I don’t remember the entire dream, but a large underlying part of it was that David Tennant and his wife were my next door neighbors.

There’s an awful lot of feeding honey to babies in mythology. You can’t give honey to babies. They could get botulism.

Books aren’t entitled. They’re titled.

You poor thing. You so desperately wish it was 1988 so you could legitimately feel persecuted.

Why construct such a massive chip for your shoulder purposely? I will never understand victim mentality.

It’s like watching the Surreal Life on VH1, but with ordinary people instead of Flavah Flav and Corey Hartenfeldmanhaim.

Not going to miss THAT sound at all. How much longer?

My FB feed has become nothing but Buzzfeed-esque quizzes. Sad.

Why would you need ribspreaders if you’re removing the top of the ribcage?

That word doesn’t mean what you think it means.

Um. NO. So very very wrong. Nicolas Cage is just straight up blasphemy.

I’ve done this in Photoshop with my own face and it’s weird.

No, you don’t change your graduation date until summer. You change it to summer. How do these people make more money than I do?

ARRRRRRRRRRGggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Stop. Snowing. Now.

Kentucky has a machine gun festival?!?

so sleepy. soooooooooooooo sleepy.

Honestly, how do my monitors get so dirty? It’s not like I touch them.

That phrase doesn’t mean what you think it means.

I am always surprised when I see anything about Jello Biafra. My brain always thinks he’s already dead.

Kind of tragic when the big story here is that a 23 year old MAN behaves like a man.

paaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

Um. How does that help me, exactly?

I hate popcorn days. I hate that it takes you 3 hours to eat a single serving of popcorn. I hate the incessant rustling of fingers in popcorn. A sound that only seems to exist within the realm of popcorn.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand I just tore a huge chunk of skin out of my knuckle. Hooray!

Ha. Yes.

I have reached a weird level of zennishness just recently. I’ve realized, and I think this is partially motivated by the level of physical pain I am in at this point, that there is a seriously large amount of stuff that I just don’t care about at all. I thought I did. But I don’t. Or I stopped. Or something. It’s kind of awesome. I wonder if it will last.

Um yeah. Seth Green is pretty much right on here.

Walken knitting!

What the actual fuck????

Is any extent of distrust of the government unreasonable, really? I have a hard time believing so.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand I just ripped my thumbnail half way off down past the quick. Hooray!

“A WINTERY MIX OF FREEZING RAIN…SLEET AND SNOW THURSDAY MORNING WITH ICE ACCUMULATIONS OF A COATING UPWARDS TO A QUARTER OF AN INCH.” Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!

not for all north carolina …

Honestly, Vogue Knitting. I really wonder about you sometimes.

I have to say the self portrait thing right now has actually been pretty good for my self esteem. It’s hard to waddle through your days feeling like Montana, counting the days til you deliver.

I don’t know who the artist is, but I kind of love this.

No, really. Everything I say is not a personal attack aimed directly at your skull. Really it’s only like 25%. I just don’t have the energy I used to.

Seriously, these aren’t pot holes. They’re freaking craters. I’ve never seen them this bad.

and we’ll all be lonely tonight and

The first time I heard that song was on a bus in Sydney, Australia. I fell in love. I didn’t hear it again until a couple of years later back home. I’ve loved Del Amitri ever since. I don’t care what anyone thinks.

I feel like I’ve told you that story before.

Excuse me. I fail to see how what’s happening in Ukraine right now is somehow our fault.

Wait. What happens when I use up all the memory in my work email?

I don’t remember where I put my iced tea.

Sheeeeeeeeeeeesh I really need to not be on the internet while pregnant. *sniff*

Yep. Totally something Walter would do. Books are delicious.

Deeeeeelicious.