wm16It’s not a “deadly commute for hundreds of passengers” if only six people died. It’s a deadly commute for six people.

This job is ridiculous.

I would just rather not have to sit next to someone whose teeth I want to kick in. I don’t think that’s unreasonable.

“I guess he was trying to say, ‘We’re out of toilet paper. Bring more.'”

I gotta stop holding my reading glasses with my teeth.

Well. Look at ya.

Why is crap always about “finding beauty in the most unexpected places”?

Things never really change all that much, do they?

“Who did you vote for, you money sucking social security whore?”

and it’s hard without you

Series of spam subject lines: My Decision. I Have An Announcement. Hear It From Me First. My Announcement.

I’ve been saying that I’m not electable. After spending the last hour with a recent Congressional candidate, I stand corrected.

“It’s funny when that’s subversive.”

Dear Good Friend,

I think this is so cool.

Painfully cheerful.

“Just think if how my stable you’d be.”

What is all over that girl’s face? Aside from the poorly applied lipstick I mean.

Sigh. This pains me. Go home Joss Whedon, and take the 90 “celebrities” that make up your Hollywood Warren Brain Trust, and take Sarah Palin, Ron Paul, Mitt Romney, and Jeb Bush with you.

I’m sorry, but honestly, right now, I just really kind of hate the whole world.

Did you guys just use something smelly?

Where the hell is all this spam coming from???

I don’t know why people “follow” me on FB if they’re not friends with me. They can’t see anything.

Read a book, read a book, read a …

First I pictured you snapping in two at the waist, then I pictured you using your desk for cover as your co workers ran screaming from the office.

snort

I want the Michigan TWAW hoodie. I don’t want to spend the money.

Oh honey. Please.

Crap. Did the internet break again? That usually only happens on Fridays.

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

I’m really only knitting this shawl because it’s kind of mindless and it occupies my hands while I read textbooks. I can’t just sit with unoccupied hands. I can’t.

I need a Diet Mtn. Dew. Or a Biggby run for coffee. Caffeine has to happen either way.

. . . Make it go away . . .  . .   . …. .  . . . … . . now please …….. . . . . .  … . .   .

I don’t even know how that happens. How is that even possible?

Everything is delayed delayed delayed. Oh snow.

I could stand to be one up on David Bowie. *nods*

Oh snow! It’s snowing like crazy out there!

more

Nothing I love more than doing the job you’re ridiculously overpaid to fail to do.

I don’t even know what planet I’m on any more.

in the rear view now

I don’t think you know what that means, Regis.

OK. Over the whole Bruce Jenner thing before it even started. Enouuuuuugh.

I’m tongue tied and bleary eyed.

I wonder if I’ll have my voice tomorrow. I feel like I’m losing it.

That’s not a metaphor.

Um. That’s not a mistake. That’s a straight up lie.

See?? SEE??? It’s not just me! Stop crunching at me!!!

He cannot stand order. He is Captain Chaos. General Disarray.

Wait. Was it Kaptain Kaos?

I can’t remember.

Don’t put walnuts in chocolate chip cookies. Just don’t. It’s sick and wrong.

“I am merely noting—with a tremendous amount of inner joy—that leftist intersectionality has devolved to the point where real women and fake women are arguing over whose vaginas smell worse.”

When that school canceled the Vagina Monologues because it excluded women who don’t have vaginas I said to the Mister, “Why can’t they just stop culturally appropriating my vagina!?”

Those Irish guys have the deep soul voices. Must be the hundreds of years of oppression under the British boot or something.

I don’t even know what’s going on with this damn thing.

My woes don’t make yours any less valid. We’re all entitled to our bad days.

And I’m taking mine to bed.