Dammit dammit dammit dammit dammit.

OMG stop. Just stop. Please. I’m begging you.

Clearly I am allergic to this office. Every day I sit here and sneeze all day. I don’t do that at home.

The other night, Stormageddon fell asleep, head on my chest, little arm outstretched, and I thought, I’m just going to stay here a little bit longer. I’m just going to stay here and wrap myself up in this weight and warmth and just breathe, because I don’t know how much more of this I’ll get.

Man. There’s so much STUFF I want to do. I want to dye my own yarn and raise bees and design knits and go to grad school and learn how to make my own skirts and stuff and more stuff and I DON’T HAVE TIME for pretty much any of it. Cept prolly grad school. Which is prolly at the bottom of my list right now, actually. sigh.

There aren’t many words more fun to say than vituperation. Maybe vituperative.

Naphtali Dagget. What a name.

content/content

Wow!

I am not sure I could live somewhere that didn’t have fireflies.

Why do you always get down to brass tacks? Why not stainless steel tacks? Or thumb tacks? Or carpet tacks? What’s so special about brass?

I have no intention of answering your question.

I don’t care what those hipster mom blogs say. I don’t want my daughter to grow up and say “My mother was my best friend.” I want her to grow up and say I was a good mom. That I did my best and my best was just exactly right. It’s not my job to be her best friend. It’s my job to be her mom.

I don’t know what I just did, but I lost some words and I have no idea what I said.

Ohh thunder!

Oh wait no. I briefly forgot they’re still tearing down the building next door.

No one in a vagina costume is ever spectacular. That’s just a fact.  Unless by “spectacular” you meant “spectacularly bad.”

That toothbrush is totally not working out for me.

Miss W says I remind her of Bones, which she swears is a good thing.

I’m tired of hearing about gorillas and allegedly bad parents and you’re doing your holiday wrong and blah blah blah.

Finger. Still. Hurts.

My shoe just fell off and now it’s behind the space heater and that means I have to crawl under my desk to get it and frankly, I just can’t be arsed right now.

Oh my GOD the humidity. Blargh.

Ahhhh. There’s the rain.

Sometimes reply alls feel like a contest for who’s the better, nicer, more awesome staff member. Or something. It’s obnoxious.

“Woman taking midnight shower confronted by heavyset intruder with manbun”

I don’t actually know anything about this Hamilton business.

This chapter is much longer than I thought.

Aw! Puppy!

I have never liked rootbeer floats. I do not believe in mixing sweets and carbonated beverages.

“And sometimes I wish I lived in a time where I wasn’t inundated with these daily articles.”

I can safely say that no, in fact, I have never had any desire to lick my cat. And holy wow does that sound wrong.

No, that’s sarcasm, dear.

I wouldn’t want to be ostrich-sized either, kid.

Wait, the Communist Party USA is backing Hillary over Bernie? Bwah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha

These two things are seemingly unrelated.

“Our capacity for feeling is in itself an insatiable and bottomless abyss.”

A photo from the archives. Goes nicely with last week’s.

Any day that I get to use the plot of a Phillip K. Dick novel to illustrate a point is a good day.

People don’t like it when you talk about your chronic pain. So mostly I just don’t.

Will this fit in any V.C.Arrrrrr?

I’d really just prefer you not say “bless you” at all when I sneeze than to say it from your cube across the office at a volume that leaves me wondering if I actually heard you, or if I am going to look like a lunatic by yelling “thank you.”

Well. You’re just the specialest gorram snowflake in town, aren’t ya?

Well this is a bitch and a half.

Yep. Livin’ the dream.

Evidently we’re playing “Who’s More Libertarian?” It’s kind of like “Who’s More Grizzled?” but less funny and more obnoxiously self-righteous.

Who the hell is Chewbacca Mom?

I just remembered that this is a three day weekend. I almost cried with joy.

Every time you respond is positive reinforcement. Or negative. I can never remember which is which.

Well that. Huh.          Huh.

It’s a little surprising just how much my stupid hand hurts just because it’s attached to my stupid finger, which hurts like you would not believe.

OK, also this is really messing up my typing skills.

I tried knitting but this bandage screws up my tension.

Maybe it’ll finally sink in the 480eleventeenth time I explain it to you.

Nothing more aggravating than when an IT person who doesn’t know you assumes you’re a moron.

Thanks for the Billy Idol, Mister. It made today suck 70% less.

Also making my day suck less: Two people in as many days saying “No way! I never would have guessed that, you look so young!” upon learning my age.

Raise your hand if you’re tired of hearing about bloody bathrooms!

This might have to be put off til tomorrow. Sheesh.

Well. Aced that test. I did not see that coming.

I just remembered Buzz Beer.

Talk about impossible meetings to schedule. Good grief.

Much busier morning than expected!

Hey that’s James Marsters! He’s aging … interestingly.

A thing. Like a shoe. Or a waffle iron. A thing.

Hardly worth the wait, I reckon.

Oh wow, Charisma Carpenter’s in this episode too!

Yes, please, thank you.

Seems like a pretty lackluster response to this week’s discussion question.

Gen Eds are dumb, yo.

Your IT people are really starting to irritate me. I’m not a cave dweller. I do actually know what I’m talking about.

I hate to break it to you son, but your version of what’s best for everyone and what will “benefit all of us” isn’t everyone else’s version. And that’s the worst thing about democracy. We’re all subject to the tyranny – not even of the masses anymore – but the tyranny of a whiny few. That’s what the republic was supposed to help avoid. Stop bitching and start taking some responsibility for your life. Where you are is no one’s fault but your own.

I greatly dislike the word “remuneration” mostly because I find it incredibly difficult to say.

Eh. No one cares what I think.

OK, I’m done. I don’t even know what this is now. I’m boring us all.

I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.

I don’t know. I think there are probably at least a handful of ways to rock.

One day, I’d very much like to drive Route 66.

OK anything BOMB. Stop calling things bombs. It’s dumb. The only acceptable use of bomb is as an adjective. You’re the bomb, baby! Or, you know, when referring to an actual explosive device.

Unpempolyment

“I think about Aaron Eckhart naked for a minute before I respond. … I’ve never actually seen him naked, but I’ve seen him naked enough to be able to fill in the blanks.”

It’s hard to have a discussion when everyone’s response to your post is “I totally agree with you, that is such a good point.” Come on.

I thought that said “When I noticed how articulated she was …”

Trainspotting sequel???

On point. On fleek. On model. All of them. All of them must go.

OMG hilarious.

What?! No one told me we had liberty AND freedom!!!

Mitch Pileggi’s eyebrows look weird.

Non-fiction, Non-fiction, Science Fiction Double Feature

Yo. Yo. Ma. Gabba Gabba, MTV Raps.

Why does my knuckle hurt?

tengo que haga un esfuerzo excesivo mi cerebro

What a strange man.

Wait. Maybe this is the universe trying to warn me about something.

I’m not looking forward to this lunch.

It’s too bad you can’t still get Sears Homes.

I kind of miss the house my dad built. I would move back there. Looks like they sold off some acreage though. So maybe not.

I’m just giving you a look right now. You know the one.

I seriously might have to unfriend you. You seem to grow more obnoxious by the minute.

Fine. Whatever.

I would not mind going to the Club Soda reunion. But I will not wear my Club Soda t shirt. That would be too weird.

“Well, sure an individual has to take responsibility for making the choice to use drugs, but the drug dealer holds some culpability as well.”
“The drug dealer is just a means of distribution. The drug dealer is not responsible for the individual’s choice to use his product any more than Meijer is responsible for my decision to drink Dr. Pepper 10.”

OK. Lunch was alright. I hate riddles though.

I might cry real human tears over Cascade.

I still think my route resembles Indiana.

Bill Knapp’s chocolate cake is my faaaaavorite.

I’m totally embarrassed to say that I did not even realize this was Andrew from Buffy. But his Instagram is hilarious.

I need some kind of pressure band for my skull.

I know what I think about it.

kust ion fages

I did all of the dishes. All of them.

This is just not cold enough. I think tea would be better I guess.

That is just not right.

I kind of wish the damn family room was Stormageddon proof so that the TV watching was in the family room instead of my bedroom because then my bedroom would not be full of stinky children all the time throwing my pillows on the floor and shoving the top sheet down to the foot of the bed and then I could go in my bedroom and indulge in an episode of Supernatural or, you know, some other brainy type mom show in peace. And stuff.

I do love the occasional run on sentence. Sometimes it’s appropriate.

I’m standing at the island in the kitchen fighting to keep my eyes open at 7:37 p.m.

My seven key is sticky. Always has been.

I’m reasonably certain I should not be wearing this shirt.

Oh I just remembered. I’ll be in Chicago next week.

I ain’t no now you’re messin’ with a Nazareth Misfits mashup. You better think about it, baby.

You just came out here to head butt me didn’t you? Demon child.

Um. I’m really struggling to understand how you can categorize Marx as a hero.

The goal is to work through ALL of the stash yarn before buying more. I’m confident that I will fail fail fail. I do have to make one exception – there’s a baby blanket that needs to be made. But I am going to try. I even cleaned a whole bunch of stuff that I admitted I would never ever use and donated it to Miss W’s partnership school. But ideally, I’d like to work through what’s there. And in the future only buy yarn for specific patterns. No matter how pretty and soft and squishy and yummy it might be. I can be yarn smart! I can! I swear! Also yarn won in knit-alongs totally doesn’t count.

Well. That was a monumental waste of time.

I don’t care what anyone thinks, I love this Mumford and Sons album.

OK, can we please retire the phrase “truth bomb” now?

And while we’re on the subject, I think the term flash mob is dumb.

This guy has used “fois gras” more than any other human I’ve ever heard speak. I think he thinks it makes him sound intelligent. Worldly. Of course that is undermined by statements like “We’ve all seen videos of alligators taking down zebras in Africa …” Dude. There are no alligators in Africa.

Can I just tell you how much I loathe Sharepoint?

Oh it’s Florida Georgia Line. I had it backwards. That’s how much I care.

“When humans want something really really bad – we lie.”
“Why?”
“Because. That’s how you become president.”

I’m sure this is the road the Mister believes I’m headed down with my mugs.

Sometimes I forget how much I love Jesus and Mary Chain. And I just don’t know how that is even possible.

Man. Why do you think that you’re simplifying things when you’re actually making my life harder?

Who wears these lip colors? Not humans, that’s who.

Stop with the mouth wide open fake smile. Stop. It’s obnoxious and stupid.

I have absolutely no energy whatsoever. None.

Why did Rudolf Hess fly to Scotland during World War II? I don’t know. Why are you asking me??

I’m not sure why I’m here.

That fireplace + Stormageddon = disaster of epic proportions.

I think living in a Frank Lloyd Wright house would be profoundly depressing.

I don’t like that new Instagram logo. It’s lame.

I’d give you details, but I really don’t know what this meeting is about.

I still miss Flickr.

I don’t ask that question very often any more.

Of course it’s a First World problem. That’s where you live.

Damn. My ice melted.

This is one of the best brownies I have ever eaten.

Wait. The Smithsonian has nude photos of Dubya and Hillary?

Not together. ew. It was SCIENCE. ish.

I only skimmed that article but it makes it sound WAY more sinister than it really was.

I don’t really understand that whole Gwen Stefani-Blake Shelton thing.

Wow. I guess I’m doing this lunch thing totally wrong.

That’s a water stain. It’s terrible.

I need a snacks. Ha. Apparently I need more than one snack. Or a large snack. Feeeeed me.

Someone needs to stop the Gwyneth train. Please.

OK yeah, that’s pretty funny.

Can I have a nap too? I don’t think a nap is too much to ask.

Um. It does not feel like 72 out there. That is some crazy talk.

That did not go at all according to plan.