I’d like to be the kind of woman who can afford this. Alas. Sadness. I’m in love with that Frozen Bay colorway.

This shit? Is a good 50% of what is wrong with this country. It’s disgusting. Also, apologies for linking to such an awful site. Bleah.

I keep thinking I need to live outside my own head more, and then I peek out at the world and say “nope.”

I just picked up my glass of water to put it in my drawer instead of the thing I actually wanted to put in my drawer. I’m unhinged.

I don’t even like that song.

That is disgusting.

Is anyone else tired of Millennials whining about burnout?

GEN X FOREVER

If you’re a parent calling up and pretending to be your student, you’re kind of a dick. Cut that shit out.

Great. Now I’ve seen John Malkovitch’s butt. Thanks a lot.

might have be

Dear men everywhere – Never put tiny clip on roses in your beard. Just no. Ew.

*sniff*

Dentists should give out full containers of dental floss instead of these stupid sample containers. First of all, these are a waste of plastic. Secondly, they run out precisely when you need floss the most. Third, I have never, in my entire adult life, remembered to actually purchase a container of dental floss at the bloody store.

There are only two legitimate ways to arrange books: by genre and alphabetical. Anything else is a clear sign of mental illness.

Maybe it’s time to retire the Christmas card.

I miss my old space heater. I could always get the perfect temperature with it. This one sucks.

Huh. I thought Joy Williams’ album was already out. I don’t know where I got that idea.

Don’t expect me to make this easier on you.

There had better be cider.

No, we don’t have any sporks. Also why can’t you just use a real spoon?

Read also: Midwestern. Hey I’m both. Irish AND Midwestern. Dear God, I’m doomed from the start am I not? (The length of the leave-taking I mean. Not the abrupt leaving without goodbye – a practice I clearly need to adopt.) Look. I know what I mean here, and that’s really all that matters.

I know your claim to fame is being freaky fast, but sometimes you might want to slow the fuck down and actually make sure you’re constructing a sandwich correctly. I mean it’s just good business. You don’t have to be in my office five minutes after I place an order. I’ll survive if you don’t make it here for 10. Jesus.

Hell yeah, Hormel. Good on you!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I wish I had a way of knowing who unfollowed me on Instagram so I could unfollow them back.

I have no idea what I’m doing.

It’s Benny!

Um. Dude. It’s not Twitter that’s ruining American journalism. It’s American journalists who are ruining American journalism.

It’s the Golem!

“Are restaurants getting too loud?” Yes, and so is absolutely everywhere else.

It just seems incredibly ego-centric to have that kind of conversation, but what do I know?

Edgar does not have salmonella!

Everything does not have salmonella!!

How am I supposed to write four pages on this shit?

I wish I had some chips.

No. I wish I had a donut.

I pretty much always wish I had a donut. It’s true.

First of all, Zac Efron and heartthrob do not belong in the same sentence.

This is so fun, and also now I want one. I bet the kids would love it.

It’s funny thinking about that again. Sitting there saying the Rosary. Such a long time ago.

There have been colder actual temperatures in my lifetime, but I can’t remember a colder wind chill.

Um. I don’t know anyone who is grieving anything right now. How am I supposed to do this?

I mean, if you’re comfortable being a murderer, I guess that’s on you. You’ll have to forgive me if I disassociate myself from you entirely.

I was going to say “I think I’ll just post this tomorrow.” But we have another snow day tomorrow, which literally never happens, so I don’t know what I’ll do I guess.

We’ll all be surprised together!

I completely forgot that even existed.

I have a fundamental distrust for those people.

I don’t like not knowing what people really look like.

Maybe it’s the photographer in me.

Maybe it’s the Mulder.

Who can say?

Well. They can’t all be winners, I guess.

It was really funny in my head.

offesnive

The snow day is throwing me off entirely. ENTIRELY.

Oh man. That was funny.

Dammit. Gonna have to find a new favorite Scotch now. Thanks a lot, Johnnie Walker. Bastards.

“Least Masculine Society In Human History Decides Masculinity Is A Growing Threat” So sad when satire is actually truth. Also I love you Babylon Bee.

Wow. These jokers get this wrong every. single. year. Unbelievable.

No one is ever bloody happy.

I for one would like to see the shutdown end in Thunderdome. But I’m a little bloodthirsty, so …

20 rounds per month?? What even is the point? Also why does anyone live in Oregon??

Here’s the thing I don’t get about My Favorite Murder. Why is everyone always showering them with gifts? Shit. I talk about murder and also death all the time and no one’s saying OMG JEN! Here’s a cross stitch of your face!!!

I like free shit too. That’s all I’m saying.

Well. At least that’s caught up. Still feeling woefully behind.

I thought Google+ was going away.

Sorry, Ash Williams.

Seems like it’d be really hard to pee in one of those blue Gillette catsuit thingies.

It never fails to crack me up when people use illicit when they mean elicit. It is never not funny.

What is it with Democrats and blonde women?

Where the fuck is Chuck?

Ohhhhhhh. I like that theory! That’s actually incredibly plausible.

Now this made me cry.

I’m just so fucking tired of ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING being politicized. It’s fucking SCOTCH. Just let it be Scotch. Just let me have my fucking Scotch.

I did my best every time. So. Whatever.

I don’t think you should get kudos for half assing the entire thing. But you will. Because that’s how it works.

It’s a shame you can’t mark email from your own organization as spam.

Sometimes I think “Maybe The Bustle is just REALLY clever satire …” But no. No it’s not. They’re completely serious. So tediously, obtusely serious.

This man is a hero.

I can’t help it if you don’t understand hyperbole when it’s slapping you in the face.

The Penguin Press Instagram account really needs a proofreader.

Damn. What’s a girl gotta do?

I suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder in the summer when there is no escape from the giant ball of face melting death floating in the painfully clear blue sky.

DAMMIT!

Why do I try to read The Atlantic. Ever.

I don’t care about this topic. I don’t want to go to this meeting. That could be said of nearly every single meeting I ever have to attend, actually.

Hey. I don’t smoke weed. I could be a marijuana billionaire. He’s probably a billionaire because he doesn’t smoke weed.

I still hate Zac Efron’s eyebrows.

If you’re not 17 years old or younger, stop making heart hands at people.

(Totally guilty of making heart hands for a photo. But also to my son. Who is FOUR, which makes it ok.)

I should go back to never posting on FB. I was doing alright when I was being self deprecatingly humorous. I think now I’ve just pissed people off.

But you literally just said the end of the world was nigh.

I was thinking about getting the mail, but I’d rather not break my neck on the ice.

“New York just protected access to abortion.” “New York just legalized murder of fully developed human babies.” I guess this sums it up for me – all of politics I mean.

I don’t want to know the kind of person who is OK with aborting a baby up to the moment of birth. Sorrynotsorry.

This woman just gets dumber and dumber.  But also more and more hilarious.

It kind of breaks my heart that people actually voted for that level of stupid purposely.

I got the mail!

OK Let’s just go with it.

Listen, just because something doesn’t bring me joy today doesn’t mean it won’t bring me joy three weeks from now. I can listen to The Replacements all day long for three days straight then need a three month break. Our affection for things comes and goes. Holding an object to see if it “brings you joy” seems like a stupid way to go about your life.

But what do I know? I definitely have too much stuff. I just think you need to take a more logical approach to minimizing that’s all. Stupid trends.

Nancy and Chuck are totally sleeping together.

Good luck getting that image out of your head now.

But what will they wear in the summer?

Let’s not question the validity of this study, but rather simply enjoy some Bill Knapp’s Celebration Cake every morning, shall we?

I am officially wasting time.

I get very very little sleep, so you know when I tell you I slept like shit that it must be pretty bad. And probably you should keep a safe distance.

If I never hear the phrase “fake news” again, I’ll die a happy woman.

HA.

What.Ev.Er.

ARGH

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand I’ve just made attempt number 347,000. We’ll see if this one ends up like all the others.

OK, but why lick the intercom? And for three hours! What’s appealing about that???

Oh look, yet another person bullied into submission by the internet. Fuck everybody.

Beware the narrative.

And may God have mercy on our souls.

This is just fucking exhausting.

Well. Good luck with that.

Goddammit. I knew this was a mistake.

Good thing the government is shut down, or they might have gotten ticketed for serving food without a permit.

Never apologize. They’ll eat you alive.

There. Another social media account nuked. Excellent.

Cosmik Fries? Really? So dumb.

OMFG enough with the Russia bullshit. Let it goooooooooooooo.

I’m not playing along with your aging nonsense.

“You should not grade on quality of writing.” What kind of foolishness is this? You should absolutely grade on quality of writing. I’d rather a student submit a 5 page paper that is written well and hits the points it needs to hit than a 10 page paper that was clearly agony to write and is agony to read. Sorry. If your students can’t write it’s because you’re not teaching them how to write.

Furthermore, forcing students to add more words to a response simply to meet a minimum length detracts from the quality of the response. It’s ridiculous and a terrible way to teach.

Every single time I type grief, I type it gried the first time and have to fix it.

How bout if you just stop telling everybody else what to do? I feel like I have to say this entirely too much.

OK, but what if this isn’t actually a problem?

I fully support this proposition.

That’s the least mangy looking coyote I’ve ever seen.

And now that I’ve wasted entirely too much time …

I don’t have an Instagram husband, but if I did, his name would be Aaron Eckhart and he would actually be Aaron Eckhart.

We’re all guilty of the occasional ridiculous typo. That’s just a fact.

This is a very poorly written article, but thank all the gods Peace Talks is still in the works. But also, holy shit are people being nasty about it on Facebook. Like they’re entitled to Butcher’s work somehow. Insane.

But I ate cake.

But I’d actually prefer that the brands I buy don’t try to proselytize to me about social shit.

Hahahahahaha

I don’t care which side you’re on, that shit is funny.

Well. That is not good news at all.

SUPER BLOOD WOLF MOON

If you don’t want me to participate in the conversation, don’t have such a public conversation.

Like I’d miss this.

I wrote that joy comment before the FB conversation. In case you were wondering. I don’t write this all in one day, you know.

Just. I dunno. Gimme some pizza.

That is the hottest priest I’ve ever seen.

Now I’m definitely going to hell.

I am definitely not qualified for that position.

If your job is “Influencer” or “Instagram Influencer” you are just asking for a punch in the neck.

Ha. Tiny garbage fairy.

I feel more outside the knitting community than ever before, and honestly, I’m kind of OK with it right now.

Whelp. No pay bumps for me.

Ooooooh! And also Ooooooh!

I just almost bought a hank of yarn I don’t even need JUST to support this woman. I managed to stop myself.

Wow. I really hate this class.

I have completely lost every last ounce of focus this week. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I need to snap out of it.

My shoulder is killing me.

No this is terrible. I’ve basically wasted two entire days now. Haaaaaaaaaaalp.

I’ve now changed the description eleventy times. It should only need to be changed twelvety seven more and we’ll be good to go.

Ho-lee shit has it ever been busy today.

Also, once again, totally forgot today is Wednesday.

I’m tired of the politics around here. No more holding back. If you ask me, I’m going to tell you the truth. And the truth is, that bitch is out to get you.

something or other

I’ve been waiting for that stupid thing for months.

Stop being a dick about people being new to something, and maybe try to be helpful. You were new at everything once too.

It’s Muh-comb. Like “Bring me mah comb! Mah hair’s a mess!” Not Make-um. How do you look at Macomb and see Make-um?

Pretty much all of this. I noticed the other day that Stormageddon is already saying “Ope!” The 45 minutes at the door leave taking goes even further when it’s your grandparents who will continue talking to you til you’re at least half way down the driveway in your car. No lie.

Some gun nuts are entirely too nutty for me.

Man. There will never be any doubt that Stormageddon is my kid. Little weirdo.

I can’t read the title of the song “It Ain’t Me, Babe” without singing it in my head. I can only read it in song.

Michigan needs to get on this wagon. Right. Now.

I want this.

Hey, thanks for making Michigan look super classy, Rashida.

Stop trying to take this away from me.

If you’re going to be buried out west, I’m going to need a plane ticket.

Well. This should be an interesting semester.

Januhairy? Um. A world of no.

Stop spreading false narratives. You’re making absolutely everything worse.

Oh Christ. Here we go.

Why both a rod and a staff?

I would rather clean my toilet than read this book.

I would do this on the bus that I pay for with my taxes if the bus that I pay for with my taxes came anywhere near my bloody house so I could ride the bloody thing since I pay for it with my taxes.

I wouldn’t call it technology related memory loss. I’d say the memory is never formed in the first place if you’re relying on technology from the outset.

Wait, was that the season finale of Travelers?? Gotta say, that dude was easily my least favorite character.

Beta males need not apply.

Whelp. It’s a good day for this mac and cheese, that’s for sure.

Stupid snow.

And just like that, I forgot it was Wednesday again.

I was feeling pretty good about the plan. Today I am feeling kind of daunted by the plan.

I don’t like the word daunted. It sounds whiny.

blue blue blue blue blue blue blue

i can be a complicated communicator

I’m hungry and I want to go home.

Yeah, I’m totally hooked on Lost Dog Street Band. Thanks, Old Man.

Except I can’t get on board with that name. There are better names.

No, really. I’m hungry.

This drive is going to take much longer than usual.

There’s nothing to see here.

Move along.

No, really. I’m doing a book blog. I need to get the URL. I’ve already drafted the first post. I’ll move all the book posts over there too. Probably. Maybe.

Why do I constantly add new projects to my life? I do not have this much time.

lemur

Owwwwwwwwwwwwww I am reasonably certain my knee is absolutely not supposed to do that.

And where is the last place on Earth you’d like to be?

Are you kidding me? I do not answer my phone before 8 a.m. I’m not technically here.

Five bucks says –

She doesn’t have that much wiggle.

WTF FB. You’re not giving me notifications that I have messages and that’s annoying. What good are you?

Will he or won’t he?

Dude. Your first mistake was calling me dear. I don’t know you. I only tolerate that shit from little old people who are kind and mean it as an actual enDEARment. You’re just a smarmy jackass.

And also my friend Mandi, who calls me dear, which she got from her mom, and it’s nice.

The

shit

WTF did I do to my neck?

This literally makes no sense. How do you put 8 oz of water under your tongue?

Purple velvet Doc Martens? That is totally impractical!

Some people just get weirder and weirder all the time.

I’m firmly agnostic, but I still say bless you to people. It’s just a nice thing to do. And also, what if there actually ARE evil spirits waiting to leap into your body while your soul is momentarily expended from that sneeze? What then? Won’t you be sorry you told me to fuck off because I said bless you? Yes. Yes you will. And I’ll just shrug at your poor homeless soul and say “Hey. I tried, dude. Have fun out there in the ether.”

Gorram list.serv. Just once I would like to be able to update this shit without any problems.

Man. I just did a sarcastigraph.

Merry Christmas, cocksuckers.

If you don’t get that joke, you clearly aren’t watching the right kind of television.

Jackass. I know the difference between an out of office reply and a bounce back. I’m not a moron.

You’re kind of weirding me out, man.

A donut and a protein shake are a perfectly legitimate breakfast combo.

I have no idea what day it is.

I applaud FLOTUS for wearing sensible shoes in Iraq. But it’s not like the right didn’t mock Michelle at every turn for her fashion choices, myself included. Dear God that woman’s taste is sometimes atrocious.

Sooooooooo much to do. Soooooooooooo little motivation to do it.

I’ve never met anyone who patted themselves on the back as much as you do.

“Michigan Will See a Super Wolf Blood Moon Eclipse in January” That doesn’t even sound like a real thing.

Aw man. I wish they hadn’t canceled Forever.

Would have been nice if the actors in White Boy Rick had at least visited Michigan before attempting to sound like they were lifelong residents. Pretty sure the chick who played Dawn has Detroit thoroughly confused with Brooklyn. Good grief.

Hello, bacon.

Hmmmmmmmm.

I’ve literally never seen a pet shop that had actual puppies in it.

I didn’t even know Kim and Kanye had had a third baby. Now they’re having a fourth. Huh. I don’t even know why I’m talking about this. They do have beautiful children though.

I don’t need a recap, thanks.

Wow, that’s a lot of pages.

I bet she’s in there complaining about me.

First of all – these jackets have never not been hideous. Secondly, I’m not sure in this culture of METOO and all that, people really oughta be buying this hideous garbage and wearing it around. But what do I know? And finally, this article is full of typos. It’s appalling.

OK, for real I kinda love these bifocal contacts.

I haven’t done a test knit in months.

I can’t believe he’s still here.

I am never going to care about Hamilton.

Or your cat.

It will never be 5:00 again.

I think I’m gonna go ahead with the book blog. Jentober Reads. You’ll love it, or your money back. What? What do you mean you’re not going to pay me? Like it would kill you to hit the tip jar once in a while? You think this kind of genius is cheap to maintain?

Do ya!

“Have you had the conversation?” Reminds me of that movie The Rapture. I can’t put my finger on why.

I need a new job.

That’s hilarious and all, but Krispy Kreme donuts are sucktastic. Like the worst donuts ever sucktastic.

Well. There you have it. I survived the first day back from break. And so did everyone who came near me.

I have no idea what’s going on. I was not invited.

Ugh. Dude. Don’t flirt with me.

Hell yeah. Support the trades!

I don’t know why these people think they can just put crap in the outgoing mail without postage.

All these people who barely show an interest in my life the whole rest of the year suddenly want to be close to me at Christmas. This is one of the many many many many many reasons I hate Christmas.

First of all, those fries are not that good. Second of all, everyone. EVERYONE. is fucking stupid. The world needs to burn. (Just kidding, NSA.)

I think I’m kinda sick of fries, actually.

LinkedIn is just about useless.

Stop. Changing. Shit. On. My. Spreadsheet.

Why do you have to turn everything into a THING?

It’s fine. Really. I don’t mind being shunned. Ostracized. Whatever. Really. It’s totally cool.

Wow, that Philly cheesesteak was delicious. I will definitely be going back there.

A placeholder.

*more sniff*

Look, being married to Christ doesn’t pay as well as you might think.

That’s a stupid name for a book. I can’t believe you couldn’t come up with something more clever than that.

Nobody wants me.

I’m pretty sure my wardrobe should just consist of concealed carry leggings and oversized sweaters. I haven’t worked out summer yet.

Why do we need yet another Little Women film?

Gingerbread cookies should always be firm but soft. NEVER crunchy. Never. Crunchy.

I did not know Dave Grohl was a Midwesterner. That makes total sense. He should find a nice girl, settle down, have some kids.

Fine, I’ll admit it. I do not love The Clash.

Someday, I, too, will be paid 6 figures to

Yeah, basically.

I put it on just about every playlist. I can’t stop myself.

It’s a ghost town.

Doesn’t matter how many times I watch Chuck. The ending always makes me cry my eyes out.

My new mantra: Head high and fuck ‘em all.” ~ Nick Cave’s mom.

I don’t know what to watch/re-watch now that I’ve gone through Chuck again. I can’t stream Buffy OR Firefly. Bastards. I’m really in the mood for Firefly too.

You’re operating under the assumption that I want to live to be 100.

I wish Adam Baldwin had an Instagram.

Hey! It’s little Jack on Psych!

Wow, that smells just exactly like rancid fish. Pardon me while I get my gag reflex under control.

And yet. I cannot seem to stop accumulating.

I just read the most pointless article. I don’t even know why I kept reading. I couldn’t stop. It was so poorly written. Thanks, New York Times.

Ha Ha Ha

I find this terrifying but not because I’m a photographer.

Jesus, did you just bathe in that perfume? Because holy shit.

Hi-larious.

Why can’t people ever just stick to a plan? Why? Why is that so hard? You make a plan, you follow through. It’s a simple two step process.

Goddamn PTO.

Who’s refrigerator is that clean? No one’s.

Yes! That worked perfectly!!

It would probably suck to be an actual superhero.

Whyyyyyyyyyy are people so whiny? There is nothing I hate more than whining. Nothing. Stop fucking whining.

I need a Biggby.

Um. I didn’t graduate in 1986. I don’t know these people.

Wow. That is foul.

What the hell. Where are all these people coming from today?

Good Lord the lines!

I guess Serenity will do. Hi there, Jayne Cobb.

Dude. Ex post facto exists for a reason. A very important reason.

Well, that’s weird.

Everyone hates everyone here. But no one hates anyone more than everyone hates HER.

No.

Who is Cheryl and why does she have a she shed? And WTF is a she shed?

That sounds way dirtier than it is.

I do like the new Mumford and Sons, but not nearly as much as the last one.

I thought that said explosives and I was so confused. That’s not a very common method of suicide.

I can’t help it. It’s true. It’s a survival mechanism.

Don’t steal my shit.

Let’s just call that done, shall we?

OK, that’s just disgusting.

I don’t actually give a shit what Wil Wheaton read in 2018. That guy is a dick.

This whole entire thing is fucked up.

It’s OK. I always want to add a ue to catalog too.

Why hasn’t anyone dusted Chuck’s headboard?

This is hilarious.

Don’t you mean anti-federalism? I’m pretty sure you mean anti-federalism.

WHY ARE YOU STILL TALKING ABOUT THIS?

That is too much Christmas.

Also ran.

How do you get a question wrong on a pre-course knowledge quiz??

I just want my goddamn service pin and certificate. Is that really so much to ask? It’s the only flipping recognition I get and I haven’t even been given it. Frankly, I’m kind of pissed about it.

I got a head full of nothing today.

Heyyyyyyy.

It’s nothing but a constant barrage of shit you’re not allowed to do.

WTF is reindeer corn?

Would you please just STFU?

This internet only seems to be working intermittently.

It’d be a lot easier to be more sympathetic if they weren’t such dicks.

Bleah. I don’t want to go outside again unless it’s to go home.

Why did I sign up for all these subcommittees? Oh right, to get out of this office more often.

You guys. SKYNET.

This post seems especially hostile today.

I really need to shave my legs.

Man. I did not want to buy a new oven. At least it happened at the best possible time.

I just can’t even come up with a comment about this. Go capitalism I guess.

I don’t know how you’d even go about doing that.

I know I got an A. I just want to see the A. Actually, what I’m really interested in is the feedback.

A curse!

*sniff*

Wow. Settle down, lady.

Settle. Down.

soooooooooo

Wait. It IS Wednesday, isn’t it?

Look. I can take over the duties of the chair. But I’m not the fucking chair. And I can’t make the fucking chair do what the chair is supposed to fucking do.

If you do something nice for someone, and they don’t say thank you, even though they know that you were the one who did it, it feels kinda shitty.

Ooooh, extra spicy cinnamon today! Yummmmm.

Wow, I came up with the perfect title for my workshop just as I was dozing off. And for once I actually wrote that shit down so I’d remember it the next day.

Wow.

Am I the only one who doesn’t love Charlie?

Of course I don’t love Felicia Day. Which I’ve mentioned.

Turn off the fireplace!

Those people never turn their outside lights off. They just leave them on 24 hours a day. It’s bloody weird.

And they never open their blinds either.

Strannnnnnnnnnnnge

Somebody needs to find Chuck, dammit. I’ll admit, I was not at all thrilled when Jack was introduced. But dammit. Right now I’m feeling pretty attached to him.

Ooooh! I hope they’re awesome. We love Roald Dahl.

Sometimes you just have to live with the passive voice.

There we go. Flickr deletion – check. Twitter deletion – check. Tumblr deletion – upcoming. Must find a new home for #littlejustintimberlake. Facebook deletion – Alas, not likely. My only connection to some people. Although in some cases, that could be considered a plus … Instagram deletion – never! It is my happy place.

Job titles with “At Large” at the end of them seem so carefree. Like “La la la, I’m just wandering around, doing whatever I want, collecting a paycheck. My life is amazing.”

Economics must mean something completely different than I thought it did.

It’s no expresso. It’s not expresso. It’s not expresso.

I think my brain needs a research break.

This is not your personal office or study space. You can’t just use it whenever you feel like it.

I think it was less about this and more about that.

It is far too bright in here.

This is a funny way to bring this point home, but I think about these ridiculous details quite often. Chin hairs. I’m terrified of no one dealing with my chin hairs when I’m old. The indignity of chin hair. And this made me cry. It makes me wonder if my children will care for me. I hope so. It makes me think of when they were tiny and I cared for them this way. I think I’m just feeling melancholy at the moment.

$174K is substantially more than I make annually. I think maybe you should STFU. I just cannot believe that these people get elected to office. Honestly. THIS is why people shouldn’t vote.

I really don’t understand some of that guy’s sentences.

I don’t actually care what Bill Gates is reading.

How about death in my metal and my meals? Huh? Huh? Amirite?

I’ll never go vegan. Although I think I have finally outgrown fast food. Would have been nice if I could have done that 20 years ago.

Well. There’s no hope in that direction.

I can’t with this kid.

I wouldn’t wait around if the money let me linger on,

I don’t think the principal appreciated my comment about how I think age segregation is dumb.

I could really go for a caramel apple cider from Biggby right now.

PETA is stupid. Stop giving them press.

Dammit! Thanks a ton, Corey. Now it’s stuck in my head.

Jesus my head hurts.

My brain hurts a lot!

I really don’t like that woman.

I know. I could be talking about any number of people right now. In fact, I probably am.

Don’t judge me because I can’t get excited about Christmas.

These tiny Christmas tree earrings are cute though.

All I want for Christmas is Halloween. … and a new job. … and this shirt (medium).

Maybe next year I’ll start decorating again. Stormageddon should be 33% less destructive by then. Right?

Must drag my ass down the hall and lock the doors. wheeeeeeeeeeee

P.S. Little Justin Timberlake should be back in town tonight. Hitchin’ a ride with ol’ Sandy Claws. You’re welcome.

In case you were looking for gift ideas for me this year … There’s this, and this, and this, and this, and this, and this. And that’s just one yarn store.

It’s 24 degrees outside, but I have my window open in my cube so I can try to air out the goddamn air freshener stench in this office enough so I can make it through this goddamn day. I. Need. A. New. Job.

yeah yeah yeah

There are times to pronounce it puhRENthusis and there are times to pronounce it PAIRentheesis.

That is a fact.

I should be writing a paper right now. I’m thinking of making a Biggby run instead.

Screw it. I’ll drink water and eat this Pop Tart.

I did not buy enough tiny tiny trees.

Screw it, I need to get out of here for a minute.

Think I can find 25 songs that adequately express my extreme dislike of Christmas?

Stop graciously accepting shit. That’s not how that word is used.

What the hell does an English prof know about carbon taxes?

I won’t get this job either.

I need to give up.

Another day, another bug brought home from the bio-weapon breeding ground called school.

Nice. Now I can never knit that pattern, even though it’s quite lovely.

No, really, somebody buy this for me. The hat too. I’ll wear it the whole rest of the winter. I’ll change it up with different shawls every day.

“I think she may be your spirit sister.”
“That is a fact.”

Um. He’s the Golden State Killer, not the Golden Gate Rapist. He wasn’t even in San Francisco.

Everyone needs a tiny tiny tree.

You need strings on it to attach it to your coat or something. Like when you were little and your mom ran your mittens through your sleeves with a yarn rope.

I’m having a hard time focusing on this study, even though it’s fascinating and exactly the study I have been looking for for this project.

Bitches be loud, man.

Merry Christmas. Don’t yell at me for your tears because you will cry them.

We do not have the money for this. This is a waste of my goddamn time.

I should just take a nap right now.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh FFS

Oh wait. My dad might actually genuinely outlive me.

WHY do I have fucking Jukebox Hero stuck in my head?

NO DAIRY WHEN YOU HAVE A COLD … OR THE FLU

There is nothing on this Earth that smells worse than milk vomit. It’s like it instantly curdles in your stomach. Jesus.

Everyone wants my money this time of year.

I wish those pants still fit. I really could use some new Chuck’s.

Look, I freely admit I forgot about this completely. We FINALLY closed on the sale of the old Compound, then spent the rest of the day running errands. I was no where near a computer.

WE SOLD THE HOUSE. I’M FREE.

Man. I have to come up with a half day workshop. And I already had writer’s block as it was.

SIGH

I’ve found the solution to all my problems. Move to New Zealand and raise these ridiculously adorable sheep for their wool, become a yarn peddler.

I’m honestly not sure how much more of this I can take.

Perhaps the trick is to just not give a fuck.

“Inspired by your wish list.” Um. That is my wish list.

Here’s another Chuck continuity problem: In the Christmas episode in season 2, Casey (I love you, John Casey) is shown allegedly phoning his mother, calling himself Johnny Boy. First of all, John Casey isn’t even his real name. Secondly, if you’ve seen the entire series, you know that he is, for all intents and purposes, dead to everyone who ever knew or loved him. HOW COULD HE BE CALLING HIS MOTHER.

Evidently I’m watching this time around just to catch inconsistencies.

awesome.

Ohhhh. I see it now.

How have I never heard of that serial killer?

This new 3D photo feature on FB makes me nauseous. I can’t look at them. It messes with my brain.

“Scandinavians are not great at small talk” OMG THAT’s where I get it from!

(please don’t talk to me)

I like lunch.

I should be reading right now.

Oh my GOD stop saying that.

You might be.

I keep reading these articles lately that could be good, but are just sort of shallow and disappointing. This is one of them.

“helps his parents sell home grew produces Tuesday afternoon” excerpt from a photo caption on the Atlantic. Wow.

“What program doesn’t want their students to critically think??”
“Gender and Women’s Studies?”

Wow, that was fast.

My head is never going to stop hurting.

“CONGRATULATIONS! When it comes to words and language you have quite the vocabulary and you may just be a literary genius! You love to read and discuss your ideas with your peers. You are in the constant search of meaning through social interaction, media, real-life experiences, and books. Your peers consider you an eloquent and influential speaker. You probably get a standing ovation at least once a week! Splendid work!”

Standing ovation. HA!

David Cross repulses me.

Happy Thanksgiving. Don’t be a dick.

Like these people.

I should be reading right now.

Today, my feet are cold.

sale sale sale sale sale

I’m not really a Black Friday kind of girl.

I’ll post this Friday. Probably.

This coat is amazing, and I’ve never wanted loads of disposable cash more in my life.

I feel like this outfit is a physical manifestation of my soul.

Dammit! I need milk and bread! I’m going to have to leave the house on Black Friday!

I hate my email inbox on Black Friday.

Bleah.

I can’t find your wishlist. This is profoundly unhelpful.

Let there be light!!!

Old and blind. Oy.

“So much for the Perambulating Postbox Theory.”