That one time I won an award and got to go to Brooklyn to accept it.

I do important stuff. It’s just not super flashy.

I wonder why I didn’t get an interview for that job. I am more than qualified.

Oooh I want that station wagon.

“Experiential learning experiences” Bro.

This feels like a good time to go to lunch. And drink heavily.

Shut up, you know I’m not gonna.

Dear, Beacon Foundation. Please stop asking me for money. I do not have any.

I wish it were 1983. I’d even be happy if it were the 90s. I wish I’d never taken this job.

This Moleskine is trashed. I ought to tear out the important bits and throw the rest on the fire. But I cannot.

I really need to dust. Damn.

A cosmic ennui.

“They didn’t sign up to be on a ship in the middle of the ocean.” Ma’am. They joined the Navy. That is quite literally what they signed up for.

Why do people continue to insist on ice-breaker type activities? Are they actual sadists?

I wish I understood whatever it is about me that makes it so no one effing listens to me when I tell them things.

“The hijackings led to passenger jet crashes.” How bout no.

This is why I should not have a second cup of coffee.

… come a little closer baby, I only wanna try and be your

I cannot take this heat and humidity. This is not Florida. Why is the end of summer always like this. It’s like it’s trying get revenge or something.

Need food.

A book? For me?

I’m not radicalized, you are.

Horrible, horrible pain!

I just want to be able to straighten my hair again.

I’m probably not smart enough for this shit.

But why do you have to be so loud though?

I’m pretty sure at least half my problems would be solved if I did not have to work on a computer all day.

Probably.

Can I just not be present for this?

I think I probably need a snack.

I love so much starting the day with massive anxiety.

If you cannot be bothered to correctly spell what is arguably one of the easiest names in the universe to spell correctly, you are being purposely disrespectful.

But maybe that’s just me.

I am simply not getting a damn thing done. And this is very very bad.

I beg your finest pardon?

Why is it dark in here?

Man I miss progressive lenses. This single vision shit is the worst.

Oh cool. It’s time for the school to start sending out shit full of typos and grammatical errors. Awesome.

Every single person who read that dissertation and passed it ought to be run out of academia on a rail. What an embarrassment.

Oops. Wrong draft.

This is the single largest shit show I have ever in my entire adult life been subjected to.

Act as if.

Fake it til you make it.

Esjus.

Ultimately it’s meaningless. But it’s true I don’t really do that other junk.

It’s a marvel that you don’t forget how to breathe FFS.

Why is that woman even here?

What the heck is the deal with Stana Katic’s acting in that episode of Murder in a Small Town?

This was an absolutely terrible idea.

Stop saying Medicare for all! like we all want Medicare. I don’t want Medicare. You’re not doing me any favors. Stop assuming I’d be happy with Medicare.

School supplies.

Just seems super disingenuous to me. I dunno.

God forbid you should take five minutes to create a form. Oh no. Better have AI do it for you. Esjus. I can’t wait to die.

Chairman Dogzap. HA! I hate that guy so much.

That’s not how I remember it either.

That is insane.

Every minute of the day things get just a tiny bit worse.

Every time I read TikTok, my brain changes it to Tic Tac.

Tic Tacs are dumb.

Hadestown seems like a dumb title. I think you could have tried a little harder on that one.

Shit. I punched those holes on the wrong side. Dumbass.

How many massive projects is one person supposed to manage effectively, do you suppose?

I like that composer.

What’s two more bunnies, really?

I am in SO MUCH PAIN right now. It just will not stop.

Maybe I can find an ice pack. I wonder if that would help.

This book is pissing me off, which is in direct opposition to the stated goal of the book.

Ice is not helping.

I just

A multiplicity of Tiny Jesuses.

I feel like this is a thing you should be keeping track of yourself if you plan to use it for promotion. I am not your personal secretary.

tired face emoji.

Where did this giant fucking ant come from and how fast can I kill it?

WHY. WON’T. YOU. DIE.

I hate that cat.

OK, that’s a special kind of pain that translates to your knees giving out. Fuck.

Better dead than red!

“Get up from a dream and I look for rain. Take an amphetamine and a …”

I cannot get comfortable.

Man. I just want to hire all three of them. This sucks.

You don’t need an official score keeper for corn hole.

Whatever. I am just the workhorse. What would I know?

I retract my opinion from the group chat about this and shall offer nothing further.

How does this migrate across the desk as the day wears on? I don’t even know.

I need apples.

I applied for that job. They’ll interview me. They will offer it to someone else.

Because I am chained here forever.

At least it looks like I’ll actually be able to retire and not starve to death as a homeless woman.

I’ll never forgive them for this. Never. I’ve never felt so disrespected, disregarded, and irrelevant in my entire life.

I could go to lunch and never come back.

That film got too warm before it was developed.

That is a combination I would not have ever thought would work.

This is bullshit.

Too many cicadas. I’m not in a cicada mood.

I don’t even know how to do this part.

The further I read in that sentence, the worse it gets.

traffic lights and the

My voice went all wonky.

Impotent rage. Pointless I guess.

I need a mirror in here.

I need food.

I think I’ve worked enough today.

I think I’ve worked enough in this lifetime.

Not one of these people takes me or what I do at all seriously. I think I will start reciprocating.

Thanks so much for telling me you had just gone ahead and moved the deadline out a month. Super cool. Cool cool cool.

I don’t know how I’m going to hang on til 2029. I really don’t.

Where did I leave my sweater?

“What losers we have become. What scared, narrow-minded, embrace-the-familiar, bubble-wrap-your-children losers we have become.”

I don’t really need this PhD. I could just quit.

I should just bring that 3-hole punch down here permanently.

I really wish it would just RAIN already.

Why would you tell the webmaster? Why would she need information directly related to the changes you want made?

Well, that’s pretty much the exact response I expected, so. Whatever. Had to be done, regardless.

Oh this is that guy from Yellowstone.

Huh. Interesting.

Happy Birthday!

Live tracker. Neat. It’s just like on TV.

Why can I never remember what this stupid word means?

I wonder exactly how many times he used “viz.” in this book. Because I’m betting it’s in the hundreds.

Sheesh. That’s possibly the longest intro for a speaker I’ve ever heard. We don’t need to know every single one of your accomplishments ever dude.

Your mic is off, relax.

Who says against like that in real life?

I wish I had the Scribe with me right now.

Sir, you have said so many words it’s starting to sound like you are speaking a completely different language.

It doesn’t reason, it calculates. It’s not truly “intelligent.”

“An existential threat to the human race.”

I swear I have sat through another webinar presented by this guy but I cannot think of what it was.

That is not how you say Grammarly.

You’re moralizing in your opposition to the moralizers.

I like that big pine tree right there.

I definitely used to enjoy this author more.

Did you die in there?

Tired little ball of anxiety.

What’s with the cloak and dagger shit?

Man. Office clothes.

But they can’t make me wear office shoes!

I don’t want to listen to anything else.

Crap, I bet the parking lot will be full and I’ll have to walk half a mile. Definitely not wearing office shoes.

Dance break.

I still think we should have summers off. Or like summers at half time hours but full time pay.

Actually if I had my full time pay with May, June, July off, I’d probably be a lot less full of “I hate this fucking job” rage.

Whelp. Guess I better do that then.

This isn’t working.

Well. This should be a particularly special kind of Hell. Can’t wait.

I wish I were one of those people with really beautiful handwriting. I suppose if I dedicated time to it I could maybe get there.

It is not Stalin, lady. It’s Lenin.

Why did I did this?

I hate that I have to sit through so much progressive political bullshit in order to get to the information I’m actually after.

Mauled by a bear!

That is not at all why I want you to take your shoes off when you come into my house, dude.

I was trying to figure out how that giant ass horsefly got in here but it’s on the other side of the window.

“the horrible vice of pestiferous dancing” … ok then.

I thought that said “cloud laughing with rain”

Gahhhhh my handwriting is just the fucking worst.

Heavy metaphysical.

I admit I have a problem.

I want to be done with this.

It’s just a straight up lack of respect, that’s all. And I’m so tired of it.

That is not how that is spelled, ma’am.

But what does that mean?

Your songs are too long.

Water the plants.

Stop referring to everything as crucial, dude.

Seems like you ought to be addressing the crime problem rather than the not enough judges problem, but what do I know?

I’m. Wait. How many is this now? Crap.

On repeat.

You want love.

Google chats. Wow. Been a minute.

Actually, this laptop is the fucking worst.

I should probably eat something.

Why is this thing such a pain in the ass?

“The humor was … not ultimately serious.”

I beg your finest pardon, but it has been nothing BUT worries. ALL WORRIES OVER HERE, thank you very much.

When can I resign as chair? Pardon me, co-chair.

I totally legit thought you already had your PhD, dude.

I think most of my job duties have shifted so much that I should have a new title ad a new executive assistant should be hired.

“Lack of investigation into intervening variables.”

Why does everything have to be a flipping “journey”?

I cannot believe it took me this long to notice that typo.

Fine me on Teams because apparently I live there now.

I think after this I will shift my academic focus to demonology.

I prolly should

I’m gonna end up needing new knees. Fuck.

I want to know who talked.

I like the surface area of this desk, but I wish it were taller and also these drawers are dumb.

Oooh ice pack! I love you so.

“Right-coded.” FFS

That’s probably a terrible idea.

I probably should just quit.

How did I get logged out of this stupid thing?

Why does this confuse me every single time? It’s not that complicated. And yet it is confusing.

Two hundred dollars off is not enough hundreds of dollars off. So.

I didn’t forget though.

Oh shit. That is NOT what I meant to do. At all.

Curses!

sup.

It is really confusing to me that there are two Jon Favreaus now. What are the odds? I never know who anyone is talking about, and it’s never the Jon Favreau of 90s culture that I think it is.

But I did write things down though.

Did I even spell Favreau correctly? I guess who cares, really.

I think I just got every one of these questions wrong. Wow.

Why am I always so hunched over?

Do we need a designated influencer?

I’m gonna need some alone time on my lunch break, thanks very much.

I’m having a very difficult time actually listening to anything these people are saying this morning.

I probably should get a haircut.

I always talk about sleep because I always need to sleep.

I do not like this girl.

OMFG with this shit. I went to your stupid training and refused to sign your stupid pledge.

“I’m gonna force you all to pop corn … maybe like hot potato it.” OK then.

I don’t have any particular aspirations to becoming faculty. I would never land a faculty gig anyway.

I’m pretty sure I’m not gonna be doing a postdoc so …

What is the biggest obstacle? I am. I am my own biggest obstacle. I’m not proud of this, but at least I recognize that I am the problem.

“Everybody’s an expert in a very specific topic.” Like human composting.

Wow. That totally puts a dent in the tens of thousands of dollars worth of insurance premiums I have been forced to pay over the last few decades.

It’s the flag though.

What the hell am I even doing here?

Did I already ask that today?

Clearly I need music. Where the hell is my phone?

This is dumb.

Maybe I just need some protein.

Wow, that’s … selfish.

” … the habitually idle are put in cells where the water slowly rises as long as they are inactive.” Let that be a lesson to ye!

This proposal will fail and I will be miserable about it.

Huh. I thought there was something there already.

Why can’t I seem to make myself work on this project?

I should probably go take a walk in the woods and just keep going forever.

Love it so much when this shit crashes and I lose everything, despite saving.

I think it’s safe to say my problems all started when I gave up a steady diet of Camel Lights and Big Gulp Mountain Dews.

I could have sworn …

Is it going to rain again? If I take my walk will it start pouring on my head? History and luck suggest yes.

I just can’t see opera ever making my list, I’m afraid.

Why are my notifications all wonked lately?

It’s a little stuffy in here today.

Why even ask if you’re going to immediately dismiss the feedback you’re given?

Why am I even here?

I am going to die here. Clearly.

I could just disappear. What’s the worst thing that could happen?

Apparently it’s a theme.

I really don’t know why I keep forgetting that. Ridiculous.

CURSES!

Woah. Was not expecting to see my face in that email.

Roof pig!

Why am I perpetually back burnered while everything you want from me is a freaking emergency?

I wonder what life is like for people who are able to shrug everything off.

I almost had it.

Well, that’s one project done.

Man. I do NOT want to be sick.

What is “anti-flat butt technology” anyway?

Am I next? Bastards!

I should just hang it up.

Colloquium is a weird word.

I’m pretty sure I’m being punished for something.

I don’t know. If I were that wealthy, it might be worth it to pay to leave.

Why is everyone actually insane now?

No one is eating babies.

I hate it here.

Maybe this is why my stomach hurts all the time now. Again.

Everything is exacerbated.

Wait, how old am I now?

I never did watch any of those movies though.

I don’t know, I don’t think that kind of thing is something I would have enjoyed as a kid.

Why is the fucking heat still on in this building?

I am deeply miserable.

I started to log in, was immediately distracted by work, and promptly forgot.

Oh. It was my birthday. Not many people remembered, but that’s fine.

I definitely was not listening. I have no idea what you are talking about.

Well that was a spectacular waste of time.

What would happen, though, if I really did just quit.

What is the obsession with capers??

Steve!!

“the narcissistic cult of authenticity”

I am not a leader. I’m not a follower either. I’m more of a “I’ll be over here if you need me.”

I should find a photo.

This fucking up and down weather is killing my skull.

I am not doing anything I am supposed to be doing.

Pigs! In! Space!

I don’t know. It was fine.

Guess I passed.

Doesn’t matter what I think anyway. Clearly.

Costco pizza.

Let’s watch a rocket launch about it.

I think this cream has taken a turn toward the dark side. Ick.

That chick clearly does not care about a single living soul other than herself.

See also: sociopath.

Lyle Lovett! Most unexpected.

Sometimes being a supervisor is just straight up exhausting.

“And she’s immediately who came to my India.”

Uff da.

I don’t really get anything out of it so …

Why can’t you just read the form? All of the information is right there on the form.

Sheesh, Every single one of us has resting bitch face.

This particular form, which I did not create, is useless. Stupid postal service.

They’re attempting MIND CONTROL!

How do you get a GPA of 5?

Tornado warning!

This tornado loves you.