I don’t care what anyone thinks, I love this Mumford and Sons album.

OK, can we please retire the phrase “truth bomb” now?

And while we’re on the subject, I think the term flash mob is dumb.

This guy has used “fois gras” more than any other human I’ve ever heard speak. I think he thinks it makes him sound intelligent. Worldly. Of course that is undermined by statements like “We’ve all seen videos of alligators taking down zebras in Africa …” Dude. There are no alligators in Africa.

Can I just tell you how much I loathe Sharepoint?

Oh it’s Florida Georgia Line. I had it backwards. That’s how much I care.

“When humans want something really really bad – we lie.”
“Why?”
“Because. That’s how you become president.”

I’m sure this is the road the Mister believes I’m headed down with my mugs.

Sometimes I forget how much I love Jesus and Mary Chain. And I just don’t know how that is even possible.

Man. Why do you think that you’re simplifying things when you’re actually making my life harder?

Who wears these lip colors? Not humans, that’s who.

Stop with the mouth wide open fake smile. Stop. It’s obnoxious and stupid.

I have absolutely no energy whatsoever. None.

Why did Rudolf Hess fly to Scotland during World War II? I don’t know. Why are you asking me??

I’m not sure why I’m here.

That fireplace + Stormageddon = disaster of epic proportions.

I think living in a Frank Lloyd Wright house would be profoundly depressing.

I don’t like that new Instagram logo. It’s lame.

I’d give you details, but I really don’t know what this meeting is about.

I still miss Flickr.

I don’t ask that question very often any more.

Of course it’s a First World problem. That’s where you live.

Damn. My ice melted.

This is one of the best brownies I have ever eaten.

Wait. The Smithsonian has nude photos of Dubya and Hillary?

Not together. ew. It was SCIENCE. ish.

I only skimmed that article but it makes it sound WAY more sinister than it really was.

I don’t really understand that whole Gwen Stefani-Blake Shelton thing.

Wow. I guess I’m doing this lunch thing totally wrong.

That’s a water stain. It’s terrible.

I need a snacks. Ha. Apparently I need more than one snack. Or a large snack. Feeeeed me.

Someone needs to stop the Gwyneth train. Please.

OK yeah, that’s pretty funny.

Can I have a nap too? I don’t think a nap is too much to ask.

Um. It does not feel like 72 out there. That is some crazy talk.

That did not go at all according to plan.