Random Wednesday

wmphoto 1sigh. so beautiful.

It’s possible that I smelled like meatloaf.

Oh my God. Go home, Sarah Palin. And take Ron Paul, Mitt Romney, and Jeb Bush with you.

Sometimes I feel pretty sensitive about my ptosis. Which is dumb, cos the people who matter to me don’t even see it.

I really wish I had known the YO trick on short rows a lot sooner. I like it sooooo much better than the wrap and turn.

Wow. I am REALLY bad at baby books.

Why was the sand wet?

I guess you’re not what I needed.

“You need some skin on your bones!”

“I’m trying to lose skin!”
“I think I should have said meat on your bones. You need some meat on your bones.”
“I’m trying to lose meat!”

Oh Em Gee I’m so staticky!!!

“I know. That’s why you kick ashes. And ass!’

I got a rock.

Taking your culture shock out on the only conservative friend you have is a pretty good way to lose that friend. Keep it up, sister.

but i wanna be

“Excuse me, but is there anywhere here I can eat a salad?”

I’m so cooooooold.

“‘Fuck you cold!’ That’s what you’re going to say when you go outside today.”

I should have worn a nice thick sweater.

raise em on

If you’re going to add the word “dollars” after your numbers, you don’t need to use a dollar sign. In fact, please don’t.

Oh look. A donut. Hello, donut.

Because the sea weed.

questions questions questions

Oh yes, another sixty something white woman calling to ask about Anita Hill tickets.

“Burdened with information”? Really? Really??

Oh my God, just go to the store and get a Vernors.

I don’t know how you can work in a coffee shop and not know the difference between how espresso and regular coffee are brewed.

I’ve run out of little faces to respond to you with I think.

I hate it when bathrooms don’t have paper towel. Unless your hand dryer is a Dyson Blade, forget it.

I don’t know why I’m having such a hard time staying awake in this class.

hidden in the branches of the

I’m about to cultivate an espresso habit. Maybe that will work.

He said “awfully close,” and I thought he said “off the coast!”

Is there something narrower than college ruled?

If I have contacts in, I have to wear reading glasses. If I have my glasses on, I have to take them off, or look under the frames. My vision is ridiculous.

I really wish he would stop pacing. One, two, three left. One, two, three right. It’s incredibly distracting.

What’s that about.

i can’t go on

I wish that window shade wasn’t perpetually down. This room is so depressing.

I hate that there are no clocks in the classrooms.

Why do you smell like bologna?

Straight up.

I dunno. I’m having a harder than usual time with people lately.

No matter where I sit in this room, the guy with the big fat head always seems to find a way to sit ahead of me in exactly the right location to completely block the Power Point with his big fat head.

Did that guy just fart? Did that guy just fart??

I’m pretty sure you meant Kerry, not Kennedy.

I don’t even have words for how sick I am of Anita Hill right now.

Oh. Let me just go on the website and look that up for you, which you should already know, or at least know how to do, as a member of the faculty.

She doesn’t need them til Tuesday.

And just like that.

I used to work with this guy named Travis. Only my brain decided his name was Kevin. I could NOT call him Travis. I finally was able to call him KevinTravis. But my brain wasn’t having any part of what HE said his name was.

Which is completely and totally different from being a “special” snowflake. You don’t want to be a “special” snowflake.

How many more minutes til next Wednesday?

I just found a package of chocolate pop-tarts in my cupboard!

OK, maybe it’ll have to be a double espresso, because I’m not really feeling like this is going to do the trick. Dammit!

Huh.

Yeah, I’m really going to have to sit in a different spot from now on.

I kind of love the name of this song. I don’t know how I feel about the actual song. I guess it’s OK. Actually, I’ll likely never listen to it again.

Talking to them gives me an aneurysm.

I kind of actually hate short rows.

I was mixing up ROM and RAM. What. I’m not a computer guy.

Well. Once again. I did your job for you. Remind me, what the hell are we paying you for??

Scam a trip to Jamaica, get labeled a hero. Wow.

Free stuff makes people assholes.

I don’t think I could be a knitting pattern designer.

It’s a robot-bear-doctor.

“It was the storm that failed you guys.”

Well. It never occurred to me that you would have left them in the rocking chair.

“Can we shut up about weather for a while, especially weather that is totally in keeping with the seasons in which it’s taking place?” Seriously.

I think. I think it’s time to just stop now.

Mostly because the oven is still on.

Random Wednesday

wm0388Oh come on. Nobody looks good in those pants. Nobody.

Oh ate feminists.

You know that time when I said I didn’t think I loved bacon as much as I’m apparently supposed to love bacon? I feel the same way about Target.

Great. Now that everyone knows about the glitter thing, I’m bound to get some in the mail.

Oh my God, Ron Paul. Go home. And take Mitt Romney and Jeb Bush with you.

el oh el

This is mesmerizing and awesome.

“Lumbersexual” should not be a word. It shouldn’t even be a thing.

It also sounds like a swear, but I wasn’t sure how to respond to that …

Asshole achievement: Unlocked!

it’s not as though

Asked for a grande. This is a super. But it’s free, so I’m not complaining. Don’t know if I’ll be able to drink the whole thing …

Jaysus. I can’t even keep up with this crap.

Just because some jackass decided it should be National Hugging Day doesn’t mean you should get it into your head to touch me. I will take you down.

Oh my God. This day may actually be the death of me. For serious.

I’ll have to remember that for my next password change.

Please restock the Diet Mtn. Dew please. Or maybe you shouldn’t, because I clearly have a problem. No, restock it. Please.

I can never remember my Tumblr password.

You go home too, Bill Gates.

No, your options haven’t actually changed.

Sorry bout my freak out.

I might be a little insulted right now.

I can hear it screeching.

Look. I wear leggings all the time. You know what makes it OK? I wear a shirt or tunic that covers my ass. What’s wrong with girls today is that they think footless tights are leggings. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Footless tights are not leggings and they’re not pants. NO ONE needs to know that much about you. ‘Cept maybe your gynecologist.

Of course, that said, this is still kind of a free country. If you want to walk around in flesh colored footless tights and I happen to come walking up behind you where, for one horrifying moment I think I’m looking at your bare ass, you go right ahead honey. I’ll stock up on the eye bleach.

Wow. Your life is weird.

even if you never

Shadowy figures.

Left handed camera. Sheesh.

I want to watch this Congress documentary.

See? I can be totally reasonable.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Huh.

Mark Lanegan is starting to look like that dude from Sons of Anarchy.

Big Sleeves. It looks comfy. And like it’s for skinny minnies.

Just because I never get tired of this version.

Eeeeeeeeeeeee!!!! THIS IS THE BEST NEWS I’VE HEARD ALL WEEK!!! SIX HOURS AWAY!!!!!!!!!

“We could all three meet up and shoot. And drink. And judge people!”

What is that noise??

I’m kinda bummed at the low number of donation box orders. This total is nowhere near last year.

Wow. The love from some of my FB acquaintances for POTUS and his ridiculous SoTU speech. Please. Did you miss the part where he wants to raise taxes? Or the part where he’s looking for permission to fight the war he’s already waging in the Middle East? Or any number of other things …

I roll my eyes a lot.

I wonder if that’s a contributing factor to my migraines.

Huh. I wonder what that smell is about.

Oh he’s over by the weapons chest.

Everyone is frustrated. It is a frustrating thing. And you are very tired.

Oops. I think it’s been five minutes.

Random Wednesday

wm0421Dammit! CPR re-certification is going to consume my entire morning. Curses!

These books are too gorram expensive.

I don’t care what anyone says, I love Donna Noble.

There. Now I can totally still save your life. But don’t let’s test that, OK?

That was weird. And probably not good.

Aaaaand now the heat appears to be down. It’s 5 degrees. I love my job so much.

What does that even mean, “Front Office Executive”?

Oprah has everything. I wonder if she gets bored a lot.

I often imagine myself working out and getting in amazing shape. It’s like a whole 80s training montage in my head with all this music and sweat and everything. But that’s as far as it gets.

Snort.

Also Bieber looks terrified in those photos.

“… and I have always been caught by the pull of the unremarkable, by the easily missed, infinitely nourishing beauty of the mundane.”

That is 100% about your political agenda and fuck all to do with any kind of etymology. A hashtag is not a word.

Oh my God. Go home Mitt Romney. And take Jeb Bush with you.

Wow. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt quite that out of place.

I need to remember that I almost never look as bad as I think I do.

damn that peddler.

Sorry, but I’m going to have to disagree. All of these things happen precisely because we are human. Take some responsibility for your own actions, and stop trying to foist it off on various concepts. It’s not complicated.

They all looked like pelvic bones with spines attached except for the few that looked like bats.

Who takes a shower when the power goes out?

How can something be organic and synthetic at the same time in chemistry? I never took a chemistry class.  “It’s organic. Is it some kind of synthetic protein?” That statement/question just doesn’t make sense to me. But I don’t know anything about chemistry.

Why would you ever leave your holstered weapon lying on the table of your hotel room and go running out the door, leaving that door wide open behind you? File under Stupid Shit Scully has Done.

I don’t like dollhouses and all their tiny little furniture and things. They creep me the hell out.

I accidentally heard a Katy Perry song on the radio this morning. I’m not sure I have ever heard dumber lyrics in my life. “You’re gonna hear me roar. Louder, louder than a lion.” OK. Maybe a five year old wrote the song.

Can I just have it for my house? Actually, I’ll take a life size one, thanks.

Yoga ball chair is nice and bouncy for Weezer dancing.

Jesus. Almost every song is like a sedative. Where is all the danceable stuff on this iPhone that isn’t a phone?

No, really, I could fall asleep right here and slide right off this yoga ball chair. I’d probably smack my head on my desk and give myself a concussion too. Then where would you all be?

Now it’s just kind of a cross between Ally Sheedy and Glenn Close circa Fatal Attraction.

Damn you, Lifetouch. Why you gotta make it so hard on homeschoolers?

Oxford. What is wrong with you? Suddenly BLTs sound good for dinner. Bacon. bacon bacon bacon bacon bacon Also pulled pork yummmmmmm Ridiculous. You don’t give a damn about offending Jews, so stop using them as an excuse.

You know what? I’m not even a huge bacon fan.

That guy has the firmest hand shake I think I have ever experienced. How unusual in this environment.

Well. You know. I always give a little eyebrow. That’s just how it is.

What a week. Man.

Oh I know. I’ll have pork tamales for dinner. Yeah.

No. Nobody needs a pattern for a misandry hat. Misandry needs to stop.

I always forget what the Third Amendment is.

Well. They’re being very polite. Good on them.

I dunno. Putting an octopus on your head and taking a picture. I dunno. Some shit is just straight up weird, man.

Full spectrum my ass.

For a brief, beautiful moment, my work inbox only had 11 email messages in it. le sigh

It’s been five years since Citizens United already?! Jesus.

the shoulder thing that goes up

supermajority!

People still use Myspace??

I think I get why old people go to bed so early.

I do not think it is too late for another cup of tea. Probably.

Ooooh! I get to shoot things tomorrow!

I need more time. I need more time. I need more time.

And sleep.

GAH. Yet another reason to live where you can have your own well.

Your water is people, people!

Well that seems like a waste.

I’m not even gonna proofread.