I’m reasonably certain custodial is going to lock me in the office again.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAA

OK, I’m in.

I read that as “Locally purchase. Even dry.” That is not what it said.

This guy is a loon. And clearly not capable of complex or nuanced thought. Or any kind of logic.

I still don’t get that one.

What the hell, bus?

OMG Stop saying “fair enough” to everything. You literally just used it 3 times in under a minute. Stop the insanity.

You are a grown ass man. Stop saying “for funsies.”

What a ridiculously busy morning. Sheesh.

Whyyyyyyyyyyyyy are people so loud?

And now we wait.

Nice try, dude. But I’m not going to do it for you.

Just so you know, I am not actually your personal secretary, and I cannot actually make your students read their emails OR the course catalog.

It’s on page two.

It is, indeed, a bold move.

Photo credit: God.

I think this scanner thing is dying on me. Because why not?

Wait. Is she wearing mascara? She’s like 10!

ARGH. Is it going to bloody rain or not?

Is that a no?

the ghost in you she cuts you up in the silence of your room

The little I saw of that Caitlin Jenner interview with Norm Macdonald was really interesting.

I would run out of glitter really fast.

STOP SLEEPING ON THE BUS.

I’m actually looking forward to an entire day of brain probing Friday. Because it is not here.

Wh. H. How. How is that even possible??

Do you want all these coupons?

Well that’s a ridiculous argument.

Why do I have to decide what I want to do with the rest of my life? Why is that even a thing?

I was going to share a really funny thing with you, but the link only seems to work on my phone. So I won’t.

Yes, pizza. Duh.

No mail. Sadness.

Why are you so bossy? It makes me not want to help you.

want to

I can’t get this stupid app to take this stupid coupon code. Stupid.

I wonder if she’s ever going to

No more mimosas for you, missy.

Why do I have to tell the QuickTime updater thingie to close 47 times before it actually does?

where is my mind. where. is.

It’s not “Trump’s America.” It wasn’t “Obama’s America” and it wasn’t “Bush’s America” and it wasn’t any other president’s America. It’s OUR America. And the sooner everybody starts taking responsibility for their contribution to OUR America, the better. Grow the hell up.

Whatever. I knit in public all the time.

Oh France. Bless your heart.

My bangs are only the perfect length for about two weeks. The rest of the time they’re either too short or too long.

I’m reasonably certain I’d have a good 25% less head pain if you’d just stop trying to hide the fact that you’re a smoker by dousing yourself in cheap ass perfume that everyone thinks is stinky anyway.

I hate Doppelcooper’s hair.

I wish this was a real book.

“These days, being called a “white supremacist” is only different from being called a witch in that they don’t even bother dunking you in the river before declaring you guilty.”

Bitches about “anti-intellectualism,” uses tenant when he means tenet.

I really only ever wanted to be one of the cool kids. And that’s just never gonna happen.

I wish I were more likeable, but I’m just not.

I need to quit the internet.

I am not even looking at you right now.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RED!!!!!!!!

What? It’s a very menacing hand dryer.

Perfect score on the Norwegian American quiz. Duh.

It’s like watching a live action bobble head. Jesus.

I just cannot.

I’ve unsubscribed from so many emails in the last week. It’s awesome. I need to do more.

And THIS RIGHT HERE is why I need departments to notify me of the gorram CRNs they assign to us. So we can avoid these exact problems.

Thanks so much for adding an extra 30 minutes to Stormageddon’s bus ride every day. P.S. I hate you.

I’m so cantankerous.

And also unlikeable.

One complication after another.

I need more dental floss.

I am going to read this book on campus censorship and wave the white flag until the universe stops kicking me.

Thanks, Facebook. I know how unfriending works.

Yes, and that message is “Meat is murder. Tasty, tasty murder.”

I don’t even know how to respond to you. Obviously I wouldn’t have said anything if I couldn’t smell it.

I just don’t think anyone would even notice if I did.

I don’t even know who Joel Osteen is.

Linda Sarsour, on the other hand. Still a despicable human being.

Why am I hungry? I really don’t think I should be hungry right now.

Hello. How are you? Have a nice day. Hello. How are you? Have a nice day. Hello. How are you? Have a nice day. Hello. How are you? Have a nice day. Hello. How are you? Have a nice day. Hello. How are you? Have a nice day. Hello. How are you? Have a nice day. Hello. How are you? Have a nice day. Hello. How are you? Have a nice day. Hello. How are you? Have a nice day. Hello. How are you? Have a nice day. Hello. How are you? Have a nice day.

I like stories like this. He’s a good egg.

You see what happens? You try to be nice to someone and it just blows up in your face.

I CAN’T HUMAN.

That’s when you kick them out of the house and lock the door. Then go back in 30 minutes to see if anyone needs stitches.

Hashtag Mom of the Year

I miss you, Rollinghead. Also I miss my Daddyhorse CD, which I cannot find anywhere, and that makes me very sad.

Also I was at that show. That was a great show.

I think Exec Ass is hilarious. You should just leave the T off Asst and go with it. I wonder if anyone would even notice.

Today has been stupid and I need to GTFOI.

JDLR

“It ain’t all burritos and strippers, my friend.”

I am well and truly trapped here for the duration. SIGH.

Copy-editing PDFs is a pain in the ass.

Pamela Anderson looks pretty fantastic without all that make up.

Honestly. Who thinks lemonade and cookies taste good together? How is this a thing?

“Which fictional antihero is your soul mate?” Batman.

Well duh. I didn’t need an internet quiz to tell me that.

“The speakers on the Common bandstand were kept from being heard. They were blocked off with a 225-foot buffer zone, segregated beyond earshot. Police barred anyone from approaching to hear what the rally speakers had to say. Reporters were excluded, too. Result? The free-speech rally took place in a virtual cone of silence. Participants ‘spoke essentially to themselves for about 50 minutes,’ the Globe reported. ‘If any of them said anything provocative, the massive crowd did not hear it.'”

carpet cleaning.

splitting headache.

two hour Mediasite training.

and now my phone has kicked the bucket.

sigh.

Wait, I’m the only one registered for this workshop AGAIN?

more sigh.

I’m fucking cursed.

I give up.

I wish it were raining.

I wish it was.

OK. Moving on. Sorry, it was just this sort of hurricane of crap all of a sudden.

I WILL NOT LET THIS STUPID DAY DEFEAT ME!

I have the Kitchens of Distinction stuck in my head now.

Hey Mediasite training was only 15 minutes. Guess I’m super glad I was the only one registered. I got the info I needed and we were done. There’s a bright spot in this craptastic day.

I’m going to Dr. Hooks now.

Great. No one has pay phones any more. I had to borrow a credit union’s Google because Dr. Hooks moved and I didn’t know it.

I deserved a Den Pop. I stopped.

Fucking day.

Unrelenting pain.

“The road to hell is paved with reasonable exceptions.”

Just when you start to think good things about the ACLU …

Some pretty powerful images.

I’ve never actually considered Joss Whedon to be a feminist. And despite my love of his work, I have long considered him to be an asshole.

Well duh it’s Darcy. Like any other Austen fellow would be my man.

These internet quizzes. Sheesh.

Wow. That whole letter was, “We all have the right to free speech. Except these people. These people best shut the fuck up.” Progressive fascism, alive and well.

“Someone, somewhere, is always getting mad about everything.” Pretty much.

Total lack of self awareness.

This is fantastic and I love it.

Pink had another baby?

Look, I’d love to buy that super cute skirt, but I just can’t right now.

Google has already shipped my replacement phone! Yay!

Here’s what you’re not getting – this is all extraneous information that the vendor neither needs nor cares about. Why are you even here?

Ha.

Oh, right. I’m having breakfast for dinner. I decided this ten minutes ago and then completely forgot it.

This day, man.

Dammit. Why didn’t I write this down? I have no memory of what I did.

How fun!

Boy, Humphrey Bogart sure was a handsome man.

Dinosaurs!

Oh these are awesome.

Whatever cop shot that tear gas canister totally hit that dude in the balls on purpose, and I think it’s frigging hilarious.

OK. What is all the damn screaming about now?

Wait. I wasn’t ready for that.

I PUT THE TEN BUCKS IN THE EGG JAR.

Fill up the shopping cart with yarn. X the tab. Sigh. I wanna do the hipster knit along though. Despite the name. Even though it’s s’posed to be funny. I think. Sigh.

Worth reading. Wish I felt like I could share it widely.

What the hell is indecent assault?

Who among us does not need one of these, ladies?

Yep.

hashtag virtue signal

Do we have to call it “training”? Can’t we just call it what it is? Re-education. Indoctrination.

It’s been a minute since I’ve felt this level of visceral hatred for this place and these people. But holy shit. It hit me hard today.

There is a direct correlation between my pain level and this place.

ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

paaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

This Tylenol isn’t going to help. I don’t know why I bother.

Well I didn’t want to talk to you either.

I think asking me to stop referring to my husband as my “husband” is disrespectful of our preferences. I don’t want any part of your agenda.

Why won’t you let me leave you alone?

I have so little to say today. There’s nothing in my head today. The  pain is drowning out my thoughts.

I don’t actually like Star Wars. There. I said it.

I don’t like Game of Thrones either.

If you take a job as a delivery person for a business whose customer base is primarily on campus, you probably ought to familiarize yourself with campus.

This course is stupid.

I hate everything this week.

Almost everything.

Um. Strangling someone with your bare hands doesn’t really qualify as an “accident, I didn’t mean to do it.”

I have integrity coming out of my ears, I tells ya!

I’ve been trying to read this article for two days.

Darn. I was kind of looking forward to getting out of here for a minute. Especially because East Campus is my favorite. I wish I worked over there.

Maybe my school will need a me soon. My school is over there. Public Affairs.

Yeah. Right.

The only solution is more caffeine.

Unless it’s less caffeine.

I keep checking and there is just a whole lot of nothing.

Why don’t we just go ahead and tear down all the statues. No statues anywhere. That way no one is ever offended.

Except the people who are offended that there are no statues.

I guess there’s no pleasing everyone.

Sorry, but waving a Nazi flag, as disgusting as that may be, is not the equivalent of incitement. It’s free speech. Just like waving the communist flag is free speech. Waving the American flag is free speech. Free speech is free speech. Either support it or forever shut the fuck up about anything you believe in.

This is among the dumber things I’ve seen today.

‘Speech that demeans on the basis of race, ethnicity, gender, religion, age, disability, or any other similar ground is hateful; but the proudest boast of our free speech jurisprudence is that we protect the freedom to express “the thought that we hate.”’

ALSO

“A law found to discriminate based on viewpoint is an “egregious form of content discrimination,” which is “presumptively unconstitutional.” … A law that can be directed against speech found offensive to some portion of the public can be turned against minority and dissenting views to the detriment of all. The First Amendment does not entrust that power to the government’s benevolence. Instead, our reliance must be on the substantial safeguards of free and open discussion in a democratic society.”

Wow. I’m cranky.

Just to be clear, I hate Nazis just as much as you do. So don’t go reading anything into what I’m posting here. Don’t be that asshole.

I can’t smell that God awful air freshener if I hold my head at an uncomfortable angle in my cube. Yay.

Y.A.Y.

working working working

I wish I had a Den pop.

And millions and millions and millions of dollars.

Doll hairs.

Dolls are creepy.

I wish the openable part of my window was larger. I could use more of that breeze blowing through here.

I should have worn my glasses instead of contacts again today.

Way to follow directions, kid. Bravo.

Gaaaaah why don’t they do something better with Erin’s hair? She’s so pretty and her hair is so blah. It’s so dry and the color is weird and it’s all flat and listless. I feel sorry for her.

Damn. I thought it was about 25 minutes later than it is. That super sucks.

I want it back.

I can’t help it if I sigh a lot. I quite often feel like I need a big gulp of air. It’s not attitude. It’s survival.

DON’T YOU WANT ME TO LIVE???

Jerk.

just kidding.

I feel like crap.

The only thing they seem to be doing to these roads is laying down layer upon layer of gravel. It’s frigging annoying.

Does anyone else hate Tammy?

Seriously. When did SPAM get so weird?

I don’t know how I did not know this beautiful thing existed, but clearly I need a membership.

How is it that I can’t keep an air plant alive? How is that even possible?

At least my children are still breathing.

I know this makes me some kind of heretic or something, but I really just don’t think I like Felicia Day.

It’s Monday right now. Still feeling craptastic. How is it even possible for a human being to be this tired?

Yeah, still can’t stand Wil Wheaton either. He seriously creeps me out. Also, how is it that he can look that thoroughly smug 24 hours a day? It’s like he had his face surgically altered to reflect his belief that he is inherently superior to the rest of mankind.

Also that beard is awful.

I may not live through CPR recertification this week.

I’m gonna have that damn Stones song stuck in my head for the rest of my life now.

Pardon me, but I believe that is my lung.

The room with all the leaves.

Wow. That is not what I expected to see. Horrifyingly hilarious.

This Diet Pepsi is deeply disappointing my taste buds right now.

Now it’s Tuesday. It’s like Random Wednesday – Extended Dance Mix or something.

I, too, would love to walk my children out to our garden each morning and watch with my quiet perfect mom joy as they choose their own vegetables for their healthy organic breakfast smoothie, Genevieve Padalecki, except that the only people who live that ridiculous reality are ridiculously rich famous moms (and I bet half of you are lying). The rest of us are lucky if we can get them to eat a vegetable once a year.

But maybe that’s just me.

Lifestyle blogs kill me. Your lifestyle would drive me batty.

Fit all columns on one page.

You are far too preachy for me, thanks.

No, I don’t need something, thank you.

I’m 100% sure that that will not solve the problem. But that’s none of my business.

cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough

Go ahead, pad your numbers. I care not a whit!

Sorry, I am exempt from your voluntelling me to help with this.

And now it’s Wednesday again. Back where we started. Well.

And now I have four bloody hours of CPR/AED re-certification. How the hell does it take four hours to RE-certify??

I seriously don’t remember my original certification even taking that long.

…

Wow, that really took four whole hours. On the plus, it did not seem to drag. And now I can totally save your life. Or your kid’s life. Or your baby’s life. Probably.

I’ve sent you that list at least once already. Come on now.

“Cisgendered .. It’s a way of marginalizing a normal person.”

For as many days as this has stretched out, there is not that much here.

Where is my sammich?

I love the theme music to Poldark. I love any theme music that is primarily violin. Millennium. Angel. It’s all so poignant and melancholy and a little dark but just an eensy bit hopeful.

Man I miss Millennium.

And also Angel.

Only have to

Written in my own heart’s blood with a chainsaw.

Hang on, Frances!

Dammit!

I bloody knew as soon as he started turning his life around that they were going to kill him off.

They’ve just had the exact, almost verbatim conversation, 5 times in the last 10 minutes. I’m not even kidding.

If I was a famous lady, I’d have Hogan McLaughlin design all my red carpet rags. Swoon.

I need a Fringe Porter Bin. Army Green.

Gah. I need two extra days off for this crap.

I had started reading this woman’s article quite a while back, got distracted, never finished, and lost it. It suddenly popped up again, so I’m sharing.

OK, I’m hanging it up.

FOREVER.

just kidding.