I love Jeff Goldblum as much as the next girl, but I’m not running out and getting him tattooed on my person.

Wow, you really didn’t have anyone proof your CV before you put it out in the world, didja?

the day i die, the day i die

Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s what I’m supposed to be doing …

I tried, but I just couldn’t be so blatant about it.

ew

I’m having a hard time feeling at all excited about this prospect. This is a treacherous sea of venomous sharks.

I read that as “my latest mistakes.”

oh shit

Maybe. But I bet Robert Smith is happier than Morrissey.

Oh no. No thank you. Nope. Hard pass.

I wonder if I could learn to like football. Oh wait. Didn’t I just say you shouldn’t have to “learn” to like shit? Yes. Yes, I did.

It’s probably fungus.

“An assault revolver with high-capacity magazines and a revolver were recovered at the scene.” That sentence makes literally no sense whatsoever.

Yeah, ya know, I’d like very much to care, but I just don’t.

I’m reasonably certain that your writing tip is written grammatically incorrect.

I don’t have an orange.

I can’t explain it. Any other.

Shit. I keep losing track of what day it is. All the time.

I really think I should be designing.

I just. I can’t pull the trigger on that one. I keep attempting to, and I can’t do it.

Is there a “personal” object that says “my heritage is a long line of people who are uncomfortable sharing personal shit with coworkers because it’s nobody’s business and if you press me on this I will cut you?”

The surest way to make me want to separate even more from the TEAM.

I mean Jesus. Why do people think that shit is a good idea?

I feel like my entire vocabulary is comprised of the fuck word today. Including punctuation.

just kidding

Is it time for lunch yet? I really need to GTFOH.

I need a t shirt that says GTFOH.

Now I have Aimee Mann stuck in my head.

Yeah, that Queen movie actually looks like it might be pretty good.

Maybe if it were mine I’d feel differently. But it isn’t. And I don’t.

We’re still not past this bacon trend? Where we put bacon on all the things? That’s unfortunate.

I haven’t had a donut in ages. A.G.E.S.

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Yeah, no. That is literally not my job.

Neither hide nor hair.

I just do not understand those people.

Yeah, OK. Let’s just shut the door on this then.

Where is my lens cloth?

That’s better. Ish