nobody here but us chickens

Category: random wednesday (page 1 of 41)

Random Wednesday

I just learned how to make a conference call. It was not nearly as satisfying as I had hoped it would be.

Yep. HR. Helpful as ever.

Oh nothin’. Just watchin’ the hurricane blow in.

Yeah, it’s not “off the grid” if it has “high speed internet.” I mean that’s literally ON the grid.

I think it’s that you can’t actually stop yourself from being a dick.

It’s not the fishbowl. It’s not A fishbowl. It’s the seminar room. It’s right there on the door. “Seminar Room”

I’m pretty sure they were supposed to have taken the flag down before the weather started, but it’s been awesome to watch.

It’s very loud.

But then how will I pay for my Xanax?

ffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. I have been reading the wrong goddamn chapter.

HR is a joke. Utterly useless. Everyone hates you for a reason. A valid, valid reason.

The whole entire point of converting this room was to get it on the University system and you’re telling me it’s not on the University system??

Why do people give emergency contact information in their auto replies? “If this is an emergency, please contact public safety.” Why would anyone be contacting you via email in an emergency?

I just typed course lookly instead of course lookup. I do not know what is wrong with me.

“Yeah and so, yeah. Yeah and so.”

But what about KEVIN???

It just seems like Clarence Thomas all over again to me. In other words: Utter bullshit.

I don’t actually hate that many people. Not really.

Where is my certificate? Where is my 10 year anniversary pin? WHERE IS IT??

I’d take Steve McQueen over James Dean any day.

It’s funny how you say “we,” as if you had anything at all to do with it.

OK, look. Luke’s daughter is annoying as hell.

How am I supposed to respond and wrap up if no one comments on my discussion post? Answer my own questions? I guess I could answer my own questions. That’d be weird, but whatever.

I have Just Like Heaven stuck in my head, and I am so not in the mood.

I am not the co-chair. I don’t get to make any decisions. Why do I feel like the co-chair?

I forgot my Little Debbie treat for after lunch today. Sadness.

Stupid create button. Did you HAVE to put it where the home button used to be?

I just searched my blog for the word terrified and one of the posts that came up was talking about BLTs and now I really want a BLT.

When was the last time I had a BLT? I cannot remember.



Man, I really need some new Chucks.

Well if you’re going to give it to me. OK.

I don’t know. I’m finally attempting a second run at Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life and while there are things that are still bugging me, I do like it better than the first time I watched it. I really kind of hated it the first time I watched it.

I’m not heartbroken about Neil Gaiman. There’s no point.

Huh. The wheat for Triscuits comes muchly from the Mitten. Nice.

I just saw this question on someone’s post: “Can your boss do your job and would he be willing to do it?” Yeah that’s a big fat no.

Interesting juxtaposition: The Daily Wire and Vulture in my inbox at the same time.

This work load has been shockingly light. What are you talking about?

Tomorrow is picture day!

Everything hurts. Everything. This virus is never leaving my system. I’m clearly dying.

No, really, stop texting me. I’m so pissed at you.

Everybody buy a copy of this book that my new friend Joe wrote. He’s been working with me for the last year (and my committee) to bring Gaiman to campus. This book should be really really great.

I want pizza. And also BLTs. Not so much in the mood for tacos. But mostly just a cup of French Breakfast.


Random Wednesday

This is so fantastic.

But. Why wouldn’t you remember how old you were in 1979 if you were alive then?

Bleah. Bring back the cool temps. I beg of you.

OMFG could you NOT talk with your mouth full of food? Is that possible? Do you really need to get those words out RIGHT FUCKING NOW??

WHAT is with this mohair trend? It’s the only natural fiber I can’t wear. Makes me itch like crazy.

People. Apart means the exact opposite of what you’re trying to say. Stop using it.

My dizziness is not from low blood pressure. Stop telling me I need to drink more water to fix it.

I don’t need that many fucking reminders. Jesus.



I have a very difficult time saying modernity. I have no idea why. Rural is easier to say. So weird.

Thanks for the Cheez Its. Much obliged.

This exercise is stupid.

I REALLY need to finish reading this. But Burke. Ugh. The state is not my daddy.

Shortest Random in history. Well, no. One of the first ones was like 5 lines long.

I typed longs.

I’m out of it. Way out of it.

WTF is this. I don’t even know.

Plug your shit in.

Let me count the ways I loathe the cult of the personality test. These days Strengths Quest is all the rage. We have freaking Strengths Quest coaches on campus. No. Let that shit GO.

This shit’s due in two days and I’m the only one in the class who has done it. What the fuck, people?

Why is it so cold in here?

Well. So much for my dream of meeting Neil Gaiman. Time to move on to a new dream. Move on with my life. Move on off of this committee.

Whhhhhhhhhhhhhy though.

I do like that hat. I might have to make it. But not right now. I’m not buying anything at all right now.

Eh. Was it FEMA or was it the mayor? Hard to tell which is more inept.

My income certainly did not hit that particular high.

There’s just nothin’ happening here. Quietest Wednesday in months.

I always switch Remus and Romulus with Castor and Pollux in my brain. It’s so annoying.

I should not have eaten that Tiny Twix. It was just enough sugar to make me feel craptastic.

Here’s my issue with the internet. I mean aside from the rampant assholery. People keep posting shit I want to buy.

I’d completely fail as an ascetic, but I’m a total champ at being a stoic.

And forever a skeptic.



Somebody just buy my damn house.


Random Wednesday

I could not possibly have heard that correctly.

The dinosaurs are starting to arrive.

Here’s to not sucking.

Wow. What a monumentally shitty day.


Absolutely no fucking respect whatsoever. None.

Look, there is a sign on the printer in big red letters that says OUT OF ORDER. If you still try to print to it thereby using and losing your print credits, that’s on you. I can’t help you when you do foolish things.

This paper is soooooooooooooooooo dry. Like I’ll get into a really great paragraph and then BOOM. You lose me. Stop saying epistemological.

I’ve been using this mousepad for nearly twenty years. I suddenly feel like I should wash it.

People keep posting hot cocoa memes. Hot cocoa is a winter drink. Hot cider is a fall drink. You people have it all wrong.

I thought that said “human function.” It did not.

It’s not “her and me.” It’s never “her and me.” It’s SHE and I. Jesus.



My knits have spiraled out of control. I need some serious organization and assessment of project status. It’s nuts. Like seriously nuts.

OK, but you’ve listed my name backwards.

I have nothing but respect for anyone willing to work. And I’m sick to death of people being treated as less than because elites think that their jobs are worth less. I get looked down on all the time by faculty and administrators because I’m viewed as an overpaid secretary. Forget my above average IQ, my BA, my demonstrated intelligence, and on and on. I’m judged by my job title. Screw the elites. Leave people the fuck alone.

Whelp. Guess I won’t be wearing Levi’s anytime soon.

OMFG Awesome. Tell me again how smart PhDs are?  ARRRRRRRGH

Yeah no.

I read that as “arrested or reincarnated.”


OMG I’m so hot. This office is never comfortable. Never.

ouch mouse

I have never seen You’ve Got Mail and I’m completely OK with that.

I think I need a break.

What. It’s National Pizza Day?!?!?

Aloha Chicken should never be a pizza choice. Ever.

I’m stalled until one of these mfers decides to participate.

Who doesn’t save a copy of their work??

I hate the morning DJ on First Wave. His name is stupid and he pronounces it weird. Like Laahree instead of Lairee. Actually sometimes it sounds like Laahrleduck. Evidently it’s Larry the Duck. Which is a dumb name. This morning he played 99 Luftballons and then asked if anyone had ever heard the English version. Dude. Who the fuck hasn’t heard the English version??

You know what never gets old? You taking your mood out on me.

And now I’m freezing. Awesome.

This place is eating away at my soul.

Should we have tacos for dinner?

I’m hilarious.

I don’t give a shit about Nike or that idiot athlete, but the new memes are cracking me up.

I don’t know who you are, but I need to lock this door now.

I’ll be better company next week. I promise.

no really.


Random Wednesday

We did donuts in the parking lot of Ted Bundy’s high school.

I hate you new Gmail.

They said I was on the membership list. I’m not on the membership list.

S:?EGLHS:OIBNB”oIHSE’PRH “PEngb”SpboSOirgNWEOTINAW:OibS”BOin (this is my frustration speaking)

Why no, that is not my job, but I’ll be doing it anyway.

How many times have you looked at the job postings today, Jennifer?

I ask you, how is it even possible for anything short of a 20 man crew to steal $100,000 worth of ramen?? That’s roughly 400,000 packages of noodles. Who needs that much ramen??

Talk about yer oodles o noodles.

I just wish I could understand the WHY of so very many things.

Man. Watching Poldark. People are treacherous. Scheming and backstabbing and lying. Good grief. Must be bloody exhausting.

There is something in my eye and it really hurts.

You just really don’t understand the concept of standing outside the cube and knocking, do you? Not even a little.

I’m thinking of just changing my name to Hen because I mistype Jen so freaking regularly.

This is my current favorite playlist.

I find that sort of disturbing.

Yay pizza! I love you guys.

Not a good way to start my day, random stranger student person.

What is the deal with this piano lately?

Give me your money, please.

Shit. It’s already so late. Stupid first day of the semester. It’s been NUTS.

Um. Why is my kid’s head bleeding?????

OK, everything is fine. No stitches required. All is well.


Oh good. It’s that time of year where every RSO on campus begs me for space in my building.


Holy shit, the onslaught just does not stop. HOW IS TODAY NOT OVER YET???

I don’t know that I would refer to abortion as “self care” EVER.

Christ I could use a cup of tea.

my aim is true

I knew as soon as I spent money on this lost ID situation the damn thing would turn up. I was not wrong.

Well this is just going to have to post late. That’s all there is to it.

So. Much. Reading.


OMG that is riDICulous.

Gotta wrap these photos up.


Is it going to rain again? Who can say?

I don’t know where the Wyandottes are.

WordPress thinks I mean antidotes. I do not.

I should just give photography up entirely.

That is not your nose.

burger burger burger



Random Wednesday

No. Really. Stop doing that. I’m so serious.

I need some mirrorless in my life.

I’ve been writing this letter for three fucking months. Longer. I don’t even know. This letter is older than I am.

What would you have done with the leftover cats?

I just read this sentence and almost peed my pants laughing: “Hollywood continues to be a deeply conservative place where coming out doesn’t feel like an option.”

I’m not expecting a thank you card, but a simple “hey thanks for that really thoughtful thing you did” in passing is common fucking courtesy.

Why would you ever put a comma there? In what universe does that make sense?

Listen. Just because there’s caramel involved does not mean you are morally obligated to add “sea salt” to it. First of all, salt is salt. Secondly, not everyone is a fan.

Too much goddamn estrogen in this office. Which means there is also too much goddamn perfume in this office. I am probably suffocating right now.

Stop putting an apostrophe in Nachos Deluxe. I beg of you.

Your perfume smells like Lysol. It’s awful.

Well there go my lunch plans. Dammit.

It’s like a script she’s memorized. She just jumps from person to person repeating it.

No one knows that that’s a picture of Murray Rothbard. And it makes me so happy to have hidden it in plain sight.

I probably needed more deodorant this morning.

Even so, I still smell better than your perfume.

I quite often wish I still smoked.

I don’t know. On the one hand you think, “How could you not know your husband was a serial killer?” But on the other hand, most people are purposely obtuse, particularly when they choose to spend their lives with sociopaths.

I’m probably taking it too personally, but when you know something is my job, I find it a teensy bit insulting when people say “are you able to” do something. It’s offensive, really. Obviously I’m bloody well able.

Just don’t come back dead and it’ll be all good.

Well I’d like to visit those places, but my life won’t be ruined if I don’t.

I’m digging this fella quite a bit.

So … you and your perfume are just here all day then are ya?

There are a handful of people to whom I speak very formally in electronic communication.

You know what sucks? Selling your house.

But. I don’t need to buy eggs.

Man my head hurts today.

so. much. dumb.

It’s a lot of shoes.

Everyday is Halloween.

money! gimme some money!


Or I could just buy some skulls.

Ahhhhh. There it is. The My Favorite Murder fandom has begun to feast on the flesh of the podcast hosts. It was only a matter of time, really.

Please. Just don’t be in a foul mood.

Awesome. Because changing our passwords every 6 months wasn’t torture enough. No. Now we have to use two factor authentication for our database login. Fucking yay.

Why would I want the Nancy Grace book? That woman is AWFUL.

I wish I had a chocolate chip scone right now.

Doing anything publicly is inherently dangerous these days. There’s a mob around every corner, just waiting to devour you.

‘There’s a hole in the world. Seems like we ought to have known.’


Random Wednesday

I gotta get some new photos uploaded. Quit recycling these old ones.They are some of my favorites though.

Who even is that guy?

i would change for you

It’s true. I’ve pretty much abandoned all hope. It’s OK. I’m getting used to it.

Maybe the ACLU should think about a name change, some rebranding … (It’s funny cos I typed that name change comment before I’d even reached the end of the article. Looks like Reason has the same idea.)

I regret that purchase. Immensely.

Gah those ears. Maybe fighting is the wrong career move.

Well, she dropped a pebble in the outrage pool. It’s only a matter of time now.

I’ve processed my Gaiman grief and am moving on with my life.

Nice alliteration, jackass.

I guess if you’re gonna jump out of your car to dance for a video like a moron, you sort of have those injuries coming. Because you’re a moron.

but babe that doesn’t mean

I am having trouble figuring out how to talk to a human.

Can’t I just wave a magic wand or something?

I thought that said “Certified Fight Trainer.” It did not.

I’ll probably never be described as “beloved.”

Yes, it really has been that long since I had a pedicure.

I still don’t like avocados.

I love this woman so much.

Chick-fil-A has been here for what, two years now? And I’ve somehow only managed to eat there one time. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?

Look, it’s right on my end.

But I don’t have a coroner’s note.

It’s funny cos it’s true.


Oooooh Premium Class! Heeeeyy!

No. No, I am not.

i’m gonna be a better man

Well, that was nearly painless right up until the end.

Nothing like an English major that can’t spell.

By the time I realized I hadn’t posted it was nearly midnight.


oh oooh oh oh I am SO SORRY NOW

First Wave plays WAY too much Smiths. And U2.

I feel like if I had company more often, my house would be cleaner more. But then I’d have to deal with people more. It’s a trade off, I suppose. I can live with the mess of my people. To a point.

How is The Lost Boys 30 years old? Jesus. How am I that old?


OK, signing off. Fair week+ chaos ensues.

Also, sorry this was a shorter one. I had a stupid 5 hour staff meeting Wednesday.

Don’t hate me if I don’t post next week. It’s the busiest week of the year.


Random Wednesday

I think 6 credits might be a bit much.

Just because I know where it is doesn’t mean I have  any intention of sharing that information with you.

Maybe she doesn’t want me to test knit for her any more.

Well, that was weird.

That’s never happened before. You make a donation through GoFundMe and they fucking charge the donator for it and call it a tip? Screw you, GoFundMe.

I should just switch to boxer briefs.

I think saying “most women” is a dangerous exaggeration.

Yeah, but where you gonna get cloudberries?

Might be fun. Might be weird. I do not know.

This guy sounds like a self righteous, virtue signalling douche, but it’s his company and he can do what he wants. People don’t have to work there. Marion Nestle will be my college’s keynote speaker at our lecture series this fall, coincidentally.

You can’t take my meat from me!

“It is therefore unfair and inaccurate to point a finger at Flint and repeatedly use the word “poisoned.” All it does is terrify the parents and community members here who truly believe there may be a “generation lost” in this city, when there is no scientific evidence to support this conclusion.”

Finally made it through The Staircase. I hate all of those people. And obviously he murdered his wife.

I really should have made those notes in a different notebook. Dammit.

I need to just accept the sad sad fact that I will be stuck in this job until I die. I wonder how many more deans I’ll have to get used to before that happens.

I’m just happy Matt Berninger finally came to his senses about his stupid hair.

I never even finished the last Doctor Who series. I seriously doubt I’ll be tuning in for the chick.

So it’s not plausible to take actual quotes and pair them with stock photos? It happens all the time. It’s called advertising.

Evidently, I have lost readers. And here I thought adding new features would keep people interested.

It is just not really my thing.

Well great. Now I feel like a fat loser instead of just a loser. Yay.

I thought that said “bitch-perfect.” It did not.

No one is ever going to guess a password I used six fucking years ago. Frankly, I’d be shocked and flabbergasted if they guessed a password I used last week. JAYSUS.

They used to call me the Queen of Ektar. Now I am a woman without a realm.

The book was better is true of just about everything except anything written by Stephen King.

Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo tired.

Who’s call is it then?

Blah blah blah, yeah, we get it.

I don’t like you right now, pal.

Maybe he’s just a serial killer.

I am clearly that kind of grandma.

Yeah, I’ve never been wild.

Do you think they meant to call them sandwinches?

FINALLY. My favorite Triscuits are back in stock!

That is some seriously shady shit.

But bitch-perfect should totally be a thing, right? It’s pretty fantastic.


That Libertarian candidate for governor in the Mitten REALLY should have had someone proof their websites. Good Lord. It’s embarrassing. I think I like the other guy better anyway. Although the other guy’s website is rife with double spaces after periods. Kind of appalling.

Confirm humanity. Ha. Look, checking that box can confirm someone is human, but I’m not sure it can legitimately confirm their humanity.

“Improve and expand surveillance systems.” … Is that really the language we should be using?

This may be my first ever no vote on the library millage.

I really don’t like John Lithgow.

Great. Now it’s stuck in my head.

As soon as I put this Triscuit in my mouth the phone will ring.

See? Told you.

I just want Cuban pulled pork for every meal.


Random Wednesday

I love Jeff Goldblum as much as the next girl, but I’m not running out and getting him tattooed on my person.

Wow, you really didn’t have anyone proof your CV before you put it out in the world, didja?

the day i die, the day i die

Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s what I’m supposed to be doing …

I tried, but I just couldn’t be so blatant about it.


I’m having a hard time feeling at all excited about this prospect. This is a treacherous sea of venomous sharks.

I read that as “my latest mistakes.”

oh shit

Maybe. But I bet Robert Smith is happier than Morrissey.

Oh no. No thank you. Nope. Hard pass.

I wonder if I could learn to like football. Oh wait. Didn’t I just say you shouldn’t have to “learn” to like shit? Yes. Yes, I did.

It’s probably fungus.

“An assault revolver with high-capacity magazines and a revolver were recovered at the scene.” That sentence makes literally no sense whatsoever.

Yeah, ya know, I’d like very much to care, but I just don’t.

I’m reasonably certain that your writing tip is written grammatically incorrect.

I don’t have an orange.

I can’t explain it. Any other.

Shit. I keep losing track of what day it is. All the time.

I really think I should be designing.

I just. I can’t pull the trigger on that one. I keep attempting to, and I can’t do it.

Is there a “personal” object that says “my heritage is a long line of people who are uncomfortable sharing personal shit with coworkers because it’s nobody’s business and if you press me on this I will cut you?”

The surest way to make me want to separate even more from the TEAM.

I mean Jesus. Why do people think that shit is a good idea?

I feel like my entire vocabulary is comprised of the fuck word today. Including punctuation.

just kidding

Is it time for lunch yet? I really need to GTFOH.

I need a t shirt that says GTFOH.

Now I have Aimee Mann stuck in my head.

Yeah, that Queen movie actually looks like it might be pretty good.

Maybe if it were mine I’d feel differently. But it isn’t. And I don’t.

We’re still not past this bacon trend? Where we put bacon on all the things? That’s unfortunate.

I haven’t had a donut in ages. A.G.E.S.


Yeah, no. That is literally not my job.

Neither hide nor hair.

I just do not understand those people.

Yeah, OK. Let’s just shut the door on this then.

Where is my lens cloth?

That’s better. Ish


Random Wednesday

Actually. I’d prefer it if you didn’t vote. Just stay home. You’ve caused enough damage.

I mean. Don’t you think?

I’m on a shutter drag kick. You know how I love my long exposures.

Is there something wrong with your typing fingers that is keeping you from responding to my email?

I don’t need your stupid rules.

Stop “forcing bots” to watch things. This is how we get Skynet.

Dear in the lord. That’s a new spam header.

I still love you, only slightly only slightly less, than I used to.

How did those kids get in that cave in the first place?

A stay at home bee mom. OK.

I’m absolutely positive I am not the right person for that job.

Well. That was the most unpopular three women shot in a while. Bummer.

I’m not even leaving for a month and I already have travel anxiety and packing anxiety. WTF. This is not how I pictured getting older.

about today

I don’t think you really understand what that word means.

I want to do a swap box. I love swap boxes. I’d do fiber share, but those ladies spend way more money than I can afford on a swap.

Can’t see half the world all of the time. Doesn’t matter what kind of corrective lenses I’m wearing. Lately it’s getting very frustrating.

I don’t think it was necessary to do an Eventbrite deal for the meeting. It’s a little over the top. And the constant emails I now get from Eventbrite are not my favorite thing either.

I hope this doesn’t turn into some type of Sam and Diane thing. That would be annoying.

Why yes. I would like to be less wrong.

Why does she have two knitting needles jabbed through a crocheted afghan acting like she’s accomplishing something?

This is not how I pictured

I can promise you that I will never vote for anyone who has been endorsed by Jennifer Granholm.

I need a good granny square poncho. Pretty much the one J-Lo wore in The Cell. And I can’t find a single gorram picture of it.


OMG I found part of it. I just can’t see the bottom. I don’t remember if it has fringe. It probably has fringe. I even love those colors.

Dammit. I’m gonna have to figure out how to crochet now. Can’t someone just make it for me?

Oh good. A two hour meeting. Yay.

This place is just bound and determined to go down in flames.

I somehow read that as “off to buy a planet.”

I don’t know. I think if you have to “learn” to love something, I’m not sure it’s the right thing for you.

Wow. 100% forgot that it is Wednesday and that I am working on this post.

Really. The ONLY donation we’ve received for this project was from me. Wow.

That is among the funnier things I’ve seen this week.

This migraine is just not going to let go. Fuck. Me.

A fake war. A fake romance. Sort of all the same thing in a sense.

I don’t know why I’m bothering. But I’m bothering. They’re just going to say no. For reasons that I will not understand.


Random Wednesday

I can’t help it if I don’t fit in with you.

The world has no shortage of assholes.

Also this lipstick lasts a long time. AND I feel like I need less lip balm while I’m wearing it. I think I’m hooked.

What’s a fancy way of saying “give us money”?

Ah ha. That would be why I can’t do this.

Damn. Mike Rowe’s losing all that weight, getting all super sexy again. Sheesh.

Oh dear Lord.

There’s no way they’ll let me in. I’m not their kind of academic.

Even if I have been described as brilliant by at least one PhD, who doesn’t even particularly like me.

Ugh. Yes, but I’m stopping for a chai. Which won’t help me cool off at all. But so delicious.

I can’t deal with this “real feel” 100 bloody degrees foolishness. I can’t.

An ad for “pee proof” underwear just came up in my IG feed. Jesus. I’m not that old. I can still technically have babies, for Christ’s sake.

I hate Facebook a little bit more every day.

I do find it endlessly amusing that all the people who bitched so loudly about ALL THE POLITICS are posting nothing but politics these days. People are fascinating.

I know it’s not what Sartre meant, but that doesn’t make it any less true.

Isn’t art what we make of it?

73% humidity. I feel like I’m swimming.

I won’t apologize for it.

I can’t help it if I find John Roberts oddly attractive.

I need to stop being so hard on myself.

Sorry, I was so busy laughing at the absurdity of ever actually being able to follow through on that statement that I lost track of everything.

I have very little random today. I don’t know what’s going on.

They can’t all be winners.

Never thought I’d be choosing fireplace doors as a job activity …

It smells really weird in here today. Like old rotting onions and chicken bedding that needs to be changed, only not quite as pungent.

I need this shirt. Because it’s true.

Wow. OK. I get the message. Thanks. Thanks so much.

I guess it doesn’t matter. Fuck it.

I know. I talked to him first.

I’m not at all comfortable today.

I do really like that song. I wish it was on Spotify so I could add it to this playlist.

I should get those Americana All Stars. It’s like Converse made them just for me.

Yes, I am incredibly competent. I know it’s a shock.

I like tiny Twixes.

This is the Mondayest Thursday ever.

I don’t know. I give up. Let’s all drive to Florida.

This podcast about the Boston Stranglers is pretty good. Very well done.

Your badge is no good here.

I started writing that letter something like a month ago.

I don’t know why this roll of garbage bags is sitting here.



I’m much better at convincing others than myself, I suppose.



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