I don’t even know. I just don’t even know.

oh but i do. i know. we are.

Everyone is all “Johnny Depp is screaming with his eyes in that video” and all I can see is “Man, that m’fer is stoned off his ass.”

I could have sworn that whole “who is going to be on our money” thing was settled already.

I might have actually snort laughed.

How do you “accidentally” register for the wrong political party?

Yes. I remember the great Excedrin Migraine recall of 2012. I remember it vividly. Those were dark days. Dark days indeed.

Some people’s coupleness is just way too much for human consumption.

I love it when people send me random cell phone pix. Brightens my day. But don’t be pervy. Nobody wants that.

Probably if you want me to hire you you should actually show up for your interview. Just a suggestion.

So basically we’re writing two final papers if I actually follow the directions. No. I’m making a conscious choice to do less than is demanded. I just can’t be bothered to care enough to write more crap.

I’m not sure why you include your email address in your email signature. Don’t people kind of already have that by dint of the email that they’re reading from you?

I just don’t even understand how my Gmail could be full. I don’t even know what’s in there.

It’s going to be a busy busy day. Joy.

… two hours later …

Yes, busy is one word for it. Hell’s bells.

I think it’s time for me to face the fact that I am never going to have the time to learn to sew my own clothes. So much for cute A Line skirts and adorable blouses.

I totally just typed that as “infant morality” and thought it was hilarious. We all know how immoral infants are.

Don’t go out there, it’s full of dogs.

babe that doesn’t mean

You don’t tell your boss you’ll be back at 2:40 and then text her with a ha ha just kidding. Not cool.

I’m not at all sure that’s a point in your favor. I mean how many of us can really get away with tank tops?

I am never going to finish reading that homeschooling article. I need to admit defeat here as well.

Close the tab, sister! Walk away!

I really wish I had not worn contacts today. I’m so bleary I can’t see anything right.

It’s like a stack of letters you never sent.

I cannot believe the AC is on. It is not that warm in here.

I am not going to get any work done on this paper today. I need to admit this defeat too.

So. Much. Defeat.

Stupid week.

They appreciate chairs, start there.

Every time I see that picture being floated around of Harriet Tubman on the 20 I think she’s holding a wand and is casting a spell.

If you’re going to be an ass I’m going to tell you you’re being an ass. Even if it’s in a public or semi-public forum.

Man, I have a whole slew of thank you cards to write.

I got no answer for ya on that one.

I just have no interest in writing this paper. But I need to suck it up and get it done. Now.

Now now now.