wm0940James Spader is older than I thought he was.

Oooooh. See that’s totally not what I thought you meant by blogging being dead.

No. 3. Also the one that says Teddy Roosevelt, because that is hilarious.

I, I, I, I, I. It’s like reading the transcript of an Obama speech, but significantly less engaging.

Really? The interwebs raised over $300,000 for you and you’re going with a Taurus? Dude.

Sometimes I don’t hate people.

I’m sorry, but I want it.

“I think I would have been a lot happier had I been born about 50 years earlier.”
“We all would have. Even the bearded fat manlady.”

Oh my God, THIS “Want to know how many times I’ve said “I can’t understand you when you whine” to my kids? 5,273,926, give or take a few. Seriously, kids don’t whine because it works. They whine because they like the sound of their whiny voices.”

I don’t know how it’s even possible to have your head that far up your own ass.

Yes, my employer did just send me a newsletter that contained the little known fact that the Michigan Capitol is in Lansing. Who knew?

Gah. I’ve always been Team Snape. I’m not even lying.

This is fascinating.

It’s on account of the word sneeze is funner to say than sternutate.

blah blah blah blah blahbity blah blah

Aaaaaand the meeting is hijacked. We’re gonna be here all flippin’ day.

I accomplished precisely one item on the to do list that has been stuck to my laptop for over a week.

Man. I don’t even know.

I have a raging headache today. Which is saying something, I suppose.

I am fairly certain it’s Diet Mtn. Dew time. Werd.

For the twelvetieth time, this is not a youth hostel. It’s a college.

I don’t actually like roses.

I think I just don’t really get dance. But that is some impressive discipline.

I’m so overloaded I can’t focus on a single damn thing.

All I want to do is sleep.

I love you, Rand Paul, but stop spamming my in box.

That sounds like a euphemism.

Sign. Me. Up.

Yep. Now I’m hungry.

i used to know her

Huh. I thought Mel Brooks was dead.

Those psycho guys in the white jumpsuits are gone, you know?

“You really should have hired Jen.”

I bet you would, genius. I bet you would.

“Most of the time when they’re talking about those ‘douches on Fox’ they’re not talking about the news programs. They’re talking about Bill O’Reilly, they’re talking about Sean Hannity. Whereas Brian Williams was not only the head anchor, he was the editor at a national news organization. That’s actual news. Whatever. I don’t watch any of those assholes anyway.”

You know. I’ve been looking at all of the posts in my FB feed really objectively lately and it’s just making me very tired. It makes me wonder “If that is what you really think, how can you continue to call me a friend? Because I’m in that group of people you’re talking about.” It makes me very tired.

awww. That’s terrible. And kinda funny.

I miss reading for fun right now.

Swedish Death Metal.

Let’s just stable that topic for today.

I’m never going to remember this crap. Who made up this ridiculous schedule anyway??

He wants to eat the candles in the drawer.

I feel like a whale today. Shut up. You’re not helping.

Well huh.

I just think it’s an interesting dichotomy – you’re over there thinking about Taylor Swift being a cutie and I’m over here thinking about how sexy James Spader is.

I’m always taking Stormageddon into the walk in and saying “What should I wear to work tomorrow?” But he generally just ignores me and tips over the clothes basket looking for something to bite.

I’m doomed. Dooooooooomed!

It just boggles my mind that you can honestly believe that that is somehow a valid argument.

Fine. I will try and find a way to give up the carbs. Fine. FINE.

*sob*

It’s just weird. I just don’t think of you that way.

“If you like to climb on things and get high, this is the place.”

Oh my God, Hugh Jackman. Go home, and take Joss Whedon, and the 90 “celebrities” that make up the Hollywood Warren Brain Trust, and take Sarah Palin, Ron Paul, Mitt Romney, and Jeb Bush with you.

I want chocolate, she said. But it was late. So late.

I just want to survive tomorrow.

I maintain, and will maintain until the day I die, that Kennedy and I would totally be bffs were we ever to meet.

I just feel like I’m forgetting something.

doom doom dooooooom