This woman laughs after every single thing she says. This is not an exaggeration. This is a fact. Literally nothing she says warrants so much as a chuckle.

This place is killing me by degrees.

I am only still here because I am a responsible adult with bills to pay and a family to feed. Occasional Cortex isn’t handing me a paycheck because I’d rather sit on my ass.

Wow, way to blow right in with the NEGATIVE, jen.

Moving right along.

Here is some incredible heroism.

Shut up, Cory Booker.

HA. I thought that said neo-mortalists and thought wow, that’s a really great phrase, I should use that for stuff. It did not say neo-mortalists.

Hey, Instagram? I don’t eat yogurt. Enough with the yogurt ads. Really.

Hey, listen, if y’all could just stop posting links to crap at WaPo, that’d be great. I can’t ready ANY of them.

Benedict Cumberbatch with a mustache? No. Just no. So wrong.

I just don’t get scrapbooking. It feels a little pathological. But you do you.

This is not helping me.

I find this actually terrifying.

Every time I say something about 4H these college students say “what’s that??”

I think this is pretty fantastic.

You’re trying to decide if I’m serious right now.

You guys.

You don’t get to talk about “we’re old!” when you’re in your 30s. So stop.

Here’s the solution: Stop putting faculty in administrative positions. They’re not qualified to manage people and departments because they don’t have the experience, they don’t have the skill, they make everything worse. Don’t get me wrong. I love my friends who are faculty. But I also have to work for faculty, and it’s a flipping migraine. Let faculty do what they do best: teach.

Tanya Tucker!

Old Lady Tucker.

Jesus. I’ve officially reached that point in my life where I’m bitching about my contractor. HOW DID I GET HERE?

I keep having to yawn, and then halfway through the yawn it’s like the yawn breaks and I can’t finish it. and then I’m just deeply dissatisfied because I wasn’t able to actually yawn. It’s kind of tragic, really.

You guys.

I’d never even heard of that guy til he faked a hate crime. I have no patience for fuckers who do that shit.

Knitters are mean, yo.

The thing about putting together a letter out of cut out magazine letters is that it takes some serious goddamn dedication. That shit is time consuming as hell.

I’d love it if people would stop posting shit and then following it up with “let that sink in.”

I’m on a tear this week, clearly. Maybe I should delete some of this.

I dunno. I just read through and it’s not that bad.

I feel completely discombobulated this month. I’m so scattered. It’s incredibly frustrating.

I just REALLY hate that phrase.

Why do these people spend so much time talking about the weather and how well the roads have been plowed?

I’m pretty sure that this office has tainted me. I can’t get an interview to save my life. And when I finally do get one here or there, no one wants me.

“An alliance of heretics.” I’ll take it.

I just realized that I’m the oldest person in this office.

What a neat lady!

I instantly feel the urge to give businesses like this my money. Which is a problem, because I don’t have a lot of money.

I have no interest in this topic.

What was I even logged into?

Well. I think that went alright.

You guys.

Bitch. Listen.

Social Justice Extortionism

17 views!

So tired of that word – unpack. Unpacking should refer to your luggage.

i know

I’m all for the new Psych movie. Yes, please, thank you.

Should I apply for this job I don’t actually want just to get out of here and also it’s more money? I guess.

Why won’t you stay where I put you?

You guys.

I’ve never read Joan Didion. Or that poet that just died. You can make of that what you will.

But it seems like she’s my kinda thinker: “Because when we start deceiving ourselves into thinking not that we want something or need something, not that it is a pragmatic necessity for us to have it, but that it is a¬†moral imperative¬†that we have it, then is when we join the fashionable madmen, and then is when the thin whine of hysteria is heard in the land, and then is when we are in bad trouble. And I suspect we are already there.

Is this cowboy times?

Stop

Ruining

Everything

I don’t understand people who add their happy birthdays to someone in the comments of your happy birthday post. Go make your own happy birthday post. Weirdo.

There is absolutely no question whatsoever that I need this shirt.

I’ve probably offended her. I somehow manage to offend everyone.

I guess I just expected more support and encouragement from some people who know how hard I’ve been working on this shit. And instead I get nothing.

Yes. Yes, I am a bit bitter about it.

Yessssssssssssssssssssssss

Frankly, I’m surprised he has the budget for this position, what with the current state of things.

You guys.

See how much gorram positive I’ve stuffed into this post this week?

Oh good. I sure hope this rain freezes as I’m trying to drive home in 50 minutes.

I want tacos.

I can’t find my copy of Lonesome Dove anywhere.

Huh. I got unfriended again. I wonder who it was.

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