melodrama.

Bad gas?!? Bastards. Not only are gas prices SIXTY FRAKKING CENTS higher than the rest of the country, but the gas is bad too??? Fuck that noise.

I need a motorcycle.

Wow, that’s kind of hard to listen to.

Oh wow, so beautiful!

Wait, I was going to stop saying wow. Help me out. I don’t know what to replace it with.

My HUGE vocabulary and I somehow always end up using the same small group of words over and over.

They have days of the week underpants! I’ve never had days of the week underpants!

I wonder why no one makes numbered underpants. I’d just wear random numbers all the time. 7. 13. 52. 3. 14. 9.

Someone’s going to play those numbers in the lottery now and win cash. YOU HAVE TO SHARE WITH ME!

I need a new hair color. I’m bored.

I don’t think this storm is happening. WTF, universe? I was really looking forward to a good thunderstorm.

Well, apparently he decided he was smart enough and just stopped.

Can I get this on a t shirt?

I feel like I’m talking to someone on a psych ward. Or a 3 year old. Sometimes those seem like the same thing.

“You are fading, just a bit.”

Oh Dear Lord. You’ve lost your argument when you throw in the “Let’s agree to disagree!” bullshit. God forbid you should ADMIT THAT YOU’RE WRONG.

Excuse me?? I was never a scenester. How insulting.

I love this. Really, I do.

While I agree with a lot of what Stossel says here, (always have), I have to disagree about not being worried about the spying. I would think that, as a Libertarian, Stossel would be more concerned at the fact that, yes, we share a lot, but Google isn’t likely to throw any of us in prison because they suddenly decide we might be a threat to national security because of a thought. Or worse. Droned.

I’m not interested in willingly relinquishing my civil rights just on the off chance that the feds maybe might stop a terrorist.

Honestly. TSA, people. They can’t stop a bomb when it’s right in front of them. Never. NEVER put that much faith in a ruling body.

I think I’m going to have to try that tea.

libertarianerd girl.

That was potentially very embarrassing.

Disaster hair.

I was serious about the meat tenderizer. Best thing for a sting.

Fuuuuuuuuu All this weather and my head has felt fine all day. Until now. I’ve got a doozy coming on.

New migraine medicine is running out of my nose. The hotness.

Oh yes. The hotness.