Yeah, no. Just stop.

I feel like that sort of thing is probably frowned upon these days.

Aaaaand now I’ve told you five times. Come on.

Two emails and a voicemail are wholly unnecessary. I will get back to you as soon as I have five minutes to look over your crap. Your procrastination is not my frigging emergency.

No, really. Why doesn’t anyone want to hire me?

Staaaaaaahp. Jennifer. Please. Stop. You are out of control.

Whyyyyyyy would you consent to being murdered and consumed?

Who pays $500 for a freaking cooler anyway?

A) Paul Holes is hot. B) “Alias” implies (to me, and maybe it’s just me) that DeAngelo chose those monikers, and he did not. The press did that. C) Still more evidence that you should never do those DNA ancestry things. D) What’s with that weird paragraph indent?

“[T]he controversial and shadowy group.” Dude. Come on.



Kanye should not be taking up this much of my information feed.

I forgot it was Wednesday. Staycation will do that to you.

Bring on the thunderstorm! Hurry up!

I’m itching to go up to Leelanau. I miss it.

Competitive eating is revolting. I should watch it more so I want to eat less.

Why is this so dusty?

Dude. What is up with that weird like under chin wrap beard that some guys do? Like a hat strap beard. Stop doing it. It’s fucking weird. And so very very not attractive.

Wow. Settle down there, pal.

Can someone give me some motivation please?

Someone commented on this pic, “Panties: dry.” Have to say that’s a spot on assessment.

I really need a shower. When was the last time I bathed?

What am I even doing today?

I think it’s Sarah’s turn.

Let’s be honest, this is me.

I forced myself to eat eggs for breakfast. Even though I wanted waffles.

Oil change it is.

But there is no reconciling that.

Well. Guess I’ll prolly buy this Tundra.

What. I’m not at work. Nothing is happening.

OMG read this before it’s gone. It is a thing of beauty. “It’s not going to judge you like a fucking Volkswagen would.”

I’m not explaining anything to the geese. Those birds are on their own.

Please stop calling sweatshirts sweaters. It’s a dirty vicious lie.

Nope. No thank you. Not even to pad my resume. Not a chance.

Yeah, I’d probably ignore me too.

I could become an expert in death practices throughout the world.

No one is going to wear any of those shawls while exploring a national park.

I turned off work email notifications on my phone and I’ve never been happier.

Well. Of course I’ve been happier. But. I can’t believe how very very very little I thought about work the whole week I was off, since I wasn’t aware of emails coming in.

Wow. Yeah. Is that English?

All coats and hoodies and things should come standard with little loops by the tag for hanging.

There is something wrong with the internet.

I died.

That is not how you say that.

It’s not electioneering!

I think some of these attendees didn’t get the memo about the theme. Also, hey Vogue, why can’t I vote that a look is boring or atrocious or something. Because let’s be honest. Some of those looks are atrocious. Mostly I just think the MetGala is dumb.

Not for the squeamish.

What a weird word, squeamish.

Here’s a thought – if you’re tempted to refresh your perfume or cologne in a small enclosed space that other people may shortly be using, like say the single stalled accessible bathrooms, just don’t.

You do understand this has spanned several days, don’t you?

I mean, I have bathed.

Writing this stupid review is giving me another anxiety attack.

Weird. That didn’t sound like her.


I do love me some Martin Denny.

This is probably just way too long.

The money’s in order of domination.

You are confused.

I don’t know why I ever go to Twitter. Ever. I also don’t know why I don’t just delete my account.

That seems like kind of an arbitrary cutoff.

The problem is that you sound like you’re reading from a script.

Jaysus I’m starving today.

I should work on this paper.

OK, I’m going to the Secretary of State. That’s the DMV for you non-Michiganders.

Ya welcome.