Someone needs to create a better lotion container.

I have always found it particularly entertaining that Hill so vigorously defended Bill Clinton. I have never believed her story, and it still greatly irritates me that my college not only paid her to come to campus to speak, but sang her praises far and wide.

Interesting. I had never heard of an Rh.D. before.

“Trying to think of a situation in which I’d ask her advice.”
“Don’t hurt yourself.”

This is really really interesting.

There is an important distinction to be made between duck face and a smoochy face. And I have never in my life made a duck face.

I seriously read that name as Dementia.

Dammit! Whyyyy must Tommy Stinson play on a flipping Thursday night? sigh. Yet another show I won’t be attending.

And that is why I do not live on a flood plane.

We’re not really Star Wars people.

Man. I’m so glad I put Dropbox on my phone. Google just will not back up my Instagram photos for some reason.

Is there ever going to be another day in my life when I will not feel like I’m sleepwalking? Bone damn tired.

I’d like this stitch under my ribs to relax now please. I’d like to take a breath, thank you.

dammit dammit dammit. That is not the news any of us were hoping for.

I have no motivation whatsoever. For anything.

It’s not “bare with me.” No one wants to bare with you. Maybe your wife or husband or something. I don’t know. I certainly don’t want to bare with you.

Honestly. It’s just not that hard to set up a course correctly. It just isn’t. There are even step by step instructions available for you. Jesus.

Dammit. Why do parents have to be so dang rude when they call here? I cannot give you information about your student. I really don’t care if you pay the bills or not.

Wait. What? Crystal Pepsi is back? Why the hell would anyone bring Crystal Pepsi back??

Once again, I completely forgot that this is a Wednesday.

Whhhhhhhy do I have Alice in Chains stuck in my head? Ughhhhhhh.

I don’t belong in this show with these people.

Why must you always complicate these things unnecessarily?

doesn’t matter what they say

Oh no. I’m not answering that call. Not a chance.

I think Sarah Michelle Gellar is wearing all those weird shirt dresses lately because she’s pregnant again. (The rumor started here, folks.)

I guess I should have checked the clock …

What? I can’t. What??

This calls for shortbread.

And tea. You can’t have shortbread without tea.

I hate weaving in ends. I hate weaving in ends. I hate weaving in ends.

Oh my goodness. Stop trying to steal Reykjavik cats, Stephen West!

I can’t believe I spelled Reykjavik correctly on the first try. I’m awesome.

But I don’t need a holster.

WHY WON’T YOU SLEEP?

I suppose shortbread would be good with iced coffee as well.

We shall see.

You’re so much better at the sci-fi than I.

Much wanting.

Writing tip–Use “a” before consonant sounds (e.g., a one-year term).
Use “an” before vowel sounds (e.g., an honor).

Such a basic tip, and yet, clearly necessary.

beautiful.

Look, I’m not a fan of the DNC either, but I am reasonably certain they’re not going around quietly murdering people.

There’s a Duran Duran appreciation day?

OK it’s a given that I’m tired all the time, but today is measurably worse than usual. What the hell.

better shape up

What. I’m not sorry.

Here. Does this make up for it? Of course it does.

Ffuuuuuuuuuuuuuu I feel like I’m coming down with something. I really really really do not have time to get sick. Must resist. Must. Resist. Sooooo lightheaded. Soooooooooo tired. dammit dammit dammit

I think maybe I’ll go get an iced coffee. Because that will miraculously cure my ailment.

All edits are done. I have no presentation. I’m back in panic mode.

Free book day!

“Feel like Magnus is too common?” Um no. No, I don’t.

I suddenly thought of Rollinghead’s Long Black Feeling, but I can’t share it with you because there’s no Youtube of it.

I really loved Rollinghead.

I’m feeling a little better. Just thought you’d like an update.

I’m so bad at these things.

Well a slideshow of outtakes playing while I talk should work. Sure.

I need an intro. To the book. An intro. Bah.

Hey Gary Johnson? About that Fist Pump for Freedom hashtag? Yeah, no. Just no.

I’m about 37 seconds away from falling asleep.

Could you please stop eating those chips now?

I’d take a walk but holy hell. It’s 89 degrees. But damn, I really want to take a walk.

I can’t help it if I can appreciate Bad Company and you can’t.

Nothing like an hour long system upgrade on mah phone. Whee.

ARGH. See? These Instagram stories are messing up my zen in a big way. Now people are doing these damn stories instead of just posting a nice still from their day. Go do that on Snapchat. Plus the stories won’t even load when I’m at home so it’s pointless to try to watch.

bitch bitch bitch

But come on. I love Instagram. It makes me happy. They are messing with my happy.

I should send out a round of post cards.

Here is something positive … ly stinky. Just kidding. I totally went for a walk in the heat and I don’t even smell bad.

It was legitimate. I’m not just being a PITA.

Unlike many, I do not find oxymorons entertaining in the least.

Roof pig. Most unexpected.

We should bring back 3 people doing stuff. But. You know. 4.

Love Will Tear us Aporter!

Stop trying to smother me!

The elusive chompy cobra.

I need caffeine.

Who tells adoptive parents they aren’t “real” parents? I have never heard this before. What foolishness.

OK I’m maybe not so secretly really ready for fall.

Pretty sure that deadline has passed round these parts.

Every time I remember this wonderful thing exists in the world I have to share it with you again. The song, not Dita Von Whatserface. I remain unimpressed with Whatserface.

Maybe I should do more knitting posts here.

Hey Dave, I really dig that Alewives album. Just so you know.

Quit spamming me Donald Trump. I’ll never vote for you.

Never!

Amass pie, amigo!

But what if pillaging was the whole reason I wanted to be a Viking in the first place?

It’s funny because whenever I think of that album cover I see sheep and in reality they’re dogs.

What other way would you take to Traverse City?

I thought this was really interesting.

I don’t love To Kill a Mockingbird like other people love it. I don’t actually love it at all. It’s not on my list of favorite books of all time. I thought it was good. But it’s not something I go back to over and over. I only read it the once.

Migraine won this time. I feel like hell.

Hey Instagram? If I wanted to be on Snapchat, I’d be on Snapchat. But I don’t. I want to be on Instagram. Come on.

I’m having a hard time caring about a long list of things right now. I’m really OK with that.

Why is food always so problematic for me? Stupid food.

I can’t remember what I was supposed to do now.

I should just wear my Day of the Dead headband as a normal hair accessory.

Well that was a failed book experiment. Rather disappointing.

People.

Why do I keep doing this?

Well that button works.

I suppose I’m not the type of person that inspires other people to do those kinds of things.

It would help if you provided us with account numbers so that when I send you a check to pay a bill you actually apply the money to the correct debt.

It’s too hot. I need it to be fall. Fall weather. Not fall time-wise. I’m not ready for school to resume. Not at all.

Sorry for the site, but you won’t be sorry you looked. Very cool.

gah. Kinda sick of that Clash song now.

I know it’s not terribly long but

I really like this purple. It’s so dark and mysterious. It will be so pretty when it’s finished.

There’s still time to order this super cool t shirt.

*crickets*

Maybe I’ll just start watching Supernatural all over again from the beginning. Maybe. Shut up.

Look. If you’re just going to leave and not take your Thin Mints with you, I’m going to appropriate them for my own consumption.  You can’t just let perfectly good Thin Mints go to waste. That’s just wrong.

I suppose I could be reading right now.

I think those parents in AZ ought to be shot. But then I get a little cranky when morons leave their baby home alone to go play a stupid game.

probably

Stop spitting on me.

I could have done without Beyonce’s booty jiggle, but hells yeah, Jeff Goldblum. That is a damn good looking man.

Stop running me over with your demolition truck. I brought you into this world, I will take you out of it. As the saying goes.

Why am I still here?

I’m reading The Goldfinch and re-reading American Gods. In case you were wondering. Now that I sort of have time to read for fun again. I should make a book list. Or you could just friend me on Goodreads if you want. I don’t judge your book choices.

Unless you rave about Dave Eggars. Then we can’t be friends. At all.

I’ll take 86% of a glazed donut, thank you.

Damn. I didn’t see any ghosts when I was at the Stanley. And you know I looked.

Why am I still doing this?

I firmly believe in spontaneous order. In the world. In my personal life it’s much harder to embrace.

She has been Scotch taping crap for an hour. What’s she building in there?

I just need a quick Graham McTavish break.

I think I’ve pinched a nerve. It’s causing me some serious angst.

Huh. Current mood. Questionable. Appropriate that this just came up in rotation.

Why do people say casted on? That’s not a thing.

I think my biggest grammar pet peeve of all time is people who say “in lieu of” when in fact they mean “in light of.” In lieu of = instead of. In light of = because of. Try to keep it straight, people.

Yes, even more irritating than misuse of apostrophes. Not even kidding.

I want to take a blowtorch to all the delicate fucking snowflakes of the world. I simply cannot take this foolishness for one more minute.

i’m so sorry for everything   i’m so sorry for everything    i’m so sorry for everything   i’m so sorry for everything

I don’t know why I google health crap. I never find a reasonable, logical, legitimate answer.

No she’s not.

No, I think I’m done babbling now.

I don’t know why this has to be so bloody complicated. I wish I could just hire someone to do this.

Holy wow, dude. Calm the hell down.

EMG That sounds like what you use to test for paranormal activity or something. If only it were actually going to be that fun.

I don’t know internet memes. I have no idea what you people are talking about.

I’m torn. Do I rip and start the whole thing over or do I continue and just fix that little annoyance when I’m weaving.

I’m pretty sure I just don’t feel like starting over. I may not be very far along, but I just want to keep going.

Is Gary Johnson the perfect candidate? No. Do I agree with him on everything? No. Is he the only sane and rational choice for president? Yes. So vote libertarian. And buy my t shirt.

“It’s not ‘Gonna Raise Hell’ it’s ‘Raise a Little Hell’.”
“Ha, just a little hell. Not too much.”
“Go on kids, raise a little hell. … Fuckin’ Canada.”

Canada, you’re just too nice.

Oh Lion Brand.

“I would not be caught dead there.”

You seep too much. I don’t sleep enough.

I uploaded the wrong photo last night, so you get one from the archives this week.

Kind of Liz Phair-esque I guess. It was unintentional.

God I hate Outlook. And Office 365. And every single thing about the web platform.

I really wish I hadn’t poked play on that.

I hate doll houses. For real. They wig me the hell out.

I think I need to just go ahead and give up on Flickr.

How is Highlander 30 years old already?

Well evidently that is the type of person you are, because that is what you did.

How am I on episode 12 already?

cheese and crackers. cheese and crackers. cheese and crackers.

I forgot how much I like Nights in White Satin. I don’t know why. I mean I don’t know why I like it so much. I suppose I also don’t know why I forgot. Whatever.

You should check out Henry Lohmeyer on Insta. He makes some beautiful images.

I’m reasonably certain I’ve mentioned my pure and righteous hatred of UPS in the past, but allow me to reiterate. Now they’ve lost my standing desk. How do you lose a flipping desk? How?

“That is horrible. And also awesome.” Exactly.

The 2016 Election is a reality television show.

Did you really just say “Matt Welch and me talked to … “?? oy.

Wow. I’ve been neglecting you today. I’m so sorry. I don’t even know where the time has gone at all.

Uhhhhh. I can’t type a sound of disgust that is accurate enough. Ughhhhh. Would you just stop? Enough, lady.

Crap. Now I have that awful Third Eye Blind song stuck in my head. Quick! To the interwebs for a palate cleanser!

Ah yes. Haven’t listened to this in a while. I kinda dig her. Not my usual thing, but whatevah.

See? No one ever hears me when I say “bless you”.

Man. I have GOT to finish this stupid shawl. I love the finished product but I hate this pattern to knit.

Oh look at that. It’s already in my favorites.

Aw. I liked Empire Records. It was sweet.

And just like that, it’s time to go pick up your tween’s sneakers that she left behind on her camping party to come home barefoot.

Who does that?

Dude. Don’t ask for money in Comic Sans. Just don’t.

8888888990–=ljhfdaaah,ffllooppp-h;;;s;;s;s;;s;smsjkhhgggniJmuhhuaioiisidisisj..s’;’ww’;w;w;k3wkkaqkjqjquuahujkllllllkdj2iuiuo21u1qu2qijiikkqlqioOsqxj;kqwiHJokp

Guest post by Stormageddon.

I don’t know why I bother. It’s not like I ever get a response.

“‘How does it feel to sit and talk about boobs, for HOURS?’ Nobody does that. Nobody has the time to just sit and talk about nothing but boobs for hours. I mean the whole thing was just so horrible.”

horirble

Thank God we don’t live in the dark ages of cell phones anymore.

I’m going to join the choose your own adventure tee along. By golly. If my yarn doesn’t take 3 years to arrive.

By golly.

We can “like” email messages at work now. I don’t even know what planet I am on anymore.

These are fantastic!

They really should have cut that fabric differently. It does not read the racist way they’d like it to read.

I’m not a fan or anything, but what the hell happened to Lil Kim?

I’m sitting here with the caps lock on wondering why none of my passwords are working. I’m having a rough morning, y’all.

I can’t believe they want that much for freakin’ Kansas tickets. Please.

I did not get my walk in this morning. I might be able to squeeze one in in a bit. Maybe.

Can I just get a total do-over on today please? Starting around 9 last night? I’d really appreciate that.

Oh. My. GOD. There are no words to express precisely how much I wholly and completely loathe Office 365. None.

I really don’t think I can be nice to people right now.

I ordered my standing desk on July 1. It is still not here. sigh.

I don’t even know how I ended up there, but I just had the misfortune of perusing Gwyneth Paltrow’s Instagram feed. Gah.

I totally forgot how much I love Garden Herb Triscuits.

I cannot get Pat Benatar out of my head now. Wonderful.

Smart. Figures. Now that is irony.

I think my feet might be a little bit stinky today. That’s life I guess.

Ha. I was shopping for a new alarm clock.

Sheeeeesh. I’m like a spider magnet. It’s freaking weird.

I’ve never really listened to these guys before.

and your life doesn’t change by the man that’s elected

This is kind of hilarious. I might actually play this game.

“Rat lookin’ sumbitch” is the best Pokename evah.

I don’t know how to answer your question.

I got on the Spotify thinger. I made a Supernatural playlist. On account of I’m a geek.

Where is my desk, dammit?

There is an unpleasant odor in mah kitchen. Dammit.

OK. I have things to do. Things to knit. Photos to deal with. A lab to find. Prints to puzzle out. blah blah

Yeah, I think I’m gonna wait for my bangs to grow out.

That seems like the smart move.

I for serious hate the sound of your keyboard.

The Whiskey Rebellion would be a good band name.

I wish they sold Diet Dr. Pepper in the machines. I’m over the Dew at the moment.

Interesting. That’s actually quite the view from Christ the Redeemer. Walk over to that little curved part of the balustrade …

Oh. My. God. Like these weren’t made just for me.

That might be the first time ever that I remembered my Tumblr password on the first try.

I do not find Tim McGraw attractive. I just don’t get what you ladies see there.

I have no idea what’s going on this building right now.

I wish I could say that I was surprised. But I’m not even a little bit.

Wait, I’m still Facebook friends with Jason Newstead??

Last undergrad class ever starts in t minus … I don’t know. Some minutes.

People act like the Rule of Law wasn’t already broken before the Clintons came along. Please.

Let me tell you this little story so you can get a clear picture of my brain: I have to pee so I go in the bathroom, hike my skirt up and sit down. I look down and only see my underpants. I immediately think, “Where is my skirt? Did I leave it at my desk?? Wait! Did I remember to put a skirt on this morning??? Did I just come to work in my underwear????” And only THEN, after ALL of this has run through my head do I look again and see my skirt hiked up around my waist and say “Oh! There it is!” and get on with my morning. I’m completely serious.

I mean. Why would it even occur to me to wonder if I remembered to dress my lower half in the first place?

Too much information? You’ll get over it. That shit was hi-larious.

This class is going to kill me.

I’m going to have Dust in the Wind stuck in my head all damn day.

I guess I’ll just have to stop sleeping entirely.

sigh

Where is the rain? It was supposed to bloody rain! I need it to rain!!! Bastards

I don’t know. I just don’t understand a world where emoticons are now built into my work email.

And by fun I mean the complete and utter opposite of fun.

I wish someone would bring me an iced coffee because they’re nice.

Gretchen Carlson got fired?

OMG just re-send the email! No one knows what they’re supposed to do!

I love cheese danish.

Yep. It’s a semester long interview.

I need to do some thank you cards. I’m so behind on everything. On all the things. All. The. Things.

The struggle is real.

I would completely love a print from this artist. I just adore his work. He’s part of my Instagram zen.

Jesus American Spectator. How many times does a girl have to unsubscribe before you get the message?

I need to review all those links on the right. Some of those people just don’t even post anymore. Maybe I just won’t even link to other people any more. But. You know. In six weeks when this class is over and I have time to breathe.

I cain’t get enough o’ yah love.

It’s a legitimate question.

I think I need to just give in and go with the natural hair for the rest of the summer. Embrace the frizz. It’s too damn humid to try and keep it straight and smooth. Anyway, the floof of the metal hair hides the fact that I need to dye my roots kind of.

I think I may have a solution to your problem.

Wait. That would require me actually going to Costco, which, just thinking about it sort of gives me hives.

“sitting is the new smoking” … but not nearly as stimulating.

I thought that was Graham McTavish! He’s so sexy when he’s not all gross old western grungy.

Ugh. I officially give up on you, Facebook.

Oooh Keep Calm and Gary On! That’s a good one!

That’s interesting … and possibly very very weird.

“I’m gonna assume those people have shitty taste in books.”

If you’re not listening to Lera Lynn, you’re doing yourself a great disservice.

Shit. I’m going to have to take a couple of days off work to get this thesis crap finished.

Look. I can’t make 16 people all available at the same place and the same time. It’s like the Holy freaking Grail.

i will wait i will wait for you

Don’t forget tha Outloooooooks.

What! Yes please!!!

I am typing this sentence on my phone.

I am typing this sentence on my computer.

I love you Dropbox mobile app. You’re so handy when my Google phone doesn’t back up the files I want it to back up.

I have been sitting too long.

I don’t know what to eat. I NEVER KNOW WHAT TO EAT.

Argh. Stupid Google. Don’t make me hate you.

I just don’t want to be here.

It’s a little chilly in here. In 15 minutes or so it’ll be too warm in here. I hate this stupid centrally controlled temperature.

If I were an athlete, I would not want to go to Rio. Olympics or no Olympics.

I wonder if anyone would notice if I just took a nap. I’m guessing not so much.

I don’t know a thing about docking stations.

Ooooooh I get to order a stand up desk!!!

I don’t actually care why you chose one over the other, I just need to know which bloody one you want.

Whelp. I’m out of water. Must be Diet Dr. Pepper time.

Yes. Yes, it is.

It’s kind of shocking how quickly and thoroughly B.O. can permeate and linger in a room.

I never want to see another volunteer time log again.

“If it’s not canon, it shouldn’t be in the show.”

Wow. Truth.

Something in here is stinky.

I’ve never liked John Irving.

Also I just don’t think Adele actually is all that.

This is so cool.

Well that escalated quickly.

My question is, did people actually used to be nicer and slower to judge others before the internet, or was it really just that they used to keep that shit to themselves? I think it’s the latter, because really, who’s going to walk up to you and tell you to your face what they *really* think about you? Not many people.

i’m so sorry for everything i’m so sorry for everything i’m so sorry for everything i’m so sorry for everything

My mind is suspiciously blank this morning.

I’m kind of loving this gloom.

That was a particularly bad migraine. Damn.

She was sitting there talking about how she wouldn’t wish a migraine on her worst enemy, they’re that bad! Of course I’m sitting there thinking I sure as hell would! What a kick ass weapon that would be.

Moderately amusing.

I still don’t have Barbie Spock. Maybe someone will get him for me as a graduation gift.

On account of I’m graduating. Saturday.

It’s a shame no one’s taking me on a European adventure as a graduation gift. Hey dad, get on that wouldja?

It’s so pretty!

I did not care for the way it fit.

I have a lunch dilemma. I always have a lunch dilemma. My life is nothing but lunch dilemmas.

Ha. My Texas friends are planning my next vacation. They say that as if I get to take vacations. I love you guys. “The Macabre Tour of Texas” We’ll be needing t-shirts.

That whole “I stand behind you in line, smiling” pro gun meme that’s going around? First of all, it’s creepy. You’re creeping ME out and I’m pro gun. Secondly, it’s obnoxiously smug and self righteous. Knock that shit off. You’re not helping. Stop spreading that stupid thing around.

I didn’t do very well on that test. And I don’t really care.

Wendy’s. Maybe I’ll go to Wendy’s.

hello mosquito     buzz buzz

Stop trying so hard, sweetie. You’re not actually the Queen of Fucking Everything.

Felt someone else’s emotions in a room.

I wasn’t trying to start an argument, but sometimes things are less funny and more assy. And this just seemed of the more assy variety.

Great. Now I have Sabotage stuck in my head. I know you planned it.

We should all strive to be lovelier people.

I’ve accomplished basically nothing today.

Don’t let me forget to take my laptop charger home with me. Kthanks.

Yeah, I don’t want any part of that after school special, thank you very much.

Everybody’s closing their doors. I want a door.

I did not go to Wendy’s. Just in case you were wondering.

i just want to feel your pulse again …

I think one of the reasons I like Instagram so much is that I miss having the time for a daily photo project like a 365, or a 30 days. Instagram doesn’t really take the place of those “real” projects, but it’s better than nothink, dahlink.

Plus it’s totally my zen.

Plus I’ve found a ton of really phenomenal knitters and knit designers there.

This is probably the worst episode of Supernatural I’ve ever seen. This is the kind of episode that is created to set up a spin off. I have no idea if there was a spin off, but this episode is awful.

Ah ha! It was meant to be a spinoff.

What! How did I forget I brought a shortbread wedge??

Stop liquefying faces!

I don’t know. I think I might have been channeling someone I don’t really want to channel with that last sentence.

I think the key thing to remember here is that sometimes when you think you’re being hilarious, you are, in fact, just being a dick.

Sorry ’bout your troubles.

This seems like a particularly cranky post, and I’m not in a particularly cranky mood. I’m actually in a pretty decent mood.

I typed moof. I’m in a decent moog. See? I can’t type moos. Mood.

bah

Wait. You’re staging a sit in to demand “some kind of vote” but there isn’t actually anything to vote on. So basically it’s totally theatrics and you’re wasting everyone’s time. Good job.

“You are Watts from Some Kind of Wonderful! You are a bad ass chick and know what you want in life. Some may say you’re a rebel, but you are a loyal friend, and often put others before yourself. You are multi talented, independent and know how to take care of yourself!”

I love that movie.

“It’s difficult to threaten Americans with a strike when Americans don’t want you to do your job.” hahahahahahha

I think I need more Fioricet.

Well that was a complete waste of time.

And suddenly I’m just sick and tired of all of it.

All I want is to share my disjointed ramblings, enjoy the company of a few decent people who share my geeky outlook and also like to shoot things, and just be me.

We should all strive to be lovelier people.

I keep typing things and then deleting them. I had sad internet feelings today.

“This all sounds like Sad Times at Bitchmont High.”

But I remembered my charger. So I got that goin’ for me.

And my BFF is going to be here tomorrow.

And I’m graduating Saturday morning.

I posted that and captioned it “monday afternoon sky”. It wasn’t until much later that I realized today is not, in fact, Monday.

Well. There’s that then.

I wish I had a donut, but then I’d only eat it, and we all know I don’t need to eat another donut.

How had I forgotten about this site? I love this site.

Let’s face it, I’ve never been a big fan of PEOPLE. In general. I mean there are a handful of people I adore. But I’m 100% certain I liked PEOPLE a whole lot more before Facebook.

There’s a Love Addicts Anonymous??

For real, I can’t listen to Love Hurts without thinking of that episode of Millennium.

I learned a new phrase in my studies this weekend – vicarious victimization. Seems to apply to a whole lot of people these days.

vituperous swine

Well, first of all no, not all serial killers are “white guys” …

I don’t generally consult Reddit for anything.

Anthony Kiedis has evolved to look like the creepy perv you catch beating off in the back of the adult movie theater.

I did not know that Cate Blanchett was Australian. I love her.

I keep accidentally hitting keyboard shortcuts that I don’t actually consciously know and my text is getting all bolded and italicized and wonked.

I don’t really have a response to that.

There’s only so much room in my brain for stupid.

Nope. Still don’t understand Palazzo Pants.

Yeah, that’s not really what Shiva is, dude.

I don’t have time for internet crazy.

Wow, first ever Chick-fil-A spam.

That was not nearly enough rain.

you didn’t see me i was falling apart

I love Cheddar Cheese Pretzel Combos. I’m not gonna lie.

I should have worn that white cardi today. It’s like I forgot I even owned it.

Man. Sometimes life just smacks you upside the head with how lucky you are.

I wish I was at the lake. I wish we lived on a lake. Not that I swim, really. Nothing like putting on a bathing suit to make you feel awful about yourself. I just like being near the water. It’s comforting. It’s zen.

My iPhone that isn’t a phone hit Nazareth and stopped shuffling. I think that’s kind of funny.

pizza pizza                                pizza

“people who are most at risk for the given risk factor” … This book is very poorly edited.

Scheduling this meeting has become an actual form of torture.

OK. I need more caffeine. Like right now.

I can’t take these open letters to people. They’re nothing more than an excuse to be bitchy and judgy and passive aggressively mean while masquerading as ‘I’m really just trying to HELP you by telling you this.’ Just stop. No one cares.

I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m not very good with people.

Yeah, I’ve neglected you all afternoon. Sorry bout that.

Gosh that peppermint smells nice though.

Oh shit. I forgot I have that meeting tomorrow night. Damn.

You could tell a whole story that way. One little paragraph at a time. What a lovely thing that would be.

No. Nope. No to Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston. That just does not work for me.

I think the world would be a happier place if we just randomly mailed each other books. I randomly mail people books for fun. But I mean randomly mail someone a book that really meant something to you. Just because. Maybe it’s just me. I’d love that. I’d love to just randomly, periodically get a book from someone just because they loved the book and thought “I need to share this with my Jen.”

“I actually don’t spend much time at the DMV, because I go to the kiosk.”
“We don’t have a DMV, you don’t spend any time there.”

Maintaining radio silence is awful hard when there is just so. much. dumb.

“Gerb. Gerd. What’s his name?”
“Gerrrrrsh.”
“Gersh. They terk our jerbs!”

OK. I’m done talking to you two now.

Orlando Jones?! No. That just doesn’t seem right. Who is he playing? Oh Mr. Nancy. Ok Maybe. Maybe I can see that.

I’m conflicted about Gillian Anderson though. I hope she doesn’t play the role with that God awful fake British accent.

I’m conflicted about a lot of things these days, chickens.