Random Wednesday


I’m sorry, I can’t talk to you right now. I’m too busy growing my hair.

Wow. I totally read that as “So I’m eating babies.”

Selkies! This looks lovely.

“There is no limit to the number of times an aluminum can can be recycled.” Yes there is. It’s once. After it’s been recycled once, it’s not a can any more.

I love pasties.


It’s painfully ironic to me that a supervisor who has “chatted” with me more than once about my unsmiley demeanor because people have complained that I’m not friendly enough – basing this solely on my expressions – and despite my protestations that I have no control over my resting facial expression, is bringing an artist to campus for a week to the tune of way to many dollars whose work focuses entirely around the concept of “Stop Telling Women to Smile”.

I am forever saying we should stop using words or phrases that drive me nuts – AMAZEBALLS!!! Hubby. Hot seat. Humpday. But this list is straight up stupid. Bitch.

The refusal to accept any personal responsibility for your own safety is beyond my comprehension. This is not to say that I condone any act of rape at all. It is to say that women are absolutely complicit in their own safety. To lay all responsibility at the feet of men is not only an unreasonable expectation, it is entirely counter to so called feminism. If we’re all completely equal, how can we expect women to eschew any common sense or responsibility? Merely wailing “Men shouldn’t rape! Women should be able to get as drunk as they want!” is preposterous and displays absolutely zero understanding of the human race. Of course men shouldn’t rape. Women shouldn’t either. People shouldn’t steal, kill, brutalize, lie, or in any way be wretched. But they do. That is the nature of humans.


I keep saying these things as if someday these people will actually listen. But they don’t. I think I tasted blood biting my tongue this morning. I gave you a solution. And then I gave it to you again. From now on, my answer is no.

Dear People Magazine, Zac Efron is not sexy. Sending shirtless photos of him to my email and calling it the sexiest email I’ll get all day is just wrong. Please reconsider your criteria. Sincerely, Zac Efron’s Eyebrows Will Always Bother Me.

Man, that is some tiny type.

That is not zen. That is so not zen.

How have I been this busy today? I need another snow day.


I think it’s supposed to rain this weekend. All the snow will go away. Then we have to start all over again. But right now it’s snowing snowing snowing.

My glasses are hurting my face.

I’M OUT OF PEANUT BUTTER M&M’S AGAIN!!! Wait. That’s probably a good thing.

Kitten Box. Gah. I get stressed out just thinking about it.

It’s not a complicated question, really.

hidden in the branches

ARRRgghHHH How many times can I bash this knuckle on something before all that’s left is bone???

Crap. That snow day totally messed me up. I have to make a dessert tonight for the potluck.

Not even the yoga ball chair can help my posture today.

Hear Hear!!

You are invited to the Government and Non-Profit Fair! Oh goody.

I could use a nap.

Ha: “College is easy. It’s like riding a bike. Except the bike is on fire and you’re on fire and everything is on fire and you’re in hell.”

I hope I have everything I need for that cake because I am not leaving the house again after I get home.

I hope it doesn’t take me three years to drive home in this.

I should keep a Sno-Brum in my truck.

Totoro Grenade!

I do not understand why I’m sooooooooo tired today.

I love chili.

I don’t really get why people love the food at Thanksgiving so much.


It took me three years to get home, but only because people were driving like tiny little old ladies.

Ha! I love Mike Rowe.

Cool off, cake! I need to frost you!

Is that guy ever not high?

I am ready for sleep.

The whole damn thing spilled in my bag.

I have no idea what to wear tomorrow.

“An exciting way to make music with your own instrument”

No. Logic. Chaos. Everywhere. INTERNET.

No tea for you tonight, young lady.

All I wanted was a Pepsi.

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Random Wednesday


I can’t be the only one who finds it hilarious when Canadians criticize Americans who vote against Obama and his policies.

didn’t mention your name

It’s kind of hilarious. But. What an assy thing to do to those poor birds, and what kind of person immediately thinks TRASH instead of animal shelter???

I somehow don’t think he’s serious

I just want you to know that you use that phrase a lot. Like a LOT a lot.

“The first biography of hip hop superstar Ol’ Dirty Bastard”. That implies that there is more than one biography of Ol’ Dirty Bastard, and Dear God, why would there ever be a need for more than one biography of Ol’ Dirty Bastard??

Um … what?


“I apologize for coming to your house and killing everyone. I’m an INTJ!

We’re having a Thanksgiving potluck and so far everyone who has signed up is bringing a side dish. Except me, I’m bringing dessert, because that’s what I do.

You guys, you guys. Calling yourself a sexual predator while describing instances of molesting your baby sister is TOTES OK! As long as you’re a liberal because OBVIOUSLY it’s not molesting molesting … Revolting.

Professional Development. Whatever.

I can’t remember what courses I registered for next semester.

I tried to type crockpot and it came out cropck. I don’t even know.

Apparently they forgot to remember to dislike me.

snow. stupid snow.

Oh my God. Once again. Detroit is not the only city in Michigan. It’s not even the best city in Michigan.

Giant paycheck. Ha.

Dude. She carries a firearm. Maybe you forgot this piece of common knowledge …

No, seriously, Red. It’s really Wednesday.

I’m in love.

I don’t want to go outside. It’s cold outside. It’s cold enough to snow so it’s trying to snow outside.

I don’t really get the appeal of sweet potatoes.

Holy wow, I can’t believe my yarn got here so fast! Time to start swatching!

I’m pretty sure there was a towel.

Interstellar Worm Hole Travel!

all you ever wanted was

Mostly I see the world in 50mm, since you asked.

Bored now.

What kind of half witted troglodyte are you?

Oh come on. That photo was a good 13 pounds ago.

What the hell is ballistic stretching?

I’ve had it stuck in my head all damn day.

I will love Paul Westerberg forever.

I think I would like some different slippers.

You probably love someone who needs a gorgeous snuggly hand knit cowl for Christmas.

I think I need a cuppa tea.

In all that oops oh, it’s later than I thought. Damn.

What the hell is emu oil? I can’t imagine why I would ever want to rub it in my “hard to reach places.”

contrasting color 1

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Random Wednesday

wm7805Well. That played out pretty much exactly like I thought it would.

The only reason people think you shouldn’t eat cats and dogs is because they’re cute. They never think about the fact that cats and dogs have no qualms about eating humans.

I need a t shirt that says “I <3 Gridlock”.

That doesn’t come up as a heart graphic. Lame.

When did they start calling Frito Pies Walking Tacos??

Damn. My whole day is just gone. Just like that. Poof.

“Warning! You must have your solar system up and running by midnight on December 31st!!” It sounds more like a line from Doctor Who than a commercial I heard on the radio on my way to work.

“… less definition than a spelling bee for illiterates.” Ha! Thanks for that.

I think the real question here is WHY you have a subscription to People magazine.

I dunno. If I were trying to get you to buy my Craftsy class, I would probably *not* refer to myself as “beloved knitwear designer”. That seems a teensy bit egotistical and presumptuous.

what’s that, can’t hear you, arms are trees

Wow. That Stitch Fix stuff is expensive. That is not a frugal subscription service at all.

Huh. She has very long teeth.

I really kind of love this wallet. And also I really want this hoodie. A lot.

I am so done helping you, you jackass. I am not the tiniest bit inclined to help you.

Twix ghosts are not delicious at all.

Another phrase that needs to die in the work setting: “I’ll punt that to …” Stop punting. You don’t even like football.

I really need to think of this place as a transition. A painful, painful transition.

WTF. What happened to you not speaking to me? Can we go back to that? That didn’t last nearly long enough.

I need a snack.


HA! I didn’t even think about the filibuster. That’s hilarious.

I looooooove these. Especially Cocoon. And I love the honesty of these, particularly that in the text, they’re so beautiful. Click through to the photographers’ websites.

My eyes are all bleeeearry.

Yeah, I’m just wingin’ it here.

I need to figure out what the hell I’m going to wear tomorrow. I need someone to just lay out 5 days worth of outfits for me. I’m not even joking.

This Macbook won’t let me hold a letter down to repeat it. Arrrrrrrrrrgh.


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Random Wednesday

wm7320Are you serious? How do I work here?

The skeleton is my favorite.

“You’re not a racist are you?”
“I’m an equal opportunity misanthrope. I hate everybody.”

I sincerely wish that clothing manufacturers would decide on a uniform bloody sizing chart across the board.

I read that as “Cheese Courage”. It did not say cheese.

I can’t even get an air plant to thrive in this office. It just sucks the life out of everything.

You are a despicable human being.

Huh. We’re getting a Costco. So I guess I’ll finally have that experience.

Soup isn’t a meal. It’s a hot, chunky beverage. I find it insulting.

I really just read this sentence: “Not all women have vaginas.”

I can’t help it, this is funny.

“Jennifer’s causing trouble again.”
Nodding enthusiastically, “It’s my raison d’etre.”

Oh, I like the final frontier t shirt!

I’ve never experienced a block on a paper this profound before. I’m 100% certain it’s the subject matter.

Facebook suggested posts lately are all plus size clothing sites. WTF Facebook?

If you are in League with Lucifer he gives you mad climbing skills.

Did you mean make your peace with your piece?

Why would you ruin a perfectly good caramel by putting salt all over it?

I need one of these with my name for my lawn. Or my cube.

I need my migraine medicine and it’s very far away. It’s this stupid weather.

“Pretty as a picture” is such an odd phrase.

I really hate my hair today.

Interesting. There is a photographer who did a series like this, in the states I think it was, who did not ask permission first. That is not right.

Ah yeah. Arne Svenson. The courts ruled in his favor. I am not comfortable with that at all.

I Googled “What the hell is Gamergate” and am no more enlightened than I was before the search. I might care a little less though.

It reminds me of Andy Taylor’s album when he did that soundtrack for that gymnastics movie back in the 80s. I think it must be the cheesy guitar solo. I freely admit owning that album. And loving it. Don’t judge me.

Huh. I might still kinda love it. I might need to own it again.

I can’t believe they did not eat all those cookies.

That’s a brilliant costume idea. I wish I’d thought of it. Maybe I’ll do that next year.

OK, maybe I don’t need to own it again. After track 3 I needed a break. Enough of that Andy Taylor business.

Maybe some caffeine will help.

I’m sorry, Merle. You were not a bad cat, as barn cats go. Still. I am now thoroughly convinced that Spike is a minion of Satan and is, in fact, immortal. There is no other logical explanation for his continued survival.

Still. Ironic that you gave up the ghost on National Cat Day.

Why do we have a National Cat Day?

(I am so not a cat person.)

Why are they being so nice to me? Am I dying and nobody told me? It’s making me nervous.

Yes! All of this! Except I don’t enjoy speaking in front of large groups. But I’d totally rather do that than have to make small talk with strangers. Also I don’t go to church, so that’s not really an issue for me.


Markie Post. Wow. There’s a name I haven’t thought of in a while.

Chicken pasty it is.

Does anyone else have that one FB friend that they forget about until he makes some totally asinine remark on one of your posts and you’re all “Wait. Why are we friends??” And then you remember that you only keep him around for the comic relief.

Wow, this is a bad one. On my pain scale, which is skewed, this is an 8.

The steak pasty was definitely better, but this chicken one is not bad.

I don’t know. It should be a law of the universe or something that children not have to die. Children should not have to get sick or suffer or have their lives cut off. It isn’t right.

I need something to cheer me up.

What am I going to do with this baby sort of crawling all over? How did the time go that quickly?

I don’t know how I can get involved when you never do anything in my part of the state. I don’t have time to organize this shit for you. I suppose I could organize it and then use it for independent study or something maybe …

Wow, thinking about that just makes my head hurt more.

I think my misophonia is getting worse.

I did not accept the invitation to question whiteness.

I have got to get a different cell service. This stupid phone doesn’t work any where.

Sure she was calm, she was lying. It’s easy to be calm when you’re bullshitting. The truth is what’s hard.

I kind of love that sweater.

Oh good. Migraine medicine induced sneezing fit for the last 15 minutes. Because I wasn’t in enough misery.

Tea! The Queen’s tea!

I might have to actually wear my winter coat tomorrow. Oh maybe not. I’m not ready to give in.

I feel like I’m forgetting something.

Ah that baby head smell. It’s the best smell in the world. Now that’s zen.

Ugh. Freezing and nauseated. Yay migraine drugs.

fuggit. I’m going to bed.

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and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart

wm7354~e.e. cummings~i carry your heart with me~

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Random Wednesday

wm7017I read that really wrong.

I don’t know about a Homeland without Damien Lewis.

I always miss messages in my “other” box on Facebook. It should notify you that there are messages there the same way it does for your regular in box.

My hair is a disaster this week.

I put my swipe card in my bra and then forgot about it. This is why dresses and skirts should always always always have pockets.

I should have been a copy editor. That is a fact.

The Jawas are kind of brilliant.

Well far be it from me to pathologize or stigmatize anyone. I was merely approaching it from a grammarian view.


Oh Come ON! Gloria Steinem for sure? How is this my job???

I think I have another migraine coming on.

Wow. Presenting little girls in princess dresses and having them recite profanity laden propaganda as facts in the name of feminism because we should stop objectifying women and girls and treat them as equals is simply another way of parading females in front of an audience as tools. It’s classless, it’s misogynistic, and it’s sad.

I don’t really get the whole sharing your birth story thing. I think this is one of those girl things that is just beyond me. It’s probably because I’m only half human.

Wow. I would not have known that that was Renee Zellweger.


I love this.

I may or may not have just very nearly fallen sideways off the yoga ball chair.

“Neither curiosity nor personal interest is a legitimate educational interest.”

I should probably eat something. Why is lunch always so problematic?

Foulmouthed guttersnipe.

We need some Chagall to make us happier.

all i need

This is interesting. The first half. The second half doesn’t really apply for me. The first half … I dunno. I say chronic migraine to people and they wince, but I think mostly people don’t really “get” that I am in pain almost every single day of my life. I think the Mister understands though. But even when I’m wanting to fall down and curl into a ball, I keep going. I will say “damn, my head hurts today,” but when I say that it’s because it’s especially bad. Like so bad it’s past my normal tolerance. I’m not complaining. I just have never seen an article like this before and thought it was worth noting.

I would like to take the kids to St. Ignace for a weekend. Bike around the Island. Like when I was a kid.

I would like to take them to Lake of the Woods for a week or two and stay in one of the cabins. I miss that. I miss that a lot.

I sort of thought that thing would have gotten moldy by now.

I think I will make some more short bread. Shortbread? I think it’s all one word. That was pretty good. I think I need to bake it an eensy bit longer this time.

I need an electrician, a landscaper, and possibly a roofer.

very specifically

I don’t have enough red ink.

I think I should eat these Sun Chips.

Honestly. Webmail is actually an incredibly useful tool if you people would bloody just use it correctly.

It’s a whole list of people to get through.

I really have to stop procrastinating these papers, but every time I think about working on them I feel paralyzed.

Damn. Sorry. Damn.

I think the pain is moving into my neck. Rather, spreading into my neck.

That’s about as diplomatic an approach as I am capable of.

I heard George Michael on the radio on my way to work this morning and it reminded me of this time I went dancing at the Warehouse. It was alternative night, so I have no idea why they were playing George Michael, who has never been alternative by any stretch of the imagination. A girl I used to know was walking across the dance floor. She paused and laughed at me and then walked on. Last I knew, she was living in Washington state.

This band sounds like Lush. But less British.

I did not eat the Sun Chips.

I need to order some tea. I’m almost out.

That’s the blue sky color you only see in the fall. It is fraught with potential disaster.

I never checked out that Battle Creek show. Is that still on? I still think it’s way dumb that it wasn’t actually shot in Battle Creek.

Then go to Meijer and get some Hershey bars!

“Name the people in We Didn’t Start the Fire!” But why would I ever want to do that?

Lawless Moon Killer

Have I mentioned how much I love fleece lined leggings?

I wish I was more of a gardener.

Where are all these mosquitoes coming from? It’s like 40 degrees!

I wish I knew what I wanted to be when I grew up.

I wish I could just stay home and be mom.

This is fascinating.

I don’t smell like myself today. I smell rather dusty. How odd.

How odd.

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Random Wednesday

wm5794Do we really have to do this every single day?

It’s been a long time since I’ve had the plague.

Have I mentioned that I don’t even really like eggs?

Wow. Gwyneth Paltrow has weird knees.

The good part’s at the end.

When you say file, but are actually talking about a folder, you don’t really get to be annoyed with me when I think you’re talking about a file, not the flipping folder.

How to photograph a Yeti?

I have figured out why Libertarians can’t win an election, and it has nothing to do with politics.

The stupid thing is, this will probably end up being one of the safest campuses in the country. Who’s going to shoot up a school when there are a handful of armed gun owners 250 feet away at any given time?

The art of human manipulation or lying.

“The stories are often quite convincing!” No they’re not. They’re never convincing. No one believes those stories.

I’m not sure denial is going to work.

Nick Gillespie is in want of a button.

Nope. I’m definitely sick. Ffffffuuuuuuuuu

These are beautiful.

See? It’s a fact that I’m underpaid. Proven.

“[W]ounds that never happened” from “that stuff that didn’t exist.”

Man. It’s been a really long time since I was sick last.


Plywood Miracle Killer

This show is kind of ridiculous. But I keep watching it.

Bread. It’s all because of bread.

No, not that bread.

Uh oh. Bad guy’s about to take her out. She knows too much.

15 days, 30 hours, 22170 minutes, 1330167 seconds til Halloween!!!!

I need to watch the Outlander finale.

I need to get the cowl listed in the shop.

I need to not be sick right now.

That is the prettiest application of brioche stitch I’ve seen. Generally I’ve not been at all impressed with the patterns I’ve seen. I probably won’t learn that technique.

Lasagna sounds good. I haven’t made lasagna in a long time.

eee! It’s so cuuuuuute!! La Breda needs this one.

gloomy gloomy

I heard about this on the radio this morning. I think this might be a tad too much, thank you.

OH MY GOD!!! Clearly there is something very wrong with me. How could I have bought two boxes of Count Chocula AND COMPLETELY FORGOTTEN ABOUT THEM?!? I haven’t even had a single bowl!

Huh. My lap appears to be crooked.

It is true that I could probably quite happily eat pizza every day.

Wow. I feel feverish. I almost never get a fever. Almost never ever.

Don’t worry, I’m fairly certain it’s not Ebola.

I’d rather my daughter have a father like Luttrell than like some “feminist” who “doesn’t make rules.”

Christian Scientists and Snake Handlers

hot cold hot cold hot cold wheeeeeeeeeeeee

Oh look! I listed the cowl in the shop! Buy yourself or your honey a gorgeous hand knit for Christmas!

I could go for a hot apple cider. But I suppose I’ll settle for tea.

Actually, I wouldn’t want to cause a panic. I’m not quite that evil.

I’m pretty sure that this dizziness means I should go lay down. yep





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year twelvety

wm6895Happy Anniversary, Old Man

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Random Wednesday

This is hysterical and awesome.

That was a pretty incredible moon this morning. I’m glad the skies cleared up and that I was able to see it.

Interesting. iPhone that isn’t a phone plays Love Will Tear Us Apart twice in a row. Wonder what that means for my day.

I can’t help it if I laughed.


Scented duct tape. That seems … odd. Am I the only one who immediately pictured a kidnap victim?

I can’t believe I lost those notes. How did that even happen?

I don’t know what that means, Regis.

I think it’s safe to say that the enterovirus concerns me more than ebola.

My eyes are all bleary.

I kind of love their ad, but I still can’t afford a Leica.

At least I hadn’t gotten very far.

This is me on a workday, but with less face hair.

“Well look at Mt. Pleasant. It’s neither mountainous nor pleasant!”

“OMFG I hate this fucking job.” “Don’t worry, it hates you too.”

I’m sorry, but there is a distinct difference between doctor assisted suicide for a terminally ill patient and other suicides. I do not think it is right to deny someone the choice to end their life if they are terminally ill, in horrible pain, and are ready to move on. I do think that denying this option to patients is cruel.

We need to stop using the phrase “reach out to people” in the office. Thanks very much. There will be no reaching.

And let’s just nip this new catch phrase in the bud right now: “cultural humility”.


I can assure you that I am not conflating Lena Dunham with the character she plays on Girls. I refuse to watch that show.

I heart Thug Notes.

Ooooooh I want it so much!

I need a personal trainer for reals. I’m motivated in my head, but by the time I get home I’m sooooooo tired. And then stuff. And I do nothing. blah. OK, so really I need a drill sergeant.

I briefly entertained asking the ROTC if I could do maneuvers with them in the mornings. But I’d have to get up at like 4. So that’d be maybe 4 hours of sleep. On a good day.

diligently plotting

I dunno. Maybe we should reschedule.

My analysis of Common Core, No Child Left Behind, and Race to the Top? All liberal school reform efforts that have failed.

I have to say, I didn’t even recognize Michael Keaton. I love him.

Win a free book every day this month? OK!

Aw, I love Bill Murray so much.

That was a great visit. Yay!

Sadness. There is a hole in my sock. All my Halloween socks are coming down with holes. I need new Halloween socks.

I HAVEN’T DONE A COUNTDOWN! What is wrong with me??

22 days, 532 hours, 31, 911 minutes, 1,914,587 seconds til Halloween

Well, OK, not ALL the South Park episodes. But many of them are acceptable.

I always think I could sleep for days, but my brain starts to hurt if I sleep more than 5 or 6 hours at a time. Stupid brain pain.

That sounds like Kevin Spacey kind of.

This hat does not want to be knit.

I don’t know what a tactical smooch is, but it sounds like something I need.

Why am I watching this?

This hat is jinxed.

He’s going to kidnap the other sister!

God. A Hole in the World kills me. Every. Time.

I should have joined the FBI.

I’d probably hate being in the FBI.

“Feels like we ought to have known.”


Roof pig. Most unexpected.

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But does the carpet match the drapes?

wm libertarian parade 2Lorence Wenke, a local greenhouse owner who has served on the county commission and as a state rep, is running for the senate seat in my district. He has recently decided he’s a Libertarian. I received a lengthy email last week outlining what he’ll do if elected to the legislature. First of all, I did not subscribe to Wenke’s mailing list, so this annoys me. But going through his 16 points, I’m finding a lot to argue with. It’s the same old political rhetoric, none of which sounds terribly libertarian at all. I feel like responding to each of his 16 points. You can play along in the comments if you want.

(I copied and pasted directly from his email and posted my response directly below. Any grammatical errors and poor sentence structures in his points are entirely his.)

#1. Approximately 25% of working age people cannot or will not keep a full time job because of bad personal choices.
I will eliminate taxpayer assistance for those who choose not to work.

Great. Fantastic. I can get behind this. The problem is proof and enforcement. This falls into the realm of social worker judgment call, and that’s always dangerous territory. I think it’s the right idea, but the wrong track. This is not a plan to reform welfare, and this will never happen.

#2. Children are born into circumstances where they have little chance of success in life because they do not have parents who adequately care for them or who can be good examples.
I will support economic penalties for absent and irresponsible parents.

This is pretty vague. What kind of penalties? Are we talking child support slackers? Are we talking about children raised by their grandparents? Irresponsible in what way? This comes across as a feel good, “won’t someone think of the children??” platitude. And again, this is a judgment call. While there are some instances where it is pretty obvious that parents are irresponsible and not caring for their children, who sets the standard for what is acceptable? This is not a plan for addressing issues faced by underserved children.

#3. People are having children that they cannot take care of without taxpayer funds and we are enabling them with generous taxpayer support. See my complete birth control plan at www.votewenke.com.

I will support free birth control for all citizens but after twelve months I will discontinue taxpayer support for new babies.

Lord. You’re supporting “free birth control for all citizens”. If you were even a little bit libertarian you’d know that we’ve been complaining for actual months about having to pay for other people’s birth control. Additionally, anything called the “State of Michigan Birth Control Policy” just instantly terrifies me, because frankly, all I can think of is eugenics. Is that really what you want to inspire in potential voters? Your proposal contradicts itself in the description. Your suggestion of the use of long term birth control devices is ill advised, particularly as you are not a medical doctor. This is very bad. You really should have thought this point through more.

wm wenke parade#4. Unfair free trade agreements, automation and outsourcing of jobs have put the American worker in direct competition with better educated, harder working and lower wage workers outside the USA. The American middle class is losing this battle and living less well because of it.
I will seek real fair trade, not just free trade and expect other nations to be comparable with our environmental and labor laws.

I’m not sure that he even understands what he’s promising here. This statement “better educated, harder working and lower wage workers” is at least a little insulting to working class Americans. What does he mean by better educated? Generally jobs that have been outsourced or sent overseas have not been filled by those who are better educated at all. Harder working? Honestly, exactly whose vote are you trying to get??? The problem that really needs to be addressed here is the reason that American countries are sending jobs overseas, and that problem is called taxes and over regulation. I can get behind fair trade vs free trade, but again, he’s missing the mark here. I don’t know though, maybe I don’t get what he’s saying. But I sure feel insulted.

#5. Government employees have excessive compensation compared to private sector workers which makes government too expensive for the private sector to support.

I will work for equality in private and public sector compensation as I have worked on this issue for 15 years.

How exactly will you work for this and how have you worked for it? This is one of the things that contributes to raising minimum wage which kills jobs for the people who need them most. Are government employees paid too much? Arguably, yes. But the way to fix that is to freeze that pay, eliminate superfluous jobs, and look at outsourcing to the private sector whenever possible.

#6. Gay people have been denied equal rights and our economy, families, and culture are reduced because of it. Gay people and their families suffer from discrimination often based on misinterpretation of Bible verses.I will amend the Elliot-Larsen Civil Rights Act to make it unlawful to fire people from employment because they are gay.
I will continue to speak for equal rights as I have for 15 years.

This one is going to get me in trouble with the gay community, but I have yet to find any evidence that anyone in MI has ever been fired for being gay. Yes, it’s legal to fire someone for being gay in the state of MI, but so what? Businesses should have the right to hire and fire as they choose, just as their customers should have the right to determine whether that business fails or succeeds – voting with their wallet, as it were. Are gays discriminated against in MI? I can’t find much. I find a lot of “Well, technically this is legal so it COULD happen.” Maybe there’s a whole boat load of discriminating happening that isn’t making the news, but I find that hard to believe. Gay marriage is not legal in MI, an issue that was decided by voters, but even that is going to be declared unconstitutional any minute now. Rather than amending the Elliot-Larsen Act in this fashion, if Wenke is so concerned with the gay cause, he should look into other areas, like marriage, insurance beneficiaries, etc, these are far more libertarian moves.

#7. The unfunded liability of Michigan taxpayers for Michigan government employee compensation is about $20,000 for each Michigan citizen. 41 states have less debt per citizen then Michigan.
I will allocate funding for our current liabilities and reduce our future liabilities.

You might be able to maintain the current liability, but you can’t reduce future liability unless you cut salaries across the board, and good luck with that one.

#8. The condition of Michigan roads reduces our quality of life and makes it more difficult for businesses to be profitable in Michigan.
I will look for solutions other than tax increases, but I am open to a small gradual tax increase if I am convinced it’s needed.

Muh roads!!! This translates to “We’re totally going to have to raise taxes to repair our shitty roads.” MI gasoline taxes are among the very highest in the country because MI applies the state sales tax to all gas sales. But the sales tax collected from gas sales DOES NOT GO TO FUND THE ROADS. Reallocating that 6% tax per gallon to the roads would go a long way toward fixing the problem. You don’t have to look very far for “other solutions”. But it’s good to know you’re “open” to an increase.

#9. The results of our K-12 education system are mediocre and we spend more than most states. I will ask our students, teachers and administrators to work longer and harder by extending instruction time and the school year.
I would support pay incentives for our teachers based on results.

No no no no no. Everything about this is ridiculous and wrong. Your solution to the problem of public education is to mandate more of the same crap that clearly isn’t working. I could go on about this topic for days (just ask my Reimagining Schooling professor). How are you going to measure the results? More standardized tests? How many times have standardized tests proven to be ineffective measurements of what students are learning? How is extending days and school years, (effectively torturing our children), going to fix anything? You cannot fix the problem of k12 in MI or anywhere else in this manner. Students need less state mandated curriculum and standardized testing and more innovative methods of instruction and teachers employed on merit. I’m going to stop now, because I have other things to do and there are still seven more bullet points to get through.

#10. The cost of alcohol and other addictive drugs for the taxpayer is enormous and increasing. The social cost of alcohol should be paid for by the producers of alcohol and not by the general taxpayer.

What? How about the social cost of alcohol and other addictive drugs be paid by the addicts causing the problem? Personal responsibility is a pretty fundamental tenet of libertarianism. Maybe you should pick up a copy of Libertarianism A to Z.

wm libertarian parade#11. Michigan continues to have one of the highest unemployment rates in the nation. Abuses by management and unions of our auto industry are the main reason.
I will use tax policy and employment benefits to reduce unemployment and create jobs.

Actually, the unemployment rate in MI has been steadily dropping since Rick Snyder took office, and while it still isn’t great, things are getting better all the time. Whenever you throw around phrases like “tax policy” (and I use the collective politician you) it ends up meaning more taxes for businesses and the rest of us. More taxes on businesses kills more jobs. And while I’m not a huge proponent of unions, they can’t be blamed for everything. The auto industry unions can only be held responsible for negotiating their workers out of their auto industry jobs. The auto industry is (was) not the only industry in MI, and it has been dying since the post WWII boom. Government should not be in the job creation business, but if it truly wants to help, it should cut taxes and reform regulation.

#12. Affordable, workable healthcare is increasingly unavailable without subsidy from taxpayers.
I will work to reduce the cost of healthcare and require more information about what and who we pay and increase co-pays in some situations.

You know what would go a long way toward making healthcare affordable? Government butting out of healthcare and out of the insurance business. Why do you get to determine what co-pays are? Who are you to decide what is a legitimate expense? This sounds an awful lot like Obamacare and government control of my healthcare. And by the way, it’d be great if politicians would stop conflating healthcare with health insurance.

#13. The value of our dollar is being decreased by Washington deficit spending with the result that prices are increasing in almost every area which is especially a burden for seniors.
I will demonstrate against debt as I have in the past on the steps of our nation’s capitol and enlist others.

You want to be elected to the Senate so you can … demonstrate. Dude. Are you even serious right now?

#14. The cost of caring for sick family members is increasing and bankrupting many people.
I will advocate for a limit on what family members can be expected to pay.

Which translates to the taxpayer picking up the rest of the tab. Look, I get it, it’s expensive, I know. But this is more government intervention, more taxation, more bureaucracy. If we were allowed more freedom in choosing insurance plans that work for our families instead of more government regulation, this would be less of a problem. More government and higher costs to taxpayers is never the answer.

#15. Too many politicians are guilty of lying, blaming the wrong people, taking credit for other people’s work and voting for special interest groups who support them with money.
I will work with the media to inform citizens of the truth.

This one just made me laugh. The truth generally isn’t that hard to find. We live in the 21st century where information is literally at our fingertips 24 hours a day. But you want to be besties with the media? Which media? Whatever. Yay for the truth I guess.
And finally,

#16. The cost of electricity in Michigan is higher than most states because we do not have choice in suppliers like we do with natural gas. The Michigan legislature took away our choice and will not give it back because of pressure from special interest groups. The result is our electric bills are high and we have less money for job creation and the middle class dream.
I will be an advocate for choice because competition creates better quality products at a lower price.

Do we have high electric bills? Yes. I’m fairly certain, however, that high electric bills are not the reason the middle class is dead and jobs aren’t super plentiful. Should other electric companies be afforded the opportunity to compete with Consumers’? Yes. Why are government sanctioned monopolies OK? Advocating is all well and good, but you should probably have a better argument than what you’re presenting here. Like this: Allowing new companies to compete with Consumers’ Energy will create jobs, not because electric bills will be lower, but because there will be new companies in need of new workers. I dunno. It just doesn’t seem that hard to make a logical argument.

And that wraps up my take on the “Libertarian Lorence Wenke for Senate 16 Point Action Plan For Michigan”. I’m reasonably well convinced that Wenke has never met a real libertarian, let alone done an even cursory Google search on libertarian principles. I may not be a capital L libertarian myself, and I will freely admit that some of my ideologies tend to veer to the right, but Wenke is about as libertarian as a Clinton.

And yet, the libertarian party appears to be endorsing his candidacy. “Michigan Libertarian Party Chairwoman Mary Buzuma said in a press release announcing the decision that Wenke is a candidate who knows what it takes to create jobs, will bring people to the party and will help spread the message of the Libertarian Party of more freedom and less government.” ~ MLive, May 2014. Ridiculous. I hate to break it to you Mary, but this platform isn’t going to bring anyone to the party. I find it astonishing that the LP is standing by this. The only logical explanation I can find for this is that they couldn’t find another candidate for the job. I think they can bank on not winning this election.

Who knows? I’m not a pundit, I’m just a voter.

wm wenke parade 2Dude. You’re a gardener.

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