nobody here but us chickens

Category: random wednesday (page 1 of 42)

Random Wednesday

I’m re-watching Chuck for the eleventy seventh time and I just noticed in the first episode that Sarah put that ankle sheath full of knives on and then added knee high boots. How the hell is she supposed to access those knives wearing those boots? Then she pulls a knife out of her boot. Suddenly that sheath isn’t under her pant leg anymore?? Bad editing, people.

I love you, John Casey.

I wish I were the kind of person who could afford to pay $44 for 177 yards of yarn. Jesus.

This shit is why the U.S.

I could go my whole life without ever hearing another Doors, Pearl Jam, Red Hot Chili Peppers or Stone Temple Pilots song again and be a perfectly contented woman.

Too many distractions.

People are assholes just to be assholes and I’m so goddamn tired of it.

This story made me cry.

Still not gonna smoke pot.

And this made me laugh.

What kind of foolishness is this?

“Do your feet kill in heels?” Here’s an idea – stop wearing heels.

Why though?

Um. OK jackass.

This is why I don’t participate. Someone asks a question. I answer it. They say “it was rhetorical.” I’m sorry. HTF am I supposed to know in that context ONLINE that  your question was bloody rhetorical?

I REALLY need to find a way to become a full on genuine hermit.

Well. That’s not the decision I expected at all. I suppose it could be much worse.

Where am I gonna get cloudberries around here??

People make me tired. This is adorable.

This is pretty great, actually.

But why doesn’t anyone want me?

I don’t know what that even means.

That’s kind of funny.

I need to work on resigning myself to my fate.  My horrible, terrible, excruciating, tenth circle of hell, no escape, fate.

My entire skull hurts right now.

Dammit! I thought that module opened today. It doesn’t open til tomorrow. Curses!

Today has been unexpectedly nutty.


I, once again, forgot I was working on this post and that it was Wednesday. Jaysus.

You know what? I really like KitKats.

Read this.

I love you, John Casey.

You already said that, Jennifer.


I fee like


I want a Pixel whatever number it’s on now.

Forget it. I give up.

Can’t even get a bloody interview.

“It’s funny how they say ‘permanent address’ but you can move!”




My brain hurts a lot.


Random Wednesday

My raven is dusty.

I need to upload some new photos.

No respect.

This feels like a trap.

People make me tired.

No one wants to talk to me.


It’s funny cos it’s true.

Gaaaaaaaaah I can tolerate just about anything except for my feet being hot.

I know. I know. I’ve talked about it before. BUT MY FEET ARE HOT.


I like how people latch on to phrases they heard in the media and then just apply them to everything. One of my current favorites is “false narrative.” I’ve rarely seen it used correctly.

That is the single most inaccurate internet quiz I have ever taken.

There are loads of films that are better than the book. It’s a fact. For example, pretty much anything ever written by Stephen King.

God I hate Stephen King.

But not Roald Dahl. We love Roald Dahl.

Apparently you think you’re too good to check your email.

Leave my evidence bag alone.

I’d never heard of Dan Crenshaw before this SNL foolishness. But thanks, cos he is a damn good looking man! Plus, I love his message about moving away from making everyone apologize all the time. He’s right on. So classy. Honestly, what the SNL idiot said really wasn’t that bad, I didn’t think. But what do I know any more.

in between days

I’m not writing what I need to be writing.

I’m trying really hard to care.

Does it feel like someone had put your head in a vise while tiny angry gremlins with 6 inch razor claws tried to scritch their way out from the inside? No? Huh. Well.

I’m not a fucking Mary Kay lady.

Jesus Christ. How many times can one person use “folks” in a single email?

God I hope this is good.

Stop telling me I don’t have the right to worry about my son being falsely accused of sexual assault.

I had completely forgotten about this.

OK, but I’m pretty sure it’s actually a Constitutional Republic. Not a Constitional Republic. I mean. I could be wrong.

I did not have anxiety as a child. Or a teenager. Or a twenty-something. Or a thirty-something. But I sure as fuck have it now.

I might actually delete some of this. Not feeling terribly confident this week.

Great. Guess no one remembers what 8 years of Granholm was like in Michigan. Here we go again.

I hate you and your air freshener. I’m calling it assault. This is now a hostile work environment.

Today is another good day to stay off the interwebs.

I say it all the time. I LOVE gridlock.


That is way too long.

That’s just a round about way of saying that you’re fully in favor of people purposely breaking the law in order to get your bitch elected, and I have no respect for that. If you can’t win legitimately, your party has no legitimacy regarding anything.

Why can’t you just say, has anything changed? and let it go at that.

Stupid pen.

I was on a roll for a minute. Then shit happened.

Wow. Jeff Sessions is out.

Did I already say this? That Jack Ryan show is not bad.



I could use a donut.

I wonder what’s for dinner.


Random Wednesday

“There’s been no war and no terraforming event. The environment is stable. It’s the Pax. The G-23 Paxilon Hydrochlorate that we added to the air processors. It was supposed to calm the population, weed out aggression. Well, it works. The people here stopped fighting. And then they stopped everything else. They stopped going to work, they stopped breeding, talking, eating. There’s 30 million people here, and they all just let themselves die.

I didn’t even know Kalamazoo had a Chipotle.

I should not try to join a discussion. I should just continue to lurk.

Still can’t afford Knit Stars.

No one gives a rat’s ass what I think.

He ain’t right.

Oh great. Just great.

Hi-larious. And accurate.


No, but really. Help.

No. Really.

Still don’t actually care about your cat.

This is a really good book.

Huh. I’d never heard of ICU psychosis before. Fascinating.

I shouldn’t be able to smell your perfume in my cubicle.

Well, that’s disappointing.

Shut up. Somebody take me to the theater.

Um, I don’t know if you’re aware of this in your current freakout, but birthright citizenship is protected by the Constitution, and Trump can’t “end it by executive order.”

Honestly, no one is even trying. Y’all are just going to Defcon Whateverthebadoneis immediately instead of taking a breath and doing 5 minutes worth of research. Calm the fuck down.

Well, that’s one way to keep people out of my office.

I don’t know how to do some of that stuff.

I don’t know how to feel about the phrase “living cadavers.”

Why are you so weird?

OMG Ash Wednesday. Brilliant.

No, but really.

WHY are we still printing a campus directory?

You better stop your

This is wonky, yes?

I have no idea what’s going on.

This post rarely works when I’m not in the office.

A step down would be fine if I can keep my pay. I’m worth every penny. I swear.

Well, I didn’t get this done, so I may as well add to it Thursday.

You’re a kind and generous person. But you’re also a jerk. I’m having trouble being around you. Ever.

Thumbs. Up.

I really hate the phrase bougie. And I think you’re an asshole if you use it.

It’s not like

God I need a new job.

Maybe you should take notes.


Great. Just great. I will now join the ranks of those with a coffee shop on their way to work. And it’s a Biggby. And Biggby beats Starbucks to death. DAMMIT.

I don’t know what FB thinks “most recent” means but it sure as hell ain’t this shit.

I don’t want to hear your conversation. Maybe close your door. You’re lucky enough to have one.

What did I do now?

I’m too old for this shit.

I do love a fuzzy sweater.

Now, where to hide out til 7:30?


Random Wednesday

Never gets old.

I got your interim right here.

Let’s just ask for forgiveness later. Fuck it.

It’s logic.

I miss acupuncture, but I don’t miss spending the money on it.

Sure would be nice if you people ever responded to my texts.

Hell’s bells, it’s a dream house. I’d live there in a heartbeat. If it weren’t in Massachusetts.

I have never put ketchup on a pasty and I never will.

There was a Norwegian butter crisis?

That is not at all an accurate representation of libertarianism. That’s a progressive’s idea of what libertarianism is.

six pernicious influences

I don’t often say this about someone out loud, but that woman is a cunt of staggering proportions.

Will we or won’t we? I guess we’ll find out at

Holy shit has it ever been a day. Y’all are suffering for my absence.

I’m nervous about my presentation. I hope that it’s not a full house.

OMG Ample Pantry brownie. The bessssssssssssst.

This is interesting. I’m torn on it though. On the one hand, what a great way to catch criminals in the act, deter crime, etc. On the other hand, way to take the surveillance state to the next level, Detroit.

I do not know. I just do not know.

Yes, I did know that, in fact. I did indeed. Thank you very much.

Not a good day for a migraine.

It’s not like I have a brand or anything.

Isn’t that the lingo? Branding? I have no branding.

I do have to pee, though.

Oh holy Hell, I was just reminded of Propaganda Magazine.

Stop with the Christmas crap already! I am NOT DONE WITH HALLOWEEN.


The ghooooostieeeeessss!

All the heart eyes for you, cute Halloween dresses. I need you all in my life.

Stupid lottery. Stranding me here in this stupid place. New cute Halloween dress-less.

Can you just close your door because y’all are too gorram loud.

Great. Now the Friends theme is going to be stuck in my head for the rest of the damn day.

It’s just. Nuffin.

Hey Firefox? I don’t give a shit about diamonds.

Wait. People actually like green bean casserole?

Sunflowers, in case you were wondering. Sunflowers are my favorite. Once upon a time it was lilies. I’ve moved on.

Now my ear is ringing. Looooovely.

Dammit. Now I want a taco.

This is relevant to your interests.

I’m not really here.

Honestly the timing is a dream.

I wish I had a little pizza.

Ohhhh it’s pronounced CH. Not K.

Who knew?

Probably you.

That’s it. I’m just gonna eat this astonishingly good microwave mac and cheese and move on with my life.


Random Wednesday

I just read relationality as rationality approximately 437 times and could not figure out why it wasn’t making any sense in context.

I’m sorry, but how did Cass walk into that bar, sit there for however long, and be completely fucking clueless to the fact that he was surrounded by demons? HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?

Also Sam needs to shave. And I’d love to see him with a real haircut.

I miss Crowley.

The season premier was disappointing. Deeply disappointing. Here’s hoping the season picks up.

Shouldn’t somebody be in charge of Hell though? I mean, I’m a firm believer in spontaneous order, but if you actively continue to disrupt the natural resumption of order, isn’t the resulting chaos worse?

Do you pronounce it Cartian or Carteeszhian? I honestly don’t know. Because you don’t pronounce the S in DeCartes. Why are the French so confusing?

I enjoyed this. You know I have such a hard time with being a fan and knowing where that person’s politics lie. I’ve had a love hate relationship with Rollins for years. I still think he’s a hypocrite and a dick, but I do also still enjoy his prose. He’s a very talented writer, and he’s very intelligent, though he doesn’t act like it, far too often.

You’ve wandered off again.

That doesn’t really differentiate, now that I think about it.

Honestly, who gives a shit? Capitalism for the win. Everybody’s got bills. She’s not breaking the law.

Let them eat donuts.

This is just not OK.

“What is ‘delightful’?”
“Not me.”

All of my students forgot boss’ day this year. Sigh.

313 212 313 212

It’s just that

I’m going to have this stuck in my head for the next year, but it’s better than the damn Depeche Mode song that was stuck there for a week solid. I thought I’d go mad.

I tried to set up a book exchange, but people suck.

Idiocracy. This is a classic example of technology making people dumber.

He’s not even one of ours.

Why can’t I finish this paper?

It’s a lesson in sensible footwear.

I keep getting distracted on these and keep forgetting I’m supposed to be sharing my raaaaaaandom thoughts with you. So many thoughts just gone now. Wasted. On account of I forgot.

I forgot to tell you –

Stop telling me I don’t have the right to worry about my son being falsely accused of sexual assault.

Seriously, between Elizabeth Warren and the NPCs, this might be my favorite week on the internet ever.

I legitimately cannot remember the last time I spoke to her. And I’m OK with that.

Now would be an excellent time for a nap.

“Write more than you talk about writing.” Well. There you go.

This stupid mid-fall break is fucking me up. I keep thinking it’s a bloody holiday.

I might have to actually sit in on that lecture. Could be interesting.

I need to put my Halloween presentation together. Such a slacker.

Does it open with Jason Isaacs running? Because there seems to be an awful lot of footage of Jason Isaacs running in the world.

It’s a good day for a Once More With Feeling rewatch. Probably. Too bad I’m at work. And have to work. And be at work tomorrow. To work.

Maybe I misunderstood every single one of them, then.


But no.


Random Wednesday

What’s the worst thing that could happen? The response could be “don’t bother me kid, I’m not interested.” Right? So why not reach out?

I don’t need advice, I need a bloody miracle.

Stop being so bloody overheated, October. You aren’t menopausal.

I get that you’re completely checked out of your job because you got screwed, but you’re making more work for me, and it’s kind of pissing me off. You’re still here. Do what you’re being paid to do.

God forbid you should be bothered to learn anyone’s proper name.

The Jennifers are NOT interchangeable.

There is literally nothing left to do but throw my hands up and watch this place burn to the ground. Figuratively burn. Figuratively.

Your using of that horrible air freshener is passive aggressive bitchery and it makes you an asshole. You know it’s a migraine trigger for me. I’ve asked you not to use it. Using it just makes you a dick. I’m done with you.

I should have joined the military. I would have been a phenomenal general.

It’d be so great if women would stop telling me I’m not allowed to worry about my son being falsely accused of sexual assault.

I went back to biting my tongue for a long long time. Starting to get sick of the taste of blood again.


It’s sort of like a dead letter office, really.

Am I missing something here?

Yeah, grinded isn’t a word, Reason.

Haven’t done a book post in a while.

Wow, totally forgot this post altogether for the last few hours. Oops.

I wonder if anyone would notice if I just took a nap. I’m guessing no. If it wasn’t raining, I’d just go down to Biggby for an hour or so.

This nail file has about had it.

I really need to shave my legs.

According to Ayurvedic principles, I’m not remotely healthy.

I’m excited for the Supernatural return tomorrow.

I had to unfollow Jared Padalecki’s wife on Instagram. Talk about privilege. That chick is as out of touch with reality as Gwyneth Paltrow.

“The real heroes are the real heroes.”

Why did she go to a Norm Macdonald show in the first place?

I think the temperature might be dropping a bit.

Tomorrow’s going to be cold. Yay!

Lovely lovely rain.

I’m so hungry right now.

I’ve had my shoes off for most of the day.

Honestly. What’s appealing about mushy peas?

The only right answer here is “nothing.”

I started out as a journalism major. It’s not that hard to go back to it.

I should probably lock the doors.

You don’t have to go home …


Random Wednesday

I should make some ginger cookies.


Jalapeno potato chips are a perfectly reasonable 10 a.m. snack.

Honestly. Why am I even here?

That’s not even a turkey leg. Have you people never seen a turkey leg?

I hate it when women decide that they’re speaking for ALL WOMEN EVERYWHERE. I can guarantee you that 99% of the time I don’t actually agree with you, and probably a WHOLE lot of other women don’t either. I’m not with you. I’m not in your camp. I remain over here in my own teepee, permanent skeptic, all about the verify, not so big on the trust. Stop speaking for me.

friends who chamber

Do you even employ proofreaders there? Cos I’m thinking no.

Just because it’s there doesn’t mean you have to touch it.

So basically, it’s just search for shit to bitch at Jen about day. Awesome.

I should have called in with pneumonia for this whole bloody week.

I hate it when the back of the book doesn’t tell you what the bloody book is about. I don’t need to read all the praise heaped upon you. That doesn’t tell me a bloody thing. Just because a pack of random critics read your blather and loved it doesn’t mean I will. And I’m not very likely to read a book without knowing what I’m reading.

Can I just not come here any more? Can someone just give me some millions of dollars so I can not come here any more?

Son Volt was on my radio on my drive in and it was nice.

“A favorite among tastemakers.” Well, that’s enough to turn me off.

And of course the journals are far more concerned with having been duped than with the point the papers’ authors were making. I mean Mein Kampf for fuck’s sake. Here’s a breakdown of the authors’ work. (I haven’t read it yet.)

the doctrine of salvation

The Jennifers are not interchangeable.

“J. Cole does not want to be famous.” Well congratulations, I’ve no idea who the hell you are, so you’ve succeeded.

Maybe it’s just a question of semantics, after all.

I’ve literally asked this woman 4 different times to stop doing this and she just doesn’t give a shit. Absolutely no respect whatsoever.

I probably need

whisper whisper whisper whisper whisper

I think it’s finally boiled down to every man for himself in this place. Now that’s some effective leadership.

Oh hello, really old Snickers bar.

I seriously never would have guessed that that was Christian Bale.

No, I don’t believe all of my rights as a woman are being systematically stripped away since Trump became president, nor do I think they’ll be further stripped by a Kavanaugh confirmation.

Yes, I firmly believe that women who falsely accuse men of sexual assault should be prosecuted to the fullest extent possible.

I’m wordy today.

Could you please take the politics out of knitting? Thanks. That’d be great. You’re not Madame Defarge. As much as you might like to be.

Man, the Brits and all their CCTV. I could never live over there.

Can I just coast along, dya think?

I wish I had some crackers. Maybe there’s some Cheez Its hiding under the counter.

I’ll just check.

There are none. Sadness.

Just focus on the one thing.

I don’t even know what sounds good for dinner. Probably nothing.

Hey. If you don’t want me pointing out that shit is spelled wrong before it goes out to the public, that’s fine by me. But I’m taking that proofreading business out of my job description because I don’t want this to reflect on my skills. Which are mad. Yo.

There’s a lovely British lady playing the voice in my head as I read this chapter. Interesting.

I’m never going to make it to the end.

the branch of metaphysics dealing with the nature of being

It’s just fucking paper towel for fuck’s sake.

I want to see the lighthouse ghost!

I already have plenty of ghosts, I suppose.


Random Wednesday

OK, I totally forgot about the Stars Hollow musical. Dear God.

Pu-pu-pu-pu-Puuuuutin is still kinda funny though.

I’m having a really hard time with this stupid thing.

Was Twin Peaks just an elaborate exploration of David Lynch’s search for meaning and spiritual truth?

It’s Rory’s voice. It changed. I don’t like it. Yeah, I don’t like A Year in the Life after all.

There is nothing to like about raccoons.

If I had said what she just said in as public a forum as she did, I’d be labeled a racist and probably fired.

I’m just desperately trying to find a way out. That’s all.

One’s German, one’s French.

I love this.

Sorry, but no. And I don’t feel bad about it either.

Oh good. Yet another jerk who thinks it’s totally OK to just walk into my cube just because! Dude. I have met you one fucking time. I don’t know you. Stay out of my office.

I don’t know. Seems to me that if you’re so against prostitution, this would be the dream alternative. Don’t want men buying sex from women? Give them robots. How is this a problem??

Well there’s something we can agree on. With the law of averages it was bound to happen sooner or later.

Literally none of this shit makes any sense to me.

Lucifer is a nicer fellow, in comparison.

Not a single morning this week has gone according to plan. Not a one.

The Jennifers are not interchangeable.

I’ve decided that the term “middle of nowhere” is offensive, particularly to the people who live there. Clearly it is somewhere. Stop being so dismissive of rural communities. Ruralists.

I will never stop celebrating Halloween. Never. NEVER!

Evidently I got red paint on my travel mug too.

Why does it smell like garlic in here?

If I close my eyes for just a second too long right now, I will absolutely fall asleep at my desk.

Look at that. Look at it.

Maybe I’ll post late. So I can add more. So sleepy.

I don’t think the Supernatural parodies are that funny.  I wanted to. But I just don’t.

My sinuses feel like the Sahara.

I can’t tell you what

I do so appreciate the tea.

The oatmeal raisin cookie always starts out tasting good, but by the time you’ve finished it, it’s been entirely too much sugar. And possibly butter.

I can’t stop yawning.


Random Wednesday

I just learned how to make a conference call. It was not nearly as satisfying as I had hoped it would be.

Yep. HR. Helpful as ever.

Oh nothin’. Just watchin’ the hurricane blow in.

Yeah, it’s not “off the grid” if it has “high speed internet.” I mean that’s literally ON the grid.

I think it’s that you can’t actually stop yourself from being a dick.

It’s not the fishbowl. It’s not A fishbowl. It’s the seminar room. It’s right there on the door. “Seminar Room”

I’m pretty sure they were supposed to have taken the flag down before the weather started, but it’s been awesome to watch.

It’s very loud.

But then how will I pay for my Xanax?

ffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. I have been reading the wrong goddamn chapter.

HR is a joke. Utterly useless. Everyone hates you for a reason. A valid, valid reason.

The whole entire point of converting this room was to get it on the University system and you’re telling me it’s not on the University system??

Why do people give emergency contact information in their auto replies? “If this is an emergency, please contact public safety.” Why would anyone be contacting you via email in an emergency?

I just typed course lookly instead of course lookup. I do not know what is wrong with me.

“Yeah and so, yeah. Yeah and so.”

But what about KEVIN???

It just seems like Clarence Thomas all over again to me. In other words: Utter bullshit.

I don’t actually hate that many people. Not really.

Where is my certificate? Where is my 10 year anniversary pin? WHERE IS IT??

I’d take Steve McQueen over James Dean any day.

It’s funny how you say “we,” as if you had anything at all to do with it.

OK, look. Luke’s daughter is annoying as hell.

How am I supposed to respond and wrap up if no one comments on my discussion post? Answer my own questions? I guess I could answer my own questions. That’d be weird, but whatever.

I have Just Like Heaven stuck in my head, and I am so not in the mood.

I am not the co-chair. I don’t get to make any decisions. Why do I feel like the co-chair?

I forgot my Little Debbie treat for after lunch today. Sadness.

Stupid create button. Did you HAVE to put it where the home button used to be?

I just searched my blog for the word terrified and one of the posts that came up was talking about BLTs and now I really want a BLT.

When was the last time I had a BLT? I cannot remember.



Man, I really need some new Chucks.

Well if you’re going to give it to me. OK.

I don’t know. I’m finally attempting a second run at Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life and while there are things that are still bugging me, I do like it better than the first time I watched it. I really kind of hated it the first time I watched it.

I’m not heartbroken about Neil Gaiman. There’s no point.

Huh. The wheat for Triscuits comes muchly from the Mitten. Nice.

I just saw this question on someone’s post: “Can your boss do your job and would he be willing to do it?” Yeah that’s a big fat no.

Interesting juxtaposition: The Daily Wire and Vulture in my inbox at the same time.

This work load has been shockingly light. What are you talking about?

Tomorrow is picture day!

Everything hurts. Everything. This virus is never leaving my system. I’m clearly dying.

No, really, stop texting me. I’m so pissed at you.

Everybody buy a copy of this book that my new friend Joe wrote. He’s been working with me for the last year (and my committee) to bring Gaiman to campus. This book should be really really great.

I want pizza. And also BLTs. Not so much in the mood for tacos. But mostly just a cup of French Breakfast.


Random Wednesday

This is so fantastic.

But. Why wouldn’t you remember how old you were in 1979 if you were alive then?

Bleah. Bring back the cool temps. I beg of you.

OMFG could you NOT talk with your mouth full of food? Is that possible? Do you really need to get those words out RIGHT FUCKING NOW??

WHAT is with this mohair trend? It’s the only natural fiber I can’t wear. Makes me itch like crazy.

People. Apart means the exact opposite of what you’re trying to say. Stop using it.

My dizziness is not from low blood pressure. Stop telling me I need to drink more water to fix it.

I don’t need that many fucking reminders. Jesus.



I have a very difficult time saying modernity. I have no idea why. Rural is easier to say. So weird.

Thanks for the Cheez Its. Much obliged.

This exercise is stupid.

I REALLY need to finish reading this. But Burke. Ugh. The state is not my daddy.

Shortest Random in history. Well, no. One of the first ones was like 5 lines long.

I typed longs.

I’m out of it. Way out of it.

WTF is this. I don’t even know.

Plug your shit in.

Let me count the ways I loathe the cult of the personality test. These days Strengths Quest is all the rage. We have freaking Strengths Quest coaches on campus. No. Let that shit GO.

This shit’s due in two days and I’m the only one in the class who has done it. What the fuck, people?

Why is it so cold in here?

Well. So much for my dream of meeting Neil Gaiman. Time to move on to a new dream. Move on with my life. Move on off of this committee.

Whhhhhhhhhhhhhy though.

I do like that hat. I might have to make it. But not right now. I’m not buying anything at all right now.

Eh. Was it FEMA or was it the mayor? Hard to tell which is more inept.

My income certainly did not hit that particular high.

There’s just nothin’ happening here. Quietest Wednesday in months.

I always switch Remus and Romulus with Castor and Pollux in my brain. It’s so annoying.

I should not have eaten that Tiny Twix. It was just enough sugar to make me feel craptastic.

Here’s my issue with the internet. I mean aside from the rampant assholery. People keep posting shit I want to buy.

I’d completely fail as an ascetic, but I’m a total champ at being a stoic.

And forever a skeptic.



Somebody just buy my damn house.

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