nobody here but us chickens

Author: AntiJenX (Page 1 of 120)

Random Wednesday


I never could stand the Max Medina character. Whiny beta male. Yeuch.

BLASPHEMY!!!!!!! You cannot make tea in the microwave.

This fucker’s campaign keeps texting someone named “Elias” at my number. I’ve asked them multiple times to remove me from their list. They still haven’t done it. The last time they texted I told them I’d rather set myself on fire than vote for Jon Hoadley. I wasn’t kidding.  Creepy POS.

“It’s the Pax, the G-32 Paxilon Hydroclorate that we added to the air processors. It’s… well it works… it was supposed to calm the population, weed out aggression. Make a peaceful… it worked. The people here stopped fighting. And then they stopped everything else. They stopped going to work, stopped breeding… talking… eating… There’s thirty million people here and they all just let themselves die.”

Yes, by all means, put Lithium in the water supply. Jesus.

Now the bubonic plague is killing people. So about China

What. I’m kidding.          Kind of.

But I can see the Necker cube both ways at the same time. Does that mean I’m a genius?

My new hobby is to report every fucking cat ad that comes up in my IG feed as referring to a political candidate or issue.

Alyssa Milano. Wow. That seems like a pretty normal amount of hair to be coming out after a wash. We lose hair at an astonishing rate. Also if you stop chemically damaging your hair with all the bleaching and dyeing, you’ll lose a lot less. But most importantly? Shut the fuck up, you half wit. COVID does not cause hair loss.

Man. This chair hurts my upper back. That chair hurts my lower back.

Why was it called The Cosby Show if it was about the Huxtable family?

This is the only song by Redbone I know. I had no idea they were Native American. I do really like this song.

I started to comment about another thing that annoyed me but Jesus Christ. What’s the point any more?

Oops. Caught an error in this book. Bones was a forensic anthropologist, not a forensic paleontologist. What kinds of crimes would a paleontologist solve??

I find it incredibly alarming that the age of medical consent in the state of Michigan is 14.

There’s a gott damn wasp in The Geekery!

I’d prefer not to give the mouse a cookie.

Now I have to throw out these cookies.

Thought y’all wanted criminal justice reform. So you picked a cop who hates criminal justice reform. OK. Yeah. Seems about right for the left.

There is nothing remotely surprising about this study. Still. It makes me chuckle to see it confirmed.

You know how you click on an article you want to read, but don’t have time for right now and by Wednesday you have eleventy nine tabs open and you never actually get around to reading a single one? I just purposely read all of my open tabbed articles. BOOM bitches.

I’m feeling a little smug right now.

Gotta take it where you can get it these days.

None of this is OK, and if you think it is, I don’t want to know you. Don’t even try to give me any bullshit story about how the rioters have nothing to do with BLM when BLM is supporting this violence and thuggery. And it’s not OK.

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Random Wednesday

Women had influence. Women have always had influence.

People didn’t much care for Random last week. Must have been my rant chastising half the population.

Reading 14 different books, sometimes you add notes to the wrong sheet.

I was super motivated but it seems to have evaporated. Exhausted itself.

I would totally be your president, but I’m unelectable.

Inelectable?

Whatever.

There are objective truths.

Why wouldn’t you exonerate these men?

Don’t you ever get tired of only sharing the half of the story that fits your narrative?  Doesn’t it make you feel just the tiniest bit dishonest?

No, of course not.

That couple in Kentucky never refused to self-quarantine. They refused to sign papers. Stop twisting the truth to fit your agenda.

“Here’s the problem with working homicide. There’s so much death.”

FB connection: OMG THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS VOTER FRAUD, PEOPLE. Headline: Woman jailed for voter fraud.

“Michigan’s retail liquor sales a bright spot amid coronavirus economy slump.” Yes, because the lockdown has turned everyone into alcoholics.

Ha. 2009: “I have two monitors and it’s weird. 2020: “OMG I CAN’T FUCKING DO MY JOB WITH ONLY ONE MONITOR.”

“Hey, Jen, write up a return to work plan, fill out these forms, submit. Be as detailed as possible. Cover all contingencies.” Great, done, everyone agrees on it, submit. “OK so all of the departments have submitted and there’s no consistency at all (HOW ARE YOU SHOCKED BY THIS) so we all have to start back at the beginning.” COME ON.

I love when women post themselves on IG and are all OMG I’m leaving the house with no makeup! And they’re clearly wearing mascara for instance. Like what do you call no makeup? Makeup is makeup, bitches.

Well I could just post a short one. People seemed to be very put off by last Random. Not many people liked it at all.

HAVE YOU ALL GONE OFF ME THEN?

Fuck it. I’ll just keep adding to this week. I’m less cranky than last week. Let’s see where my more defeatist attitude takes us, shall we.

Whitmer is a fascist lunatic.

I’m all for someone ousting Fred Upton, but Elena Oelke. What the hell is up with your makeup? What happened to your eyebrows?

That’s such a typical catty woman thing to do. Fixate on her looks instead of her platform. I don’t even know her platform. I’m such a hypocrite today. Ha. Doesn’t matter. Upton will win again. Because WE WANT CHANGE but we refuse to vote for it.

All of the skin on my elbows and knees is molting. It’s strange and off-putting.

Batman vs Man-bat please. Holy hell I loved that series.

Well. This is shaping up to be a total disaster.

Seven and the Ragged Tiger was a better album than Rio, fight me.

United States Department of Agriculture’s Animal Plant Health Inspection Service’s Plant Protection and Quarantine Smuggling, Interdiction and Trade Compliance Unit

“What do you do for a living?”
“Oh I work for the United States Department of Agriculture’s Animal Plant Health Inspection Service’s Plant Protection and Quarantine Smuggling, Interdiction and Trade Compliance Unit. Half of my work day is just reciting the name of my department when making phone calls.”

Where are all the responsible adults?

all the very best of us

Look. I didn’t want to love this album, but I listened because The National, and I do actually dig several Taylor Swift songs. I feel no shame about that whatsoever. But this song is killing me right now. It’s so beautiful.

This year is hell on resisting taking up drinking or a new smoking habit, lemme tell ya.

I’m not going to be able to move tomorrow.

97% of the time he’s just fucking with you because it amuses him and it’s so gorram easy.

“What’s the world come to when this guy’s allowed to get away with having his own opinion?”

Guess this whole work from home thing will be going on for the rest of the year. I have no problem with that whatsoever.

Where the hell did lux esto come from?

Ohhhhhhhhh. Yeah. Those guys. Never mind.

Better than most. Not as good as some. And annoyed with all.

Made all those masks for work, and now I’m not going to work.

I need this one tho.

I don’t know why I’m watching The Gilmore Girls again, and neither do you.

Of all the weird shit that has happened this year, a coin shortage is actually one of the most unexpected.

Well. Tree guys are booked. That’s one thing accomplished this year.

biologicized

No. I have not actually read the safe return plan. I feel like that would not be a good use of my time.

In the immortal words of Taylor Swift, “This is me trying.”

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Random Wednesday


one way, or another

I wish were out of the office until July 20th.

This wrist wrest is far superior to my old one. It’s really more a butt of my hand wrest. What’s that part of your hand called? I can’t remember.

Tangential experience only. Why let that stop me.

The heel of your palm.

I don’t care if schools ever resume.

I still have no interest in a vaccine.

I still believe Gretchen Whitmer is a power hungry fascist who’s never understood a paycheck to paycheck way of life.

I still don’t take kindly to being told what to do.

It’s not sea glass if it’s from a Great Lake beach. Just. It isn’t.

I’m not wearing a mask in my car. It’s not a public space.

Honestly. I don’t even know how I end up with this many tabs open.

I can’t explain this sudden need to listen to Bryan Adams’ (Everything I Do) I Do It For You. But why fight it?

Try all the things.

“Innumerable sensible people have commented on the impossibility that anyone can pass the Purity Test. Someone who passes today will not pass tomorrow.”

And then there are repercussions.  Don’t let this lunacy win.

Ha. Totally read that as homicide cross.

I have been pronouncing hegemony incorrectly in my head since the first time I ever saw it. Happily for me, I’ve never said it out loud.

I almost said something in Random last week. I wrote a thing and I deleted it. I deleted it because everyone had me second guessing myself and my memory of how shit works. When I first started at the U, I worked in INTL admissions, issuing student visas. There is a long list of very strict rules students have to abide by in order to get a visa. One of those rules was “you may not take more than one online class while in the country.” But ICE made its announcement and my progressive friends and colleagues lost their shit. Trump is a bigot. Trump is a racist. This new rule is nothing short of white supremacy. NEW RULE. New rule new rule new rule. I started to wonder if I was entirely misremembering a job I did for months. So I deleted my comments here. I should have known better. I wasn’t wrong. This isn’t a new rule. ICE chose not to enforce this rule for spring and summer of this year so that students could finish out their academic year. Now that they’ve chosen to enforce it again, OMG ORANGE MAN BAD. For the love of whatever the fuck it is you believe in, STOP with your knee jerk, Trump derangement, believe any gorram thing the media tells you. You’ve been verifiably wrong so many times. Aren’t you tired of it? I’m not saying it’s right to make INTL students leave due to a rule enforced during a pandemic. I am saying that a little bit of basic fucking research would do us all a whole metric fuckton of good. I’m sorry to be so long-winded about this one, but it REALLY pissed me off. ESPECIALLY coming from people who bloody work in higher ed. Come on. You’re forever telling people to do better. Well fucking DO BETTER.

OK, I’m done with the rant. I really needed to get that out because of ALL the bullshit absolutely everywhere this year, this one I fucking KNEW was wrong and you all still had me questioning my sanity.

And oh, by the way, TRUMP rescinded the rule.

(Proof that I don’t actually write Random all on a Wednesday.)

I thought about deleting that rant, but I don’t think I will. I’m so tired of people half assing absolutely everything. I didn’t even fucking vote for Trump.

Scurge is not a word.

Man. When was the last time you heard the word dweeb?

Tired of feeling like I don’t fit.

Nothing more irritating than clicking a link to an article you want to read only to find it behind a paywall.

Don’t get me wrong. I like  the new Unsolved Mysteries. I like that it’s quiet and eerie and not brash and in your face and neon and poor production value like the original (but oh man, the 80s. I love ya.) but they don’t need to devote an entire hour to one case. That show is like a bloomin’ sedative. I tried to watch episode Frenchy McFrenchersons last night. It was a case I’m even familiar with. I kept nodding off through the whole episode – which was in French. And as you well know, chickens, I do not speak French. Trying to read subtitles while a subtle heavy mood hangs over the place and people speak in quiet sussurating Frenchiness? I didn’t stand a chance.

That new Perry Mason is pretty good.

I feel personally victimized by this fucking fly.

Well. That thread wasn’t nearly as entertaining as I’d hoped it would be.

Evidently Google Play Music is going away.

I don’t know who these people are.

Pretty sure you meant abating, not abetting, Reason.

OMG. There’s dweeb again! WHAT is happening.

“the lessons about the importance of understanding other Americans, the necessity of resisting tribalism, and the centrality of the free exchange of ideas to a democratic society.” THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS is what I have been saying.

I thought about trying to swear less, but. People.

This post feels like it’s so much longer than it is.

I really hate the word cuck. It’s just gross.

OK, you’re a liberal, this is a book written from your liberal perspective. And I LOVE that you’re writing to implore everyone on all sides to embrace viewpoint diversity, to understand each other as individuals, not groups. But Jesus God. We get it. You hate Trump. Why not serve up some examples of liberal populist bullshit once in a while? Just, you know, be a little more even handed. We get that y’all hate the Donald. You don’t need to keep beating us all to death with it. We heard you. Trust me.

I say this from a place of unfettered annoyance and I DIDN’T EVEN VOTE FOR TRUMP.

Oh look. Reason fixed abating.

“In 2020—as opposed to 1920—I neither need nor want anyone to muse on how whiteness privileges them over me. Nor do I need wider society to undergo teachings in how to be exquisitely sensitive about my feelings.”

Start new Dresden or wait? Start new Dresden or wait? I CAN’T DECIDE.

I could legit use the distraction of total immersion in Harry lunchable Dresden. That is a fact.

Doesn’t matter I suppose. I wonder if I’ll lose some over it.

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Random Wednesday


It’s just a job. It’s just a job. It’s just a job.

STOP telling people what to do on social media. You are not everyone’s parent. Mind your own business.

Wow that 20 pound weight on the hammer curl in place of the 10 is sooooo much better.

Shut. Up. Kindle just told me that there’s a new Liam Campbell coming out this year!

I feel like I haven’t chosen my chair wisely. We shall see.

No, we absolutely do not need a Highlander reboot. Stop this foolishness.

Wow. That looks really painful.

$150 Keens on sale for $23?

Don’t put milk in your tea. What is wrong with you.

Why is there no adblock on this thing?

“Hi! Please help me with all of this info that I will use and then give you zero space or credit for.”

TWELVE MINUTES

Anne Frasier is an outstanding writer, check her books out. Mysteries. Just happened across her this summer. SO glad I did.

There are just so many lies and so much bullshit being spewed from all directions. And no one cares. Everyone just believes what they want to believe.

Less Talk. More Chalk.

I love you, new work laptop.

I don’t understand the appeal of jumpsuits as fashion. Who wants to get naked to pee?

I know I’ve commented on that before.

I feel like I can’t use the word problematic anymore because it’s been ruined.

I’m with Andrew Yang on the 4 day work week. 100%

This girl can only take so much. If I had the means, I’d disappear forever.

Using two laptops instead of two monitors means forever forgetting that when you go from one screen to the other, you also have to switch mice.

I just deleted a whole bunch of stuff from here. Fuck. It.

Ohhh I totally misunderstood that entire situation.

It just seems like even your open letter condemning cancel culture is mostly focused on how much the right sucks. Come on. Just condemn the suppression of speech and viewpoint diversity. It literally doesn’t matter which side is doing it. No one should be doing it. NO ONE.

I haven’t had pizza since Saturday. This will not do.

I submit that it was wholly unnecessary to change M43 to M343, which is just bloody confusing.

And now your hand sanitizer will kill you.

“The reason people are so mad at the pro-free-speech letter is that they aren’t really in favor of free speech.”

Now Amazon is sending me ads for shit for cats. I DON’T HAVE A FUCKING CAT.

How are they going to stop you from screaming on a roller coaster though?

It’s funny how you never picture Ernest Hemingway as a young man.

I don’t know how to explain to you that you should stop telling everyone else what to do all the time.

I legit thought this was some kind of weird new, tryina be spooky, shrimp cocktail or something for a minute.

So … suddenly liberals are OK with nuke plants?

Implicit bias is not an indicator of future behavior. Implicit bias is not an indicator of future behavior. Implicit bias is not an indicator of future behavior. Implicit bias is not an indicator of future behavior. Implicit bias is not an indicator of future behavior. Implicit bias is not an indicator of future behavior. Implicit bias is not an indicator of future behavior. Implicit bias is not an indicator of future behavior. Implicit bias is not an indicator of future behavior. Implicit bias is not an indicator of future behavior. Implicit bias is not an indicator of future behavior. Implicit bias is not an indicator of future behavior. Implicit bias is not an indicator of future behavior. Implicit bias is not an indicator of future behavior.

Implicit bias training is useless, which many studies have shown. And yet y’all still want to waste time and money on this.

It’s an industry.

Maybe you should stop telling women what they’re allowed to think and say.

Less than zero interest in Hamilton.

I just don’t think I can even take people any more. I hate the internet. I hate all the bossy bitchery. I hate identity politics and its stranglehold on absolutely every aspect of life. I hate everything. I have a really long list in my head, but I’m tired.

I just shouldn’t even publish this.

I don’t want to go back out in the world.

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Random Wednesday


I forgot how good this perfume smells.

Costco has surprisingly good lasagna.

I’ll publish a book or something.

Woke breaking point. Yep.

Well. Nobody said you had to stick around, I guess.

Way to go Paula Zahn. Sheesh.

It’s not apart. It’s a part. They’ve already kept you apart. You want to be a part. Come on.

Die, fly. Die.

Don’t be the weak girl.

“Wouldn’t it be cool if we were able to provide a blueprint for everyone else on how to stand up and let the classical liberal values of reason, universality, respect for the individual and fairness retake control of communities? What about modeling civil dialogue across difference?” — THIS is what I have been trying to do on campus. THIS is what I’m dedicated to.

I only even look at the New York Times because we have free access to it through work. And once a month or so, they actually post something that I have interest in – usually death work related. Mostly, though, it’s a joke of a publication.

There never seems to be any shortage of stupid.

ARGH. I ordered the wrong gorram notebook.

I have no experience cold mailing a resume. Weirdness.

Uh oh. I’ve escalated to letter writing. There’s a skill you definitely lose if you don’t use it.

“Human flesh simulant.” I read the funnest stuff.

WordPress doesn’t think simulant is a word.

Please don’t eat the ballistic gelatin.

I only have so much room. On my walls. On my shelves. On my floors. Only so much room.

I wish I had bought more of these shorts when I came across them at Target that one time. They’re probably my favorite.

My problem is that I don’t have enough interest in any one thing to do it for the entire rest of my life. At least not so far.

I wish I felt wanted or welcome there.

I can’t find that picture of Max Brooks and me right now.

There’s Thomas Lynch signing my book though.

You take the Red line to get to the space dinos and their pet fish.

Must have been 2008. 2008 is not on this drive. Everything prior to 2009 is on CD/DVD.

“Jackson Pollock couldn’t diagram that last sentence.”

No, not that sentence.

I wish I could French braid my hair.

I wish people still wrote letters.

I wish Dana Stabenow had continued the Liam Campbell series beyond four books. I thought there were three. I guess at the time I originally read them, the fourth wasn’t out. I don’t recall ever seeing it. Oh well. At least on this reread I get a bonus. Nice!

This year may as well not even exist except as some form of cosmic punishment. I haven’t figured out what for yet.

Swimming with my boots on and we’ll all be lonely tonight and lonely tomorrow.

Curiously focused on this shit today.

NOT looking forward to the staff meeting at all.

I have just realized that I have not regularly worn shoes in months. How strange.

How do you expect elementary aged school children to maintain these ridiculous guidelines? This is insane. In.Sane.

How have I not made a Chris Isaak playlist? What is wrong with me?

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Random Wednesday


It’s the Man Who Fell TO Earth, not FROM Earth.

But what if I have angst, ennui, and weltschmerz?

I suppose it’s not the end of the world if I have to live out my days as an over-educated executive assistant. How many people get to do their dream job anyway? Especially now that the government has wholly tanked the economy?

It’s mosquito season. So. You know. There’s still time for us all to contract some exotic virus and die. The year’s only half over.

Dude. It’s debreeeeee. Not debreeze. JESUS.

My most sincere wish for this world is that people would learn the difference between “in lieu of” and “in light of.”

Nope. Schitt’s Creek went right back to being spectacularly unfunny. Shame. Also I super hate Chris Elliott.

Antipathy is the word I’ve been searching for. I hadn’t realized for quite how long. How could I have forgotten it?

Don’t mind me. Just wandered in to virtue signal. Carry on.

Hail to the King, baby.

Maybe I should move to South Dakota. I feel like I’d fit in in South Dakota.

And now Nick Cave is canceled. Fuck absolutely everything.

“It’s vital to resist the temptation to allow our present moment, so rich with the potential for genuine and overdue social change, to deteriorate into a McCarthy-like hunt for wrong-thinkers.”

Does everyone just assume actors actually mean the shit they say in those ridiculous black and white repetitious videos they put out? They’re actors, FFS. They literally make their living convincingly lying to you.

That guy might look better with a beard.

Every family who lost a loved one as a result of Whitmer’s nursing home policy should file a wrongful death suit against her and Dana Nessel.

Liberalism is not just a set of rules. There’s a spirit to it. A spirit that believes that there are whole spheres of human life that lie beyond ideology — friendship, art, love, sex, scholarship, family. A spirit that seeks not to impose orthodoxy but to open up the possibilities of the human mind and soul. A spirit that seeks moral clarity but understands that this is very hard, that life and history are complex, and it is this complexity that a truly liberal society seeks to understand if it wants to advance. It is a spirit that deals with an argument — and not a person — and that counters that argument with logic, not abuse. It’s a spirit that allows for various ideas to clash and evolve, and treats citizens as equal, regardless of their race, rather than insisting on equity for designated racial groups. It’s a spirit that delights sometimes in being wrong because it offers an opportunity to figure out what’s right. And it’s generous, humorous, and graceful in its love of argument and debate. It gives you space to think and reflect and deliberate.”

“He was found in Baja, California. He has already been extradited to the U.S.”

Oops. I did not mean to delete that app.

Yeah, thanks, but absolutely none of my research is on Asia. At all.

Dear God. More thumb drives.

This is my life.

What I want to know is – Is Mercury ever NOT in retrograde?

There are snails crawling on that woman’s face.

Rick Astley’s actually got a great voice, and back in middle school I listened to him quite a bit. I’m not embarrassed. This is a dope cover.

I don’t even know where to send this.

I have no control over this. For. The. Record.

“Be like that tree, in the meridian.”

I clearly need a larger work space. This desk is much too small.

This is absolutely absurd. This is sloppy police work, it’s clearly biased work on the part of the prosecutor. THIS is why technology is dangerous. Stop doing this. STOP.

I can’t remember when I started this. I suppose it’s probably time to stop.  This post I mean. Probably not the whole blog.

DOES IT EVEN MATTER.

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This American Lion in Black and Drugs and Murder and Mayhem and My Baggage

Handsome, and deeply flawed, men.

Not really. But kinda. The title I mean.

Look. I can’t even remember the last time I posted about this Johnny Cash book. It’s just so goddamned detailed. I mean I feel like I personally knew the man at this point and I’m only like halfway through. And I have to tell you. Growing up with an addict for a parent makes reading about addicts rough.  I can’t read this straight through. It’s not like just ripping off the band aid and getting it over with. It’s more like “Yep, my mom did something like that once and three cars ended up rear ending a semi on the freeway as we rolled by going about 25 in a 55 nearly taking two of those drivers out after they’d gotten out of their cars. I was like 13 or 14. I can’t remember. No one helped me. The police never stopped her. How did no one get her plate number?” And I can’t decide if it’s harder to read now that she’s dead or not. Do I really feel like I need to keep trying to finish this book? I just don’t know. Also that might be as personal as I’ve ever gotten on this bloggy thingy.

The thing is, Johnny Cash was a very interesting and deeply flawed man. I love his music. Well. A lot of his music. Some of it’s just. Meh. Whatever. Didn’t you already do this song and call it something else? Which even the book points out was a thing when he was deep in the throes of drugs drugs drugs.

Much like with my mother, I both love you and hate you, Johnny Cash.

But there’s a lockdown in week eleventy ordered through questionable authority and motivation and I looked at it, sitting on my nightstand for over a year and picked it up again.  I feel like this is a book I’ll be reading for the next ten years. Lockdown or no lockdown, I can only stomach a few pages at a time. I guess I’ll report back in a few years and let you know how it’s going. Right now he’s about to do his live from Folsom concert. He’s semi-sober.

I can’t even comprehend living your life that way. And then when you do sober up you’re suddenly some kind of hero. I’m maybe a little bitter. Let’s move on to the other book I’ve been reading for three years.

My favorite historical nutball.

Here’s the thing about Andrew Jackson: Aside from his totally racist and bigoted motivation behind the genocidal push of Native Americans off their land and into the West, he would have been a pretty brilliant president. Also he was a total badass. Dude was in more than 100 duels and walked around with a bullet permanently lodged in his person from one of them.

And here’s where I encounter a perpetual dilemma. Can you ignore the bad actions of otherwise decent men (and women) and look to the good they’ve done? I mean Ted Kennedy is a prime modern example of this, right? Montstrously dickish human. Never suffered any consequences for the death of Mary Jo Kopechne. But devoted Dems far and wide loved that man. They don’t care about that poor woman who might be alive today if not for his drunken ass. Not to mention the countless other women who suffered for being near him. Actually, never mind. Ted Kennedy most certainly was not a decent person. Probably you can think of other examples. Oh, Obama. How about all those drone strikes. But y’all loved that man. “Still miss him!” Right? Extra judicial execution of innocent American citizens be damned! Shit like this happens all the time. Jackson’s actions unquestionably caused the deaths of thousands of innocent people. And I’m not bringing up examples of prominent Democrats to excuse that. I’m just trying to make a point, and not doing a very good job of it. But anyway, he also did great things for the country. Like getting us 100% out of debt – to this day, the only American president to ever do so.

All that aside, this book is written in a painstakingly detailed fashion, much like Cash. And I am slogging along through ENTIRELY TOO MUCH DETAIL. But this one also will, in the middle of talking about Jackson’s inaugural speech, suddenly jump to years later and Calhoun and some detail seemingly totally unrelated, but perhaps we’ll understand later. How is it that this is the kind of writing that always wins the Pulitzer?

P.S. It’s PULL-its-er, NOT Pewlitzer. Stop saying Pewlitzer. You’re saying it wrong. Trust me on this, if nothing else. You Pewlitzer folks drive me batty.

Also Andrew Jackson totally looks like this guy I went to middle and high school with and was one of the “cool” kids but I haven’t seen or spoken to since then because I was never cool enough to be friends with him for real. I think he’s an opera singer now. No joke. Crazy talented.

Anyway, this post is lacking in my usual humorous take on why I can’t finish shit, but you can blame it on my mother. Or not. I don’t care. This current way of life has me perpetually seething just below the surface, on the verge of giving up on reaching out to people, and generally just quietly cranky. Fuck it.

Look how skinny I was. I miss skinny me. Tellin’ secrets to giant Andrew Jackson’s head in Houston in 2013.

I fully condemn Jackson’s order to force Native Americans into the West. But I do find his life fascinating. We’ll see if I ever finish this one, I suppose.

I don’t know what y’all are reading, but if you’re in the Read Death Book Club, I fully expect it to be Being Mortal!

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Random Wednesday

If I had regular video meetings, B would totally do this if I asked him to.

The needs of the many never outweigh the needs of the few. You have no right to make that call.

I wish my patio was clean and it was a little warmer so I could just go out there and sit.

I wish I had the energy to clean my patio at the moment.

I can’t really do anything about the weather.

Gaaaah They made a movie out of that horrible book?

“The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few” is not a legitimate moral argument either, so stop claiming it.

I don’t care about Fiona Apple.

Obviously, the only reporting or comments I’ve seen from the left about this have been “ZOMG, how can they let this horrible bastard off the hook???” Abuse of power is abuse of power, no matter where it comes from or who the victim is.

“Stop protesting or I’ll extend the lock down” seems like a pretty parental thing to say. The governor is not your mommy.

She is, however, a fascist.

I don’t understand roll up ice cream.

We were out in Seattle last fall. After we got home, we all got sick one by one. M missed about two weeks of school. We took him to the doc twice who said “it’s just a virus, it’ll run its course, nothing we can do.” And it did, eventually. Fevers, loads of coughing, cold-like runny noses. I was diagnosed with “it’s probably bronchitis” at one point. It started in early October, and we were finally all feeling completely well in January. Maybe it was COVID, maybe it wasn’t. But there’s so much “we don’t know” about this whole thing that I don’t even care any more.

You can’t keep this film on pause for fucking ever.

OFFS So, essentially, you did all this for attention, because what? The world wasn’t paying quite enough of it to Amanda Palmer? Fucking drama queen. Also? YOU’RE NOT THE ONLY MOTHER IN THE WORLD AND YOU HAVE A FUCKING NANNY. Stop acting like you fucking invented this shit.

Also? If you and your husband are finding your marriage strained by this shit, perhaps you have bigger problems that should be addressed. That’s just kind of a blanket message to everybody. Because I’m a marriage therapist now.

I think I might be feeling a little tiny bit bitchy. So, I’m going to go read a book for a while.

Sorry, I’m never going to be on your “new normal” bandwagon. I’m never going to be OK with facemasks forever. I’m never going to blindly accept whatever the government is telling me as gospel, because how often has the government been right so far? Throughout history.

was taking this virus seriously. For a minute. I quickly got over that. I see it as any other illness on any other given day. And that doesn’t make me an asshole. It doesn’t make me selfish.

And we very very clearly are not all in this together.

But. Haven’t the CDC and the WHO been very very wrong about several very important things so far?

Referring to your side as “the majority” or the opposing view as “the minority” doesn’t make it true.

Still not interested in a vaccine.

I AM STILL ITCHY

It’s nice to take a break from research and death ed reads and just get lost in this murder mystery.

We’re all in this together in these unprecedented times this situation is evolving rapidly we must flatten the curve stay home stay safe we hope you are well we hope this finds you healthy we’ll get through this together healthcare heroes social distance don’t touch your face wash your hands safe at home

Just stop.

“We were living with this thing just fine until the whole world freaked out.”

Wow. I did not realize he had traveled in violation of restrictions. I sincerely hope he doesn’t make any future “we’re all in this together” comments about fuck all.

I do so enjoy the rain though.

Step 7: Do not move until nightfall. Repeat.

I feel like lofi hip hop music – beats to relax/study to is my generation’s equivalent to my grandparents’ easy listening “elevator” music and I’m OK with that.

Or maybe it belongs to Millennials, but we stole it from you. I’m OK with that too.

They’re pennants, not pendants. PENNANTS.

It’s so cute that My Favorite Murder thinks it knows anything at all about being punk.

That’s a sarcastic cute. In case you missed it.

I really have grown to kind of hate them.

Maybe I should delete some of this …

No, it’s fine. Fuck it.

I wasn’t sure about Schitt’s Creek for the first couple of episodes, but it’s hilarious. I’m glad I stuck with it.

Not much I hate more than vaguebooking.

I like to be surprised with things in the mail too.

Why do people always want to surround the subject with intangibles when they write? “The rights surrounding these people.” Rights don’t surround you. They belong to you. You used “surrounding” or a variation thereof at least 3 times in one paragraph. How did you get a Master’s degree with this kind of writing? Dear God, get a copy editor.

I’m generally not seeking advice.

I should come up with a way to do a giveaway in the Read Death Book Club.

Sometimes the giveaway is the only thing that keeps me going in a KAL.

I really would like to quit the internet entirely. But then I likely will spend the rest of my days an executive assistant. Which really isn’t all that fun.

Something just flew out of my hair.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand Whitmer extends the stay at home order AGAIN. Petty Fascist Karen Supreme.

This is actually pretty awesome.

The mailman hates us, but he’s too nice to let it show.

Sorry about this HuffPo link, but this statue is perfection.

“The downstream health effects…are being massively under-estimated and under-reported. This is an order of magnitude error.

READING A BOOK

Wear a mask but only the right kind of mask and not the good mask because those should be reserved for our health care heroes and the only mask you should wear should be the mask that we approve of that’s this kind of mask, not that kind of mask, with a valve without a valve why aren’t you wearing a mask you selfish asshole?

I clearly need to start this Billy Squier album over and turn it up to eleventy.

I can’t believe I did that whole workout with my reading glasses on my head. My posture must really be improving.

I could see myself aligning with some Christian Anarchists. On occasion.

swim. until you can’t see land. swim.

OK. No one showed. Feed full of COVID Karens. I’m done. See ya.  Maybe I’ll try again tomorrow after I defy the extension of the stay at home order to place flags at Ft. Custer, as is tradition.

Never have I wanted a hat more than I want this one.

“This is unprecedented, and we’re in this together,” which is Latin for “We’re not lowering our prices, bitches.”

Did you trademark that shit? #IMWITHHER

Frankly, seems like nominating a PhD WOMAN in the party that just wants people to be able to live their lives in peace is the real progressivism.

Course, that’s not really what progs want, is it?

Wow, this got really long.

It’s not like we get invited to cook outs when there isn’t a stay at home order.

I still want a JEFFSTER! t-shirt.

At least my patio is clean now. Or it was. For a minute. Goddamn chickens. And bats.

Well it sure as hell ain’t the Mothman Prophecies.

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Random Wednesday


I don’t know who to share this with. You’re welcome.

I need a calming pet bed.

What even is this mood?

If you think homeschooling is a threat to children and society, you’re not paying enough attention to what goes on in public schools. Moron. Clearly, Harvard has no actual standards.

“homeschooled children are not instilled with the “skills needed to participate productively in society as adults through employment” and will grow up “alienated from society, ignorant of views and values different from their parents.” Lies lies lies lies lies.

I wonder if she even has children?

Um. A photo of someone else is not a “selfie.” A photo someone else took of you is not a “selfie.”

Pink and brown should not be paired. Ever.

I don’t know why we waited so long to watch The Boys. That was so good.

Random and lockdown don’t really mix. Apparently.

You can’t just stop reading in the middle of a sentence and assume you understand the statement.

Do you even know how to use a computer?

Holy shit my shoulder hurts this morning.

Now I can’t stop listening to Mumford and Sons’ Wilder Mind.

Famous guy pretended to be the super hero he plays in film to entertain other famous guy’s kid for his birthday. WHO. FUCKING. CARES.

All of a sudden I’m drinking iced tea like water again. My teeth are gonna be sooooooooooo stained.

I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me, but evidently the only cure for it is a can of Pringles and a bottle of Diet Dr. Pepper.

I love it when people say “this is not up for debate.” Shut up.

You’re not the boss of me.

And while we’re at it. Stop saying “the new normal.” Stop.

I just really hate that phrase. It’s dumb.

Man. Follow Steve Zahn and Rick Gomez on Instagram. I love them so much.

Oh please. No one is going to shoot you.

Here’s another phrase I’m thoroughly sick of – “flatten the curve.”

Um. How is this laundry basket $130???

Why does Banksy have such a dingy bathroom? I looks like it’s coated in about 25 years worth of nicotine and cooking grease.

Hey, CNN? Hornets don’t “bite.”

I always thought, and have said, that Neil Gaiman and Amanda Palmer were a weeeeeeird combination. It never worked for me. And now it seems it didn’t work for them.

“Maybe having to actually spend time together did them in.”

I’m not any more interested in a COVID vaccine than I’ve ever been in a flu vaccine.

What happened to Madonna’s face??

What happened to Madonna period? That woman has gone completely round the bend. Yikes.

Sorry this has been so erratic and short and weird lately. There’s not much to talk about. My mind has been nicely quiet. Until today. When I got the email that LAYOFFS ARE COMING.

All the people telling me not to worry are people with guaranteed paychecks.

These women saying “Biden could rape me in the street right now and I’d still vote for him” are disgusting, revolting hypocrites. You should be ashamed to share air with other humans.

It’s like a semi-hiatus.

I really don’t want to get laid off.

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thursday soundtrack – quarantine edition


i am the fly – wire

psycho killer – talking heads

walk on the wild side – lou reed

age of consent – new order

bull in the heather – sonic youth

monkey gone to heaven – the pixies

maps – yeah yeah yeahs

these days – nico

gun street girl – tom waits

the weeping song – nick cave

strangers – the kinks

a hard rain’s a-gonna fall – bob dylan

it’s nothing to me – sanford clark

you gotta move – mississippi fred mcdowell

hold on – alabama shakes

in hell i’ll be in good company – the dead south

wolf totem – the hu

i see a darkness – johnny cash

nothing’s gonna hurt you baby – cigarettes after sex

your ghost – kristin hersh

happy when it rains – jesus and mary chain

this is the day – the the

i wanna be adored – the stone roses

10,000 weight in gold – the head and the heart

san luis – gregory alan isakov

waiting around to die – townes van zandt

dublin blues – steve earl

fuck all the perfect people – chip taylor and the new ukrainians

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