nobody here but us chickens

Author: AntiJenX (page 1 of 118)

Random Wednesday

This, honestly, is hilarious.

Whatever happened to Crag Sheffer?

I disagree. Because I disagree.

I don’t often see concealed carry bags I like, but this one is close.

I’m still not convinced you should carry in a bag. If someone snatches your bag, then what? A cross-body bag is a much better design, but I have yet to find a cross-body design for women I actually find appealing. Better to stick with ITWB.

That reads like it’s the women I need to find appealing. It is not.

Best. Listing. Ever.

I accidentally clicked a link to a seemingly innocuous possibly cute story about an obscure film prop only to find myself on Jezebel, hating the author after the first sentence because they have to politicize every fucking thing that exists ever. JESUS take a fucking break.

Is it ironic that I can never remember what epistemological means?

Ellen is 100% right the fuck on.

I don’t fit anywhere.

I’m supposed to be reading this book for class and I cannot concentrate at all today.

It’s not a toomah. It’s totally a toomah. Maybe it’s a toomah. It’s not a toomah.

I still have never set foot on your deck. It’s become a sort of superstition now. Should I ever set foot on your deck now, it will signal that that is the final visit I’ll ever make to your house. Now I can’t ever walk out onto your deck. It would be tempting fate.

I do actually go into a slight panic if I realize I don’t have a lip balm. I’d rather be without my phone than my lip balm.


Exactly how many times do I have to say OK, I give up, I surrender before the shit just fucking stops?

You are here.

Motives matter.

There were never any razor blades in your candy. Remember in the 80s though, when the fire department had the X-Ray machine thing set up with the conveyor belt and you could take you candy and have it scanned?

I just wanted to see an X-Ray of my candy. I never did though. I imagine it would have been a very dull picture.

I both very much do and do not want to see this film.

Yeah, but they don’t really care.

I just realized I accidentally threw my hanky in the trash.

Just say no to mohair.


I would argue that she doesn’t deserve punishment of any kind, not even “clapping erasers” (which I’m pretty sure they don’t do any more), but this? This is bullshit.

Wow. Classy jackass.

Why didn’t anyone tell me The Mentalist was such a great show? I’m glad it’s finally available for streaming.


Hey, wouldja look at that.

I really just want to order in lunch today. I really should just eat my freezer lunch today.

“Can a cat have an existential crisis?” Are you serious? Who gives a shit? It’s a cat.

Maybe Luther College will give me a job.

I am against making election day a paid holiday.

I really hate whistling. I extra hate that you come in here every afternoon whistling while you deliver the mail, because it seems a little over the top. And oh look. Literally none of this mail is for our office.

No. I never want any lutefisk.

Fuck. I thought that was due the 24th. It is not.

Well, now clearly I have to see The Rise of Jordan Peterson.

I wonder if we all stopped spending so much fucking time on these people if they’d just go the hell away.

I wonder about the efficacy of your face!

That’s not a reference to what you think it is.

I got your distant intercessory prayer right here, pal.

Maybe it’s that my brain resists the concept of the meaning of the word epistemological, therefore, I have to keep looking it up.

I hate when I can’t grasp a concept because I’m really fucking smart.

We never should have been in Syria in the first place.

I feel extra stupid this semester, let me tell you.

GAH. Fine. You win.

Find an upright yet effortless posture? Yeah right.


Year Seventeen: Love means never having to say you’re ugly.

Just couldn’t decide this year so you get two. (Quote from The Abominable Dr. Phibes.)


Year Seventeen: It’s almost time, kids. The clock is ticking. Be in front of your TV sets for the Horrorthon, followed by the Big Giveaway. Don’t miss it. And don’t forget to wear your masks. The clock is ticking. It’s almost time.

Just couldn’t decide this year so you get two. (This quote from Halloween III: Season of the Witch. Outtakes in both posts.)


Random Wednesday

rerun. did you know how much i love halloween? ha. just kidding.

Well. That was harder than it should have been.

Wow. I’m totally impressed but also cracking up. Totally goth emoed this thing right up.

Oh more wow.

I just read another interview with Brad Pitt. First of all, who wears eight hundred dollar sweaters in real life? But also, he really should come to one of our workshops.

Could someone please, for the love of all things holy, teach me how to just not give a shit any more?

If my head didn’t hurt so much this week I’d switch to some death metal. Or at least Sisters of Mercy’s Vision Thing album.

WTF even is that?

I don’t begrudge you your cat love. I just don’t understand it. I’m like the libertarian of pets. Love your cat all you want, just don’t expect me to care.

I’ve never been much of a Sonic Youth fan, to be honest.

For a bunch of people noted for their devotion to science and scorn for most types of organized religion (by which I mean Christianity), they sure expect people to take an awful lot on faith.

I never played Oregon Trail.

Every time you ask a question I just want to give you a smart ass response, which tells me I should just avoid that space altogether right now, because that just isn’t productive.

What am I even doing here?

Funny how no one seems to have any problem giving me extra work. God forbid anyone should even suggest that some other people take on extra shit.

So much for all my optimism at a new regime.

Why the fuck does this office smell like Spaghettios?

Sometimes I just have to blast New Order in my ears in order to escape your pointless sibilance.

Great. Now the Cure is stuck in my head.

Well then how should you describe yourself?

What the hell is on my pants? Dammit!

People make me so tired.

Maybe instead of parading your mentally ill child across the globe as your own personal political football, you should perhaps be getting her some actual help so that she can function in the world she claims she’d so desperately like to save.

It is dangerously balanced on the razor’s edge of TRENDY. We already see its being worn like an accessory, a badge of hip modern matronliness, by some women who fancy themselves the new Earth mothers.

OK, now I’m getting SPAM with actual naked chicks in it. What the fuck.

When emailing two people of the same name, don’t pluralize them. Simply say good morning.

There is only now.

Just FYI, I cannot deliver a Random next week. And possibly the week after. Prepare yourselves for the drought. Or reprieve. It could really go either way.

“I’ll believe climate change is a crisis when the people who keep telling me it’s a crisis start acting like it’s a crisis — by making any sort of actual personal sacrifice at all.” ~ Glenn Reynolds

I do not approve.

I think there’s something wrong with this a

Finally get the patio cleaned off and now I can’t use it for fear of being murdered by mosquitoes.

I had to jensplain it to them.

No. No no no no no. We don’t need it. No one wants it. No. Just let it flipping die.

It’s not THE Ukraine. It’s not. It just isn’t. Stoppit.

Halloween is a frame of mind.

Did I tell you I won’t be here next week? I did. You’ll be OK.

This right here is why people hate the left. This is the kind of shit that gets a President Trump. Also? This is why no one with any sense can take your 16 year old Swedish scold seriously.

People’s brains don’t finish forming until roughly age 26. Why don’t people stop and think about that more often? It’s significant.


Random Wednesday

i put my canon down for months, and now that i don’t have ANY time to pick it up, i’m itching to. here’s another rerun.


Oh well. Fuck it. I just have to learn to say no. That’s fine.

Of course, this makes sense.

It would have been more accurate if it were a bunch of plastic food containers and lids, none of which match each other.

this is ourselves

“There are many things the next generation should be encouraged to be. Brilliant, exceptional, inventive, remarkable. All of this and more. But one way to stop that happening is by continuing to fragment the most tolerant societies on earth along group identity lines. And then invite people to spend their lives gazing at their navels. Or indeed at their pronouns.”

Perpetually prepared for disappointment.

Wow. First brand new alumni newsletter and there’s a spelling error on the very first line because God forbid you should let me proofread this shit before you publish it.


I’ve seen plenty of flashed penises at parties. I never mistook it for sexual assault. I took it for drunken morons behaving like drunken morons.

Oops. I just opened a Quest bar and then noticed I had half a Quest bar already open on my desk.

That’s just blasphemous.

I just really don’t wear that much makeup though.

It’s just absolutely infuriating.

You know, I really need a new pair of Chucks, but I have been putting off buying them. And then all of a sudden it hit me, maybe I’m not actually a Chucks girl. Maybe I’m really a Vans girl. Maybe my insistence on wearing Chucks all these years is actually the root of all of my existential woes. And now, I still need some new shoes, but am caught in a spiral of doubt and questioning the very basis of all of my life choices.

That’s an interesting question, and one I’m going to carry around with me for a while.

I’m mostly just avoiding reading this pointless study.


The important thing here is …

Honestly, what is Joe Biden even doing? Why is he here?

I guess I didn’t know that Danny Elfman was married to Bridget Fonda.

Or did I?

suerte suerte suerte

I should brush up on my Spanish.

I’m posting early today. I know. Try not to hurt yourself in your shock.


You’re right. I would make an excellent assassin.

Man, my desk is really dusty.

I bet people do that shit on purpose to see if anyone actually notices. Kind of like when I wear the same skirt 4 days in a row.

Well. I finally got a Reason speaker on campus. No Nick. But still cool. Go me.

I’ve been trying to read this all day, so if I link it here I can find it later.

And I’m off.


Random Wednesday

here’s an old one that pretty much sums up my frame of mind right now.

Yeaaaahhhh I’ll pass thanks.

I just love it when people treat you like a faceless entity because you happen to be covering the reception desk.

See? Stop guilting me.

I’m sorry, I’ll come back.

Soooooo. Until that magical fairy land happens, we should just allow ourselves to be utterly defenseless? Is that what I’m supposed to take away from this? JAYsus.

Yeah, no. I kind of feel judged right now. It’s true.

Hmm. Maybe that scent is only available at Christmas.

Well that’s just wonky.

I don’t know if you know this, but white people tan. Or if you’re me, burn.

Doesn’t that feel better than arguing about politics?

I should have photographed the event, I suppose. I’m not sure anyone noticed I was there.

I have no idea where I’m supposed to park for this thing.

I love this story.

I just read an interview with Brad Pitt in the NYT and I really think he should come to one of our Unthinking Mortality workshops.

I was not a Brad Pitt fan back in the day. I do believe he has gotten much better with age.

Hey Whitmer


Sometimes I am thoroughly convinced that I am the last remaining pragmatist on this planet.

File under Shit That Only Works In Theory.

Yeah, Thanos wanted to minimize suffering and look how well that went down.

I can never get those predictive text things to work.

I should have become a locksmith, apparently.

Great. Another new person using super strong scented lotion that assaults the brain like an ice pick of horrible deathy doom.

What if you’re a perfect storm of both types of people? What then, huh?

Note: “liking” my email = still not a valid response to my email.

I really don’t like it when people say “that being said” in a lengthy email. First of all, just say “that said.” Secondly, just cut to the chase already.

No, but why are you doing this to me?

The worst thing you can do to citizens of a democratic nation is to silence them. And the easiest way to silence a woman or a man is to threaten his or her livelihood. Let’s not accept the McCarthyism of secret condemnation. Instead let’s delve a little deeper, limiting the power that can be exerted over our citizens, their attempts to express their hearts and horrors, and their desire to speak their truths. Only this can open the dialogue of change.”

I had every intention of posting this on time, but I somehow completely forgot it was Wednesday.

Enough with the humidity. Come on.

I’m just going to go ahead and admit that I have no idea who Daniel Johnston was.

I really need a Biggby.

Oh. So I haven’t missed anything.

Please. Just.                    JESUS.


I have had a constant stream of students in my office today. Just because they love me and want my advice. It’s amazing.

And I haven’t gotten a goddamn thing done.



Look. I only signed up for all the subcommittees because it was a way to get out of the toxic hell that was the office. I just don’t need that any more.

Sing it with me. Top of your lungs. Here we go.


Random Wednesday

I used to (unfortunately) go out with a guy who said I had a Judas Complex because I couldn’t sit with my back to a door. I don’t. It’s just good strategic sense. I absolutely loathe working in a space where I can’t have a ninja proof seat. It makes me less productive and it stresses me the fuck out. I really can’t function with people walking up behind me. Which I’ve said over and over. And so few people respect that.

Bye, Kirsten.

Literally every time I start working on something I get interrupted.

I need to be infused with vital spirits.

I have no experience in that area.

First of all “plant based meats” are not meats.

It’s here in the states too. And all I can say is NO.

“And go!” is still just as annoying as ever.


So hilarious.

Literature reviews. Yawn.

When I said I’d be on this committee I did not realize I’d be responsible for coming up with a list of speakers and panelists. However. I realize I’m probably ideally suited for that very task.

I love this podcast.

I just love it when people tell me OK no problem when I haven’t apologized because it was, in fact, their fault.

Curses! I burned my finger on my lunch steam!

Looks like your Randoms are going to be short and sweet for the foreseeable future, chickens.

So. Fucking. Busy.

I sincerely loathe this song, but this is legit some awesome cosplay.

I opened at least 4 different articles to read today and never got beyond the first paragraph in any of them.

That’s not at all how I pictured that woman from just hearing her voice. I still wish they’d stop letting her read the news.

Is there an actual committee even? I’m starting to think there is no actual committee.

OMG new Pernice Brothers!!!!!

Why does my stupid toe hurt?

I honestly thought the vegan suing her BBQing neighbor was satire for a whole day. I’m still not quite convinced it’s legit.

Now I want BBQ.

And cupcakes.

Oh I have cupcakes at home!


Random Wednesday

You could always go back to jolly olde. Won’t break our American hearts.

Guess I must be on yer list too, eh?

Read it.

I just ate a Rice Krispies Treat the size of my face and I have no regrets.

so dull

Yeah, we didn’t move.

The crazy too many people time to adjust hectic lunacy is upon me. I’m not ready.

This is the funniest shit you will see on the internet this week.

Um. Someone might want to tell her that that’s already the law. And has been for decades.

This is clearly gonna be late again.

Wait. Punching people with whom you disagree on an ideological level = civil disobedience? WTF universe do you inhabit??

“Imagine if the left said this.” “Imagine if the right said this.” They both have. Repeatedly. Because they’re all children. Stop amplifying the stupid. Stop electing the stupid.

I think I’ll just hold off on this til next week. I just have so little for you at the moment.

So very little.

It’s Sam Hill, not Sam Hell.

“It’s 10:30. Do you know where your children are?” What a patronizing thing to say to people in your broadcast.

Crossbreed Holsters has fantastic customer service.

You’re not the boss of the exec assts. Your boss isn’t the boss of the deans. Stop telling everyone else what to do.

Why would re-reading books you love need defending? That’s ridiculous.

I don’t understand people who find Leonardo DiCaprio attractive. I know I’ve said this before but I just got slapped with another picture of him and his weird Amish beard.

It’s weird being allowed to do one’s job. I actually am slammed from the minute I walk in til the minute I leave. Hard to get used to again.

Of course there’s new crap on top of all the usual. So there’s that.

I need to start making wearing my glasses a habit instead of contacts.

Nothing like looking someone you thought you were on good terms with up on FB to discover that they’d preemptively blocked you. I wasn’t even going to send a friend request, I was just looking for a basic piece of information that would have been readily available there.

You know. I should be in a really good mood with this great new boss and honestly I’m just not. I’m stuck. I don’t fit anywhere. It doesn’t matter who your boss is if you’ve got the same stupid job that you’re overqualified for but that no one can seem to see you’re overqualified for.

And your friends all live far away with their own lives and best friends and things to do.

I’m going to stop typing out my wallow now. It’s pitiful.

Oh this is going to be a messy messy day.

Holy shit.

At least when it’s nonstop I don’t have time to think about

What kind of person looks at this water slide and says, “Yep. That’s what I’m doing next”?????

Man. Cupcakes. I love these fuckers.

It’s about the message for me. I believe in the message. I don’t know what you’re in it for.

And now I’ve screwed up and pissed someone off and I’ll spend the rest of the week beating myself up about it.

You know. I think I need to hang this one up. Today has been so stressful that it actually brought on the migraine full stop. I’ve cried twice. I’m a mess.

I don’t actually find Jude Law particularly attractive, actually.

I’m almost ready to take up the tea habit again. I’m missing it.

I typed that and five minutes later the Headspace app popped up a Mindful Moment that read “Fancy a cup of tea? …”

I am much too connected to the world at large. I hated the book Feed, but it doesn’t seem too far off the mark these days.

Sorry for the depressing post. Better luck next week.


Random Wednesday

sunflower planted by Stormageddon.

Some weeks Random is hugely popular. Some weeks I might get 3 likes if I’m lucky. I just never know. It’s weird.

When did you get old?

I’m tired of the Russian Mob trope in TV shows. I instantly lose interest when it comes up.

Wow. I had no idea!

I don’t think anything I’ve done warrants being attacked by ground bees every time they dig a hole on my Compound.

Maybe the ground bees were a message.

I’m soooooooo excited about the new season of Jack Ryan. Such a good show.

Wow. I spent literal years of my life in a dark room. This saddens me greatly.

I don’t think people should have been mean about it though. There’s no reason on this Earth that the kid would know what a dark room is.

HOW did I not know about this???

I feel like this is what I want for dinner every day. But with not adventurous cheese.



This is actually nuts. But also didn’t Obama float something along these lines? I seem to recall he did. Maybe his wasn’t forced though … Whatever. This is nuts.

This is also totally fucking nuts. *Update* The prosecuting attorney dropped the charges.

I completely forgot that it’s Wednesday. Which seems to be happening a lot lately.

Now I’m gross. Stupid basement.

Now it’s Newt Gingrich. Leave me alone, dammit!

“You gotta stop talking to me over the wall, kid.”
45 seconds later …


Bitch, please.

This is strangely hypnotic and beautiful.

Ha. Like 10 people have sent me the link to the new death museum in Mt Clemens. That is awesome.

Human beings are actually designed to eat meat. It’s a biological fact that we are omnivores.

safe from what?

be calm bee balm- now with more calm

Well. That was interesting.

I don’t know how you start your vacation, but I start mine by being woken up by a migraine and the urgent need to vomit. Good times.

I’m not really a Luke Bryan fan, but this song is pretty great. He’s allegedly playing a farm just up the road from me this fall. That’s kind of cool. That he does that, I mean.

I like the Irish theme song better.

I have a Meijer cupcake problem. Don’t judge me.

Have I mentioned that before?

The acting in this particular episode of Crossing Jordan is especially atrocious.


So much dread.

Wow. It’s been non-stop since I walked in the door.

Holy shit. I don’t want to jinx anything, and I know it’s only been one day, but my new boss is kind of amazing.

See. I actually really like this song.

You know I can’t stand Bill Maher, but this is pretty good.

hot cold hot cold hot cold hot cold hot cold

I need to get this book read. I have no motivation to read this book.

He probably left her over the abortion cake.

Why the hell did he marry her in the first place, anyway? So weird.

Maybe I should learn to play an instrument.

Maybe after I graduate I should start martial arts of some kind.

Maybe after I graduate I should take an obscenely long vacation somewhere I’ve always wanted to go.

I suppose I should start saving all the monies.

This is the best deal, maybe ever


Lonesome Me

here’s my printed out book cover on account of my book has disappeared. or it was stolen. it could have been stolen. you don’t know.

Hello, intrepid chickens! Did you miss me? I know, it’s been ages since I made a book post.

Today I bring you …. Lonesome Dove! Lonesome Dove was recommended to me by several people. Read Lonesome Dove! You’ll LOOOOOOVE it! Fee Waybill went on and on one night in my dining room at a party about how much he loved the Lonesome Dove series. So I thought I’d give it a try. I mean, Fee Waybill. SURELY he would not steer me wrong. Right?

crappy photo of a photo of fee as frank in rocky horror that i shot for the Barn Theatre some years back. i was looking for the photo of him on the floor with my dog at the party i mentioned, but can’t currently find it.

I started reading it. I got a couple of hundred pages in. And holy hell was it a slow burner. So I put it down. I thought I’d take a break. Come back to it later.

And now I can’t bloody find it.

It has completely disappeared off the face of the Earth. My house has eaten it. My house consumes books at an alarming rate. It’s swallowed at least two copies of Atlas Shrugged, along with every copy of 1984 we ever had (and we’ve had several). Of course I still have two different covered copies of A Clockwork Orange.

It’s bizarre.

here’s a picture i took of it in 2014. it wasn’t long after this that it disappeared.

I left off somewhere around the part where they decide to go ahead and do another cattle raid. Does that sound familiar? I don’t know. Maybe I’m imagining it.

But now if I want to find out, I’ll have to buy a new copy. And you know as soon as I buy a new copy, it will turn up. Because that’s what happens every. single. time I lose something. So I’ll keep looking, I guess. But I am putting this in the can’t seem to finish category because I was genuinely having trouble loving it. But also it’s physically impossible to finish it!

I can see how I’d love this book in film or series form (though I’ve never watched the televised/filmicized version of the tale). I think I’d love it if it weren’t so bloody loooooooooooooong and excruciatingly detailed. I mean I was really starting to feel like I was there in Texas, living the drought, smelling the stink, hacking up a lung. So. I guess McMurtry’s pretty good at realism. But man.

Anyway. Every time I think of this book that I am unable to finish, I get Galveston stuck in my head. I know it’s blasphemy, but I like David Nail’s version better than the Glen Campbell original. And I love Glen Campbell.

Have you read Lonesome Dove? Thoughts? Anyone want to send me a new copy? I think I bought mine off Alibris, so I suppose I could find another one there. I love Alibris.

jentober, contemplating the whereabouts of her copy of this epic tome. and also the unnatural smoothness of her skin using the self portrait camera on her phone.

Did I send you my copy? That’s a possibility too. In my giving away all the books frenzy. So. Many. Books. Maybe I thought “I’m never going to finish this nine thousand page book, I’m just going to ship it on to someone else.” That seems like something I’d do and promptly forget about.

Also? Every time I type Lonesome Dove, I type Loneseome Dover and have to fix it. Every. Time. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, and neither do you.

P.S. You’ll notice I have not yet launched my book blog. That’s for many many reasons including being HEAVILY focused on my MA practicum. Also I’m planning a podcast. For reals, yo. So it’ll all come together in the end. Truuuuuuust me.

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