Stop dangling your participles all over the place.

Shut up with your cuteness.

I bet you still can’t understand a bloody word he says.

I really expected all of this to take much longer.

Not everything needs a bird on it.

I have no idea what I’m doing right now.

It’s not like I meant to take the paint off the wall.

I don’t know about you, but the first time I saw the photo with the text, I laughed so hard I had tears, and couldn’t stop laughing for a good five minutes. I thought it was hi-larious. I love our Christmas cards.

I could not watch more than a minute or two. It’s kind of terrifying.

Someone should tell Western that 8a.m. is cruel and unusual.

“To adorn as with festoons.” If someone is looking up the word festoon, I don’t think this is going to clear things up much …

I love those little succulent plants. They make me happy. I should have more of them in my life.

I should have less of this headache in my life. Stupid spring weather in December.

Cruz outraged his children are attacked in a political cartoon, rightfully, (though it could have been much much worse), then immediately uses it as a fundraising opportunity. That just seems the tiniest bit hypocritical to me.

This is my favorite Remy yet. Perfection.

Is it really still legitimately “new” media at this point? Isn’t it really just the media?

I wonder why we say “long ass day.” I wonder how the ass got in there.

Wait. It’s bad enough they tracked down my home address. Now they’ve found my email too??

I don’t think I’m ever going to finish that book.

I don’t believe in new year resolutions.

Why do people always put a comma there? In July 2014, he went quietly insane. I think people forget that a comma is an indicator of a pause. Why would you pause there? And you aren’t separating anything. It’s madness to place a comma there. Madness! Those misplaced commas are probably what drove our protagonist round the bend.

morally dumbfounded

Once again, I am unable to get temperaturely comfortable in this office.

I maybe ought to wash my hair soon.

Maybe. Possibly.

I just love him.

I swear I already unliked the Daily Caller. All they ever post is half naked women. I don’t know when they stopped actually talking about news.

Perhaps what I should have said was “I seriously know some of the biggest egos …” I’m totally kidding.

He’s a damn good looking man. Too bad he dresses like a hipster.

Yeah, no one actually says “dunderheaded.”

I honestly can’t decide if I like the fine point or the bold better. So I guess it doesn’t much matter which I use.

Wait. No. I think I might like the fine.

Oh Lord.

Longest workday of the year.

What. That’s how it ends?? It just ends like that? That is messed up. Thanks a lot, Haven. Thanks a lot.

I think my stomach is angry with me.

Crap. I gotta make a dessert for the thing.

Oh my God, this day is never going to end.

“Tornadoes are possible in southwest Michigan tonight. It’s not a high chance, but not exactly your typical December weather, either.” Merry Christmas, Pure Michigan.

It’s possible that I may never finish that sweater. It’ll be the unfinished object that haunts me to my death.

The humidity must be rising because my hair, which was all nice and straight this morning, is getting WEIRD.

All these weird blogs that are basically the same with very similar names. Small Things. It’s the Little Things. Enjoying the Small Things.

I think they might be trying to tell me something about things and their sizes and appreciating them.

It’s raining, it’s pouring …

I know she’s questioning my statement that that is a scientific fact. But it is.

I should have filled this flask with Scotch before I came to work.

Look. These two women are eerily similar. They both have three children of roughly the same age. Two boys and one girl. They both have immaculate homes with a horrifying amount of white things. They both use those essential oils like it’s a miracle cure. They both use the same hipster scissors and butcher’s twine!!! It weirds me out. Whose kitchen counter is that bloody clean when they’re baking cookies? WHOSE??

I just read the one’s post about postpartum depression and I felt sad for her.

But they still weird me out.

OK. It’s not like I’m judging. It’s more like I’m dumbfounded. I mean who would I be to judge anyway? They have thousands of followers or readers or what have you. I have like 20.

And where the hell is the furnace guy, anyway??

I ate a lot of junk today. I kind of hate myself a tiny bit.

… much later …

Well that furnace guy will never get my business. Found a much better guy who totally helped us over the phone. Kidder Heating and Air Conditioning, if you’re in the area and need help. Good people.

I give up on today. I’m cooked. I need a shower. I need sleep. I need to live through Christmas.

Live through this.

Great, now I have Doll Parts or whatever it is stuck in my head.

I totally forgot to put on deodorant this morning.

And I still smell better than you.

This place makes my stomach hurt.

What? You don’t know how to spell Tiresias either.

If you look at it for a minute, her arms start to look like they don’t belong there.

Ha.

I wonder how many times the phrase “a late afternoon torpor” has been used in literature.

I don’t really like that Adele song all that much. There, I said it.

“Two Kalamazoo area hospitals are on this list.” Um. There are only two hospitals in Kalamazoo …

It’s really not that big of a deal, dude. Relax.

Argh! What am I doing wrong? Why will these damn links not work?

I am so glad this semester is basically over. One more final. One more final. I can do it. Just one more final.

Ohhhh this just might be my very favorite Christmas song ever.

Do I really have to work right now? Can I just close my door and take a nap? Stretch out on the floor? Oh right. No. On account of I don’t have a bloody door.

Awful woman.

Damn. Obama looks like hell.

The more I think about it, the more I think I should just become a welder.

These books can’t tell me how to be human.

I feel like I am being left out of quite a lot of communication lately.

I don’t even know how to say that word.

Happy Christmas to you.

I’m pretty sure I’m depressed.

Have I mentioned how much I hate swivel office chairs in meetings? Because I really hate swivel office chairs in meetings.

I hate crying at work. It’s probably the worst thing ever.

Trapper Keeper

Denial of guilt as proof of guilt.

I’m taking a lunch break now, and you can’t stop me.

How did lyric videos become a thing? I think they’re kind of weird. But I don’t mind them.

Beautiful.

I like this Aveeno lotion.

I finally came up with a name for my Macbook.

I just want someone to expl

I mean ha at your comment, not ha as in I am taking joy in someone’s misfortune.

You are Slayer! You shred faster than anyone else, and practically turned head-banging into an art form. It’s hard to keep with up you, but that’s just the way you like it.

Huh. OK then.

I find this very soothing.

Almost time for this damn final. Ugh.

That apple pie smells really good. I don’t think I can handle the sugar right now.

ack. done done done. only 4 classes to go til graduation.

Stormageddon vs the Poinsettias

Chickens don’t like lettuce, you fool.

I’m so glad this semester is over.

I feel like staying up past my bedtime. I have to keep reminding myself that I still have to work tomorrow.

Well that just defeats the purpose.

Defeats the porpoise.

Poor porpoise with no purpose.

2.5 hours of sleep. Just kill me.

Yep.

Everything I’m reading lately is coming through with a British accent in my head.

I don’t think it’s really necessary for your auto reply to say you’re out of the office for “personal reasons”. That’s already more information than I need to know. Just say you’re out of the office and will be back when you’ll be back. Don’t be weird.

This will make you smile.

I keep going cross eyed. I guess it’s a good thing I don’t have any tests today.

I don’t really have any control over whether or not these students show up for the times they requested.

It’s going to be an 8oz espresso before class day, apparently.

I can’t take any man in skinny jeans seriously.

whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever I just do not care.

That child is the devil.

I don’t like the way you smell.

Yeah, I’m going to have to just pass on that altogether.

My little daily dose of jentober christmas is as cheery as I get. Stop trying to force feed your Christmas insanity on me.

What lunatic put me in charge of listservs anyway?

Fire and sword hair cutting guy? Um no.

It’s Santa at the library day. Some of you know what that means.

I love you very much, and everything will be OK.

It’s a for real harsh evaluation of the course. I did not pull any punches. Of course, I haven’t submitted it yet, either.

Things I do not need more of in my life: Tote bags.

I’m not making any more progress on this today than I was yesterday.

And now I need food.

Well, at least you won’t have to drive in snow.

That hand is Photoshopped so oddly.

I would only want to make cookies every day for 24 days if someone was paying me to do it.

Why is there so much Michael Bouble on this bloody channel?

I don’t even know what I’m doing right now.

I read that as “You have died of dead poisoning.”

I wish I could take a bloody nap.

I think your picture should just be your picture.

I don’t actually care about Rick Springfield’s Star Wars action figures though.

I’m going crazy, man. Crazy.

I wish I had a standing desk.

My sentences are very short today.

OK, this book is grabbing me in weird and subtle ways. I can go with it for a bit.

I have to pick up those weird skinny envelopes that you put money in.

lolly lolly lolly get yer

That Spice Girls shit is just like getting Rick rolled.

I have no idea. All I know is I’m tired, I’m hungry, and I need a shower.

ice ice ice

I need caffeine.

If she’d shot him today, he’d be a corpse.

Not. Enough. Protein. Need more protein. Too little protein today. Ack. Ugh.

It smells like a camp fire in here.

“IT’S THE DEADLIEST ROUND IN THE WORLD.”

So the message I’m getting here is just never eat at Chipotle. Ever.

I have to dry my hair first. That’s just how it is.

Except that I waited too long and it’s too late to dry it.

It just occurred to me that I might have spelled Bublay wrong. What the hell kind of name is Booble anyway? Buble.

le sigh

send me a postcard, yeah, when you get down there

I completely lost track of where I was.

“The Canadian man was caught with a dozen turtles in his pants.”

Why do black jeans always smell funny?

Damn. Staff meeting.

That would have been a better picture without the snow in the foreground.

My brain feels oddly quiet this morning. I think it’s this lingering skull crusher. Better than yesterday’s periodic bouts of dizziness. Of course it’s early yet. Those may still be forthcoming …

“It would be a huge disappointment, to abandon the idea of the women who define modern life, and go back to sexy girls who are too young to have accomplished anything.” I’m pretty sure the only people looking for social revolution from the Pirelli calendar are third wave feminist fascists. The whole concept of the calendar is to showcase the work of the world’s most brilliant photographers’ pristine images of the world’s most ridiculously beautiful, sexy, wholly unattainable women. It is art, yes, but it’s also visceral. It is absolutely not social commentary, and it absolutely should not be. Stop ruining everything.

Who wants to look at this calendar full of average looking women glaring at you all year? And they are glaring. Every single one of them is glaring at you, all judgy. Judgy, mean, glaring women. What’s sexy about that?

I’m really starting to hate Annie Leibovitz.

Well. Enough of that. It just makes me tired. Everybody is so intent, all the time, on telling everyone else what to do, what to think, what to wear, what to feel, how to be. Why can’t you just leave people alone? No one is happy unless they’re miserable any more. What a horrible way to live.

This is a sad but also happy story.

You’re welcome.

Lots of links already.

I guess last week wasn’t as extended as I thought it was going to be. Sorry.

This just does not stop being funny.

I’m generally only the messenger. I still manage to get shot.

Ha. I was just looking at FB, as you do, and it’s so funny that I have the exact opposite view of what Leibovitz did to the new Pirelli calendar than many of my photographer friends. I honestly would have thought that as photographers they would be more on my side on this one. But I guess ideology comes first for people.

There is a dearth of anything here today. I should just make this a post about how progressives and feminists ruin everything.

Ruiners.

Whatevs.

Hey, Livy. What’s shakin’, my friend.

I just came across the description of a dream I had in March: I dreamed that I was re-organizing a cupboard in my kitchen full of tea and sugar, that my hair was thinning and balding, and that S.E. Cupp was in my living room.

I love my Norwegian cheese slicer. The Mister does not.

I like that lady’s sweater.

Whenever I see someone has said “on fleek” about something it takes me aback. I’m all “Wait. People actually say that??”

Twice today, hours apart, I have walked in on guys in the unisex bathrooms, when they have utterly failed to lock the door. What the hell? Lock the damn door. It’s a unisex, one toilet lavatory. Lock. The. Door.

I’m sure they were more embarrassed than I was. I’m a mom. There is very little on this Earth that embarrasses me any more.

I think the phrase “positioning statement” is unnecessarily pompous.

Stop using ideologically as if it were an adjective. Just stop. What is wrong with you. I mean honestly.

Hmmmmm. Maybe I’ll make really tiny margins.

God, I hate that woman.

Crap. I just remembered that tomorrow’s Thursday.

Season 2 of Broadchurch!!!

Netflix is never going to let me see the final season of Parenthood, is it?

What a spectacularly bizarre and frustrating day this has been.

I need migraine drugs.

I need to take my contacts out.

Apparently this is the one day of the year that you really do not want to have to grab a gallon of milk at the Galesburg Harding’s.

I always feel like an outsider trying to fit in in the knitting community.

Let’s face it. I always feel like an outsider, period.

I’m going to make a cup of tea. And think about this sweater that my Grandma Ingeborg made. The sleeves on all 3 of these sweaters are about an inch too short for my weird arms. I need my wrists covered!

I think I have longer than average arms for my family …

That brownie looks pretty delicious.

I think that brownie will taste very good with this tea. That brownie will also probably not help my skull pain.

torment, misery, sickness, soreness, affliction, tingle, throb, torture, blah blah blah

There are no synonyms for pain that are adequate for describing what I feel in my skull.

All I’m saying is, I don’t get invited to holiday parties at the president’s house.

Let’s face it, I don’t get invited to holiday parties at anyone’s house.

I have no idea why, but I read that as “We saw a tree in the park with ghosts on it.” It said lights, not ghosts.

Wait, why don’t I think I look good in red?

I think I’ll make the pumpkin bars with the cream cheese frosting again for Christmas. Those were surprisingly good for a gluten free construct.

If Stormageddon does not stop this screaming tantrum, I’m fairly certain my brain is going to start leaking out of my ears.

I was right, this brownie is delicious.

Ahhhhh

And all the rest is silence.

I’m pretty sure I have goals and ambitions beyond just wanting to survive one more day in this office. Maybe. Possibly.

Want please. Large.

If I am answering two questions and each answer should be two to five pages in length, how can the final length of the paper be five to seven pages? Wouldn’t it be four to ten pages?

Course we all know how I ain’t got a head for math …

“You got Not a Democratic Socialist. Nope. You’re definitely not a democratic socialist, and all this talk about expanding government probably has you looking over your shoulder. You think that the economy is functioning pretty well as it is, and the best way to improve things would be to get the government out of the way.”

I cannot possibly stay awake should I attempt to read Livy now. Must caffeinate.

I spelled that caffeintate.

I dunno. I just don’t think that that is a very good motto to live your life by. Tends to lead to bitter old hagdom, if you ask me.

I keep thinking I should do a Blurb book of the best Random posts. I know I’ve mentioned it more than once. Of course there’s the question of time.

That’s the problem. I have all these really awesome ideas for things I want to do and I have to keep telling myself, “Just hang on til August. Just graduate. Then you can do whatever you want with all that time.”

It seems so far away.

In the meantime, maybe I should ask people to vote for their favorite Random.

in the meantime

I want to go buy yarn for two new projects for two people I love, but it’s Black Friday, and the thought of leaving the house is terrifying.

I spelled that throught.

There are people who have leftover mashed potatoes?

Hostius Hostilius. That’s quite a name. I wonder if that’s where the word hostile derives from.

I think a Hot Zombie Road Trip – the Second Coming is totally in order.

I don’t recall anyone asking you, honey.

No, really. Can knitting just be my for real full time job please?

Mettius Fufetius sounds like one of those rhyming songs. Banana-fana-fofefetifana …

Sooooooooooooo sleepy. It’s all cold again. It was so great yesterday when it was 60. Now it’s 43. *sob*

As much as I’m enjoying Livy, I wouldn’t mind vegging out in front of the TV for a lot of hours. Buffy marathon. Maybe a movie. And fall asleep. I don’t do that kind of thing these days.

I should have taken Latin.

Mongolian Folk Metal? That’s a thing?

Damn. I don’t have quite enough yarn to finish this project. So that’s three things I need yarn for.

Maybe I can brave the stores tomorrow. Tomorrow might be slightly safer. Maybe. Possibly.

I probably need to put another sweater on.

Hate pizza!

No, it isn’t ironic. That’s not what irony is.

I dunno. I think it would make you cranky too.

I’m thankful for stuff all the time.