This mustache is peeling off.

Ogg.

If I were going outside the U.

I should not be able to taste your god awful perfume.

Season 6, episode 15, The French Mistake, might just be my favorite episode ever. It’s so brilliantly hilarious.

You’re just not very good at writing copy. I’m sorry.

Ha. 31 flavors of crazy. I’m going to have to use that.

Very much my thinking on the topic.

Man. There’s just so much shit that can kill you in a garage. I can never watch those scenes.

Johnnie Walker Blue on the grave. Expensive send off. I don’t even have a bottle of Blue in my own cupboard.

Universally unlikable.

Well, I disagree. Not respectfully though. I don’t really have any respect for you to speak of.

Well. That formality is out of the way.

It’s so quiet. It’s like heaven.

WHAT KINDS OF QUESTIONS DO I HAVE?

I should just take a break.

Maybe the last Saturday in July would work.

I’m so sleeeeeeepy. I wish it wasn’t so hot. I’d take a walk. A walk in this heat would just make me sleepier.

Bless me!

Sure ya are.

I think it’s different. But I am not entirely sure.

how and why to

Oh, it’s for that … doohickey.

I can’t keep this crap straight.

I don’t know why this day won’t end. I have no answers for you.

Whee more training. This will be useful though. I just wish it wasn’t two hours long.

It’s probably good that I don’t have local friends. I’d probably suck at it.

I don’t think a literature review, by itself, should stand as a full thesis. I think it needs to be more involved than that.

Yes, well. They would, wouldn’t they?

I must learn to do things so very much slower.

Gonna try listening to this David Lynch audio book. At least it’s him reading it. It’s like listening to Gordon Cole. That’s alright with me.

The Suffocating Rubber Clown Suit of Negativity

That is, by far, the dumbest internet quiz I’ve ever seen.

I’ve already lost track of what Lynch is saying. This is my problem with audio books. I suddenly realize that I’ve stopped listening.

Distracting from my path of discovery.

I’m glad that road is open again so I can get back to my usual parking spot.

It’s flipping freezing in here.

It’s all fragments for me too, David. Me too.

I wish I hadn’t caved.

I’ma transcend this office and right to my house.

Great, now I want a donut.

I guess I’m the wrong kind of alien.

Season 6 with the weird Campbell hunter clan is one of my least favorite story lines. If only because the characters are so extremely unlikeable. They ALL seem soulless. I just. Ick. Run away, Dean!

OMG stop saying “perfect!” every time someone says something to you or hands you something.

I would like a new tattoo.

i don’t wanna be buried in a

Maybe I’ll just delete that.

I should take up meditation.

And go back to yoga.

And also zumba, because who doesn’t love to dance?

I saw that.

Huh. Maybe I could make that. For far less than $130. Maybe.

I would like some local friends.

I need to finish this test so I can get back to work on that pattern.

Then again, this is my brain …

This skirt is kind of static clingy.

Those are all the letters I never sent you.

I read that as “your Lynda history will be terminated.” That’s not at all what it says.

Definitely need that meditation book.

Working my way through this. I have to set aside a lot of eye rolling at some of the things in there, but there was a really great section on separating observation from evaluation that I think I need to keep in mind.

Why does it smell like a campfire in here?

OK quick! Everybody say the exact thing I just said.

letting go letting go letting go letting go letting go

I used to get so irritated when celebrities dabbled in photography, got a book deal, and the rest of us just slogged away. Now I really am pretty zen about it. Who cares? At least he’s doing something creative with his time instead of trashing hotel rooms or partying all night at clubs. (Of course, maybe he is and I just don’t know, but whatever.) Leave him alone. Plus he’s donating all the profits. That’s character.

Ah-ha! That answers the campfire question.

OMG so many chickens.

“I dreamed you had a pet squirrel. Named Bobbie Gentry.”

I can’t even force myself to read this stuff. Sheesh.

That level of cheerfulness is wholly unnatural.

Yeah, that is not at all the same thing.

Well, I guess I wouldn’t want to talk to me either.

This four day weekend is taking entirely too long about getting here.

Holy wow. I could so live here. So beautiful.

I just don’t understand. If it’s really that much of an inconvenience to write me a letter of recommendation, why did you offer to do it in the first place?

Huh. I really always thought there was an h in exorbitant. Wacky.

Can I escape for a minute?

sigh.

Can I make this font smaller?

sigh

“Want to sleep in a bit more this summer?” How about ever, lady.

Ooph. This boy.

I have no memory of liking Megyn Kelly on FB.

Wow, I sort of expected a larger selection.

Well, that was a weird little rabbit hole …

I dunno. I can almost always eat pizza. Let’s be honest.

Remember to reset. You’ll probably forget.

Pizza it is.

I actually forgot it was Wednesday til just this minute.

This photo’s not so old. I did not have time to do anything with photos last night so …

It’s still just a fifth wheel. I do like the design elements though. I’d love those floors in my house. And the stair storage is dreamy.

John Lithgow still creepin’ me out.

I’m going to spend the rest of my life trying to find my zen. Dammit.

I had nothing to lose, so I went for it. What the hell.

I have no motivation. At all.

Jesus. Who pays $180 for a tea kettle?

What is wrong with my eye today?

Maybe I need a Biggby. Maybe.

I don’t have anyone to share my BOGO coupon with. That’s kind of sad.

I should just gut my house. Get rid of all the crap. Well not all of it. A lot of it. I need a giant dumpster.

I tried watching the Chris Isaak Show again, and it just has not held up for me, despite my love for Chris.

My chair is making weird noises. It’s probably haunted.

I think I might be feeling melancholy today.

Hello, protein shake. Why can you not taste more like a donut?

More caffeine please.

how dead is dead

I wasn’t there. I don’t know what happened.

I have never even heard of that band.

There may be something to this fanny pack rebirth.

Wow. This was literally a deleted scene from Fire Walk With Me. Hilarious.

Man. Facebook makes me tired.

I really just don’t want to proofread your crap anymore. Find someone else to do it.

Babies!

Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy is this day not over yet? Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?

Those aren’t platforms, they’re wedges.

I would like to go away and never come back now please.

This just in: Hipster mom thinks she invented the staycation.

Peas are awful. Because they are.

You should rethink that stache, dude.

Is that retirement deal tomorrow?

I do love me some Americana.

What.

That sounds like a euphemism. But it isn’t.

It’ll be here Friday.

I am a little on the hungry side.

I’m not at all interesting today.

One leather jacket, one Sasquatch.

Here’s a photo from the archive on account of I forgot to get something together last night.

I almost forgot it was Wednesday!

This is all much more complicated than I was expecting.

Dude. You don’t have to smash the cell phone if you took the sim card out.

Why does it have those teeth if all it does is suck souls? That seems a little unnecessary.

I love this show. I do. But damn, Sam can be pretty whiny.

They should’ve poured some cement in there first. Then buried it.

I’m just not that into Wonder Woman, to be honest.

I hate orientation.

That is not how you spell forest, dude.

Nothin’ I like more than some good old fashioned forced indoctrination.

I actually would not mind going to this concert at all.

Duh. That does not answer the question I asked. I already knew that. That is not helpful.

Yeah, they call that a “half bath.” It’s not complicated.

Just because I’m not with you doesn’t mean I’m against you.

This better work. Dammit.

Sorry! Just have to run to the loo! BRB!

I love June. No staff meetings in June.

Nice headband, sugar.

It is not a dead chicken.

I wish everyone would read this book.

Do you even know how to Skype? Because I will not be here to help you with that.

It certainly solves the problem of what to eat for lunch.

For the record, I never had any bizarre cravings like that either time I was pregnant.

I guess it’s gonna be short. I dunno.

These are some kinda flat, weird, super crunchy, delicious pretzel things.

I will succeed your expeditions.

I may also secede them.

Oh I should take this Zamyatin up north with me next week.

Where did my Star Trek stamp bookmark go?

Could you please write my letters of recommendation please?

I am not caught up with you yet. Hush.

Damn, rock on Courtney Love.

OK. Must find baby birds now.

cheep cheep.

What the hell even. I mean Wally Brando?? It’s too much. Too too much.

Man. The “needle in a stack of needles” metaphor is so played out. Come up with something else. Like … “a pine tree in a pine forest” or … I don’t know. Something. You’re writers. Figure it out.

I’ll be the first to admit I have too much crap. But living like this? No. What a cold, unwelcoming, box completely void of personality. No thank you.

The most misspelled word in the state of Michigan is pneumonia. How completely random. And also there are far harder words to spell.

I really need to learn how to make my own skirts. Damn.

I am clearly incapable of making any kind of decision at this moment.

Maybe I should delete everything from it except the #littlejustintimberlake photos.

I’m just not sure that anyone should bring the Animaniacs back.

Wow. No one thinks my typos are that entertaining. Well. Sometimes I do.

It is possible I might be a tad cranky.

I don’t need my picture in the local paper.

I think Kathy Griffin looked like a man in drag in that photo. Of course, now people are talking about her, which is exactly what she was after, I’m sure. To somehow be relevant.

Crap.

That truck doesn’t even have Michigan plates on it.

I think you’re missing my point.

I haven’t seen any ghosts lately.

No, it’s OK. I don’t even care at all. Really.

I need a new tattoo.

But. It’s not complete. How can you send me an email telling me it’s complete when it is not at all complete?

It’s a rare day when I find myself agreeing with Conyers and Jackson Lee, but here we are.

I could sleep for 3 days. Probably.

I think everyone is missing my point, actually.

I don’t know. Hiddleston is too young for me. Probably.

Mostly.

Holy wow, I had no idea what time it was.

“Obliterate credit card debt with this credit card.”

It looked like construction was finished. Is it safe to assume that it is indeed finished? Is it safe to assume that if I drive home that way I won’t be stuck under the damn overpass for 25 minutes? IS IT???

Oh, I just noticed the owl cookie jar in Doug E’s kitchen thanks to that Kyle McLachlan post.

I don’t know. I was pretty chill about this growing my gray out, but I think I’ve lost my chill. It’s starting to bug me. I might succumb to the urge to dye. I may not be able to stop myself.

Dammit. I was not planning a trip to the grocery store. I was planning a trip to my tea kettle.

Flashing cursor. Exciting.

Expertise vs experience …

I have never actually seen this film. I don’t even know how that’s possible.

There are Johnny Cash socks?? Why don’t I have any Johnny Cash socks???

OK, this is kind of funny.

Wow. You can’t treat people like that and expect them to have any kind of respect for you at all. What a total dick move. Zero class.

“Don’t worry. I’m sure there’s somethin’ in Fitchburg worth killin’.”

These Triscuits might have gotten stale while I was gone.

Man, my spam these days is straight up menacing.

It’s pretty impressive. It also creeps me out. Also the construction of it completely fascinates me.

STOP BEING SICK. JAYSUS.

I had no idea that this would be so complicated.

Is this archive feature on Instagram new? I am intrigued.

And that is why I do not like you.

No, it’s OK. Really. I don’t need to be thanked or anything.

I forgot I was FB friends with you, John Marr. But it’s funny that you popped up in my feed because I was literally just thinking about Murder Can Be Fun yesterday. On account of this Disney book someone just gave me. Ha.

Holy wow do I not want to attend this meeting.

Splitting headache. Boring meeting. Whoo! My afternoon is shaping up to awesome!

How do I keep messing this sleeve up? I just do not understand what the hell I am doing. I just can’t find it. So frustrating.

I think that’s why God invented planes.

Now that book I might read. But probably not really.

Brain not work. Hurt.

No sustainable brewing second bachelor’s for me, thanks. I don’t even really like beer.

18 of 20 books for this year and it’s not even June. I am awesome.

It’s hard to be interesting when you’re bored.

This was such an unexpectedly fantastic surprise in the Twin Peaks premier. So perfectly My Bloody Valentine meets Curve with some Lush thrown in and just a splash of Ivy to toss me right smack into my 1994 shoegazery happy place.

Yep. I think I might really like that band.

OK. That meeting was actually fairly productive.

Thanks, Amazon. Appreciate it.

Ha! You are a secret smoker! I knew it!

It’s a special kind of hell.

Accidentally. Right. They totally did this on purpose. Muah-ha-ha-ha-ha.

Oh good. Storm rolling in just in time for me to walk to my car.

This week hates my guts, man.

Grow faster, hair!

Oh yeah. I will attach the syllabus, thank you.

And now I will go out into the stormiest storm and drive home. Wet and cold.

It’s like he’s got some kind of strange cylindrical skull. It’s creepy.

I dunno. Is anything really “groundbreaking” any more?

Colin Firth, still delicious.

Yak. I am intrigued.

Except no. Not really.

I really just feel like crying right now.

Maybe I need a damn hell hiatus.

I guess I am just not invested enough to be willing to sign on to that with you.

Probably. Maybe.

I think I need a new neurologist.

Why does everything you say sound like a question?

Razor clawed gremlins screeching at the top of their lungs, throwing themselves against the inside of my skull, desperate to escape the increasing pressure that will surely explode both their brains and mine.

Kinda like that.

I don’t know. I want to love the American Gods series. I’m just not sure that I can.

“He has engaged us in subterfuge and red herring, a fish I don’t particularly care for.”

This is kind of a little bit hilarious.

Seems like raining nectar would be sticky.

Where did Donna’s sisters go?

Is that today? That’s today. SIGH.

Why are you always making my life more difficult. It’s like it’s your raison d’etre or something. You need a better raison d’etre.

Is that a euphemism?? I mean you get how that’s kind of weird, right?

I need a snack.

Prodigy? You mean progeny?

syllabi.

It’s like Slytherin. Or something.

Re-watching the original series has made me love it for completely different reasons than when it originally aired.

I don’t really understand Twitter anymore. At all.

OK, you’re kind of going overboard with this and I really need you to dial it back about eleventy right now.

I’ve been trying to read this article ALL DAY.

I really need some caffeine right now.

I don’t see any reason to buy sulfite free wine. Scotch and I get along just fine.

You’re so lucky!

Respond to my text, dad. You’re retired, you have time. (p.s. I love you.)

Really, you’re cutting into my knitting time at this point.

It might be a bit warm for that.

Ooooh, only two more days til Staycation 2.0! And I don’t even have to spend it stripping wallpaper!! Or in my car!!

Well of course you don’t understand the question. It’s full of typos.

Oh go on then.

I think mine might be too.

I don’t believe that I probably wouldn’t let it go.

Me too! (That’s not the theme.)

Sweaters cover a multitude of sins.

It’s months away. I don’t think you need to panic yet.

So you know where I’ll be.

But they’re ickle chickens!

Oh. Right. Grad school application. Shit. Personal statement. “Dear faculty, I have no idea what I want to do with the rest of my life, so I thought I’d try your program out for a while.

So much for developing a coffee habit.

Sometimes I just

Never never never stamp these documents.

I don’t know how to play chess.

The cops marching out in step all lined up.

The guys lined up at the bar with their cigars.

Drummers all in a line.

Yes, but when is Star Trek Discovery airing??? I’m dying.

bees bees bees bees bees bees bees bees bees bees bees bees

Um. That’s not really something I keep in stock …

I am probably working right now. Sure.

I need to visit this place!

I feel lucky to know them.

walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk walk

But I didn’t post.

It’s so cute!

Now my thoughts have a Scottish accent. It’s kinda nice, eh?

But I almost always vote no.

on repeat.

Oh.

I don’t feel like Josie deserved that much of a tribute.

Did you get a donut?

I wish I enjoyed running.

Now I have ink all over my hands.

ba-gawk

So. Much. Scanning.

I need to take a walk.

I don’t have to government.

I’m partial to #3.

I knew I shouldn’t have caved into that stupid shawl pattern. ARGH.

I never understand this party.

Sorry, but no.

It’s that point of the year when the semester has ended and my brain has slipped into a semi-coma. I have nothing much to say at all.

Just at the noo.

I never watched the final season of Sons of Anarchy. I’m trying to decide if I want to.

I want one of those hairless cats. Because they’re all sinister looking, plus no cat hair all over everything.

But mostly I still don’t like cats. Nope, not even yours.

I’m learning all about keeping the bees.

Maybe the bangs make me look a little younger.

Thus spoke. Thus spake. Potato. Potahto.

I DON’T not love you anymore.

I need to use the next staycation to try and get that wallpaper down. SIGH.

I wish the unicorn still talked.

I really don’t want to do grad school. I really don’t. But I feel like I have to.

I hate it when I can’t tell if someone is actually spam or not.

Also something.

I cannot believe it took me two whole days to realize that this was a gift to me and not part of this pile of Medallion books.

Probably I’ll just eat more eggs.

It’s definitely time to go up north. I hope we get to go to Empire this year.

I’m always vaguely put off by actors who suddenly discover art. Actors who were artists before they acted don’t bother me a’tall.

Wait, who are you?

Man, I went through that thing three times and still missed that line. Dammit!

I need to kick myself in the ass. Because I need to get off my ass. And I need to do these things I’ve been thinking about doing for who even knows how long.

I KNOW THIS TOO.

I would have a yard sale if I could stand having yard sales. People who come to our yard sales are bitchy. They’re always telling you “you’re doing this wrong.”

Don’t you roof pig me.

surrender, surrender

I need to start keeping a toothbrush in my drawer at work.

But it was January.

Another day, another interminable staff meeting.

Microscopical is a word? Microscopic just sounds better.

Unlike many libertarians, I don’t have an issue with borders and defending them.

No. No icky vibes, please.

eggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

I REALLY want bees.

Maybe he just doesn’t care.

“I don’t wanna talk, I wanna shoot!”

The guys lined up at the bar with their cigars.

I don’t know how to play chess.

That does not sound delicious.

But I don’t even have a DVR.

I can never pronounce Appomattox.

Oops. Sorry Jayne Cobb.

Sheesh. Can I just move to the Shetlands now please? WOW.

I wonder if they buy a new map every time there’s a new investigation. That’s probably a lot of maps.

Why would you ever cap that at 30??

Apple pie!!!

scan scan scan scan scan

That worked even better than I’d hoped.

My Twin Peaks episode notes are feeling like weird little poems.

Oh, well, that works too, I guess.

I’m gonna take myself a break.

Why are we taking Bill Nye seriously??

I

What? United Airlines is killing bunnies now?

Robocop. Figures.

I’m so boring today.

No one asked me about my kids.

I felt like the least important person in the room, to be honest.

Surely it is time to eat the pie?

Guess I should have known better than to take some initiative. Duh.

I need my chair!

I need a nap.

I need some motivation.

I need a personal trainer.

I’m trying to decide that riding my bike that far back and forth every day sounds like an awesome plan. But my brain just keeps laughing at me.

Oh. Dentist tomorrow. Whee.

I think that may have been a wee bit too much cinnamon.

I think. I think. Yes. It is.

slooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow

I. Am. Miserable.

I would very much like to go see Shooter Jennings in June.

This is some pretty great feedback.

Fssssshhh.

OFFS. I’ll cover it.

It’s that feeling of constantly having to sneeze that kills you.

Yeah, rapidly coming to loathe the phrase “flip the script.”

Holy hell it’s busy today.

Sometimes the Can Do Girls can’t!

I feel like I’m speaking a totally different language than everyone else today.

I keep accidentally setting my phone to silent. Which I suppose is OK for phone calls, because the only people who call me are spammers and the NRA. But I also miss incoming messages that way. Sorry. But you probably aren’t messaging me anyway.

Damn, I wish I was asleep.

Actually, I’m so zoned out right now, I might as well just be asleep.

AT LEAST MY BRAIN IS ASLEEP

Allyship??? That’s not even a word!!

I have not even been paying attention.

Oops. We should visit the library more often.

I thought that said Lovercraft.

Acceptation??

So glad I decided to read through this one more time.

Is that a fucking fruit fly? GODDAMMIT!

I can just order the router.

Great. Don’t let the door hit you in the ass.

Lady, there is not even a tornado watch. Calm the hell down.

I had a song in mind but I’ve forgotten that too.

Look. I have the mouth of a longshoreman who moonlights as a trucker. But there’s a time and place.

Honestly, if anyone makes an attempt on Trump’s life, it’s likely to be that unhinged moron Shia LaBoeuf.

What is this purple Starbucks weirdness everyone is posting pictures of?

Also it looks like it’s liquid cotton candy, and therefore disgusting.

Stormageddon does not like the bus.

Wow. I. OK.

rain rain rain rain rain rain rain rain rain

Well yeah. Lauren Hutton is gorgeous.

Ok, thanks, but I don’t actually care about Bill O’Reilly.

silver sulfasomething

Yeah, I don’t know. I don’t really want to pay you to send me a postcard.

Really kind of hating Diane Fry. WTH. Get over your damage, chiquita. Cooper’s a good guy.

Damn. That’s a hell of a Riot Fest lineup.

Why is food always so problematic?

The hell with it. I’m posting today. Surprise!

I could have sworn we had some zinc.

I don’t care what anyone thinks, I like the Home soundtrack.

Well, that was lame.

At least I won’t

Holy shit. What a weird coincidence.