I think I’ve figured out why I haven’t unsubscribed from these Bust emails. It’s morbid fascination. Like gawkers at a car crash.

Do people actually buy turkey costumes for Thanksgiving?

Um. This is a joke, right? Because wow people are dumb.

“Nobody is more persuasive than a good listener.”

Argh. I can’t find my size 3 DPNs anywhere!

I hate to break it to you, but it’s not actually Beyonce’s job to champion your cause. It’s her job to be a pop star – a job which, by all accounts, she’s wildly successful at.

This might be the part where I most wanted to punch him in the throat: “One night, I found myself lying on the grass in a park by my apartment, distraught.”

HA! That subtitle was GRRRR! That cracked me up.

Why do I read these stories. Why? I’m so not crying right now. Shut up.

I love donuts as much as the next chick, but we can’t have TWO national donut days. We just can’t.

I haven’t come up with a word for this yet.

“nice and incompetent”

If they were going to be down on the ground to film that stuff anyway, why didn’t they just drive the beavers there? Also if they weren’t planning to be on the ground, were they just going to leave the parachutes and crates there to rot? I have so many questions. So. Many. Questions.

Well. I didn’t get the gig. I could still really use that TARDIS fridge though. The big one, not the desk top one. On account of I’m tired of my stuff getting smushed to the back of the staff fridge or thrown away. Because people are mean.

Neat!

I think I need a consolation prize. Like this shirt.

I’m sorry, but are you freaking kidding me? How is ADHD in toddlers even a topic of discussion? They’re toddlers. They all have short attention spans. They’re all bursting with energy. It’s their job. Can we just stop already with this nonsense?

It’s “fewer,” not “less.”

I swear I did not laugh or roll my eyes. There may have been a raised eyebrow …

Hey I just won an umbrella! Cool!

“They have one lone student surrounded. They’re forcibly preventing him from exercising a civil right. At various points, they intimidate him. Ultimately, they physically push him. But all the while, they are operating on the premise, or carrying on the pretense, that he is making them unsafe.” Stop coddling these people. They’re not children any more.

“The laws of this country were founded on Judo-Christian beliefs.” Hi-YA!

I wish I had a donut.

I wish someone would water the plants in Sangren. They’re so sad.

I just noticed that Tiny Special Agent Fox Mulder has horrible trigger discipline.

I don’t know what you’re talking about. What email to Bruce Campbell?

singing we’ll all be together, even when we’re not together, with our arms around each other and our faith still in each other …

“Step outside yourself to discover what’s important to someone else.”

It’s a strange strange thing when people don’t talk to you. A strange strange thing.

I’m suddenly just very very tired.

I am totally wearing jeans tomorrow.

EUREKA! My size 3 DPNs AND a size 3 circular long enough for magic looping. Yay!

The barometric pressure fluctuations are killing me. Like for real. My brain is going to explode and leak out of my ears. And also I might probably vomit.

Hey Doug Stafford, Chief Strategist for Rand Paul. Let me tell you about a strategy you’re currently employing that is not only not working, but is actively irritating the piss out of me – your twelvety seven emails in the last twenty four hours. Staaaaaaaahp.

A class about political theory should present the theory and allow the debate. This class does not do that. This class presents biased theory about socialism and feminist hysteria and allows no alternative view. It has been a monumental waste of time. This is my least favorite class ever. And I’m including math and that God awful Earth science hell in that sentiment.

How can one human be so singularly humorless?

“When has that ever stopped us before?”