Random Wednesday

wm5794Do we really have to do this every single day?

It’s been a long time since I’ve had the plague.

Have I mentioned that I don’t even really like eggs?

Wow. Gwyneth Paltrow has weird knees.

The good part’s at the end.

When you say file, but are actually talking about a folder, you don’t really get to be annoyed with me when I think you’re talking about a file, not the flipping folder.

How to photograph a Yeti?

I have figured out why Libertarians can’t win an election, and it has nothing to do with politics.

The stupid thing is, this will probably end up being one of the safest campuses in the country. Who’s going to shoot up a school when there are a handful of armed gun owners 250 feet away at any given time?

The art of human manipulation or lying.

“The stories are often quite convincing!” No they’re not. They’re never convincing. No one believes those stories.

I’m not sure denial is going to work.

Nick Gillespie is in want of a button.

Nope. I’m definitely sick. Ffffffuuuuuuuuu

These are beautiful.

See? It’s a fact that I’m underpaid. Proven.

“[W]ounds that never happened” from “that stuff that didn’t exist.”

Man. It’s been a really long time since I was sick last.

Ooooh!

Plywood Miracle Killer

This show is kind of ridiculous. But I keep watching it.

Bread. It’s all because of bread.

No, not that bread.

Uh oh. Bad guy’s about to take her out. She knows too much.

15 days, 30 hours, 22170 minutes, 1330167 seconds til Halloween!!!!

I need to watch the Outlander finale.

I need to get the cowl listed in the shop.

I need to not be sick right now.

That is the prettiest application of brioche stitch I’ve seen. Generally I’ve not been at all impressed with the patterns I’ve seen. I probably won’t learn that technique.

Lasagna sounds good. I haven’t made lasagna in a long time.

eee! It’s so cuuuuuute!! La Breda needs this one.

gloomy gloomy

I heard about this on the radio this morning. I think this might be a tad too much, thank you.

OH MY GOD!!! Clearly there is something very wrong with me. How could I have bought two boxes of Count Chocula AND COMPLETELY FORGOTTEN ABOUT THEM?!? I haven’t even had a single bowl!

Huh. My lap appears to be crooked.

It is true that I could probably quite happily eat pizza every day.

Wow. I feel feverish. I almost never get a fever. Almost never ever.

Don’t worry, I’m fairly certain it’s not Ebola.

I’d rather my daughter have a father like Luttrell than like some “feminist” who “doesn’t make rules.”

Christian Scientists and Snake Handlers

hot cold hot cold hot cold wheeeeeeeeeeeee

Oh look! I listed the cowl in the shop! Buy yourself or your honey a gorgeous hand knit for Christmas!

I could go for a hot apple cider. But I suppose I’ll settle for tea.

Actually, I wouldn’t want to cause a panic. I’m not quite that evil.

I’m pretty sure that this dizziness means I should go lay down. yep

yep

sniff

cough

yep

Posted in random wednesday | Leave a comment

year twelvety

wm6895Happy Anniversary, Old Man

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Random Wednesday

wm4448
This is hysterical and awesome.

That was a pretty incredible moon this morning. I’m glad the skies cleared up and that I was able to see it.

Interesting. iPhone that isn’t a phone plays Love Will Tear Us Apart twice in a row. Wonder what that means for my day.

I can’t help it if I laughed.

motherfucker!

Scented duct tape. That seems … odd. Am I the only one who immediately pictured a kidnap victim?

I can’t believe I lost those notes. How did that even happen?

I don’t know what that means, Regis.

I think it’s safe to say that the enterovirus concerns me more than ebola.

My eyes are all bleary.

I kind of love their ad, but I still can’t afford a Leica.

At least I hadn’t gotten very far.

This is me on a workday, but with less face hair.

“Well look at Mt. Pleasant. It’s neither mountainous nor pleasant!”

“OMFG I hate this fucking job.” “Don’t worry, it hates you too.”

I’m sorry, but there is a distinct difference between doctor assisted suicide for a terminally ill patient and other suicides. I do not think it is right to deny someone the choice to end their life if they are terminally ill, in horrible pain, and are ready to move on. I do think that denying this option to patients is cruel.

We need to stop using the phrase “reach out to people” in the office. Thanks very much. There will be no reaching.

And let’s just nip this new catch phrase in the bud right now: “cultural humility”.

jeebus.

I can assure you that I am not conflating Lena Dunham with the character she plays on Girls. I refuse to watch that show.

I heart Thug Notes.

Ooooooh I want it so much!

I need a personal trainer for reals. I’m motivated in my head, but by the time I get home I’m sooooooo tired. And then stuff. And I do nothing. blah. OK, so really I need a drill sergeant.

I briefly entertained asking the ROTC if I could do maneuvers with them in the mornings. But I’d have to get up at like 4. So that’d be maybe 4 hours of sleep. On a good day.

diligently plotting

I dunno. Maybe we should reschedule.

My analysis of Common Core, No Child Left Behind, and Race to the Top? All liberal school reform efforts that have failed.

I have to say, I didn’t even recognize Michael Keaton. I love him.

Win a free book every day this month? OK!

Aw, I love Bill Murray so much.

That was a great visit. Yay!

Sadness. There is a hole in my sock. All my Halloween socks are coming down with holes. I need new Halloween socks.

I HAVEN’T DONE A COUNTDOWN! What is wrong with me??

22 days, 532 hours, 31, 911 minutes, 1,914,587 seconds til Halloween

Well, OK, not ALL the South Park episodes. But many of them are acceptable.

I always think I could sleep for days, but my brain starts to hurt if I sleep more than 5 or 6 hours at a time. Stupid brain pain.

That sounds like Kevin Spacey kind of.

This hat does not want to be knit.

I don’t know what a tactical smooch is, but it sounds like something I need.

Why am I watching this?

This hat is jinxed.

He’s going to kidnap the other sister!

God. A Hole in the World kills me. Every. Time.

I should have joined the FBI.

I’d probably hate being in the FBI.

“Feels like we ought to have known.”

huh

Roof pig. Most unexpected.

Posted in random wednesday | 1 Comment

But does the carpet match the drapes?

wm libertarian parade 2Lorence Wenke, a local greenhouse owner who has served on the county commission and as a state rep, is running for the senate seat in my district. He has recently decided he’s a Libertarian. I received a lengthy email last week outlining what he’ll do if elected to the legislature. First of all, I did not subscribe to Wenke’s mailing list, so this annoys me. But going through his 16 points, I’m finding a lot to argue with. It’s the same old political rhetoric, none of which sounds terribly libertarian at all. I feel like responding to each of his 16 points. You can play along in the comments if you want.

(I copied and pasted directly from his email and posted my response directly below. Any grammatical errors and poor sentence structures in his points are entirely his.)

#1. Approximately 25% of working age people cannot or will not keep a full time job because of bad personal choices.
I will eliminate taxpayer assistance for those who choose not to work.

Great. Fantastic. I can get behind this. The problem is proof and enforcement. This falls into the realm of social worker judgment call, and that’s always dangerous territory. I think it’s the right idea, but the wrong track. This is not a plan to reform welfare, and this will never happen.

#2. Children are born into circumstances where they have little chance of success in life because they do not have parents who adequately care for them or who can be good examples.
I will support economic penalties for absent and irresponsible parents.

This is pretty vague. What kind of penalties? Are we talking child support slackers? Are we talking about children raised by their grandparents? Irresponsible in what way? This comes across as a feel good, “won’t someone think of the children??” platitude. And again, this is a judgment call. While there are some instances where it is pretty obvious that parents are irresponsible and not caring for their children, who sets the standard for what is acceptable? This is not a plan for addressing issues faced by underserved children.

#3. People are having children that they cannot take care of without taxpayer funds and we are enabling them with generous taxpayer support. See my complete birth control plan at www.votewenke.com.

I will support free birth control for all citizens but after twelve months I will discontinue taxpayer support for new babies.

Lord. You’re supporting “free birth control for all citizens”. If you were even a little bit libertarian you’d know that we’ve been complaining for actual months about having to pay for other people’s birth control. Additionally, anything called the “State of Michigan Birth Control Policy” just instantly terrifies me, because frankly, all I can think of is eugenics. Is that really what you want to inspire in potential voters? Your proposal contradicts itself in the description. Your suggestion of the use of long term birth control devices is ill advised, particularly as you are not a medical doctor. This is very bad. You really should have thought this point through more.

wm wenke parade#4. Unfair free trade agreements, automation and outsourcing of jobs have put the American worker in direct competition with better educated, harder working and lower wage workers outside the USA. The American middle class is losing this battle and living less well because of it.
I will seek real fair trade, not just free trade and expect other nations to be comparable with our environmental and labor laws.

I’m not sure that he even understands what he’s promising here. This statement “better educated, harder working and lower wage workers” is at least a little insulting to working class Americans. What does he mean by better educated? Generally jobs that have been outsourced or sent overseas have not been filled by those who are better educated at all. Harder working? Honestly, exactly whose vote are you trying to get??? The problem that really needs to be addressed here is the reason that American countries are sending jobs overseas, and that problem is called taxes and over regulation. I can get behind fair trade vs free trade, but again, he’s missing the mark here. I don’t know though, maybe I don’t get what he’s saying. But I sure feel insulted.

#5. Government employees have excessive compensation compared to private sector workers which makes government too expensive for the private sector to support.

I will work for equality in private and public sector compensation as I have worked on this issue for 15 years.

How exactly will you work for this and how have you worked for it? This is one of the things that contributes to raising minimum wage which kills jobs for the people who need them most. Are government employees paid too much? Arguably, yes. But the way to fix that is to freeze that pay, eliminate superfluous jobs, and look at outsourcing to the private sector whenever possible.

#6. Gay people have been denied equal rights and our economy, families, and culture are reduced because of it. Gay people and their families suffer from discrimination often based on misinterpretation of Bible verses.I will amend the Elliot-Larsen Civil Rights Act to make it unlawful to fire people from employment because they are gay.
I will continue to speak for equal rights as I have for 15 years.

This one is going to get me in trouble with the gay community, but I have yet to find any evidence that anyone in MI has ever been fired for being gay. Yes, it’s legal to fire someone for being gay in the state of MI, but so what? Businesses should have the right to hire and fire as they choose, just as their customers should have the right to determine whether that business fails or succeeds – voting with their wallet, as it were. Are gays discriminated against in MI? I can’t find much. I find a lot of “Well, technically this is legal so it COULD happen.” Maybe there’s a whole boat load of discriminating happening that isn’t making the news, but I find that hard to believe. Gay marriage is not legal in MI, an issue that was decided by voters, but even that is going to be declared unconstitutional any minute now. Rather than amending the Elliot-Larsen Act in this fashion, if Wenke is so concerned with the gay cause, he should look into other areas, like marriage, insurance beneficiaries, etc, these are far more libertarian moves.

#7. The unfunded liability of Michigan taxpayers for Michigan government employee compensation is about $20,000 for each Michigan citizen. 41 states have less debt per citizen then Michigan.
I will allocate funding for our current liabilities and reduce our future liabilities.

You might be able to maintain the current liability, but you can’t reduce future liability unless you cut salaries across the board, and good luck with that one.

#8. The condition of Michigan roads reduces our quality of life and makes it more difficult for businesses to be profitable in Michigan.
I will look for solutions other than tax increases, but I am open to a small gradual tax increase if I am convinced it’s needed.

Muh roads!!! This translates to “We’re totally going to have to raise taxes to repair our shitty roads.” MI gasoline taxes are among the very highest in the country because MI applies the state sales tax to all gas sales. But the sales tax collected from gas sales DOES NOT GO TO FUND THE ROADS. Reallocating that 6% tax per gallon to the roads would go a long way toward fixing the problem. You don’t have to look very far for “other solutions”. But it’s good to know you’re “open” to an increase.

#9. The results of our K-12 education system are mediocre and we spend more than most states. I will ask our students, teachers and administrators to work longer and harder by extending instruction time and the school year.
I would support pay incentives for our teachers based on results.

No no no no no. Everything about this is ridiculous and wrong. Your solution to the problem of public education is to mandate more of the same crap that clearly isn’t working. I could go on about this topic for days (just ask my Reimagining Schooling professor). How are you going to measure the results? More standardized tests? How many times have standardized tests proven to be ineffective measurements of what students are learning? How is extending days and school years, (effectively torturing our children), going to fix anything? You cannot fix the problem of k12 in MI or anywhere else in this manner. Students need less state mandated curriculum and standardized testing and more innovative methods of instruction and teachers employed on merit. I’m going to stop now, because I have other things to do and there are still seven more bullet points to get through.

#10. The cost of alcohol and other addictive drugs for the taxpayer is enormous and increasing. The social cost of alcohol should be paid for by the producers of alcohol and not by the general taxpayer.

What? How about the social cost of alcohol and other addictive drugs be paid by the addicts causing the problem? Personal responsibility is a pretty fundamental tenet of libertarianism. Maybe you should pick up a copy of Libertarianism A to Z.

wm libertarian parade#11. Michigan continues to have one of the highest unemployment rates in the nation. Abuses by management and unions of our auto industry are the main reason.
I will use tax policy and employment benefits to reduce unemployment and create jobs.

Actually, the unemployment rate in MI has been steadily dropping since Rick Snyder took office, and while it still isn’t great, things are getting better all the time. Whenever you throw around phrases like “tax policy” (and I use the collective politician you) it ends up meaning more taxes for businesses and the rest of us. More taxes on businesses kills more jobs. And while I’m not a huge proponent of unions, they can’t be blamed for everything. The auto industry unions can only be held responsible for negotiating their workers out of their auto industry jobs. The auto industry is (was) not the only industry in MI, and it has been dying since the post WWII boom. Government should not be in the job creation business, but if it truly wants to help, it should cut taxes and reform regulation.

#12. Affordable, workable healthcare is increasingly unavailable without subsidy from taxpayers.
I will work to reduce the cost of healthcare and require more information about what and who we pay and increase co-pays in some situations.

You know what would go a long way toward making healthcare affordable? Government butting out of healthcare and out of the insurance business. Why do you get to determine what co-pays are? Who are you to decide what is a legitimate expense? This sounds an awful lot like Obamacare and government control of my healthcare. And by the way, it’d be great if politicians would stop conflating healthcare with health insurance.

#13. The value of our dollar is being decreased by Washington deficit spending with the result that prices are increasing in almost every area which is especially a burden for seniors.
I will demonstrate against debt as I have in the past on the steps of our nation’s capitol and enlist others.

You want to be elected to the Senate so you can … demonstrate. Dude. Are you even serious right now?

#14. The cost of caring for sick family members is increasing and bankrupting many people.
I will advocate for a limit on what family members can be expected to pay.

Which translates to the taxpayer picking up the rest of the tab. Look, I get it, it’s expensive, I know. But this is more government intervention, more taxation, more bureaucracy. If we were allowed more freedom in choosing insurance plans that work for our families instead of more government regulation, this would be less of a problem. More government and higher costs to taxpayers is never the answer.

#15. Too many politicians are guilty of lying, blaming the wrong people, taking credit for other people’s work and voting for special interest groups who support them with money.
I will work with the media to inform citizens of the truth.

This one just made me laugh. The truth generally isn’t that hard to find. We live in the 21st century where information is literally at our fingertips 24 hours a day. But you want to be besties with the media? Which media? Whatever. Yay for the truth I guess.
And finally,

#16. The cost of electricity in Michigan is higher than most states because we do not have choice in suppliers like we do with natural gas. The Michigan legislature took away our choice and will not give it back because of pressure from special interest groups. The result is our electric bills are high and we have less money for job creation and the middle class dream.
I will be an advocate for choice because competition creates better quality products at a lower price.

Do we have high electric bills? Yes. I’m fairly certain, however, that high electric bills are not the reason the middle class is dead and jobs aren’t super plentiful. Should other electric companies be afforded the opportunity to compete with Consumers’? Yes. Why are government sanctioned monopolies OK? Advocating is all well and good, but you should probably have a better argument than what you’re presenting here. Like this: Allowing new companies to compete with Consumers’ Energy will create jobs, not because electric bills will be lower, but because there will be new companies in need of new workers. I dunno. It just doesn’t seem that hard to make a logical argument.

And that wraps up my take on the “Libertarian Lorence Wenke for Senate 16 Point Action Plan For Michigan”. I’m reasonably well convinced that Wenke has never met a real libertarian, let alone done an even cursory Google search on libertarian principles. I may not be a capital L libertarian myself, and I will freely admit that some of my ideologies tend to veer to the right, but Wenke is about as libertarian as a Clinton.

And yet, the libertarian party appears to be endorsing his candidacy. “Michigan Libertarian Party Chairwoman Mary Buzuma said in a press release announcing the decision that Wenke is a candidate who knows what it takes to create jobs, will bring people to the party and will help spread the message of the Libertarian Party of more freedom and less government.” ~ MLive, May 2014. Ridiculous. I hate to break it to you Mary, but this platform isn’t going to bring anyone to the party. I find it astonishing that the LP is standing by this. The only logical explanation I can find for this is that they couldn’t find another candidate for the job. I think they can bank on not winning this election.

Who knows? I’m not a pundit, I’m just a voter.

wm wenke parade 2Dude. You’re a gardener.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

To quote the late, great Andrew Breitbart …

wm6645

Posted in selfosophy | 2 Comments

Random Wednesday

wm4289There’s nothing quite like passive aggressive cupcakes.

This is a fantastic article.

Secret Rag-and-Feather Whore

Aw, how sweet!

Wow. This is some remarkably poor taste.

That makes me sad. And tired.

Neat!

Gah. Whoever thought midseason breaks were a good idea is a jerkface.

“You always have a way of somehow being really helpful but also making me feel like a complete idiot at the same time.”

Interesting. I love that movie.

She always has this look on her face like she thinks someone’s about to give her a really good present. Sort of hopeful, yet terrified.

I’m not that Jennifer.

Hopeless Snow Kisser

“But we met you hеre about a month ago. I dont make no such claims. Thеre were magazines on a table.”

Al Jourgensen used to be hot. Now he’s just kind of … I don’t even know the word I’m looking for.

HA!

Every single time someone says Uri Geller, I get this stuck in my head.

These people are constantly exchanging freshman and freshmen. It drives me crazy.

Is there anything NOT to like about Patrick Stewart??

Wow, I didn’t even know that was a word.

Open-Hearted Mirror Guest

Kevin D. Williamson always makes me chuckle.

I always feel weird using the word chuckle. It seems like such a fat middle aged balding man word.

Who the hell is Columbus Short?

I dunno. Sometimes I type kik instead of lol. It’s probably the universe’s way of saying “Stop using lol.”

I’m stuck on song repeat mode, but I’ve been sharing too much country lately.

I maintain that fashion is the longest running practical joke in the world.

Four-in-the-Morning Tea-and-Orange Killer

I’m a little George Clooney’s weddinged out, thanks. Are we taking bets on how long the marriage will last yet? I mean they haven’t even been dating a year, and he was all I’M NEVER GETTING MARRIED HA HA. I dunno. Call me a cynic, but I don’t put a lot of faith in this one working out.

I’m tired of clickbait. What happened next will BLOW YOU AWAY. THEY DID THE UNTHINKABLE. You won’t believe what HAPPENED NEXT. blah blah blah. It’s cheap and tawdry.

It looks just like NetFlix.

I am not a number!!!!!

ARRRRGghhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Stop. Talking. Stop. Talking. Stop. Talking. STOP. TALKING.

Oh my God. You cannot be serious with this.

This is not my job. This is not my job. This is not my job.

I look cute in a Britishish sort of way today.

Oh so now we’re like BFFs or something. Weird.

This is a bonfire, snuggly sweater, hard cider, corduroy skirt kind of day.

Wow. Yes. This is pretty right on.

Drunken Banana Gypsy

Mm Hmmmm

Aaaand that’s what happens when you Google “Velma’s socks.”

your hands are cold

Karma Chameleon came on and it short circuited my brain.

Unknowing Stranger Saint

“I don’t know how to make copies of printed things!”

no i don’t

Not all the songs today are country though. So there.

Everything will

I feel jittery. I don’t know why. I should probably eat a Pop Tart. Probably.

What a metaphor.

Wounded Peacock Sailor

Oh my God. I’m so glad I bought this baby backpack.

Thumbs up to you!

I don’t trust people who say “I like to think of myself”.’

echolocation

I have to go check the status of the item in the dryer.

Posted in random wednesday | Leave a comment

Random Wednesday

wm6219ARRRRgghghhHH I hate this assignment. So much. So. Very. Much.

I need more Eggleston in my life.

How the hell did I end up with all day meetings? I don’t think my brain can take that much cologne.

Because your cologne is like tiny daggers of deep deep denial in my brain.

Little jazz hands dot dot dot

it’s stuck in my head so i’m sharing

I make no apologies.

I’m so sad because it’s going to fail. Which in turn makes me question continuing this post at all. Because I thought for sure that I had at least 25 regulars, and I thought for sure those 25 regulars loved Random enough to want a Random tee. sigh. I’m very sad. And, honestly, really bummed.

What a cool place.

Ohhhhhhh! I love Chagall. And Mirot.

Why do women wear so much eyeliner? Honestly, you might as well just take a Sharpie to outline your eyeballs. Tone it down, ladies.

“I need a tree cutting machine.”

Wait. Information Society is still around? Wow. How’d they manage that, I wonder.

She told me that if I drink warm jello my hair will grow faster.

Some cool stuff.

I’m not really a Malkovitch fan, but from a photographic view these are fantastic.

Why do people on this campus keep thinking I’m the go to person for this program? I have literally nothing to do with it.

I love Robert Downey Jr.

This is one of those “it’s not rape rape” situations, I guess. Disgusting.

GAaaargh. It’s one thing after another with the tech in this building.

One major bonus to wearing mostly black and gray is the absence of stains from things like the mustard I just got on both my skirt and my shirt.

I wish I spoke seven languages.

No one who works in an office should ever wear that much cologne. And they sure as hell shouldn’t go out and refresh it at lunch.

I wonder if I could rig up an iced coffee that doesn’t taste too God awful. It is a full service kitchen.

I love these meetings so much. It’s so much fun to be mocked for not being a great big leftie Dem like the rest of you.

This is fascinating!

I miss Rollinghead.

I think my thumb drive is wonked. I think I need a new one.

Well that was a coffee fail. In that I never even made it to the kitchen.

Most of the emails you mark high priority go straight into my trash. You need to learn to be more discerning.

Do you see this face? This face should tell you how much I care about your inability to connect to the WiFi with all thirty seven of your personal mobile devices.

This is not that kind of college.

Honestly. What self respecting man calls himself a

That’s probably too specific.

I posted in the past about a different Reason article that I’m reasonably certain Gillespie penned and said that while I agreed with it 100%, I probably wasn’t going to let Miss W watch South Park. Then I found out the Mister was already letting her watch it. Then I realized I was actually totally OK with that.

Ah yeah. Here it is.

el oh el

I don’t know what you think I can do about this problem from my dining room.

You’re spinning your wheels.

I don’t wear high heels.

I love you, Cranapple.

I’m loving this yarn. I might have to make myself a sweater with it. Probably in this color too.

I have too many WIPs.

Are we there yet?

Posted in random wednesday | 2 Comments

the official tee shirt

I felt it merited its own post. Because, you guys. Come on. It’s a big deal, right? The official Random Wednesday t shirt!

And it has a chicken! Because chickens on the Compound, and nobody here but us chickens, and random.

Plus, look at it. It’s cute and cool all at once. And we have the good girlie tees. Not just that unisex bidness that is so frustrating for the gals. And stuff.

So you should buy one, because you love Random Wednesday. It’s one of your favorite things, if not your all time favorite thing on the internet. Or at least it’s your favorite thing about Wednesdays.

Look, if it’s not, just lie to me. I can’t take the rejection right now. So buy a shirt. Because if we don’t sell 25, then none of us gets one, and we’ll all be really really sad. Like crying sad.

Nobody wants to see that.

chicken shirt final small

Posted in random wednesday | 2 Comments

Random Wednesday

wm6205
“Isn’t it not” … Oh boy.

She keeps saying ecsetera.

Ooph. When you use a 24 hour clock you don’t actually have to enter a.m. and p.m.

Wow. You really just said “She shit her pants in a van” in class. You should really just stop talking now.

That seems like a pretty John Grishamy thing to do.

I don’t think that people really understand that it isn’t actually a “selfie” if someone else is pushing your shutter button.

Ooh, that’s a good new euphemism for us photogs and stuff. Stop pushing my shutter button! Or, alternately, He really pushes my shutter button, if you know what I mean, wink wink.

Huh. I have absolutely no memory at all of putting this Tears For Fears song on the iPhone that isn’t a phone.

“It’s not like a field full of high hipsters is all that different from a kindergarten class.”

snort.

I had no idea Ione Skye was British. Or wait. Maybe I did.

You’re overcomplicating it, dude.

These are wonderful!!

I think they ought to stop using the term “honorable” in senators’ titles. It’s almost never true.

Um. Those aren’t maple leaves. Maybe you meant “maple” leaves.

The problem, you see, is that I find myself to actually be a desperate optimist, despite my outward cynicism. And as a result, I am in a constant state of disappointment by other humans. It’s a wretched thing. I’d so much rather not care.

If the pilgrims didn’t set foot on Plymouth Rock until 1667, there couldn’t have been a Massachusetts Bay Colony School Law of 1642. Try to keep up.

America was also something of a penal colony, people always overlook that.

I think we can safely say I’d be the giggle at a funeral.

Why am I the only one who’s not allowed to email the office any more? I think your “Top 5 EV Friendly Institutions in the US” is pretty spammy, gradass.

I don’t even agree with everything Ayaan Hirsi Ali says, but to deny her as a speaker because a bunch of leftist slaves to political correctness have labeled her message as hate speech is the real outrage. Hate speech is a blanket excuse to stifle the voices of people with whom you disagree and it’s straight up wrong. “Hate Speech” is the shield of the perpetual victim.

I’ve clearly bored you to tears.

Is it really necessary for you to have your conversation right there? What is it with people standing right in front of my doorway to carry on at top volume?

At the other end, I can totally hear you whisper whisper whispering over there.

This place is treacherous.

I thought Constitution Day was the 17th.

Oh today is the 17th.

Stop drumming your fingernails on the table. Seriously.

Did I mention that food at meetings ought to be outlawed? At least for people who can’t seem to keep from talking with their mouths full.

OK, it was a cute phrase the first couple of times, but you’ve beaten it to death. Let it go. Just let it go.

Honestly. I believe they’re actively trying to get me to quit. OK. I can work with that.

“My intentions were good and that’s the main thing.” Oy. Yes, that makes everything OK.

Every. Damn. Day.

Really, I’m in danger of a very foul mood.

Yup.

A donut would help. Or a caramel apple cider. The cider is easier to obtain.

It’s not my fault it’s stuck in my head.

I wonder if they’ll call. They probably won’t even call.

Yeah, I’m not sure I’m really into the whole quilted vest scene.

Ha.

I was not prepared to learn an entirely new Adobe platform today. This is going to take a bit.

Well hello there.

They do that shit on purpose to waste time because school is a horrible place to be.

How do I have three papers for the same class all due next week?

This poor girl. This is why we should be allowed to be armed.

Well it’s not like I never make grammar mistakes.

I think the main thing here is that the only real reason I’m taking classes is because I don’t have to pay for them. I don’t, in actual fact, give a damn about finishing this degree. I just don’t.

What a weird thing.

Holy wow!

“Also don’t google wearable penis. I forgot what the other half of the internet was.”

Dear God, John Travolta. Step away from the hair dye. “He looks like his own wax work statue.”

in actual fact. actually. factually.

Aww, this little guy.

Every time I look at this list of crap to write up I just get stuck.

Well. I guess we can’t all be Constitutional law professors, now can we?

I know you’re proud of your new look, Lipton, but the new packaging sucks.

Maybe I can get caramel cider tomorrow.

surprise!!!!!!

Posted in random wednesday | 1 Comment

Random Wednesday

wm5804
Staaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahp with the check your privilege already. Staaaaaaaaaaaaahp.

It’s presumptuous, bigoted, racist, and predicated on assumption. Bite me.

Whhyyyyyyyyyyy are so many people here so early today? Why you gotta ruin my morning quiet time?

Because women don’t generally have hairy asses?

The weather today! It’s going to be the only thing that salvages my mood, I can tell already.

Why would you send that email out to everybody? Why not just send it to the people who responded to your inquiry? That email is just spammy.

although i know you can’t appreciate it

At what point are you going to be forced to release your desperate grasp on that cloak of victimhood? Take some damn responsibility for yourself.

Adding a winky face to your passive aggressive bitchery does not magically make it not passive aggressive bitchery.

Today’s belly shirt looks like it was made out of shredded tissue paper. Sheesh.

Boxing used to be a sport in high school??

Somebody’s feet really stink. It’s so gross.

When did Coldplay get all 90s dance remix synth arena pop??

Bats are louder than you’d think.

Being here just makes me sad.

I don’t know what kind of fugue state I was in when I thought I could handle two classes and a 5 month old. And a full time job. And a 10 year old. And a husband. And a commute. And sleeping.

Wow, I read that as “racist rainstorm”. Ha.

i got sunshine in a bag

“Ballpoint pens will be the ruin of education in our country. Students use these devices and then throw them away. The American values of thrift and frugality are being discarded. Businesses and banks will never allow such expensive luxuries.” ~Federal Teachers, 1950

I unfriended him because he annoyed me.

And the Hoover Dam was never seen again.

It’s cold in here. Physically and metaphorically.

oooh! I just had a really good idea for a class. But I’m not sharing those ideas any more because they don’t take me seriously. Too bad for them. It was a really good idea.

Oh wow. This video.

I need a good hair day so I can get my new ID photo taken. I need some “I’ve been on a boat” hair.

I don’t like working with a counseling psychology doctoral student. I feel like he’s secretly analyzing me. In fact, my brain is quite sure he only took this job, which is wholly unrelated to his field, to write his dissertation on our weird office dynamics. I’m sure that says something about my ego or narcissistic tendencies or something. Is paranoia narcissistic? Seems like it must be.

Now I feel REALLY good about myself. Sheesh.

I don’t know how anyone can not be appalled by this. This isn’t mercy.

Huh. So Benedict Cumberbatch. Kind of a nutball.

This is pretty awesome.

I can’t be the only one who wants to pronounce anions like onions, but with an a. Anyuns. Right?

She keeps saying ecspecially.

Wow. You are actually the poster boy for being a pompous ass. Stop talking. Just stop.

Why do people put spiral bound notebooks in three ring binders?

Just because I have a goat doesn’t mean I’m particularly fond of goats. It means my people have a weakness for stray animals.

Wow. Wil Wheaton. He just doesn’t get any smarter, does he?

Why are these not in my kitchen?

Why am I not carrying my lunch to work in this?

Wow. Sarah Silverman. She just doesn’t get any smarter, does she?

Stop saying like. Stop. Saying. Like.

Your overdose of cologne is like tiny daggers of trying too hard in my brain.

It’s not FASFA! You work in higher ed, you should be pronouncing this acronym correctly. It’s FAFSA. FAFSA FAFSA FAFSA. What is so difficult about this???

Wow. Bill Nye. He just doesn’t get to be any less of an asshat, does he?

It’s not besides the point. It isn’t. It might be beside the point, but it’s never besides the point.

There’s a university rule about eating in class? Huh.

Freedom of speech does not refer to the language you speak, dude. Although, I suppose it protects your right to speak whatever language you want … But that’s not what it means!

There’s some really cool stuff here, guys. Really.

i’m in love

sigh. Paul is still totally dreamy.

Of course, this IS a good hair day, and it’s pouring buckets, so I can’t walk down and get my new damn hell ID photo anyway. Damn. Hell. Dammit.

Where is my food? (Sing it to the tune of “Where is My Mind?” Do it.)

People would probably be more inclined to adopt your rescue animals if it wasn’t so prohibitively expensive to do so.

Remind me to bring that thank you card and my protein bars to work tomorrow.

A Cyberman kisses you passionately while being eaten by the Vashta Nerada.

petrichor. mmmmmmmmmm

Wow. These peanuts are from my trip to Texas. How are these still in my bag?

Yup.

I think “Constitutional Law Professor” must mean something entirely different in POTUS land than it does in reality.

I can’t believe she thinks it’s too early for Halloween decorations. Pish!

Ketchup and fries.

Curses! I ordered giant knitting needles, not a giant crochet hook! What am I going to do with a giant crochet hook, you fools?

‘”Context” is the mother of prevarication.’

I got a migraine coming on. Oh yay.

I just think there is something kind of awesome about sending someone a surprise book in the mail. It says someone was thinking about you and wanted to share something with you. People should send each other books more often.

Just say NO to white text on your black blog background. nononononononononoooooooooooooooooooo no.

I need a beverage. Yo.

Posted in random wednesday | 1 Comment