nobody here but us chickens

Random Wednesday

I don’t care who you are or what you think of ACB, this shit is impressive.

For those among you who were perplexed by my self exam comment in the previous post – I was referring to the perpetually preached self BREAST exams. Not a self pelvic exam. Jesus.

So. Essentially all this scale says is, the older you get, the more likely you are to die.

That’s OK. I didn’t want to sit with you anyway.

OMG Charles in Charge!

This is the kind of thing that happens when you live in a city.

Well. I regret wasting my time on that one.

What a tool.

Um. It isn’t Trump’s fault your bar is closed, dude. It’s Whitmer’s.

These meds make my voice go raspy.

My SPAM right now is all silver singles and Lindsay Graham. WTF.

That bat would be cuter if it looked less like a cat and more like a, you know, bat. 

The phrase change agent cracks me up because it sounds so 21st century bullshitty.

“Knowing that a large, multinational publishing company feels something “deeply” is always reassuring.” This cracked me up.

Stop making the world a worse place to be. Remember back in the 90s when we were all “mean people suck!” No? Refresh your memories. You’re kinda starting to suck.

Viewpoint Diversity is the hill I’m gonna die on, chickens.

I have a paper due in 6 days that I already know I won’t get full credit on, which means I’m extra unmotivated to write it. I just do. not. care.

I don’t get the whole Wu Tang thing.

I think this is the first Five Finger Death Punch song I’ve ever heard. Gotta say, it’s workin’ for me.

Maybe part of it is the video …

Man. I’m glad I’m not paying for this shit.

Super over Team America World Police. Bring our troops and our money home now. The rest of the world can fend for itself for a change.

I can do a great many things very well, but fraction problems in math are not among them.

“What could possibly go wrong?” I appreciate Coleman Hughes’ perspective on many things.

I love how suddenly half the country is pretending they don’t know what a coyote is.

Don’t know what all this anxiety is about today, but my stomach is pretty unhappy about it.

I totally do not remember that song being 10 minutes long.

sweet baby, i need

At least the coyote memes have been entertaining.


Look. Just say no. It’s not hard. You don’t have to vote for this lunacy.

I visited The Strand when I went to New York, because of course any reader would. Deep in the bowels of the basement I stumbled across a shelf with several Ayn Rand choices and was, frankly, shocked to see them. But of course, bookstores, politicians, your pain in the arse neighbor are too willfully obtuse to see that there is more than one way to view the world.

Jesus. I cannot.

Y’all ought to be ashamed of yourselves. Disgusting.

“The only way out of this trap is to view people as individuals.” Which is precisely what I’ve been saying for years. It’s what I say every time I discuss cultural responsiveness (which is a lot, because my entire MA is kind of predicated on it). Stop this regressive madness.

OK. That’s enough now.


Random Wednesday

These social distancing photos are getting boring. Here’s some Halloween love because it’s JENTOBER!!!!

A special message from a band I like? Is it about voting?? Gosh I sure hope it’s about voting!

Seems like after a while, any idiot beating their head against a wall might start to think “ouch.”

I said two thousand twenty twenty by mistake. But honestly.

How are any of you OK with this? ANY of this??

Interesting. 40.2% of Michiganders are gun owners. pew pew

If there is one thing we can all agree on in these trying times, it’s that Ibram Kendi and Robin DiAngelo are  both racist dicks.

This is hilarious.

Everybody dies.

I am no longer used to long staff meetings. This one is feeling particularly tortuous.

Wow, I haven’t touched Dreamweaver in years.

I can assure you, once again, that if I don’t like a politician, it has absolutely nothing to do with their gender, and absolutely everything to do with their policies.

I don’t find Henry Cavill attractive.

Huh. I. Huh.

I need a nap. Or probably I should take my don’t fall asleep meds.

Maybe some music would help.

Holy shit you guys.

This is the least number of tabs I’ve had open since the beginning of the semester.

Why is my nose running?

Our students seem to call everybody who teaches “Dr.” whether they have a PhD or not. I’ve even been called Dr. and at the time, I didn’t even have a Master’s. … Of course I still don’t have a Master’s but only til December.

I totally forgot the Barenaked Ladies even existed.

This is hysterical, and accurate, but I still love Mumford and Sons.

“How are we to know why democracy is good without historical examples? How are we to know the limits of democracy without historical examples? How are we to understand and appreciate the notion of individual rights without historical examples? How are we to understand that democracy and individual rights are not the same but are, in fact, in tension with each other, without historical examples?”

Yes, I am listening to Semisonic. Don’t judge me.

Why does my arm hurt.

I don’t think this is happening today.

I should compile every Random in one volume and take this site down for good. That’s like 400+ Randoms on your bookshelf. You could pull it down at random intervals and randomly select pages.

I’d rather get texts from Kevin Costner than Misha Collins.

Look. I was going to try to post today, but it just didn’t work out. I’ll try again tomorrow.

If you don’t understand why these court decisions were exactly the right decisions, then I don’t know. Maybe move to North Korea or something. You might feel more comfortable there.

It’s not like this shit is easy for me either.

OFFS. Fucking idiots.

Mike Pence didn’t do anything in that debate with Harris that he wouldn’t have done in a debate with a man. Stop pretending Harris is a victim. Stop infantilizing women with this bullshit. It’s disgusting.

WTAF, Michigan. The rampant stupidity is starting to get a little embarrassing.

Well. Let’s shoot for Friday, shall we?

Stop telling me we’re all in this together. We are not.

Can you still call them “alleged” views if you’re sharing video of him actually espousing said views? Everything you don’t like is not Hitler. It’s not Trump. It’s not alt-right. It’s not even slightly right. Stop ignoring truth in order to progress your narrative.

Also don’t fucking plot to kidnap people, that’s just shitty.

If his jacket covers it, it’s no longer considered openly carried. It’s considered concealed, so unless he has a CPL/CCW, he would technically be breaking the law.

I don’t know the first thing about transplanting a hydrangea.

Well. That works.

There’s a midterm next week and I have absolutely no earthly idea WTF it’s on.

Suddenly we’ve become a country obsessed with safety. We’re becoming fragile. Brittle. Breakable.

“To suggest the necessity of a Bill of Rights amounted to implying that the people, through their elected representatives, would destroy their own liberties.” Well, yeah.

True of false?

I should have had a lot more children.

I could have happily gone my whole life without seeing naked self righteous celebrities explain mail in voting to me as if I were a 5 year old. First of all, get fucked. Second, this shit isn’t that hard. Third, I don’t trust anyone, I’ll vote in person, thank you very much.

Any day a staff meeting is canceled is a good day, by golly.

The thing is, literally no one “celebrates” Columbus Day. So calm down, ma’am.

Oh suddenly Amanda Palmer is a death expert. JEEESus with this woman.

Fuck it. I got a thing.


Random Wednesday

I wear my Chucks a lot in the summer.

I totally need a new pair of Chucks.

Such weird non-sequitur emails. It always takes me a minute to decipher what the hell she’s talking about.

I’m going to get canceled, amn’t I?

It doesn’t matter how many actual notifications I have. The number is always 20. The number used to always be 13. I liked the 13 better. Interestingly, notifications are turned off. You’re really knocking it out of the park, Microsoft.

I should have been a park ranger.

Guess whose campaign doesn’t give a flying … how many times you ask them to stop texting you because how did they get your phone number in the first place? Jon Hoadley’s campaign, that’s who. Don’t vote for Jon Hoadley. He doesn’t actually care what you want.

Quite probably the only person you know with three and a half sheets of postcard stamps on hand.

I just realized my textbook smells like patchouli and I’m trying to decide if it’s from me or the previous owner.

“They think rich people got to the 7-Eleven first and gobbled all the Ding Dongs, leaving poor people to lick the plastic wrappers.”

I thought that said German subculture. It did not.

The mosquitoes haven’t even been that bad this year.

I really hate it when I can’t read my own handwriting.

I wonder if Big Gretch has heard about this yet. Who wants to tell her?

I just accidentally clicked on an “affordable dentures” ad and now my algorithm’s about to get even weirder.

It is also OK NOT to dose yourself with massive levels of cancer causing radiation annually to have your boobs squished.

And actually, my GYN said stop giving yourself exams too, because you don’t know what you’re doing.

I don’t need you to protect me from content, Spotify, you liberal nanny state suck up bitch.

Wait. Wee Willy Winky is a creepy goddamn story.

The longer I work on this paper, the further away from the computer my chair gets so that by the end I’m bent almost in half to type. And this happens every time I write a paper.

This is pretty fucking outstanding.

“The deification of 9 fallible human beings just because they wear black robes is gross.”
“It’s not just gross, it’s dangerous.”

RBG was not a god. Stop behaving as if she were.

And please, PLEASE, stop acting like you wouldn’t be pushing a nominee through as quickly as possible if the situation were reversed.

I think it was the 5 minute alphabetical alliteration opening of that episode of Letterkenny when I finally started to actually enjoy that show.

“Republican presidents now only nominate deeply conservative judges.” Where do they get this stuff??

Even if a Republican POTUS thinks he’s nominating a “deeply conservative judge,” more often than not, that judge ends up being pretty centrist, because more often than not, SCOTUS judges actually do care more about upholding the Constitution than about the agenda of whomever is in office. Not always, but usually.

SCOTUS has made some pretty sketchy rulings.

New one for the list – it’s a marathon, not a sprint.

Gorram VPN.


Y’all have got to know how stupid you look posting videos of yourselves screeching about shit in your car. I mean how can you not?

Hey. I’m just sitting here eating my bowl of Count Chocula. I am not with them.

According to the Social Security Administration, I shall live to be 88.6 years old. I don’t really have any feelings one way or the other about that. Except maybe I’d like some grandchildren.

Prolly still be able to take care of my own chin hairs at 88. That’s not that old.

Well. I think that’s enough of that then.


Random Wednesday

You have got to be fucking kidding me.

Wasn’t this a Philip K. Dick story?

ARGH I’m not that kind of researcher. CITI training is so booooooooooooring.

OK, I don’t need nearly this many text messages from you.

Hey I’ma be in a commercial! Cool.

I freely admit to you I kinda want a Waylon Jennings virus mask.

Still utterly uninterested in and kind of anti-vaccine, thanks.

we are reviewing to better understand the situation and to take any appropriate next steps.” APPROPRIATE NEXT STEPS?? Are you fucking serious? The ONLY appropriate next step is to fully reinstate this faculty member with an embarrassed apology. This is in no way helping anyone. This is sheer lunacy.

I love that Peter Wingfield from Highlander, on whom I will have an eternal crush, is a cardiologist now.

I just think requiring an abstract for a 1 1/2 page paper is a little extreme.

Oh man, Revenge is a good movie. Of course it was a good novella too.

For the love of all that is holy stop referring to yourself in the third person. JESUS.

I don’t know WTF decided to bring Care Bears back. And I don’t really know why I find it so bloody irritating. But this? This is a Care Bear Stare too far.

Seriously. That’s just wrong. I didn’t even read the description.

I don’t really wear shoes any more, so whenever I go out, after about 20 minutes my feet are all “Tha fuck is this shit?”

Instagram doesn’t give a shit about my sock drawer.

Teachers really love Mo Willems. Even teachers who think his name is Mo Williams.

Jesus, these kids might as well be in an MMOC.

Worst telling of Harold and the Purple Crayon ever.

This is how you talk to students? Really? You probably should not have chosen elementary school.

I can’t post this today.

‘In case you’re taking notes: In order to further the mission of “inclusion” it is important to hold segregated events in which college students are separated from one another based solely on the color of their skin. This used to be called “racism,” but today it is considered “social justice.“‘

I just keep hearing Ralph Wickham’s voice. “I’m helping!”

Way to go, GVSU.

I need a Billy Squier t-shirt.

Man my head hurts today.

And my hypersomnia is in hyperhyper drive.

I no longer serve any actual purpose.

Stop demanding a vaccine. Why are you so foolish?

sleep in our clothes and wait for

It’s straight up cold in The Geekery. LOVING IT.

fuck it, you know?

Happy Birthday, Old Man.


Random Wednesday

It really bothers me that there are so many air bubbles in that stupid floor sticker.

Both the left and the right are remarkable in how weak their convictions seem to be. Let’s take the left, because it’s just so easy. The MeToo movement. Criminal justice reform. Immigration reform. Police reform. Blah blah blah. But when you get handed candidates who are guilty, or have at least been credibly accused of, sexual assault, for instance, you grimace and say “oh well. He’s not perfect, but he’s still good on X and Y. We can overlook the ‘small’ things if it moves us closer to our goal.” Or a woman who has demonstrably and provably blocked exculpatory evidence in a wrongful conviction, put hundreds of people behind bars for non-violent offences, and so much else, you grimace and say ” Oh well. Not thrilled, but still. We can overlook the ‘small’ things if it moves us closer to our goal.” The right is no better. What happened to RESIST! What happened to REVOLUTION?? What happened to your convictions? Why is it so easy for you to lay your beliefs aside and fool yourselves into thinking that this time is any different than any other time? Where is your spine? You do this to yourselves. Meet the new boss, same as the old boss. You could so easily stop this madness, break the two party system but you don’t. I wonder why that is.

Now on to more frivolous ramblings.

The general teams channel for the office is just a long series of me saying Good morning! in different languages and the same two of my colleagues “liking” it.

What’s with the Farrah hair period? So weird. It’s like 2003.

On the one hand, it seems like no one understands or even knows our history any more. On the other, it seems we’re too bogged down in it – bogged down without that understanding.

“It’s the Pax, the G-32 Paxilon Hydroclorate that we added to the air processors. It’s… well it works… it was supposed to calm the population, weed out aggression. Make a peaceful… it worked. The people here stopped fighting. And then they stopped everything else. They stopped going to work, stopped breeding… talking… eating… There’s thirty million people here and they all just let themselves die.”

I’ve never met that guy. He’s an adjunct at my university. It’s good to know whom to avoid.

People won’t cooperate! OK, let’s force them against their will by removing all of their basic human rights and dosing them with substances that may or may not have devastating lasting consequences just so we can smugly claim we saved the world!

There is no universal morality. I’ve said this over and over. So you would be enforcing your own morality on others. What’s moral about that? What’s ethical about that? You decide that your morality is the correct morality, therefore, it’s totally OK to drug people into acquiescence without their knowledge or consent? How do you not see that that is, in fact, morally reprehensible?

And also that is why you should never trust the government.

Still not interested in a vaccine.

So all of a sudden Susan B. Anthony is a big fat racist. OK. Sure. Whatever. You know what? You all suck.

I was going to post this on the Wednesday and had to rush off to Portage, but now I realize it’s actually super short so I guess we’ll wait another week.

I’m running out of energy. Wait. I’m out of energy. For any of this. This is the most I’ve ever wanted to quit the internet in my life.

No, really. Why does anyone still live in California?

Aw man. I got quoted on a flier. Cool.

This is all I’m ever going to be.

“Joe Biden’s life is replete with mistakes and regrets. And, if he comes to the Presidency, he is unlikely to supply much of the exalted rhetoric that reaches into a nation’s soul. But, for a people in mourning, he might offer something like solace, a language of healing.” I’m sorry, I think I just threw up a little in my mouth.

I’d be willing to lay odds that never happened.

I find the presence of the lady with the British accent as a member of the DAR incongruous and slightly jarring.

Well, that’s completely ruined my day. Awesome.

I suppose I’ll post this today. Probably. Next week is the first day of classes. I’ll probably be busy.

Well, I was going to post today, but today was crazy busy.

Every day I skim that NYT morning briefing and am freshly astounded at the blatant bias. What a pile of trash.

Is there anything Whitmer touches that doesn’t automatically turn to shit? Anything?

Jesus. When was the last time I shaved my legs?

“To borrow a favorite phrase of the woke activist crowd: Educate yourself, street protesters.”

This is much better news.

“Put your kids on a ’news diet’ and other tips to coping with anxiety during a pandemic.” Why are you letting your kids watch the news in the first place?

Look. I can do just about anything, as long as it’s explained to me. But don’t fucking make me guess.

Honestly. Executive Assistant is a perfectly respectable job. I could probably make peace with doing this for the rest of my life. Somehow.

All of a sudden I can’t stand Luke’s daughter.

Thanks for permanently ruining the previously utterly innocuous “folks,” progs. Is there anything you can’t destroy?

Holy shit. Today has been non-stop crazy.


Random Wednesday

I never could stand the Max Medina character. Whiny beta male. Yeuch.

BLASPHEMY!!!!!!! You cannot make tea in the microwave.

This fucker’s campaign keeps texting someone named “Elias” at my number. I’ve asked them multiple times to remove me from their list. They still haven’t done it. The last time they texted I told them I’d rather set myself on fire than vote for Jon Hoadley. I wasn’t kidding.  Creepy POS.

“It’s the Pax, the G-32 Paxilon Hydroclorate that we added to the air processors. It’s… well it works… it was supposed to calm the population, weed out aggression. Make a peaceful… it worked. The people here stopped fighting. And then they stopped everything else. They stopped going to work, stopped breeding… talking… eating… There’s thirty million people here and they all just let themselves die.”

Yes, by all means, put Lithium in the water supply. Jesus.

Now the bubonic plague is killing people. So about China

What. I’m kidding.          Kind of.

But I can see the Necker cube both ways at the same time. Does that mean I’m a genius?

My new hobby is to report every fucking cat ad that comes up in my IG feed as referring to a political candidate or issue.

Alyssa Milano. Wow. That seems like a pretty normal amount of hair to be coming out after a wash. We lose hair at an astonishing rate. Also if you stop chemically damaging your hair with all the bleaching and dyeing, you’ll lose a lot less. But most importantly? Shut the fuck up, you half wit. COVID does not cause hair loss.

Man. This chair hurts my upper back. That chair hurts my lower back.

Why was it called The Cosby Show if it was about the Huxtable family?

This is the only song by Redbone I know. I had no idea they were Native American. I do really like this song.

I started to comment about another thing that annoyed me but Jesus Christ. What’s the point any more?

Oops. Caught an error in this book. Bones was a forensic anthropologist, not a forensic paleontologist. What kinds of crimes would a paleontologist solve??

I find it incredibly alarming that the age of medical consent in the state of Michigan is 14.

There’s a gott damn wasp in The Geekery!

I’d prefer not to give the mouse a cookie.

Now I have to throw out these cookies.

Thought y’all wanted criminal justice reform. So you picked a cop who hates criminal justice reform. OK. Yeah. Seems about right for the left.

There is nothing remotely surprising about this study. Still. It makes me chuckle to see it confirmed.

You know how you click on an article you want to read, but don’t have time for right now and by Wednesday you have eleventy nine tabs open and you never actually get around to reading a single one? I just purposely read all of my open tabbed articles. BOOM bitches.

I’m feeling a little smug right now.

Gotta take it where you can get it these days.

None of this is OK, and if you think it is, I don’t want to know you. Don’t even try to give me any bullshit story about how the rioters have nothing to do with BLM when BLM is supporting this violence and thuggery. And it’s not OK.


Random Wednesday

Women had influence. Women have always had influence.

People didn’t much care for Random last week. Must have been my rant chastising half the population.

Reading 14 different books, sometimes you add notes to the wrong sheet.

I was super motivated but it seems to have evaporated. Exhausted itself.

I would totally be your president, but I’m unelectable.



There are objective truths.

Why wouldn’t you exonerate these men?

Don’t you ever get tired of only sharing the half of the story that fits your narrative?  Doesn’t it make you feel just the tiniest bit dishonest?

No, of course not.

That couple in Kentucky never refused to self-quarantine. They refused to sign papers. Stop twisting the truth to fit your agenda.

“Here’s the problem with working homicide. There’s so much death.”

FB connection: OMG THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS VOTER FRAUD, PEOPLE. Headline: Woman jailed for voter fraud.

“Michigan’s retail liquor sales a bright spot amid coronavirus economy slump.” Yes, because the lockdown has turned everyone into alcoholics.

Ha. 2009: “I have two monitors and it’s weird. 2020: “OMG I CAN’T FUCKING DO MY JOB WITH ONLY ONE MONITOR.”

“Hey, Jen, write up a return to work plan, fill out these forms, submit. Be as detailed as possible. Cover all contingencies.” Great, done, everyone agrees on it, submit. “OK so all of the departments have submitted and there’s no consistency at all (HOW ARE YOU SHOCKED BY THIS) so we all have to start back at the beginning.” COME ON.

I love when women post themselves on IG and are all OMG I’m leaving the house with no makeup! And they’re clearly wearing mascara for instance. Like what do you call no makeup? Makeup is makeup, bitches.

Well I could just post a short one. People seemed to be very put off by last Random. Not many people liked it at all.


Fuck it. I’ll just keep adding to this week. I’m less cranky than last week. Let’s see where my more defeatist attitude takes us, shall we.

Whitmer is a fascist lunatic.

I’m all for someone ousting Fred Upton, but Elena Oelke. What the hell is up with your makeup? What happened to your eyebrows?

That’s such a typical catty woman thing to do. Fixate on her looks instead of her platform. I don’t even know her platform. I’m such a hypocrite today. Ha. Doesn’t matter. Upton will win again. Because WE WANT CHANGE but we refuse to vote for it.

All of the skin on my elbows and knees is molting. It’s strange and off-putting.

Batman vs Man-bat please. Holy hell I loved that series.

Well. This is shaping up to be a total disaster.

Seven and the Ragged Tiger was a better album than Rio, fight me.

United States Department of Agriculture’s Animal Plant Health Inspection Service’s Plant Protection and Quarantine Smuggling, Interdiction and Trade Compliance Unit

“What do you do for a living?”
“Oh I work for the United States Department of Agriculture’s Animal Plant Health Inspection Service’s Plant Protection and Quarantine Smuggling, Interdiction and Trade Compliance Unit. Half of my work day is just reciting the name of my department when making phone calls.”

Where are all the responsible adults?

all the very best of us

Look. I didn’t want to love this album, but I listened because The National, and I do actually dig several Taylor Swift songs. I feel no shame about that whatsoever. But this song is killing me right now. It’s so beautiful.

This year is hell on resisting taking up drinking or a new smoking habit, lemme tell ya.

I’m not going to be able to move tomorrow.

97% of the time he’s just fucking with you because it amuses him and it’s so gorram easy.

“What’s the world come to when this guy’s allowed to get away with having his own opinion?”

Guess this whole work from home thing will be going on for the rest of the year. I have no problem with that whatsoever.

Where the hell did lux esto come from?

Ohhhhhhhhh. Yeah. Those guys. Never mind.

Better than most. Not as good as some. And annoyed with all.

Made all those masks for work, and now I’m not going to work.

I need this one tho.

I don’t know why I’m watching The Gilmore Girls again, and neither do you.

Of all the weird shit that has happened this year, a coin shortage is actually one of the most unexpected.

Well. Tree guys are booked. That’s one thing accomplished this year.


No. I have not actually read the safe return plan. I feel like that would not be a good use of my time.

In the immortal words of Taylor Swift, “This is me trying.”


Random Wednesday

one way, or another

I wish I were out of the office until July 20th.

This wrist wrest is far superior to my old one. It’s really more a butt of my hand wrest. What’s that part of your hand called? I can’t remember.

Tangential experience only. Why let that stop me.

The heel of your palm.

I don’t care if schools ever resume.

I still have no interest in a vaccine.

I still believe Gretchen Whitmer is a power hungry fascist who’s never understood a paycheck to paycheck way of life.

I still don’t take kindly to being told what to do.

It’s not sea glass if it’s from a Great Lake beach. Just. It isn’t.

I’m not wearing a mask in my car. It’s not a public space.

Honestly. I don’t even know how I end up with this many tabs open.

I can’t explain this sudden need to listen to Bryan Adams’ (Everything I Do) I Do It For You. But why fight it?

Try all the things.

“Innumerable sensible people have commented on the impossibility that anyone can pass the Purity Test. Someone who passes today will not pass tomorrow.”

And then there are repercussions.  Don’t let this lunacy win.

Ha. Totally read that as homicide cross.

I have been pronouncing hegemony incorrectly in my head since the first time I ever saw it. Happily for me, I’ve never said it out loud.

I almost said something in Random last week. I wrote a thing and I deleted it. I deleted it because everyone had me second guessing myself and my memory of how shit works. When I first started at the U, I worked in INTL admissions, issuing student visas. There is a long list of very strict rules students have to abide by in order to get a visa. One of those rules was “you may not take more than one online class while in the country.” But ICE made its announcement and my progressive friends and colleagues lost their shit. Trump is a bigot. Trump is a racist. This new rule is nothing short of white supremacy. NEW RULE. New rule new rule new rule. I started to wonder if I was entirely misremembering a job I did for months. So I deleted my comments here. I should have known better. I wasn’t wrong. This isn’t a new rule. ICE chose not to enforce this rule for spring and summer of this year so that students could finish out their academic year. Now that they’ve chosen to enforce it again, OMG ORANGE MAN BAD. For the love of whatever the fuck it is you believe in, STOP with your knee jerk, Trump derangement, believe any gorram thing the media tells you. You’ve been verifiably wrong so many times. Aren’t you tired of it? I’m not saying it’s right to make INTL students leave due to a rule enforced during a pandemic. I am saying that a little bit of basic fucking research would do us all a whole metric fuckton of good. I’m sorry to be so long-winded about this one, but it REALLY pissed me off. ESPECIALLY coming from people who bloody work in higher ed. Come on. You’re forever telling people to do better. Well fucking DO BETTER.

OK, I’m done with the rant. I really needed to get that out because of ALL the bullshit absolutely everywhere this year, this one I fucking KNEW was wrong and you all still had me questioning my sanity.

And oh, by the way, TRUMP rescinded the rule.

(Proof that I don’t actually write Random all on a Wednesday.)

I thought about deleting that rant, but I don’t think I will. I’m so tired of people half assing absolutely everything. I didn’t even fucking vote for Trump.

Scurge is not a word.

Man. When was the last time you heard the word dweeb?

Tired of feeling like I don’t fit.

Nothing more irritating than clicking a link to an article you want to read only to find it behind a paywall.

Don’t get me wrong. I like  the new Unsolved Mysteries. I like that it’s quiet and eerie and not brash and in your face and neon and poor production value like the original (but oh man, the 80s. I love ya.) but they don’t need to devote an entire hour to one case. That show is like a bloomin’ sedative. I tried to watch episode Frenchy McFrenchersons last night. It was a case I’m even familiar with. I kept nodding off through the whole episode – which was in French. And as you well know, chickens, I do not speak French. Trying to read subtitles while a subtle heavy mood hangs over the place and people speak in quiet sussurating Frenchiness? I didn’t stand a chance.

That new Perry Mason is pretty good.

I feel personally victimized by this fucking fly.

Well. That thread wasn’t nearly as entertaining as I’d hoped it would be.

Evidently Google Play Music is going away.

I don’t know who these people are.

Pretty sure you meant abating, not abetting, Reason.

OMG. There’s dweeb again! WHAT is happening.

“the lessons about the importance of understanding other Americans, the necessity of resisting tribalism, and the centrality of the free exchange of ideas to a democratic society.” THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS is what I have been saying.

I thought about trying to swear less, but. People.

This post feels like it’s so much longer than it is.

I really hate the word cuck. It’s just gross.

OK, you’re a liberal, this is a book written from your liberal perspective. And I LOVE that you’re writing to implore everyone on all sides to embrace viewpoint diversity, to understand each other as individuals, not groups. But Jesus God. We get it. You hate Trump. Why not serve up some examples of liberal populist bullshit once in a while? Just, you know, be a little more even handed. We get that y’all hate the Donald. You don’t need to keep beating us all to death with it. We heard you. Trust me.

I say this from a place of unfettered annoyance and I DIDN’T EVEN VOTE FOR TRUMP.

Oh look. Reason fixed abating.

“In 2020—as opposed to 1920—I neither need nor want anyone to muse on how whiteness privileges them over me. Nor do I need wider society to undergo teachings in how to be exquisitely sensitive about my feelings.”

Start new Dresden or wait? Start new Dresden or wait? I CAN’T DECIDE.

I could legit use the distraction of total immersion in Harry lunchable Dresden. That is a fact.

Doesn’t matter I suppose. I wonder if I’ll lose some over it.


Random Wednesday

It’s just a job. It’s just a job. It’s just a job.

STOP telling people what to do on social media. You are not everyone’s parent. Mind your own business.

Wow that 20 pound weight on the hammer curl in place of the 10 is sooooo much better.

Shut. Up. Kindle just told me that there’s a new Liam Campbell coming out this year!

I feel like I haven’t chosen my chair wisely. We shall see.

No, we absolutely do not need a Highlander reboot. Stop this foolishness.

Wow. That looks really painful.

$150 Keens on sale for $23?

Don’t put milk in your tea. What is wrong with you.

Why is there no adblock on this thing?

“Hi! Please help me with all of this info that I will use and then give you zero space or credit for.”


Anne Frasier is an outstanding writer, check her books out. Mysteries. Just happened across her this summer. SO glad I did.

There are just so many lies and so much bullshit being spewed from all directions. And no one cares. Everyone just believes what they want to believe.

Less Talk. More Chalk.

I love you, new work laptop.

I don’t understand the appeal of jumpsuits as fashion. Who wants to get naked to pee?

I know I’ve commented on that before.

I feel like I can’t use the word problematic anymore because it’s been ruined.

I’m with Andrew Yang on the 4 day work week. 100%

This girl can only take so much. If I had the means, I’d disappear forever.

Using two laptops instead of two monitors means forever forgetting that when you go from one screen to the other, you also have to switch mice.

I just deleted a whole bunch of stuff from here. Fuck. It.

Ohhh I totally misunderstood that entire situation.

It just seems like even your open letter condemning cancel culture is mostly focused on how much the right sucks. Come on. Just condemn the suppression of speech and viewpoint diversity. It literally doesn’t matter which side is doing it. No one should be doing it. NO ONE.

I haven’t had pizza since Saturday. This will not do.

I submit that it was wholly unnecessary to change M43 to M343, which is just bloody confusing.

And now your hand sanitizer will kill you.

“The reason people are so mad at the pro-free-speech letter is that they aren’t really in favor of free speech.”

Now Amazon is sending me ads for shit for cats. I DON’T HAVE A FUCKING CAT.

How are they going to stop you from screaming on a roller coaster though?

It’s funny how you never picture Ernest Hemingway as a young man.

I don’t know how to explain to you that you should stop telling everyone else what to do all the time.

I legit thought this was some kind of weird new, tryina be spooky, shrimp cocktail or something for a minute.

So … suddenly liberals are OK with nuke plants?

Implicit bias is not an indicator of future behavior. Implicit bias is not an indicator of future behavior. Implicit bias is not an indicator of future behavior. Implicit bias is not an indicator of future behavior. Implicit bias is not an indicator of future behavior. Implicit bias is not an indicator of future behavior. Implicit bias is not an indicator of future behavior. Implicit bias is not an indicator of future behavior. Implicit bias is not an indicator of future behavior. Implicit bias is not an indicator of future behavior. Implicit bias is not an indicator of future behavior. Implicit bias is not an indicator of future behavior. Implicit bias is not an indicator of future behavior. Implicit bias is not an indicator of future behavior.

Implicit bias training is useless, which many studies have shown. And yet y’all still want to waste time and money on this.

It’s an industry.

Maybe you should stop telling women what they’re allowed to think and say.

Less than zero interest in Hamilton.

I just don’t think I can even take people any more. I hate the internet. I hate all the bossy bitchery. I hate identity politics and its stranglehold on absolutely every aspect of life. I hate everything. I have a really long list in my head, but I’m tired.

I just shouldn’t even publish this.

I don’t want to go back out in the world.


Random Wednesday

I forgot how good this perfume smells.

Costco has surprisingly good lasagna.

I’ll publish a book or something.

Woke breaking point. Yep.

Well. Nobody said you had to stick around, I guess.

Way to go Paula Zahn. Sheesh.

It’s not apart. It’s a part. They’ve already kept you apart. You want to be a part. Come on.

Die, fly. Die.

Don’t be the weak girl.

“Wouldn’t it be cool if we were able to provide a blueprint for everyone else on how to stand up and let the classical liberal values of reason, universality, respect for the individual and fairness retake control of communities? What about modeling civil dialogue across difference?” — THIS is what I have been trying to do on campus. THIS is what I’m dedicated to.

I only even look at the New York Times because we have free access to it through work. And once a month or so, they actually post something that I have interest in – usually death work related. Mostly, though, it’s a joke of a publication.

There never seems to be any shortage of stupid.

ARGH. I ordered the wrong gorram notebook.

I have no experience cold mailing a resume. Weirdness.

Uh oh. I’ve escalated to letter writing. There’s a skill you definitely lose if you don’t use it.

“Human flesh simulant.” I read the funnest stuff.

WordPress doesn’t think simulant is a word.

Please don’t eat the ballistic gelatin.

I only have so much room. On my walls. On my shelves. On my floors. Only so much room.

I wish I had bought more of these shorts when I came across them at Target that one time. They’re probably my favorite.

My problem is that I don’t have enough interest in any one thing to do it for the entire rest of my life. At least not so far.

I wish I felt wanted or welcome there.

I can’t find that picture of Max Brooks and me right now.

There’s Thomas Lynch signing my book though.

You take the Red line to get to the space dinos and their pet fish.

Must have been 2008. 2008 is not on this drive. Everything prior to 2009 is on CD/DVD.

“Jackson Pollock couldn’t diagram that last sentence.”

No, not that sentence.

I wish I could French braid my hair.

I wish people still wrote letters.

I wish Dana Stabenow had continued the Liam Campbell series beyond four books. I thought there were three. I guess at the time I originally read them, the fourth wasn’t out. I don’t recall ever seeing it. Oh well. At least on this reread I get a bonus. Nice!

This year may as well not even exist except as some form of cosmic punishment. I haven’t figured out what for yet.

Swimming with my boots on and we’ll all be lonely tonight and lonely tomorrow.

Curiously focused on this shit today.

NOT looking forward to the staff meeting at all.

I have just realized that I have not regularly worn shoes in months. How strange.

How do you expect elementary aged school children to maintain these ridiculous guidelines? This is insane. In.Sane.

How have I not made a Chris Isaak playlist? What is wrong with me?

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