DJs on the radio this morning were talking about 8 tracks and cassettes and turntables. One of the older guys mentions there’s still a turntable in the production studio and the other older guy asks how he knows that. The young guy says “I brought my mom’s old Duran Duran records in for a spin and he heard me.” That one hurt. I am just not that old.

god, what a mess

Honestly. The number of typos in emails just gets worse and worse.

I’ll probably always remember explaining to Miss W that “putting out fires with gasoline” was a metaphor after her grandmother played her “Cat People” for the first time. She said to me “it seems like you couldn’t really DO that, right?” That girl definitely needs more Bowie in her life.

So neat!

“It’s not really important most the time.” ARGH. I’m so sorry, but yes, grammar is VERY important “most the time.”

That is so not how you spell that.

I had no idea this existed. Was she going for Marlene Dietrich purposely? It’s a serious question. I have only seen one season of this show.

I want bar nachos.

Beautiful!

My very favorite Star Trek franchise.

Not the entire week, but all week.

Since when is masking tape so bloody expensive??

I am so excited about this sweater! I cannot wait for my yarn to get here.

That’s kind of a fun word to say.

I just don’t understand how those emails disappeared. I’m not intentionally pulling a Hillary. I seriously don’t know what happened.

Maybe I should move Random to Patreon and have people pay for it. I bet no one would read it anymore. ha.

This Gofundme was a silly idea. I really don’t know what I was thinking.

On the way back from this errand I’m stopping for a Den Pop. Giganomous Diet Fountain Dew here I come.

I’m unsubscribing from your mailing list, Plucky Knitter. I can’t afford your ridiculously spendy yarn.

The thing about conversation in an office is you can hear people going around having the same conversation with different people. Over and over. It makes me tired just thinking about repeating myself that much. I don’t understand what is appealing about that.

Guess I have another project to add to my knit list.

This whole thing is turning out to be a lot more labor intensive than I had planned for.

Fassbender! This was such a good book.

I just think that forcing someone to ask two questions about something they don’t actually have any questions about because the thing is not remotely difficult to understand is a wonky assignment. Stop trying to dumb us down.

Aw. One of my favorite political science faculty mentioned me in the lecture I was not able to attend today. She missed my input on the 10th Amendment in relation to environmental policies.

I’m failing to see how a “sick-out” is helping these students you claim to care so much about.

Holy shit, a compliment. I just got a work related compliment. Is it the apocalypse and no one told me??

I do not understand how this woman has so few followers. Her work is so beautiful. You should follow her.

I have so much to do that procrastination has become the only logical next step.

Again with the oils. I don’t get it.

That’s a quote. No one actually talks like that.

I’ve just realized that I sort of look at Sarah Palin in the same light as I look at the Kardashians. By which I mean I just could not care less.

I dunno. I think my preference lies with the original Harley Quinn of the Animated Series. She was the bomb.

Stupid writing assignment making me cry. Stupid death class.

I don’t even know what that means.

Those bitches are bitches.

OMG. I kind of love it. I might love it more than Westerberg’s original recording, which I love a lot. Well, I’ll be needing that album, that’s for sure.

Wow. She already graded my paper and it made her cry too. Maybe I should go back into writing.

Darn. I was hoping my yarn would come today. Oh well. I really need to get Miss W’s new sweater finished and it’s not looking like it’s going to be done in time for her birthday. Which isn’t a big deal, because there’s plenty of cold weather left in the Mitten, but it would have been nice.

I don’t know about this book. I just don’t know.

Boy, I wish I had the yarn budget some of these ladies have. Holy wow.

tiny tiny tiny

I cannot decide what to wear for the opening tomorrow. le sigh

I suppose it really doesn’t much matter.

ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff

That’s an old pic for you. I was a bit thinner then. I’d like to be that thin again. le sigh.

letterbox

I’m not crazy!

oh man, look at those cavemen go

Oh I like that nail polish!

I can’t believe I got out of the active shooter presentation. But really. When you’ve sat through all three variations and have been to four presentations, how much more can you possibly learn? What they should be doing is allowing me to carry on campus. But that will never happen here.

Spoke too soon. Had to sit through the last half. Still a waste of time.

She just said “Take a breather, girl” and pronounced breather like breath with an er on the end and a hard th. Brether. Like brother with another e.

I think this might be my favorite Bowie thing ever. Maybe. If I had to limit myself to just one thing. But no. I can’t. There’s just too much. So this is one of my favorite things ever.

I can’t believe you’re annoyed about this. I mean that’s just really a stretch. You really have to try, have to dig deep, to come up with annoyance over this.

I don’t know. I’m pretty sure this is looking like you have some kind of personal vendetta. It’s getting weird.

That woman is addicted to talking shit to death.

I just wasted 4 days creating a schedule for around 100 people based on the information I was given which was wrong.

You know what? I’m giving up on today. I’m done. This is ridiculous.

Let’s start over.

i know a government man

I need food. It’s 12:40. I’m starving. I should go on lunch. I’ve been too busy for lunch. le sigh.

I think I’ma Randomly post this tomorrow. Again. Because reasons, yo.

I don’t feel good about Random today. That makes me sad.

Peanut butter cookies, however, make me very happy.

I don’t think I’m speaking the same language as you. I just do not understand what you just said.

just for one day

I love these satellite photos of the Mitten in winter, even though I am freezing my arse off down here on the ground. (taken yesterday)

Maybe someone could bring me some peanut butter cookies. I don’t know who that would be.

Oh man. The next two hours just might kill me.

I never did make any shortbread. I need to make some shortbread.

I need to bring Jayne Cobb to work and keep him on my desk.

There’s a whole list of people that I miss.

I’ve been fighting years all morning.

I think these are hilarious and awesome and someone should bring them back.

Because the universe is 100% off kilter today.

Oh! I should make some shortbread for Dr. H. I’ll take it when I go visit her this week. Or next week. I don’t even know. I’d like to go tomorrow, but my work days are absurd lately.

Who calls it a junk food machine? We just call them vending machines.

“I just wonder if you get tired of, um, being outrageous?”

That is just not the best Bowie ever. There is much better Bowie.

“The straighter David Bowie got, the better his teeth got.”

Youtube does not appear to have my favorite Tin Machine song.

Oh that’s a lie. Here it is, you crazy girl.

I’m sorry, but I don’t really get the whole making administrative assistant types refer to you as Dr. So and So. If you’re going to make me call you Dr. Somebody, you can refer to me as Ms. Townsend, thank you very much.

There. A double batch of shortbread just about ready to go in the oven.

I never do that right.

Hooray! All aboard! Wow! Let’s go!

Supposed to be 37 tomorrow. It’ll feel like a heat wave.

I suppose now is as good a time as any for my weekly plea …

I actually really liked the Never Let Me Down album.

Holy hell. The sweater I’ve been dying to knit from the Great Northern Knits Kickstarter thingie is being released and those beautiful girls are doing a knit along. I’m clearly going to have to put my two current sweaters on hold and get some yarn.

I dunno. That’s some pretty buttery soft melt in your mouth shortbread right there.

Huh. It’s broken.

Oh come on. Like you didn’t buy a ticket too.

If I win, I’m not telling anyone. I’ll be all “huh? Oh no, it must be some other Jennifer Townsend.”

I think it’s total bullshit that you are denied the right to remain anonymous if you win the lottery.

I really should be reading that chapter.

Ah well. I think I’ll give it up. Random Wednesday on Wednesday. What.

Hello and Happy New Year, my friends. I’m just going to get this out of the way first thing: If you enjoy Random or any of my mainly photographic posts, please consider making a donation to my new Canon fund. The Ripper is dying, and I am in serious need of a new machine. Every little bit helps, believe me. Thanks for your consideration and support.

every little bit helps …

This place makes me so jittery.

I feel completely off kilter.

Kilter is an interesting word. I like the way it sounds.

Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo busy. So very many emails. Holy hell.

It’s pretty dreamy.

I thought that was a blanket. It is not. It would be a cool blanket.

Nothing like getting ambushed in a meeting to start your new year out right. Whee.

Just to totally change the subject for a minute.

I should have just left this laptop at home today.

Argh. Dropbox. Headache. Argh.

I’m neglecting you. It’s tragic.

Ok, maybe not tragic. But ooph.

I can’t believe I was nominated for that. I’m honored and confused.

I don’t know how I ended up in charge of this thing, but it just might be the  death of me. I think it’s because no one else wanted to deal with the artists.

It would have been so much more helpful if you had done this before the time I actually requested that you be here. ARGH. This day just gets better and better.

Oooh! I’m definitely going to have to make that sweater. Fo sho.

Because Lord knows I haven’t had enough waffles lately.

I have a headache and I am floundering.

I dunno though. I would LOVE to go to DC and meet with all those people. Even if they are Democrats.

Campbell’s Kuerig soup. I bet it ends up tasting like coffee. Just like when you try to make tea in the Keurig.

Coffee soup. Bleah.

I’m sorry. I totally just laughed at your ironic typo.

I just. There is nothing appealing about Lena Dunham. Nothing.

How is it that terrorists and whatever always use iPhones for their detonators on tv? Like iPhones are just twenty bucks at the corner store or the gas station or something. I want the kind of funding television terrorists are getting, man.

Speaking of iPhones. Sign me up. I wonder if they’ll work for Androids as well. Does it say that? I really only skimmed it.

I’m so tired. I’m so tired. I’m so tired.

cos i can’t get it out of my head lately

I probably got added to some gubmint list for talking about television terrorists.

I was probably already on some gubmint list. They probably won’t even let me in DC in the first place, even if I am chosen for the program.

Yeah, that’s not supposed to do that.

Yes. Tomorrow is a better bet. Except the lunatic might be here, so that could throw some monkeys in my wrenches. Or some wrenches in my monkeys. Or some monkey wrenches in my barrels.

My tummy is all gurgly.

Gary Johnson just entered the race, eh? Hmm. He’s probably too late for the Michigan ballot. Again. Gorram pothead.

I always picture a charnel house as being more like an abattoir, I guess. But it isn’t at all.

Someone needs to update that John Casey 2012 pic to 2016. Because John Casey 2016!!

That’s like Bonanza or somethin’.

Oooh! Everything about this sounds appealing to me. Ooooh! Here’s a video.

Wait. Where do Phineas and Ferb get their funding? Elevators to the moon ain’t cheap, my friend.

So much for that rock and roll fantasy.

Wonderful. Not a single swipe pad works in this building. I cannot lock nor can I unlock a single solitary room in my building. Fabulous. But oh! They’re so much better than the old fashioned key system! The building can be locked down in the event of an active shooter! … Thereby trapping us all here with said shooter, but that’s beside the point, right?

Um yeah. It’s not a gala. It’s not even close to a gala.

I guess everybody’s got to be good at something.

Response Ability

I really like this wallet.

strangeness in the proportion

Bummer drag.

I need my ear buds STAT!

STAT. What a weird word.

I’m not really worried about the ethics of the thing.

So. Much. Email.

Needs it.

I thought that said chronic. I have no idea why.

My tooth hurts. Dammit.

I like how Amazon has categorized Hunter S. Thompson’s Better than Sex as a “reference book”.

Issue No. 1 of the Sandman is what got me hooked on Neil Gaiman.

I’m pretty sure there’s been some kind of mistake, as I was not included on this “hottest libertarian women” list. I mean, come on.

Oh Lord. Another wrench. Or moneky. Or whatever. That is not how you spell monkey.

That totally made me el oh el.

Oh good. You want me here late again. AGAIN. That is not how it is supposed to work the first week back. le sigh.

I can’t end this on this note. Note. Where is this guy?

You guys. You kill me with your whole “down with capitalism!” rants when you actually make your living solely through the vehicle of capitalism. That is some serious cognitive dissonance happening there.

I need to make a decision about this interview. I think I’m probably the wrong person for this program. As kick ass as it is to be nominated by the poli sci department chair. I had no idea he thought so highly of me!

Well that took some digging. Why would you even want to start that?

Just runnin’ in circles, all the time.

Last Random of the year. Huh. I was actually thinking about taking the week off.

I don’t know. I think my fear is that if I did do a Gofundme, I’d fail to make my goal. And that would be weird and kind of sad and sort of embarrassing.

I love Phineas and Ferb as much as the next girl, but a person can only take so much.

That is some serious dedication to tie dye.

I really hate carpet.

The pattern is from my brainnnssssssssssssssssss.

Those are the biggest googly eyes I’ve ever had.

Yep. Chuck is still a good show.

mmmmmmAdamBaldwinmmmmmmmm

I’m behind on the photos. I have no motivation.

Yep. This is why I avoid fancy trendy restaurants.

So we’re moving on from Star Wars to Making a Murderer then?

I’m kinda getting sick of hearing about Star Wars, I have to tell you.

Here’s a 2016 wish: To stop hearing the phrase “the troubling X” coming out of the progressive camp. Stop being so TROUBLED by everything. Find a spine.

I tried to do that best nine on Instagram and something tried to virus my phone. So I gave up.

I love you, Dr. Pepper 10.

The bidet hasn’t caught on in the US because it’s weird. Also who has time for a bath every time you use the loo?

My dad has a bidet in his bathroom. It’s mostly used as a magazine rack.

You have weird teeth.

I am cold.

I really need to re-pot that aloe again.

This is a hopeless endeavor.

Damn. This class sounds like entirely too much work.

I don’t think you really want a waffle.

Tell me again how we need to shovel more money into our public school systems. This is absurd.

I should be working on my stupid thesis project. And I just. Don’t. Want. To.

smile smile smile nod and smile

Oh wow, these kill me. I need a new camera and a plane ticket back to Norway.

“Western Attitudes towards DEATH” The all caps is like scare quotes or something. duh duh duuuuuuuuuhn

I should be reading that probably. Or something. Anything. I’m probably supposed to be reading something.

I should finish up this roll of film this week. I have no idea what’s even on it anymore. It’s been too long.

I’m probably going to need a new hip at some point. That is my self diagnosis.

“Why do you only see the skull? Does the body die somewhere else?”

I should get a new Macbook cover for this thing.

No, really, Dr. Pepper 10. I can’t buy you any more because you’re so delicious.

Ooooh! Hate Pizza for dinner!

This blog needs a new look.

I’m so meh about everything today. I don’t even know why.

I rather like these butter cookies. I should make shortbread this week.

Is that Billy Bob Thornton talking about Lemmy? Weird.

I need to take my contacts out probably.

I need to finish making this hot cocoa mix.

I need to soak in a tub full of scalding water with a tumbler full of scotch and a book.

It’s a mystique or something. I dunno.

It’s from the cake thing.

I have to hide my tea.

I wonder how I cut my finger. That is not a small cut. Well. It’s shallow. But it’s very long. And angry looking.

I don’t think I’m ever going to actually be a Macbook girl.

Hate Pizza was not the best ever this evening, I have to say.

I thought I typed elf diagnosis. It made me laugh.

I can’t decide on a knitting project to keep at work. I like having one project at work and one at home. Then I don’t have to transport crap back and forth. It takes longer to get things done, but I’m working two projects at the same time. So I get more done. So there. I like my system. I’m keeping it.

2:46 remaining on this battery. That’s handy information. ‘Tis.

Boring myself silly.

Stop dangling your participles all over the place.

Shut up with your cuteness.

I bet you still can’t understand a bloody word he says.

I really expected all of this to take much longer.

Not everything needs a bird on it.

I have no idea what I’m doing right now.

It’s not like I meant to take the paint off the wall.

I don’t know about you, but the first time I saw the photo with the text, I laughed so hard I had tears, and couldn’t stop laughing for a good five minutes. I thought it was hi-larious. I love our Christmas cards.

I could not watch more than a minute or two. It’s kind of terrifying.

Someone should tell Western that 8a.m. is cruel and unusual.

“To adorn as with festoons.” If someone is looking up the word festoon, I don’t think this is going to clear things up much …

I love those little succulent plants. They make me happy. I should have more of them in my life.

I should have less of this headache in my life. Stupid spring weather in December.

Cruz outraged his children are attacked in a political cartoon, rightfully, (though it could have been much much worse), then immediately uses it as a fundraising opportunity. That just seems the tiniest bit hypocritical to me.

This is my favorite Remy yet. Perfection.

Is it really still legitimately “new” media at this point? Isn’t it really just the media?

I wonder why we say “long ass day.” I wonder how the ass got in there.

Wait. It’s bad enough they tracked down my home address. Now they’ve found my email too??

I don’t think I’m ever going to finish that book.

I don’t believe in new year resolutions.

Why do people always put a comma there? In July 2014, he went quietly insane. I think people forget that a comma is an indicator of a pause. Why would you pause there? And you aren’t separating anything. It’s madness to place a comma there. Madness! Those misplaced commas are probably what drove our protagonist round the bend.

morally dumbfounded

Once again, I am unable to get temperaturely comfortable in this office.

I maybe ought to wash my hair soon.

Maybe. Possibly.

I just love him.

I swear I already unliked the Daily Caller. All they ever post is half naked women. I don’t know when they stopped actually talking about news.

Perhaps what I should have said was “I seriously know some of the biggest egos …” I’m totally kidding.

He’s a damn good looking man. Too bad he dresses like a hipster.

Yeah, no one actually says “dunderheaded.”

I honestly can’t decide if I like the fine point or the bold better. So I guess it doesn’t much matter which I use.

Wait. No. I think I might like the fine.

Oh Lord.

Longest workday of the year.

What. That’s how it ends?? It just ends like that? That is messed up. Thanks a lot, Haven. Thanks a lot.

I think my stomach is angry with me.

Crap. I gotta make a dessert for the thing.

Oh my God, this day is never going to end.

“Tornadoes are possible in southwest Michigan tonight. It’s not a high chance, but not exactly your typical December weather, either.” Merry Christmas, Pure Michigan.

It’s possible that I may never finish that sweater. It’ll be the unfinished object that haunts me to my death.

The humidity must be rising because my hair, which was all nice and straight this morning, is getting WEIRD.

All these weird blogs that are basically the same with very similar names. Small Things. It’s the Little Things. Enjoying the Small Things.

I think they might be trying to tell me something about things and their sizes and appreciating them.

It’s raining, it’s pouring …

I know she’s questioning my statement that that is a scientific fact. But it is.

I should have filled this flask with Scotch before I came to work.

Look. These two women are eerily similar. They both have three children of roughly the same age. Two boys and one girl. They both have immaculate homes with a horrifying amount of white things. They both use those essential oils like it’s a miracle cure. They both use the same hipster scissors and butcher’s twine!!! It weirds me out. Whose kitchen counter is that bloody clean when they’re baking cookies? WHOSE??

I just read the one’s post about postpartum depression and I felt sad for her.

But they still weird me out.

OK. It’s not like I’m judging. It’s more like I’m dumbfounded. I mean who would I be to judge anyway? They have thousands of followers or readers or what have you. I have like 20.

And where the hell is the furnace guy, anyway??

I ate a lot of junk today. I kind of hate myself a tiny bit.

… much later …

Well that furnace guy will never get my business. Found a much better guy who totally helped us over the phone. Kidder Heating and Air Conditioning, if you’re in the area and need help. Good people.

I give up on today. I’m cooked. I need a shower. I need sleep. I need to live through Christmas.

Live through this.

Great, now I have Doll Parts or whatever it is stuck in my head.

I totally forgot to put on deodorant this morning.

And I still smell better than you.

This place makes my stomach hurt.

What? You don’t know how to spell Tiresias either.

If you look at it for a minute, her arms start to look like they don’t belong there.

Ha.

I wonder how many times the phrase “a late afternoon torpor” has been used in literature.

I don’t really like that Adele song all that much. There, I said it.

“Two Kalamazoo area hospitals are on this list.” Um. There are only two hospitals in Kalamazoo …

It’s really not that big of a deal, dude. Relax.

Argh! What am I doing wrong? Why will these damn links not work?

I am so glad this semester is basically over. One more final. One more final. I can do it. Just one more final.

Ohhhh this just might be my very favorite Christmas song ever.

Do I really have to work right now? Can I just close my door and take a nap? Stretch out on the floor? Oh right. No. On account of I don’t have a bloody door.

Awful woman.

Damn. Obama looks like hell.

The more I think about it, the more I think I should just become a welder.

These books can’t tell me how to be human.

I feel like I am being left out of quite a lot of communication lately.

I don’t even know how to say that word.

Happy Christmas to you.

I’m pretty sure I’m depressed.

Have I mentioned how much I hate swivel office chairs in meetings? Because I really hate swivel office chairs in meetings.

I hate crying at work. It’s probably the worst thing ever.

Trapper Keeper

Denial of guilt as proof of guilt.

I’m taking a lunch break now, and you can’t stop me.

How did lyric videos become a thing? I think they’re kind of weird. But I don’t mind them.

Beautiful.

I like this Aveeno lotion.

I finally came up with a name for my Macbook.

I just want someone to expl

I mean ha at your comment, not ha as in I am taking joy in someone’s misfortune.

You are Slayer! You shred faster than anyone else, and practically turned head-banging into an art form. It’s hard to keep with up you, but that’s just the way you like it.

Huh. OK then.

I find this very soothing.

Almost time for this damn final. Ugh.

That apple pie smells really good. I don’t think I can handle the sugar right now.

ack. done done done. only 4 classes to go til graduation.

Stormageddon vs the Poinsettias

Chickens don’t like lettuce, you fool.

I’m so glad this semester is over.

I feel like staying up past my bedtime. I have to keep reminding myself that I still have to work tomorrow.

Well that just defeats the purpose.

Defeats the porpoise.

Poor porpoise with no purpose.

2.5 hours of sleep. Just kill me.

Yep.

Everything I’m reading lately is coming through with a British accent in my head.

I don’t think it’s really necessary for your auto reply to say you’re out of the office for “personal reasons”. That’s already more information than I need to know. Just say you’re out of the office and will be back when you’ll be back. Don’t be weird.

This will make you smile.

I keep going cross eyed. I guess it’s a good thing I don’t have any tests today.

I don’t really have any control over whether or not these students show up for the times they requested.

It’s going to be an 8oz espresso before class day, apparently.

I can’t take any man in skinny jeans seriously.

whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever I just do not care.

That child is the devil.

I don’t like the way you smell.

Yeah, I’m going to have to just pass on that altogether.

My little daily dose of jentober christmas is as cheery as I get. Stop trying to force feed your Christmas insanity on me.

What lunatic put me in charge of listservs anyway?

Fire and sword hair cutting guy? Um no.

It’s Santa at the library day. Some of you know what that means.

I love you very much, and everything will be OK.

It’s a for real harsh evaluation of the course. I did not pull any punches. Of course, I haven’t submitted it yet, either.

Things I do not need more of in my life: Tote bags.

I’m not making any more progress on this today than I was yesterday.

And now I need food.

Well, at least you won’t have to drive in snow.

That hand is Photoshopped so oddly.

I would only want to make cookies every day for 24 days if someone was paying me to do it.

Why is there so much Michael Bouble on this bloody channel?

I don’t even know what I’m doing right now.

I read that as “You have died of dead poisoning.”

I wish I could take a bloody nap.

I think your picture should just be your picture.

I don’t actually care about Rick Springfield’s Star Wars action figures though.

I’m going crazy, man. Crazy.

I wish I had a standing desk.

My sentences are very short today.

OK, this book is grabbing me in weird and subtle ways. I can go with it for a bit.

I have to pick up those weird skinny envelopes that you put money in.

lolly lolly lolly get yer

That Spice Girls shit is just like getting Rick rolled.

I have no idea. All I know is I’m tired, I’m hungry, and I need a shower.

ice ice ice

I need caffeine.

If she’d shot him today, he’d be a corpse.

Not. Enough. Protein. Need more protein. Too little protein today. Ack. Ugh.

It smells like a camp fire in here.

“IT’S THE DEADLIEST ROUND IN THE WORLD.”

So the message I’m getting here is just never eat at Chipotle. Ever.

I have to dry my hair first. That’s just how it is.

Except that I waited too long and it’s too late to dry it.

It just occurred to me that I might have spelled Bublay wrong. What the hell kind of name is Booble anyway? Buble.

le sigh

send me a postcard, yeah, when you get down there

I completely lost track of where I was.

“The Canadian man was caught with a dozen turtles in his pants.”

Why do black jeans always smell funny?

Damn. Staff meeting.

That would have been a better picture without the snow in the foreground.

My brain feels oddly quiet this morning. I think it’s this lingering skull crusher. Better than yesterday’s periodic bouts of dizziness. Of course it’s early yet. Those may still be forthcoming …

It would be a huge disappointment, to abandon the idea of the women who define modern life, and go back to sexy girls who are too young to have accomplished anything.” I’m pretty sure the only people looking for social revolution from the Pirelli calendar are third wave feminist fascists. The whole concept of the calendar is to showcase the work of the world’s most brilliant photographers’ pristine images of the world’s most ridiculously beautiful, sexy, wholly unattainable women. It is art, yes, but it’s also visceral. It is absolutely not social commentary, and it absolutely should not be. Stop ruining everything.

Who wants to look at this calendar full of average looking women glaring at you all year? And they are glaring. Every single one of them is glaring at you, all judgy. Judgy, mean, glaring women. What’s sexy about that?

I’m really starting to hate Annie Leibovitz.

Well. Enough of that. It just makes me tired. Everybody is so intent, all the time, on telling everyone else what to do, what to think, what to wear, what to feel, how to be. Why can’t you just leave people alone? No one is happy unless they’re miserable any more. What a horrible way to live.

This is a sad but also happy story.

You’re welcome.

Lots of links already.

I guess last week wasn’t as extended as I thought it was going to be. Sorry.

This just does not stop being funny.

I’m generally only the messenger. I still manage to get shot.

Ha. I was just looking at FB, as you do, and it’s so funny that I have the exact opposite view of what Leibovitz did to the new Pirelli calendar than many of my photographer friends. I honestly would have thought that as photographers they would be more on my side on this one. But I guess ideology comes first for people.

There is a dearth of anything here today. I should just make this a post about how progressives and feminists ruin everything.

Ruiners.

Whatevs.

Hey, Livy. What’s shakin’, my friend.

I just came across the description of a dream I had in March: I dreamed that I was re-organizing a cupboard in my kitchen full of tea and sugar, that my hair was thinning and balding, and that S.E. Cupp was in my living room.

I love my Norwegian cheese slicer. The Mister does not.

I like that lady’s sweater.

Whenever I see someone has said “on fleek” about something it takes me aback. I’m all “Wait. People actually say that??”

Twice today, hours apart, I have walked in on guys in the unisex bathrooms, when they have utterly failed to lock the door. What the hell? Lock the damn door. It’s a unisex, one toilet lavatory. Lock. The. Door.

I’m sure they were more embarrassed than I was. I’m a mom. There is very little on this Earth that embarrasses me any more.

I think the phrase “positioning statement” is unnecessarily pompous.

Stop using ideologically as if it were an adjective. Just stop. What is wrong with you. I mean honestly.

Hmmmmm. Maybe I’ll make really tiny margins.

God, I hate that woman.

Crap. I just remembered that tomorrow’s Thursday.

Season 2 of Broadchurch!!!

Netflix is never going to let me see the final season of Parenthood, is it?

What a spectacularly bizarre and frustrating day this has been.

I need migraine drugs.

I need to take my contacts out.

Apparently this is the one day of the year that you really do not want to have to grab a gallon of milk at the Galesburg Harding’s.

I always feel like an outsider trying to fit in in the knitting community.

Let’s face it. I always feel like an outsider, period.

I’m going to make a cup of tea. And think about this sweater that my Grandma Ingeborg made. The sleeves on all 3 of these sweaters are about an inch too short for my weird arms. I need my wrists covered!

I think I have longer than average arms for my family …

That brownie looks pretty delicious.

I think that brownie will taste very good with this tea. That brownie will also probably not help my skull pain.

torment, misery, sickness, soreness, affliction, tingle, throb, torture, blah blah blah

There are no synonyms for pain that are adequate for describing what I feel in my skull.

All I’m saying is, I don’t get invited to holiday parties at the president’s house.

Let’s face it, I don’t get invited to holiday parties at anyone’s house.

I have no idea why, but I read that as “We saw a tree in the park with ghosts on it.” It said lights, not ghosts.

Wait, why don’t I think I look good in red?

I think I’ll make the pumpkin bars with the cream cheese frosting again for Christmas. Those were surprisingly good for a gluten free construct.

If Stormageddon does not stop this screaming tantrum, I’m fairly certain my brain is going to start leaking out of my ears.

I was right, this brownie is delicious.

Ahhhhh

And all the rest is silence.

I’m pretty sure I have goals and ambitions beyond just wanting to survive one more day in this office. Maybe. Possibly.

Want please. Large.

If I am answering two questions and each answer should be two to five pages in length, how can the final length of the paper be five to seven pages? Wouldn’t it be four to ten pages?

Course we all know how I ain’t got a head for math …

“You got Not a Democratic Socialist. Nope. You’re definitely not a democratic socialist, and all this talk about expanding government probably has you looking over your shoulder. You think that the economy is functioning pretty well as it is, and the best way to improve things would be to get the government out of the way.”

I cannot possibly stay awake should I attempt to read Livy now. Must caffeinate.

I spelled that caffeintate.

I dunno. I just don’t think that that is a very good motto to live your life by. Tends to lead to bitter old hagdom, if you ask me.

I keep thinking I should do a Blurb book of the best Random posts. I know I’ve mentioned it more than once. Of course there’s the question of time.

That’s the problem. I have all these really awesome ideas for things I want to do and I have to keep telling myself, “Just hang on til August. Just graduate. Then you can do whatever you want with all that time.”

It seems so far away.

In the meantime, maybe I should ask people to vote for their favorite Random.

in the meantime

I want to go buy yarn for two new projects for two people I love, but it’s Black Friday, and the thought of leaving the house is terrifying.

I spelled that throught.

There are people who have leftover mashed potatoes?

Hostius Hostilius. That’s quite a name. I wonder if that’s where the word hostile derives from.

I think a Hot Zombie Road Trip – the Second Coming is totally in order.

I don’t recall anyone asking you, honey.

No, really. Can knitting just be my for real full time job please?

Mettius Fufetius sounds like one of those rhyming songs. Banana-fana-fofefetifana …

Sooooooooooooo sleepy. It’s all cold again. It was so great yesterday when it was 60. Now it’s 43. *sob*

As much as I’m enjoying Livy, I wouldn’t mind vegging out in front of the TV for a lot of hours. Buffy marathon. Maybe a movie. And fall asleep. I don’t do that kind of thing these days.

I should have taken Latin.

Mongolian Folk Metal? That’s a thing?

Damn. I don’t have quite enough yarn to finish this project. So that’s three things I need yarn for.

Maybe I can brave the stores tomorrow. Tomorrow might be slightly safer. Maybe. Possibly.

I probably need to put another sweater on.

Hate pizza!

No, it isn’t ironic. That’s not what irony is.

I dunno. I think it would make you cranky too.

I’m thankful for stuff all the time.

Sorry, Bust Magazine. But finding Glamour’s decision to name Caitlin Jenner woman of the year totally ridiculous and not a little insulting is not “transphobic”. Any rational person who stops and thinks about that for 15 seconds would recognize that.

Believe it or not, you don’t actually have to flag every single one of your emails as IMPORTANT. On account of most of your emails just aren’t that important.

I think I’ll dye my hair purple.

Dogs are the best.

I ask you, has there ever been anyone more out of touch with reality than Gwyneth Paltrow?

People should just never wear floral based perfumes ever. I’m so serious. It’s painful. My brain is so sad right now.

OMG yes. All the things.

I’m pretty sure I need these.

I don’t normally appreciate much the Times has to offer, (you’ll note they were sure to get their Fox News dig in), but I do think this is worth reading. “Competitive victimhood” is how I tend to think of the environment fostered by higher education. Particularly in my own office where it seems to have devolved into a ridiculous and never ending game of Hurt Feelings. A game, sadly, one is forced to compete in if one wishes to come out with one’s employment and reputation intact.

I kinda want the gray one. I’m not normally one to go all tactical, just because it’s not like I’m legitimately tactical, come on. But I think it’s the messenger bags I love so dearly that are messing up my shoulder, and I just kinda like this backpack.

Oh Socrates. You are making me tired.

Thank you so much for shoving your chair back from the table directly into my hip and not apologizing at my audible gasp of pain. You are a beautiful human being.

Why do you have a dog on your shoulders?

My jaw hurts today. I must have been doing a more than usual amount of clenching in my sleep. Prolly it was a premonition of how my day was going to go.

I just bit my lip.

I’m clearly not in a good mood today. I really just shouldn’t be here at all.

I think this day calls for a Fountain Pepper.  Or a Fountain Dew. I’d take either one.

I didn’t know people used Maslow’s hierarchy in business settings. I always think of it in terms of crime rates.

It’s a merger, not a murder!

Oh God. Someone made popcorn. Just kill me now and be done with it.

This is the only presentation on active shooters that we ever need: Carry your pistol with you at all times. There.

I like it.

How did I read that question and then proceed to change it so utterly in my head as to answer a wholly different question that wasn’t even asked? I have wasted so much time. Dammit.

Whelp. No one unfriended me on National UnFriend Day. I can’t decide if I’m surprised or not.

Wow. I weep for our future.

Well this was not planned at all. Monkey wrench!

I typed that as MOneky.

ha.

Because I’ve listened to it about 7 times today.

Hmmm. It appears that you are broken.

I’m not sure that I really care, Carly Simon.

Why won’t anyone listen to me today?

Weather induced pain. Yay!

You know what? Don’t even read this today.

I should probably put that sentence at the beginning …