nobody here but us chickens

Random Wednesday


Wait. It IS Wednesday, isn’t it?

Look. I can take over the duties of the chair. But I’m not the fucking chair. And I can’t make the fucking chair do what the chair is supposed to fucking do.

If you do something nice for someone, and they don’t say thank you, even though they know that you were the one who did it, it feels kinda shitty.

Ooooh, extra spicy cinnamon today! Yummmmm.

Wow, I came up with the perfect title for my workshop just as I was dozing off. And for once I actually wrote that shit down so I’d remember it the next day.


Am I the only one who doesn’t love Charlie?

Of course I don’t love Felicia Day. Which I’ve mentioned.

Turn off the fireplace!

Those people never turn their outside lights off. They just leave them on 24 hours a day. It’s bloody weird.

And they never open their blinds either.


Somebody needs to find Chuck, dammit. I’ll admit, I was not at all thrilled when Jack was introduced. But dammit. Right now I’m feeling pretty attached to him.

Ooooh! I hope they’re awesome. We love Roald Dahl.

Sometimes you just have to live with the passive voice.

There we go. Flickr deletion – check. Twitter deletion – check. Tumblr deletion – upcoming. Must find a new home for #littlejustintimberlake. Facebook deletion – Alas, not likely. My only connection to some people. Although in some cases, that could be considered a plus … Instagram deletion – never! It is my happy place.

Job titles with “At Large” at the end of them seem so carefree. Like “La la la, I’m just wandering around, doing whatever I want, collecting a paycheck. My life is amazing.”

Economics must mean something completely different than I thought it did.

It’s no expresso. It’s not expresso. It’s not expresso.

I think my brain needs a research break.

This is not your personal office or study space. You can’t just use it whenever you feel like it.

I think it was less about this and more about that.

It is far too bright in here.

This is a funny way to bring this point home, but I think about these ridiculous details quite often. Chin hairs. I’m terrified of no one dealing with my chin hairs when I’m old. The indignity of chin hair. And this made me cry. It makes me wonder if my children will care for me. I hope so. It makes me think of when they were tiny and I cared for them this way. I think I’m just feeling melancholy at the moment.

$174K is substantially more than I make annually. I think maybe you should STFU. I just cannot believe that these people get elected to office. Honestly. THIS is why people shouldn’t vote.

I really don’t understand some of that guy’s sentences.

I don’t actually care what Bill Gates is reading.

How about death in my metal and my meals? Huh? Huh? Amirite?

I’ll never go vegan. Although I think I have finally outgrown fast food. Would have been nice if I could have done that 20 years ago.

Well. There’s no hope in that direction.

I can’t with this kid.

I wouldn’t wait around if the money let me linger on,

I don’t think the principal appreciated my comment about how I think age segregation is dumb.

I could really go for a caramel apple cider from Biggby right now.

PETA is stupid. Stop giving them press.

Dammit! Thanks a ton, Corey. Now it’s stuck in my head.

Jesus my head hurts.

My brain hurts a lot!

I really don’t like that woman.

I know. I could be talking about any number of people right now. In fact, I probably am.

Don’t judge me because I can’t get excited about Christmas.

These tiny Christmas tree earrings are cute though.

All I want for Christmas is Halloween. … and a new job. … and this shirt (medium).

Maybe next year I’ll start decorating again. Stormageddon should be 33% less destructive by then. Right?

Must drag my ass down the hall and lock the doors. wheeeeeeeeeeee

P.S. Little Justin Timberlake should be back in town tonight. Hitchin’ a ride with ol’ Sandy Claws. You’re welcome.


Random Wednesday

In case you were looking for gift ideas for me this year … There’s this, and this, and this, and this, and this, and this. And that’s just one yarn store.

It’s 24 degrees outside, but I have my window open in my cube so I can try to air out the goddamn air freshener stench in this office enough so I can make it through this goddamn day. I. Need. A. New. Job.

yeah yeah yeah

There are times to pronounce it puhRENthusis and there are times to pronounce it PAIRentheesis.

That is a fact.

I should be writing a paper right now. I’m thinking of making a Biggby run instead.

Screw it. I’ll drink water and eat this Pop Tart.

I did not buy enough tiny tiny trees.

Screw it, I need to get out of here for a minute.

Think I can find 25 songs that adequately express my extreme dislike of Christmas?

Stop graciously accepting shit. That’s not how that word is used.

What the hell does an English prof know about carbon taxes?

I won’t get this job either.

I need to give up.

Another day, another bug brought home from the bio-weapon breeding ground called school.

Nice. Now I can never knit that pattern, even though it’s quite lovely.

No, really, somebody buy this for me. The hat too. I’ll wear it the whole rest of the winter. I’ll change it up with different shawls every day.

I think she may be your spirit sister.”
“That is a fact.”

Um. He’s the Golden State Killer, not the Golden Gate Rapist. He wasn’t even in San Francisco.

Everyone needs a tiny tiny tree.

You need strings on it to attach it to your coat or something. Like when you were little and your mom ran your mittens through your sleeves with a yarn rope.

I’m having a hard time focusing on this study, even though it’s fascinating and exactly the study I have been looking for for this project.

Bitches be loud, man.

Merry Christmas. Don’t yell at me for your tears because you will cry them.

We do not have the money for this. This is a waste of my goddamn time.

I should just take a nap right now.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh FFS

Oh wait. My dad might actually genuinely outlive me.

WHY do I have fucking Jukebox Hero stuck in my head?


There is nothing on this Earth that smells worse than milk vomit. It’s like it instantly curdles in your stomach. Jesus.

Everyone wants my money this time of year.


Random Wednesday

I wish those pants still fit. I really could use some new Chuck’s.

Look, I freely admit I forgot about this completely. We FINALLY closed on the sale of the old Compound, then spent the rest of the day running errands. I was no where near a computer.


Man. I have to come up with a half day workshop. And I already had writer’s block as it was.


I’ve found the solution to all my problems. Move to New Zealand and raise these ridiculously adorable sheep for their wool, become a yarn peddler.

I’m honestly not sure how much more of this I can take.

Perhaps the trick is to just not give a fuck.

“Inspired by your wish list.” Um. That is my wish list.

Here’s another Chuck continuity problem: In the Christmas episode in season 2, Casey (I love you, John Casey) is shown allegedly phoning his mother, calling himself Johnny Boy. First of all, John Casey isn’t even his real name. Secondly, if you’ve seen the entire series, you know that he is, for all intents and purposes, dead to everyone who ever knew or loved him. HOW COULD HE BE CALLING HIS MOTHER.

Evidently I’m watching this time around just to catch inconsistencies.


Ohhhh. I see it now.

How have I never heard of that serial killer?

This new 3D photo feature on FB makes me nauseous. I can’t look at them. It messes with my brain.

“Scandinavians are not great at small talk” OMG THAT’s where I get it from!

(please don’t talk to me)

I like lunch.

I should be reading right now.

Oh my GOD stop saying that.

You might be.

I keep reading these articles lately that could be good, but are just sort of shallow and disappointing. This is one of them.

“helps his parents sell home grew produces Tuesday afternoon” excerpt from a photo caption on the Atlantic. Wow.

“What program doesn’t want their students to critically think??”
“Gender and Women’s Studies?”

Wow, that was fast.

My head is never going to stop hurting.

“CONGRATULATIONS! When it comes to words and language you have quite the vocabulary and you may just be a literary genius! You love to read and discuss your ideas with your peers. You are in the constant search of meaning through social interaction, media, real-life experiences, and books. Your peers consider you an eloquent and influential speaker. You probably get a standing ovation at least once a week! Splendid work!”

Standing ovation. HA!

David Cross repulses me.

Happy Thanksgiving. Don’t be a dick.

Like these people.

I should be reading right now.

Today, my feet are cold.

sale sale sale sale sale

I’m not really a Black Friday kind of girl.

I’ll post this Friday. Probably.

This coat is amazing, and I’ve never wanted loads of disposable cash more in my life.

I feel like this outfit is a physical manifestation of my soul.

Dammit! I need milk and bread! I’m going to have to leave the house on Black Friday!

I hate my email inbox on Black Friday.


I can’t find your wishlist. This is profoundly unhelpful.

Let there be light!!!

Old and blind. Oy.

“So much for the Perambulating Postbox Theory.”


Random Wednesday

I’m re-watching Chuck for the eleventy seventh time and I just noticed in the first episode that Sarah put that ankle sheath full of knives on and then added knee high boots. How the hell is she supposed to access those knives wearing those boots? Then she pulls a knife out of her boot. Suddenly that sheath isn’t under her pant leg anymore?? Bad editing, people.

I love you, John Casey.

I wish I were the kind of person who could afford to pay $44 for 177 yards of yarn. Jesus.

This shit is why the U.S.

I could go my whole life without ever hearing another Doors, Pearl Jam, Red Hot Chili Peppers or Stone Temple Pilots song again and be a perfectly contented woman.

Too many distractions.

People are assholes just to be assholes and I’m so goddamn tired of it.

This story made me cry.

Still not gonna smoke pot.

And this made me laugh.

What kind of foolishness is this?

“Do your feet kill in heels?” Here’s an idea – stop wearing heels.

Why though?

Um. OK jackass.

This is why I don’t participate. Someone asks a question. I answer it. They say “it was rhetorical.” I’m sorry. HTF am I supposed to know in that context ONLINE that  your question was bloody rhetorical?

I REALLY need to find a way to become a full on genuine hermit.

Well. That’s not the decision I expected at all. I suppose it could be much worse.

Where am I gonna get cloudberries around here??

People make me tired. This is adorable.

This is pretty great, actually.

But why doesn’t anyone want me?

I don’t know what that even means.

That’s kind of funny.

I need to work on resigning myself to my fate.  My horrible, terrible, excruciating, tenth circle of hell, no escape, fate.

My entire skull hurts right now.

Dammit! I thought that module opened today. It doesn’t open til tomorrow. Curses!

Today has been unexpectedly nutty.


I, once again, forgot I was working on this post and that it was Wednesday. Jaysus.

You know what? I really like KitKats.

Read this.

I love you, John Casey.

You already said that, Jennifer.


I fee like


I want a Pixel whatever number it’s on now.

Forget it. I give up.

Can’t even get a bloody interview.

“It’s funny how they say ‘permanent address’ but you can move!”




My brain hurts a lot.


Random Wednesday

My raven is dusty.

I need to upload some new photos.

No respect.

This feels like a trap.

People make me tired.

No one wants to talk to me.


It’s funny cos it’s true.

Gaaaaaaaaah I can tolerate just about anything except for my feet being hot.

I know. I know. I’ve talked about it before. BUT MY FEET ARE HOT.


I like how people latch on to phrases they heard in the media and then just apply them to everything. One of my current favorites is “false narrative.” I’ve rarely seen it used correctly.

That is the single most inaccurate internet quiz I have ever taken.

There are loads of films that are better than the book. It’s a fact. For example, pretty much anything ever written by Stephen King.

God I hate Stephen King.

But not Roald Dahl. We love Roald Dahl.

Apparently you think you’re too good to check your email.

Leave my evidence bag alone.

I’d never heard of Dan Crenshaw before this SNL foolishness. But thanks, cos he is a damn good looking man! Plus, I love his message about moving away from making everyone apologize all the time. He’s right on. So classy. Honestly, what the SNL idiot said really wasn’t that bad, I didn’t think. But what do I know any more.

in between days

I’m not writing what I need to be writing.

I’m trying really hard to care.

Does it feel like someone had put your head in a vise while tiny angry gremlins with 6 inch razor claws tried to scritch their way out from the inside? No? Huh. Well.

I’m not a fucking Mary Kay lady.

Jesus Christ. How many times can one person use “folks” in a single email?

God I hope this is good.

Stop telling me I don’t have the right to worry about my son being falsely accused of sexual assault.

I had completely forgotten about this.

OK, but I’m pretty sure it’s actually a Constitutional Republic. Not a Constitional Republic. I mean. I could be wrong.

I did not have anxiety as a child. Or a teenager. Or a twenty-something. Or a thirty-something. But I sure as fuck have it now.

I might actually delete some of this. Not feeling terribly confident this week.

Great. Guess no one remembers what 8 years of Granholm was like in Michigan. Here we go again.

I hate you and your air freshener. I’m calling it assault. This is now a hostile work environment.

Today is another good day to stay off the interwebs.

I say it all the time. I LOVE gridlock.


That is way too long.

That’s just a round about way of saying that you’re fully in favor of people purposely breaking the law in order to get your bitch elected, and I have no respect for that. If you can’t win legitimately, your party has no legitimacy regarding anything.

Why can’t you just say, has anything changed? and let it go at that.

Stupid pen.

I was on a roll for a minute. Then shit happened.

Wow. Jeff Sessions is out.

Did I already say this? That Jack Ryan show is not bad.



I could use a donut.

I wonder what’s for dinner.


Random Wednesday

“There’s been no war and no terraforming event. The environment is stable. It’s the Pax. The G-23 Paxilon Hydrochlorate that we added to the air processors. It was supposed to calm the population, weed out aggression. Well, it works. The people here stopped fighting. And then they stopped everything else. They stopped going to work, they stopped breeding, talking, eating. There’s 30 million people here, and they all just let themselves die.

I didn’t even know Kalamazoo had a Chipotle.

I should not try to join a discussion. I should just continue to lurk.

Still can’t afford Knit Stars.

No one gives a rat’s ass what I think.

He ain’t right.

Oh great. Just great.

Hi-larious. And accurate.


No, but really. Help.

No. Really.

Still don’t actually care about your cat.

This is a really good book.

Huh. I’d never heard of ICU psychosis before. Fascinating.

I shouldn’t be able to smell your perfume in my cubicle.

Well, that’s disappointing.

Shut up. Somebody take me to the theater.

Um, I don’t know if you’re aware of this in your current freakout, but birthright citizenship is protected by the Constitution, and Trump can’t “end it by executive order.”

Honestly, no one is even trying. Y’all are just going to Defcon Whateverthebadoneis immediately instead of taking a breath and doing 5 minutes worth of research. Calm the fuck down.

Well, that’s one way to keep people out of my office.

I don’t know how to do some of that stuff.

I don’t know how to feel about the phrase “living cadavers.”

Why are you so weird?

OMG Ash Wednesday. Brilliant.

No, but really.

WHY are we still printing a campus directory?

You better stop your

This is wonky, yes?

I have no idea what’s going on.

This post rarely works when I’m not in the office.

A step down would be fine if I can keep my pay. I’m worth every penny. I swear.

Well, I didn’t get this done, so I may as well add to it Thursday.

You’re a kind and generous person. But you’re also a jerk. I’m having trouble being around you. Ever.

Thumbs. Up.

I really hate the phrase bougie. And I think you’re an asshole if you use it.

It’s not like

God I need a new job.

Maybe you should take notes.


Great. Just great. I will now join the ranks of those with a coffee shop on their way to work. And it’s a Biggby. And Biggby beats Starbucks to death. DAMMIT.

I don’t know what FB thinks “most recent” means but it sure as hell ain’t this shit.

I don’t want to hear your conversation. Maybe close your door. You’re lucky enough to have one.

What did I do now?

I’m too old for this shit.

I do love a fuzzy sweater.

Now, where to hide out til 7:30?



Obviously not my photo.

Guess what, Scoobies? I could not finish that Meddling Kids weirdness. It’s really only because I just do not have time. Suddenly this section of my class has 467 chapters to read and a hefty paper attached to them. So. There we are.

I encourage you to read it though, if ever you were a Scooby Doo fan. Just be prepared that it is, indeed, W.E.I.R.D.

But you like weird, right? Otherwise why would you ever come here?


Random Wednesday

Never gets old.

I got your interim right here.

Let’s just ask for forgiveness later. Fuck it.

It’s logic.

I miss acupuncture, but I don’t miss spending the money on it.

Sure would be nice if you people ever responded to my texts.

Hell’s bells, it’s a dream house. I’d live there in a heartbeat. If it weren’t in Massachusetts.

I have never put ketchup on a pasty and I never will.

There was a Norwegian butter crisis?

That is not at all an accurate representation of libertarianism. That’s a progressive’s idea of what libertarianism is.

six pernicious influences

I don’t often say this about someone out loud, but that woman is a cunt of staggering proportions.

Will we or won’t we? I guess we’ll find out at

Holy shit has it ever been a day. Y’all are suffering for my absence.

I’m nervous about my presentation. I hope that it’s not a full house.

OMG Ample Pantry brownie. The bessssssssssssst.

This is interesting. I’m torn on it though. On the one hand, what a great way to catch criminals in the act, deter crime, etc. On the other hand, way to take the surveillance state to the next level, Detroit.

I do not know. I just do not know.

Yes, I did know that, in fact. I did indeed. Thank you very much.

Not a good day for a migraine.

It’s not like I have a brand or anything.

Isn’t that the lingo? Branding? I have no branding.

I do have to pee, though.

Oh holy Hell, I was just reminded of Propaganda Magazine.

Stop with the Christmas crap already! I am NOT DONE WITH HALLOWEEN.


The ghooooostieeeeessss!

All the heart eyes for you, cute Halloween dresses. I need you all in my life.

Stupid lottery. Stranding me here in this stupid place. New cute Halloween dress-less.

Can you just close your door because y’all are too gorram loud.

Great. Now the Friends theme is going to be stuck in my head for the rest of the damn day.

It’s just. Nuffin.

Hey Firefox? I don’t give a shit about diamonds.

Wait. People actually like green bean casserole?

Sunflowers, in case you were wondering. Sunflowers are my favorite. Once upon a time it was lilies. I’ve moved on.

Now my ear is ringing. Looooovely.

Dammit. Now I want a taco.

This is relevant to your interests.

I’m not really here.

Honestly the timing is a dream.

I wish I had a little pizza.

Ohhhh it’s pronounced CH. Not K.

Who knew?

Probably you.

That’s it. I’m just gonna eat this astonishingly good microwave mac and cheese and move on with my life.


Random Wednesday

I just read relationality as rationality approximately 437 times and could not figure out why it wasn’t making any sense in context.

I’m sorry, but how did Cass walk into that bar, sit there for however long, and be completely fucking clueless to the fact that he was surrounded by demons? HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?

Also Sam needs to shave. And I’d love to see him with a real haircut.

I miss Crowley.

The season premier was disappointing. Deeply disappointing. Here’s hoping the season picks up.

Shouldn’t somebody be in charge of Hell though? I mean, I’m a firm believer in spontaneous order, but if you actively continue to disrupt the natural resumption of order, isn’t the resulting chaos worse?

Do you pronounce it Cartian or Carteeszhian? I honestly don’t know. Because you don’t pronounce the S in DeCartes. Why are the French so confusing?

I enjoyed this. You know I have such a hard time with being a fan and knowing where that person’s politics lie. I’ve had a love hate relationship with Rollins for years. I still think he’s a hypocrite and a dick, but I do also still enjoy his prose. He’s a very talented writer, and he’s very intelligent, though he doesn’t act like it, far too often.

You’ve wandered off again.

That doesn’t really differentiate, now that I think about it.

Honestly, who gives a shit? Capitalism for the win. Everybody’s got bills. She’s not breaking the law.

Let them eat donuts.

This is just not OK.

“What is ‘delightful’?”
“Not me.”

All of my students forgot boss’ day this year. Sigh.

313 212 313 212

It’s just that

I’m going to have this stuck in my head for the next year, but it’s better than the damn Depeche Mode song that was stuck there for a week solid. I thought I’d go mad.

I tried to set up a book exchange, but people suck.

Idiocracy. This is a classic example of technology making people dumber.

He’s not even one of ours.

Why can’t I finish this paper?

It’s a lesson in sensible footwear.

I keep getting distracted on these and keep forgetting I’m supposed to be sharing my raaaaaaandom thoughts with you. So many thoughts just gone now. Wasted. On account of I forgot.

I forgot to tell you –

Stop telling me I don’t have the right to worry about my son being falsely accused of sexual assault.

Seriously, between Elizabeth Warren and the NPCs, this might be my favorite week on the internet ever.

I legitimately cannot remember the last time I spoke to her. And I’m OK with that.

Now would be an excellent time for a nap.

“Write more than you talk about writing.” Well. There you go.

This stupid mid-fall break is fucking me up. I keep thinking it’s a bloody holiday.

I might have to actually sit in on that lecture. Could be interesting.

I need to put my Halloween presentation together. Such a slacker.

Does it open with Jason Isaacs running? Because there seems to be an awful lot of footage of Jason Isaacs running in the world.

It’s a good day for a Once More With Feeling rewatch. Probably. Too bad I’m at work. And have to work. And be at work tomorrow. To work.

Maybe I misunderstood every single one of them, then.


But no.


Come and play with us.

 Happy Anniversary, Old Man. Sixteen years of awesome. 

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