Why does Benson Boone look like an extra from Boogie Nights?

This week in The Very Definition of Irony: “A new U.S. edition of George Orwell’s 1984 now comes with a trigger warning. In a new preface to the great anti-totalitarian work, novelist Dolen Perkins-Valdez calls the novel’s protagonist Winston Smith “problematic” and warns modern readers may find his views on women “despicable.”

Is it even

In a slight panic

It’s fine. Academia is a viper pit full of backstabbing liars. Who cares, right? And yet I continue to allow myself to be lulled into a false sense of safety. Idiot.

My emergency umbrella disappeared!

Well I’ll never be a beauty queen.

Remote business athlete?? What does that even mean?

I don’t know how much more clearly anyone can spell it out. At some point you have to just admit that this is purposely ignored.

THANK YOU FOR THE REMINDER!

Is it too early for a Diet Mtn. Dew? No. No it is not.

Dang this is a good book. I don’t want it to end.

Holy shit I am in so much pain today.

Well it was nice for a while. But here we are.

delve delve delve delve delve

oi.

ARGH I need this book and it’s only available in the UK.

“Antecedent to the modern death doula.”

death watcher

Freud again. whee.

the faucet. the door. the fuck?

What foolishness.

OK but when will it be released in the US?

Why would you cut the electricity but not the gas?

I was not prepared for this heat.

Ok. Alright.

I could use a drink, now that you mention it.

It’s not like I can help it.

Cults are fascinating. You cannot deny.

Maybe a cult hole. Not a Manson hole.

A loaf of bread, a container of milk, and a stick of butter.

I just don’t think I should be making less money than the incompetent baboon.

That did not go according to plan.

See? I almost nearly forgot again.

Did you complain?

Tradition? Traditionnnnnn?

hot in the city tonight

Webinar. Exciting.

Maybe I should have been a lawyer.

I definitely should have been a plumber.

I don’t know. It seems like a fail.

I bet someone will have changed their mind and they’ll deny my application. And then what?

I’m hooked on This is Us. I never got to watch it when it aired originally.

And then I forgot again!

I probably could use a professional haircut …

I need to borrow some belief.

Three down, one to go.

I feel like my lunch these days is just a vehicle for my salsa.

I think I need some lower sodium tortilla chips.

It’s not so bad when she’s out of the office. I mean it’s still awful. Just less awful.

I’m not interested in what NPR has to say for itself. I don’t want to fund it. Period. I’ve said this for years. My stance hasn’t changed. Well. Maybe I want to unfund it even harder than ever.

Every time I look away, new email pops up.

Huh. I thought there was more.

She spat through her mouth pegs.

trickster and deceiver

At least I didn’t pay full Christ.

AND WE’RE DONE.

Master’s no. 2 in the books. So to speak.

Now if I could only figure out what the hell to wear to graduation.

What. These are not the students I trained.

lies lies lies yeah

Well it would have been nice if anyone had followed through on this. Sheesh.

And I got a haircut. It only helped a little. Maybe I should go shorter. But I don’t wanna.

I think we might have killed it.

I don’t know why people don’t like me. I’m delightful.

How did I fall into this Manson hole?

I cannot wake up today.

Eat some lunch then.

I don’t know what that means.

But it’s nice to be graduated.

tis, tis

I read that as benevolent violence. It did not say benevolent violence.

I am starting a list of movies I want to marathon after graduation:
Benny and Joon
Singles
Twisters
What else …

Perhaps we have stumbled upon the solution!

We’ve updated our privacy policy!

I wonder how much my presence really matters.

Ninja parade! “A record crowd of 3,000 people turned out to not see the ninjas.”

I’m 98% sure.

Weeeellllll …

Oh no! My notes are wet!

No one wants to go to Lily Dale with me. Sadness.

No one ever wants to go places with me.

OMG come on. It’s always something.

It’s just a buncha court cases.

Where are my other notes?

So many witch trials!

Oooh severe thunderstorm potential. Just a watch, not a warning.

Why is the temperature dropping again. Why. I am done with winter.

Diocesan seems more difficult to say than it should.

Diocesan see. Now you’re just torturing me.

Dear Canada, as the resident of a border state, I’d just like to say I rather like being an American, have no interest at all in becoming a Canadian and partaking of your weird bagged milk, and would really like it if you limited your visits here to just that, friendly visits, and not invasions. Thanks muchly.

“Many of us would rather have our eyes spooned out, be thrown in acid, be eviscerated, tortured, run over by tanks, have our heart pulled out of our mouth, than have anything to do with the United States.” Well good. Stay home then, we don’t want you here. The rude.

Too many and not enough.

Curses!

I thought he was going to say “You’re fucked!” but he said “You’ve fallen behind!” Same thing, really.

“The point is to be in pain all day.” Got that covered.

I am Menocchio. Menocchio is me.

You are presupposing an awful lot, buddy.

An awful lot.

AI AI AI AI AI

The crows are very loud today.

There are no teaching jobs, madame.

I cannot find my High Class Hillbilly hoodie.

I have found my High Class Hillbilly hoodie.

Someday I’d like to take the week off work and actually go somewhere.

I don’t speak Italian, buddy.

I typed Badginger instead of Badfinger, but it kind of works, doesn’t it?

Menocchio’s droppin’ some science.

I don’t know, it seems like you might have done that slightly wrong.

We need to leave NATO. Yesterday.

OK, focus, jentober. FOCUS.

Whole lotta nothin’.

That’s fine, I don’t need to see you either.

Primordial cheese.

Whelp. Guess I missed mass.

Restock my gum, yo.

Man, I really like that yarn, but it’s soooooo spendy.

Remind me never to eat a paczki that late in the evening again.

I am trying, but I am sooooooooooooo sleepy.

I can imagine the conversation, “ugggh I just don’t have it in me to see jen right now!”

I just bought this half and half, I can’t give up cream for Lent. It will go to waste. Jesus doesn’t like waste.  I’m pretty sure.

The she of weird.

Kinda hate you, LinkedIn. Don’t take it personal.

I do not speak Latin either, buddy.

Oh! There’s a thing I need to do.

In absentia …

Most unexpected.

And I’m so tired …

I put too much gunk in my stupid hair.

“During his final decades he was surely decrepit and feeble.”

An ant uprising.

really with that would go away forever right now thank you so very much

I think requesting assistance should result in a reasonably timed response. 7 months is not fucking reasonable.

Stupid laptop.

Dang. See. This is why I have so many reminders. I have become reliant on them now.

Why don’t I wear more skirts and tights?

It’s the fat.

That sweater is just a weird fit. I feel like it only works with jeans. or maybe a skirt would work. I didn’t try that. Maybe I’ll try that tomorrow.

What am I even talking about?

Why won’t the crows be my friends? I’m so sad.

OK, I get a little sick of If You Leave. I’m just being honest.

And just like that, the shared drive disappears. Again.

but it’s my destiny to be the

This PhD thing might fail before it gets started. Maybe I can just change the research question a bit and plow forward with a department that is not environmental sciences.

I could see getting hooked on these damn cookies.

I would have really dug this topic when I was in 5th grade. Now, not so much.

CURSES!

Anthropomorphizing is in our blood.

Oh the dishes.

Wait. What time is it? Why does it feel so much later than this?

verisimilitude

I don’t know why you’re giving me so much attitude. I’ve described the problem to you. That is the extent of my role here. Your role is to investigate and fix. Stop talking to me like I’m a moron.

Huh. Well.

Why am I chewing this gum right now?

I would like to have a beer with my friends. But not beer. Something else.

The number 4 weighs 30 pounds ……..

How come that fancy hand-held laser only cut through the chain and not the cinder block it also hit?

I really don’t want to put this stupid table together.

I lost my place.

Walking without oxygen.

Calamine lotion to the rescue!

henotheism

I don’t like it here.

One down, two … three?? … to go.

OMFG you cannot be serious right now.

Don’t ask me your questions. I don’t have any answers.

I’m going to be there, but don’t let that stop you.

I am not a key figure.

I just don’t think it’s unreasonable to negotiate nap time into any potential new job situation.

I don’t know. I just know it fucking hurts.

Sheesh. This book is making North Carolina sound really unappealing.

I wonder if anyone would even notice.

This day is going to end in a stress migraine. I can already feel it.

por supuesto por supuesto por supuesto

Well it’s not ideal, but …

Me, on the regular: “Ooh I want to read that article when I have a minute.”
Me, 6 months later: “I am never going to get to this article, I may as well close the tab.”

Shit.

Oooh Portugal! Intriguing!

I sign my name Jen. They respond with Jenn. Honestly. I cannot.

Nope. Definitely not a social contagion. Nothing to see here.

I am feeling particularly adrift at the moment.

Comprehensive. Exam.

Well 12 oz is really not that much coffee, so …

Well. He just looks shifty. I mean come on.

baby this ain’t no old cowboy western …

Why is it always so fucking bright in this fucking office?

Maybe just let me do my job. I don’t actually need your help. Pretty much ever.

I just honestly don’t know how I’m going to do this.

snow snow snow snow snow snow snow

Well that meeting wasn’t nearly as bad as I’d been expecting.

Wait. Am I on this committee permanently now???

I hope whoever put that nail board in my driveway contracts a horrible, painful disease that doesn’t kill you, but makes you suffer for a really long time.

That just seems a little ridiculous to me.

Are you fucking kidding me.

Aaaaand then I spaced it.

Snow Day! Snow Day! Snow Day!

hot cognition and cold cognition

My stomach hurts.

I was going to wait, but whatever.

Short and sweet.

Well that went completely off the rails. Shit.

I can’t already be in panic mode over next semester. I’ll die.

Holy shit that should not have been that hard.

Never underestimate the power of denture cleaner.

This is a completely unreasonable amount of reading. This is insane.

It’s like getting gas at night instead of in the morning on your way to work.

New tattoo!

I really don’t know how I’m going to do this. I may not survive this semester.

I think when it’s over I deserve an actual vacation. Like going somewhere and doing absofuckinglutely nothing.

We all know that isn’t going to happen.

That information is readily and publicly available, child.

Man I hope this is all less confusing next year. Sheesh.

I think I’m cold. I need to take a walk. And then I’ll definitely be cold.

I need food.

I don’t know why that chair is so squeaky, but it’s annoying as fuck. Stop moving!

Of course it’s all bullshit.

I think we collectively blocked this event from our memories because not a single one of us wants to be involved in it.

That was really a lot more blood than I would have expected from a paper cut.

Well I survived that I guess.

May seems so far away. I guess that’s a good way to bookend this semester though.

platypi

That seems profoundly disingenuous, but you do you.

see ya

I don’t think you need to be passive aggressive about it. Either knock it off or hit the road.

It’s sort of visceral, really.

That’s a cute little mushroom guy.

Well they used to make us work til 3 on Christmas Eve, so this is definitely a vast improvement.

Why is the Dumb Ways to Die song stuck in my head?

oh crap

I almost put my snow boots in the Monster Truck Called Ashley J Williams and then did not do it. It’s fine.

I can’t believe I keep forgetting the damn thing.

That is quite a lot of snow coming down out there.

effect affect

I think I’m hungry.

For the love of all things holy would you just STOP

I would never have known that was Dwight Yoakam.

How is it 11:55 already??

Woohoo! Halfway to solving this problem.

You must be in good standing.

Oh good. More snow.

Fuck. Well that’s my fault entirely,

Could you just read my paper please?

Esjus. The morning flew by and the afternoon is dragging ass.

When did I start reading that article? A week ago? A week and a half?

Well it’s only temporary.