It seems profoundly unfair that I have this cold.

Honestly. I never go to Starbucks anyway because reasons. But this nonsense is just one more for the list.

Can I have the 70 degrees back now please? Please?

I hate to ask. I hate to ask. I hate to ask.

Oh. Right. It’s back to normal meeting routine. Whee.

This would be so rad for the kids.

I really thought that said “Pass With Carl” for a minute. But no, just your standard “Pass With Care”. Poor Carl. He’ll be so disappointed.

I wonder what they’ll do for Michigan.

I cried. I’m not even gonna lie.

Kowtowing is such a weird word.

“Dammit. My antidepressant is stuck in my throat.”
“That has to be a metaphor or something.”

We found the Abdominal Snowman.

Honestly, how did this even happen?

“Deer frequently travel in groups. Do not rely on gimmicks.”

You know I totally love this.

“There’s always that moment when things hang in the balance. That’s where you are.”

I love this almost as much as Drunk J. Crew.

I am almost taking comfort in the fact that I have yet another dentist appointment today, and thus, am leaving early.

I really hate my hair right now. I do. I hate it.

Do you think a song like this would ever be released in today’s fascist PC world? I don’t.

Aw. You can’t open the windows? … You are ridiculous. That is the only word that accurately describes you. Ridiculous.

I think this lady and I would have gotten along very well.

I’m going to be drowning in political theory.

I’ve been called a lot of things in my time, but a conduit for God to pour His love over His people is not one of them …

Wow.

The pool was weak.

Ireland? How can I get on that trip??

“She has strong customer cervix experience.”

No, really, why am I in this meeting?

Don’t drink that racist coffee.

do you remember

Thank you very much.

Gwyneth Paltrow. You nutball. You’re hi-larious.

I hate it when it goes down the wrong pipe. That sounded way wronger than I wanted it to.

hee

Wait, what are we paying you for again?

Holy shit. That is the last thing in the world I would ever have expected. Congratulations to them.

Also, she’s only 3 months along?

This is appalling.

I came home and got the curling iron out. I hate my hair much less.

Bwah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Now you’re all sucked into old pro wrestling videos.

“Aaah nothin’. You wanna know what happens when nothing is happening? When nothing is happening, everything is happening. You know those moments when nothing is happening? Those are the exact moments when everything is happening! Oooooh spooky!”
“Are you on drugs?”

Except for Number 9. If I don’t like you, you probably know it. Also you can make a quiet fuss out of my birthday. I like prezzies as much as the next gal.

I need to go bind off this shawl. Night y’all.