antijenx

nobody here but us chickens

Category: random wednesday (page 1 of 39)

Random Wednesday

Huh

Go tell it to somebody who cares, pal.

I just remembered Richard Grieco.

I don’t know. Sometimes free shit just gets old. Like thanks, but I’m actually really picky about my lip balm, you know?

This is why I don’t listen to podcasts. Well. One of the reasons.

Just because it works for Karen and Georgia doesn’t mean it works for you. Find your own voices. Please.

No. Tom Selleck is the only Magnum PI. Sorry, sugar.

Googley eyes are never not hilarious.

Your bookstore is entirely too pretentious for words.

WTAF

The more I think about this game, the more I miss the low-tech life of my youth.

I would rather not say that out loud, thank you.

Look. Sometimes I just go look at how much something would cost. And I comment on it. That doesn’t mean I’m going to buy it.

Now seems like a really good time for Chuck to make an appearance. I mean WTF.

Yep. Still hate speaker phone.

I love that giant globe.

What’s with all the mohair everywhere all of a sudden?

I can’t wear mohair.

selfulations

Why does my breath taste like mothballs?

Jesus, would you calm the fuck down with this shit? NONE of this is an emergency.

OMG I wasn’t gonna, but I think this day needs it.

If Apocalypse World Bobby dies in this world, what happens when he gets to heaven and meets this world’s Bobby?

Oh shit. Well, that solves that problem, doesn’t it?

I literally could not stop myself.

I’ve been saying literally a lot lately. I need to stop that. Literally right now.

That’s not a real thing. Cut it out.

Could someone tell Paul Holes to get an Instagram, cos I don’t really do Twitter anymore.

I’d just buy you a phone myself if I thought you’d respond to me trying to reach you any quicker there.

There was too much corn in that Mexican Casserole thingie, but aside from that, it was pretty tasty. For an unfrozen lunch.

That is quite possibly the most horrifying photo of me in existence and now that it’s out in the world I want to crawl in a hole and die.

ILU standing desk converter.

I haven’t been able to crack my back since I was pregnant with Stormageddon and I miss it.

everybody’s goin down

I might be dangerous.

I love animals too, but I’ll never refer to them as my children in any way.

Am I the worst mother in existence? Well, I’ve never locked my children in the closet, so … probably not.

I’ve almost completely lost interest in this thing at this point.

I have no interest in moving to Detroit, thanks.

Wow. Complaining about being successful. Your life is so hard.

Not at all sure how you came to that conclusion. But OK.

Look. Paul Holes is hot. That is not in dispute. But I cannot with that hashtag. It’s just weird.

I like aspects of Frank Lloyd Wright houses. But overall, it’s just not my thing.

They’re photographs, not talkies.

If I do it, I’m not telling you about it.

I’m in like Flynn.

But I don’t have a Maltese named Falcon.

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Random Wednesday

You’re going to require a Master’s for that position and then make the pay the same as an admin assistant senior? Wow.

OMG just stop emailing me. Seriously.

It hurt my soul to do that. I just want you to know.

Bastards.

I think it’s hilarious that all the comments are “wash your hands!” and none of them are “stop biting your fucking nails.”

Because stop biting your fucking nails.

No one is going to give you a hundred dollars for your alarm clock. No one.

I’ll be flogged for saying I don’t like it. Flogged.

I don’t know. Kind of seems like an awfully high number of serial killers for one state.

I don’t like the way it looks like it’s just floating.

“Bass fishing, needlepoint, that’s a hobby. Collecting serial killer stats. That’s … that’s an illness.”

Please don’t make me cry today.

Their laughs are so squeaky and creaky.

Man. No one ever gets tired of the phrase “diversity and inclusion,” do they?

‘Cept me. I do. You know why? Cos it’s all talk. It’s all about race and ethnicity. No one gives a fuck about diversity of thought. It’s tiresome.

There.

I won’t apologize. We’ve been through this.

And also read this. Because this is a very important thing to understand.

65,000 is probably too many texts. Just. Dial it back a little. Calm the fuck down.

As I sneezed into my elbow just now, I suddenly realized how that stupid ass dab move was invented. Someone sneezed responsibly on the dance floor and everyone thought it was a fancy new move.

Just seems like a completely haphazard, chaotic existence, and I simply do not see the appeal in that.

I just think that if you don’t actually understand how any of this works, you probably shouldn’t be trying to oversee it. At all.

That … sounds disgusting.

And here I thought I was the only one with an amusing First Communion story.

maybe maybe maybe

I can’t think of a single thing I want to do less right now.

Dude. It’s been way more than 15 minutes. WTH are you?

XM needs an Afghan Whigs channel.

I’m so sorry, but your new logo reminds me of Good Morning America. Not loving it.

Oh look, I started a new feature.

Course I went on about introductions, and now I realize it needs an introduction. So.

I did say there were exceptions …

I have a feeling I’m going to like the new Neko Case worlds better than the last one, which I honestly just did not care for (it breaks my heart to say).

They’re like happy little patriotic speckles.

What is this “newspaper” of which you speak?

i just can’t seem to get enough of

Dammit!

I think it might be “Switch to Only One Morning Cuppa Tea” season. Pretty sure.

Oh it’s that time of year when

I mean. You don’t have to be rude.

I have loads of unpopular opinions. I’m like the unpopular opinion poster girl.

I don’t know what goes on in your head. I can’t help your psychosis or neurosis or whateversis.

Ha. I totally forgot I set that goal. Guess I better step up my game.

Where is my mind.

Well, at least I can laugh at myself.

Oh maybe I should order some Sinharaja. Mix things up a little. That might be good. I like Sinharaja.

Is there anything about crows that isn’t awesome?

Also that mask and wig are terrifying.

I have to say, I am not loving this idea.

This is why I’m back up to two Diet Dr. Peppers a day. I’m so bloody sleepy.

I wonder.

OK, I’ll do an intro to Books I Can’t Seem to Finish. Later. Not today. Another day.

I have to go pick up some chickens now.

Ba-gawk.

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Random Wednesday

ouch

Yeah, no. Just stop.

I feel like that sort of thing is probably frowned upon these days.

Aaaaand now I’ve told you five times. Come on.

Two emails and a voicemail are wholly unnecessary. I will get back to you as soon as I have five minutes to look over your crap. Your procrastination is not my frigging emergency.

No, really. Why doesn’t anyone want to hire me?

Staaaaaaahp. Jennifer. Please. Stop. You are out of control.

Whyyyyyyy would you consent to being murdered and consumed?

Who pays $500 for a freaking cooler anyway?

A) Paul Holes is hot. B) “Alias” implies (to me, and maybe it’s just me) that DeAngelo chose those monikers, and he did not. The press did that. C) Still more evidence that you should never do those DNA ancestry things. D) What’s with that weird paragraph indent?

“[T]he controversial and shadowy group.” Dude. Come on.

Hey!

hair

Kanye should not be taking up this much of my information feed.

I forgot it was Wednesday. Staycation will do that to you.

Bring on the thunderstorm! Hurry up!

I’m itching to go up to Leelanau. I miss it.

Competitive eating is revolting. I should watch it more so I want to eat less.

Why is this so dusty?

Dude. What is up with that weird like under chin wrap beard that some guys do? Like a hat strap beard. Stop doing it. It’s fucking weird. And so very very not attractive.

Wow. Settle down there, pal.

Can someone give me some motivation please?

Someone commented on this pic, “Panties: dry.” Have to say that’s a spot on assessment.

I really need a shower. When was the last time I bathed?

What am I even doing today?

I think it’s Sarah’s turn.

Let’s be honest, this is me.

I forced myself to eat eggs for breakfast. Even though I wanted waffles.

Oil change it is.

But there is no reconciling that.

Well. Guess I’ll prolly buy this Tundra.

What. I’m not at work. Nothing is happening.

OMG read this before it’s gone. It is a thing of beauty. “It’s not going to judge you like a fucking Volkswagen would.”

I’m not explaining anything to the geese. Those birds are on their own.

Please stop calling sweatshirts sweaters. It’s a dirty vicious lie.

Nope. No thank you. Not even to pad my resume. Not a chance.

Yeah, I’d probably ignore me too.

I could become an expert in death practices throughout the world.

No one is going to wear any of those shawls while exploring a national park.

I turned off work email notifications on my phone and I’ve never been happier.

Well. Of course I’ve been happier. But. I can’t believe how very very very little I thought about work the whole week I was off, since I wasn’t aware of emails coming in.

Wow. Yeah. Is that English?

All coats and hoodies and things should come standard with little loops by the tag for hanging.

There is something wrong with the internet.

I died.

That is not how you say that.

It’s not electioneering!

I think some of these attendees didn’t get the memo about the theme. Also, hey Vogue, why can’t I vote that a look is boring or atrocious or something. Because let’s be honest. Some of those looks are atrocious. Mostly I just think the MetGala is dumb.

Not for the squeamish.

What a weird word, squeamish.

Here’s a thought – if you’re tempted to refresh your perfume or cologne in a small enclosed space that other people may shortly be using, like say the single stalled accessible bathrooms, just don’t.

You do understand this has spanned several days, don’t you?

I mean, I have bathed.

Writing this stupid review is giving me another anxiety attack.

Weird. That didn’t sound like her.

buildering

I do love me some Martin Denny.

This is probably just way too long.

The money’s in order of domination.

You are confused.

I don’t know why I ever go to Twitter. Ever. I also don’t know why I don’t just delete my account.

That seems like kind of an arbitrary cutoff.

The problem is that you sound like you’re reading from a script.

Jaysus I’m starving today.

I should work on this paper.

OK, I’m going to the Secretary of State. That’s the DMV for you non-Michiganders.

Ya welcome.

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Random Wednesday

Whelp. There’s another 20 minutes wasted.

You forgot about the whistle.

Curse you, foul donut temptress!

Agreed, despite the error of your apostrophe. But she’s still an asshole.

Can someone please come and overhaul my wardrobe? I need help. An intervention of sorts, if you will.

Yeah, telling me your shit is feminist is not a selling point. Really.

Wow. You didn’t feel like talking to people at those times??? WTF. That is literally your fucking job.

I guess this is kind of what I keep coming back to whenever I waffle on grad school.

It’s not thesis week if I don’t bungle one thing on the schedule.

I did some macrame when I was younggggggggggggggg. I can’t believe it’s making such a big come back. There was something deeply satisfying about tying all those knots though.

You forgot about the whale.

DNA, man. Dangerous.

I think we should check.

I guess that’s why you just shouldn’t talk shit about people.

I am probably still dying.

Wow. I just can’t even find words.

Oh my GOD, what a profound and spectacular waste of time. Also? Discrimination policy is not equivalent to an anti-bullying policy. Nice try, though.

I don’t have portrait mode.

If you could only see my face right now.

OK, seriously, I’ve told you what I need from you four times now. Four. I’ve counted. This? This is useless to me.

That’s maybe just a little weird.

Nutty. Nutty week.

Man. The Winchesters’ hearing must be shot too.

Nope. Still don’t love Felicia Day. Nobody pronounces Topeka that way.

They’re both utterly wrong for the job.

I need to take a break from volunteering for all this test knitting and get these patterns written out. And also finish that sweater.

Huh. Total deja vu.

Oh come ON.

I keep reading that wrong.

I’m so tired.

You keep spelling his name wrong. You should probably stop doing that.

I feel like I wouldn’t really need to interview her …

hustle.

We’re not going to be able to make this happen. We need to just admit it and move on to alternative programming already.

We don’t have that many ghost towns.

rush rush rush

Can I have a nap now?

I love you, ginger cookie.

Mlive. You’re a joke.

I don’t think I’d go so far as to say he was California’s worst serial killer. Certainly good at eluding authorities. But not even the most prolific is he? Guess I’d have to start looking up numbers.

Why is everyone saying he raped “people?” He raped women. Call them women.

I want to know why he just stopped. How.

Well, who’s going to email you with an emergency? No one.

I’m so uncomfortable right now.

Two. More. Days.

Did she just say intregal?

I suppose it depends on what exactly you mean by “worst.”

Bloodiest? Most brutal? Most indiscriminate? Most terrifying? Most deranged? I don’t know.

Honestly press conferences are never as exciting as I want them to be.

Let’s get this train back on the rails. This ain’t no true crime blog!

Maybe this should be a true crime blog.

No. It probably should  not.

I r

The phone rang and I have no idea what I was typing there.

I really have no emotional investment in this whatsoever.

Nobody wants arthritis.

I think we’d all prefer it that way.

I could really use a nap.

I could probably use a diet.

I could definitely use some coffee.

Can I lock these doors yet?

I should watch more hockey.

No one cares what kind of keyring I have, Facebook.

Whaaaaaaa?

I was just forced to experience Title IX training. I’ll never get that period of my life back. I feel sort of violated.

I’ll spend the rest of my life searching for the perfect bag.

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Random Wednesday

I guess Random wasn’t a very good episode last week.

This weather is actually killing me.

I don’t want to smell like sausages.

Fruit fly trap! I should get a couple of those for the office. Probably. Because people.

Griselda. What a fantastic name.

Rhubarb is disgusting.

“So, Jennifer, what kind of political activity are you involved in these days?”
“Well, the most political I’m getting right now is to serve as the advisor for the NRA student organization here on campus.”
*crickets*

Thanks for the gift card.

Leave the Sharpies at home, kid.

That just made me gag. Because ew. Jesus. That is disgusting.

Aw!!

Don’t forget about me while you’re off gallivanting around Gay Pairee!

‘The problem with an event that causes us to ask “how could this have happened?” is that it’s so easy to shift to “this couldn’t have happened.” It could, it did and people need to know it.

Whoa now. Let’s not be hasty. I’m pretty sure that I do not need layers.

I’m probably dying.

I just cannot care.

I might have been too honest? But that might work in my favor. Who knows?

It can be super short and sweet, right?

KEEP IT SIMPLE, KEVIN

Please don’t leave me here alone.

Need some new hiking boots. Or shoes. Can’t decide.

May or may not have just reported a Goop ad in my insta feed as a scam. I’ll never tell.

‘Ello! He’s adorable!

I might have almost successfully purged my news feed of politics. Now it’s nothing but murder and knitting. MWah-ha-ha-ha-ha

Don’t say that. Just say have a great day. You don’t have to qualify it with the portion of the day that is remaining.

UGH Chicken dust.

Tenured faculty, keepin’ it classy.

It wasn’t us!

keving

So much for that nap.

Don’t come in here and chew at me.

I’m so tired of winter.

I’m so tire of coughing.

They will eat your face!

Stupid space heater. The new one was supposed to be here today.

Oh. Maybe I won’t. Huh.

I don’t buy it.

When did it start raining again?

My hair is going to be a disaster tomorrow.

A disaster, Keving.

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Random Wednesday

I used to get bloody noses all the time when I was a kid. Oh yay. They’re back.

So now I can’t even look at my phone at a red light. That’s a little over the top.

purposeful purposelessness

purposefulness

I dunno. I keep forgetting the R.

arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

I am forced to admit I never read the book.

Alright. Which one of you put me on Ben Shapiro’s mailing list?

I’m seriously asking this because I do not understand: Why do people put their email address in their email signature?

I am never going to get this meeting scheduled because one of the attendees does not want to attend.

That’s cute, but why are they still using textbooks from 1982?

OMG SEND THE EMAIL. JUST SEND THE EMAIL.

Didn’t think about that one didja. Genius.

I ordered a coupla t shirts from you one time. I do not now need daily emails.

Yesssssssssssssssssssssssss. June 1 come on.

I hope I love it more than her last solo album. Also I did not love Case/Lang/Veirs at all. And that made me sad.

Yes, the whole thing is broken.

All you had to do was copy and paste, dude. WTF.

New knitty insta: jentober_knits. Since I had to make my regular insta private because jerks, this way I can be more connected to the knitting community. Probably.

I’m sure they don’t want me either.

I love you, pizza.

I most definitely need a nap.

Most definitely.

You don’t really need me for this panel, do you?

It’s all backyard barbecues and bowling teams.

Maybe I’ll get a Biggby before the panel.

No, really. Who is Mark Hoppus?

No, really. I don’t need you to comment with an answer.

No, really. No. Really.

Unfrozen dinner yay. yay. yay.

That does not

I know you find it hard to believe, but I do, in fact, sometimes just not feel like wearing black.

I don’t have a pet.

I bet I could get a nap in before the panel. Go stretch out on one of the couches in the lounge. Freak the students right out.

Why is there a boat at the flagpoles?

ah look out world i’ve got

Well that sneeze went … a lot of places.

Um New York Times? I’m on campus. I get as many articles as I want on your stupid site.

Well, Paul Ryan. Maybe if you hadn’t sold your soul …

Get off your arse and write that shit up, jentober.

pronto.

I’m so fucking boring today. Really. No.

Wow, I read that email and didn’t retain a single word.

This cold is kicking my ass and my cognitive skills’ ass.

I don’t even remember what kind of lunches I have in the freezer. To eat for dinner. Maybe I should just go to Subway.

Gonna go ahead and check out the Shanara series on Netflix. I can’t even remember the books I read them so long ago. I remember loving them though.

I miss middle school devouring of fantasy series days.

Now I’m all nostalgic and stuff.

I know. I’ll get a sammich.

What in the actual

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Random Wednesday

I should re-process that photo. Do something else with it.

I don’t feel like I belong there either.

Don’t much feel like I belong anywhere, to tell the truth.

Medium well with ketchup.

I was going to say if that stupid Chinese satellite takes out my little corner of the Mitten, remember I loved you in my own special misanthropic way. bawk bawk. But it didn’t land here, so. Let’s pretend this never happened.

Great. Now I want to watch Dawson’s Creek again.

Sorry I’m so boring. Go talk to someone else then.

This layout makes it incredibly difficult to run through something chronologically. I am diverting my energies elsewhere.

Don’t ask me to do something and then get irritated with me because you don’t like the way I do it.

Tangentially, don’t ask me to do something and then sit off to the side telling me how to do it or questioning my methods.

OH MY GOD STOP TALKING

Jesus Christ. How many times do I have to unsubscribe from your mailing list?

I’m so tired of having to leave my house and deal with fucking people and a job and STUPID.

Check out The Five on Netflix. Really really good.

I can’t just write a letter of support. I need a topic.

I never noticed those sunglasses in that picture before.

cover cover cover

Don’t flush flushable wipes. They’ll mess up yo pipes. ~ the plumber’s daughter

on the road again

Why do you enter the contests, Jennifer?

Aw. Someone was nice to me. Thanks someone.

I should never have gotten out of bed.

I don’t find any of these people attractive in the least.

These tissues changed color half-way through the box.

“Historical smoking.” Please.

I’ve been known to do some hysterical smoking.

“She had a personality and eyes.”

Dude. Dude.

Oh look, it’s my new motto.

IT’S ALMOST MY BIRTHDAY.

I don’t know how I would even know that.

Yes. This. Exactly.

This is a deeply unsatisfying break.

It’s like my visual diary. If you don’t like it, go follow someone else.

Biggby does not toast their bagels nearly long enough.

I’m not sure they actually toasted this bagel at all, in fact.

Shouldn’t be eating a bagel anyway, really.

Stupid bagel.

I am not your supervisor!

She’s like Rasputin. She will never be gone.

That seems a little misleading, if you ask me.

I need to repaint my nails.

I’m ready to admit that maybe like 7 people would miss me if I quit the internet. Maybe. Give or take an odd number resulting in an odd number.

I’m not threatening to leave. I really don’t have anything else to do. You all live so very far away.

It has to be an odd number.

I like this mug a lot.

used to let you wear all of my clothes

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Stranger Things is profoundly overrated.

chicken or beef?

unfrozen lunch time whee.

She-evil E

I AM NOT AN IT PERSON

Oh that sentence was almost perfect. Too bad for you.

Honestly, just do it already. I mean if Sean Penn can write that piece of shit, what is stopping you?

I think you mean limb from limb. Not from limb to limb.

I never really thought Louis CK was all that funny.

Maybe it’s the snow.

Posting on Vero is sort of like talking to myself.

I feel like I talk to myself a lot everywhere, now that I think about it.

At least no one can accuse him of behaving inappropriately.

I always expect someone to be hiding behind that door.

I may or may not have messaged Jared Padalecki this afternoon with the story about Stormageddon pretending to be Sam Winchester. Maybe. Who can say, really?

I suspect that particular meeting had something to do with my group.

I suppose that’s enough for today. I suppose.

I suppose.

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Random Wednesday

yawn

I don’t keep track of that shit.

bless you

Did you butt text me?

Interesting.

WTF is Mark Hoppus?

Sometimes I wish there were a video aspect to Random so you could see my face right now.

I like being reminded which people not to let on the Compound in the event of the Apocalypse. “BAN ALL THE GUNS! But if there’s an Apocalypse I’m totally going to Jen’s house because she’ll protect us with all the guns and things.” Yeah, no. No I won’t. Good luck, and Godspeed.

I want to go to Canyon Falls.

This raises interesting questions for me, because isn’t it still a pig? Is a cloned animal not considered an animal? If we were to clone humans, would the clones not truly be human? Would they be soulless? So. Many. Questions. I’m going to be thinking about this for days.

letters I

Really can’t stand that Amelia chick Sam hooks up with in season 8.

I just watched a gif … do you watch gifs? I don’t KNOW. I … from Ilse of Dogs and I’m pretty sure I never want to see that movie because that dog weirded me out to my very core.

That boobage is all in how she’s leaning.

I am never going to make it.

WTF is with Spain and the cereal?

They were saying such nice things I had to look behind me to see if there was another Jen standing there.

Well, never mind. I have things to do other than talking to you anyway.

Charge the keyboard!

Reheat the dinner!

Batten the battery!

just kidding

Well, she’s young and hot. Of course they’re going to listen to her instead of me.

Well, really. What does any march accomplish? A whole lot of nothing.

You can’t bash that chick for wearing a Cuban flag patch. She’s Cuban American. It’s no different than me wearing a Norwegian flag on my shirt or whatever. Not a legitimate criticism.

So. Vero. Not really catching on.

I know what I need. I need one of those giant soft pretzels.

Someone made popcorn and I want to murder them.

(not gonna, police types. jesus.)

While I love a great deal about you, Google, I positively loathe the way you manage my photos.

I think my knee high black boots are outdated.

The news today is merely emotional poster children espousing wholly inaccurate and entirely anecdotal tales presented as fact. The media doesn’t care about truth, and they know you don’t either.

I should not have eaten that pretzel.

eated

lowest of the low class

I don’t know why more people don’t find that Hogg kid creepy. I’m reasonably certain he has no soul.

This made me tear up a little. Thanks, Coop.

Ho.lee.shit. I want to go!!!

And now I need to visit this place. That’d be a good Saturday trip. Not too far to drive. Also it’d make a sweet house.

Who cares if anyone is looking at my LinkedIn profile? It’s not like it’s getting me any job offers or interview offers or whatever offers.

ated

Shit. How the fuck did I manage that?

Maybe I won’t dye it. Maybe I’ll just leave it bare.

Knitting and hiking? Why yes, that does sound perfect. It also sounds entirely outside my budget. Stupid retreats.

The title alone makes me want to punch him in his perpetually smug face.

Wacky Wednesday

Oh too much. Right after I posted about this dick above, Coop sent me this link. I’m dying.

“repairs are underweigh”

I think I’ll just stop talking to people. Entirely.

e n t i r e l y

How do you stab someone for hours? How is there anything left to stab?

I won’t be discussing death practices with you today. I’m so sorry for your loss.

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Random Wednesday

First of all, what a name. But second of all, this guy looks like he’s all of 12 years old. I cannot take him seriously. His kid looks older than he does.

It’s not just all autism and Down syndrome. There are all kinds of developmental disabilities.

Still haven’t managed to make it through the first episode of Vikings.

It’s the social media pose. Like the Michigan hair cut.

They’re all so fucking fragile.

Well fine. Don’t then.

I’ve seen some damn funny photos lately. Total lack of self awareness.

You know, I really thought that whole Strengths Finder nonsense would die out. Or maybe it was just a wild hope that it would die out. Instead it has found new life and is raging away, stronger than ever. I literally could not care less about your top 5. Keep it to yourself.

you know i keep your fingerprints

I’m so fucking helpful. You’re welcome.

I wish I had some Pringles.

What does “mass casualties” mean, exactly?

I don’t know. I mean. Why would I want to send my name to the sun though?

Shit. What was I going to say?

I’ve pretty much lost any enthusiasm I might once have had for this whole thing.

Ho.lee.SHIT this kid is talented. I hope he publishes this stuff someday.

Reason number 4,367 to homeschool.

WordPress still thinks homeschool is not a word.

Using inclusion comment cards to demand exclusion of a group of students. Y’all have no sense of irony whatsoever, do you?

I was sitting there thinking, “How did I never see the trailer for Infinity War?” til it got to the end and I saw the Guardians and realized, “Oh, I did.” I guess it wasn’t a terribly impressive experience. Unlike the Civil War trailer. I totally remember that one. It was GOOD. Infinity War’s trailer is wholly unremarkable.

I still don’t like crunchy green beans.

That shit is just gonna get dusty.

I can’t keep track of your goddamn calendar, woman.

Why no West Michigan, Liz Phair? Why??

it’s that little souvenir

Gah. You can’t have half your headlines centered and the others left justified. Pick a format and stick with it.

Why do people think anyone wants to smell their Brussels Sprouts?

Kinda over this Trish bitch.

Man. I was on such a good hair roll for a while there.

I think when this season of the X-Files ends it needs to just stay ended. Forever.

I think you could have made your argument without all the name calling. That was just kind of assy.

Oh! Dumb ass. CO. Conservation Officer. Duh.

Sometimes I am such a dolt.

Half the people I know are anti GMO. Stop already. GMO foods save lives.

I hate seaming.

Jesus. NOWHERE does it say prior. NOWHERE.

Nobody loves Toto’s Africa. Nobody.

Tiny dinosaurs will save the world.

OH MY GOD GET OUT OF MY SPREADSHEET.

And this is why you should buy your own shit.

Well, at least I know that none of you have any respect for me.

The problem with torso killers is …

Screw it. Now I’m just in a foul mood and I’m not sure I’m coming back from it.

This place is making my brain bleed today.

You know what? Sometimes the office is too loud, which makes it difficult to concentrate. That doesn’t make me the asshole.

God. How did I fall down that rabbit hole? I don’t even know.

$2 Biggby day is a gift from heaven.

Great. Now my shit is broken.

I never watched Xena. I thought it was dumb.

Well. Damn. Now I just want to cry.

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Random Wednesday

Well I’m not just going to not say anything.

HA! He looks like he’s saying “Wait WHAT? You’re taking my picture???”

When you say someone shoots film, you don’t actually have to add the word analog. Just. It’s kind of implied.

Another day, another paper jam.

I think it’s time to re-read The Time Traveler’s Wife.

Well. Now I clearly need to watch Death Wish.

It just means they like to make shit.

My feet are hot. I hate it when my feet are hot.

Stop mixing politics into knitting.

GOD. I never want to hear the phrase “Nevertheless she persisted” again. Fucking staaaaaaaaaaahp.

Yeah. Just stay the hell off the damn bridge when it’s windy. Especially if you’re driving a semi.

Dear Staples, I pretty much never need you to email me to tell me that items in my order have been delivered. I’m actually looking at them right now. Thanks.

Wow. His dad was a cop. Damn.

Ooooooooooops. I totally misread that whole thing. Fffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

The mashed potatoes always somehow ended up leaching onto the brownie. The Salisbury steak was my favorite one. I still don’t like mixed vegetables.

“What year was this?”
“The year Canada bought all our Checker cabs and turned ’em into cop cars.”

Man. Riverdale looks like a truly awful show.

regardless of what they say

“key to lock”

Blech. It smells like fake blueberry in here. I hate blueberries. I hate fake fruity smells. Like fruit scented crap. It’s giving me such a headache.

Can I just quit? All of it? Just be done.

this is moderately funny.

I thought that said “he has an affinity for doctors.” It did not.

Man. Y’all are so bossy.

I am not made of money. Not even pennies.

If you refuse to get on FB you can’t complain when information has only been shared with people on FB.

Yep. Though I’m not nearly as bad as I used to be. I also did not realize until surprisingly recently that it is actually anxiety.

Kid, if you say “oh that’s no prob” one more time I am firing you right now.

Now you want me to keep track of crap that hasn’t even been submitted yet? Please.

“Self-engrossed students are acting out little psychodramas of oppression.” I could not have phrased it better. Although I disagree with MacDonald in that I don’t believe it’s racism alone. It’s a whole litany of progressive fantasies. I also think Furedi is wrong about nonjudgmentalism. Even amongst their own ranks.

It’s not like I asked to have Heart stuck in my head. I don’t even like Heart.

Wow. “Gunsplained” That’s a new one.

Well. That discussion went much better than expected.

“Do they have a society of serial killers that meet once a month, and they sit in the diner in the back room, and they say, ‘Where are you dumping the bodies this month?’ … I don’t think we have that.” ~ Suffolk County Police Department Commissioner Richard Dormer

Everyone’s doors are closed. ‘Cept mine. I don’t get a door.

MY KINGDOM FOR A DOOR!

I don’t have a kingdom.

Hey Instagram – I don’t have a fucking cat. Stop advertising cat crap to me. Your algorithms are useless. I don’t even like cats. In fact, I sort of actively dislike cats. Leave me alone.

What does that even mean? Why can’t people just speak clearly? Why does everything need to be bloody translated these days? This is why there is so much division and polarization in the world. One side invented a whole new language that the other side doesn’t speak.

Y’all have overly complicated everything to death.

I should just eat lunch now.

This is bullshit.

I don’t know why I think anyone should start listening to me now.

Yeah, but no. I know a LOT of people I would not want anywhere near a firearm. But still. Funny stuff.

Pringles are delicious.

I’m so glad that

Of all the yarn or fiber festivals in all the world, Edinburgh is the only one I’d really care about attending. Because SCOTLAND.

I should just message Neil directly. On Instagram.

Fine. I’ll go without you.

I’ve been using the word shady a lot lately.

Underhanded also works.

I think, at this point, it’s safe to say I did not get the job.

I’m willing to lay odds that I did not get the other job, either.

I am trapped here. Forever.

Probably.

Have you been drinking, Tiny Fox Mulder?

Supermarket or Grocery Store? (The correct answer is “Meijer.”)

No. No one needs to see the pingbacks but you.

I don’t know how you even slip out of a house surrounded by police and go shopping at WalMart. I mean. Wow. That is some impressive shit.

“Nothing limits the power of the state like the outer boundaries of people’s willingness to do what they’re told.”

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