antijenx

nobody here but us chickens

Random Wednesday

This woman laughs after every single thing she says. This is not an exaggeration. This is a fact. Literally nothing she says warrants so much as a chuckle.

This place is killing me by degrees.

I am only still here because I am a responsible adult with bills to pay and a family to feed. Occasional Cortex isn’t handing me a paycheck because I’d rather sit on my ass.

Wow, way to blow right in with the NEGATIVE, jen.

Moving right along.

Here is some incredible heroism.

Shut up, Cory Booker.

HA. I thought that said neo-mortalists and thought wow, that’s a really great phrase, I should use that for stuff. It did not say neo-mortalists.

Hey, Instagram? I don’t eat yogurt. Enough with the yogurt ads. Really.

Hey, listen, if y’all could just stop posting links to crap at WaPo, that’d be great. I can’t ready ANY of them.

Benedict Cumberbatch with a mustache? No. Just no. So wrong.

I just don’t get scrapbooking. It feels a little pathological. But you do you.

This is not helping me.

I find this actually terrifying.

Every time I say something about 4H these college students say “what’s that??”

I think this is pretty fantastic.

You’re trying to decide if I’m serious right now.

You guys.

You don’t get to talk about “we’re old!” when you’re in your 30s. So stop.

Here’s the solution: Stop putting faculty in administrative positions. They’re not qualified to manage people and departments because they don’t have the experience, they don’t have the skill, they make everything worse. Don’t get me wrong. I love my friends who are faculty. But I also have to work for faculty, and it’s a flipping migraine. Let faculty do what they do best: teach.

Tanya Tucker!

Old Lady Tucker.

Jesus. I’ve officially reached that point in my life where I’m bitching about my contractor. HOW DID I GET HERE?

I keep having to yawn, and then halfway through the yawn it’s like the yawn breaks and I can’t finish it. and then I’m just deeply dissatisfied because I wasn’t able to actually yawn. It’s kind of tragic, really.

You guys.

I’d never even heard of that guy til he faked a hate crime. I have no patience for fuckers who do that shit.

Knitters are mean, yo.

The thing about putting together a letter out of cut out magazine letters is that it takes some serious goddamn dedication. That shit is time consuming as hell.

I’d love it if people would stop posting shit and then following it up with “let that sink in.”

I’m on a tear this week, clearly. Maybe I should delete some of this.

I dunno. I just read through and it’s not that bad.

I feel completely discombobulated this month. I’m so scattered. It’s incredibly frustrating.

I just REALLY hate that phrase.

Why do these people spend so much time talking about the weather and how well the roads have been plowed?

I’m pretty sure that this office has tainted me. I can’t get an interview to save my life. And when I finally do get one here or there, no one wants me.

“An alliance of heretics.” I’ll take it.

I just realized that I’m the oldest person in this office.

What a neat lady!

I instantly feel the urge to give businesses like this my money. Which is a problem, because I don’t have a lot of money.

I have no interest in this topic.

What was I even logged into?

Well. I think that went alright.

You guys.

Bitch. Listen.

Social Justice Extortionism

17 views!

So tired of that word – unpack. Unpacking should refer to your luggage.

i know

I’m all for the new Psych movie. Yes, please, thank you.

Should I apply for this job I don’t actually want just to get out of here and also it’s more money? I guess.

Why won’t you stay where I put you?

You guys.

I’ve never read Joan Didion. Or that poet that just died. You can make of that what you will.

But it seems like she’s my kinda thinker: “Because when we start deceiving ourselves into thinking not that we want something or need something, not that it is a pragmatic necessity for us to have it, but that it is a moral imperative that we have it, then is when we join the fashionable madmen, and then is when the thin whine of hysteria is heard in the land, and then is when we are in bad trouble. And I suspect we are already there.

Is this cowboy times?

Stop

Ruining

Everything

I don’t understand people who add their happy birthdays to someone in the comments of your happy birthday post. Go make your own happy birthday post. Weirdo.

There is absolutely no question whatsoever that I need this shirt.

I’ve probably offended her. I somehow manage to offend everyone.

I guess I just expected more support and encouragement from some people who know how hard I’ve been working on this shit. And instead I get nothing.

Yes. Yes, I am a bit bitter about it.

Yessssssssssssssssssssssss

Frankly, I’m surprised he has the budget for this position, what with the current state of things.

You guys.

See how much gorram positive I’ve stuffed into this post this week?

Oh good. I sure hope this rain freezes as I’m trying to drive home in 50 minutes.

I want tacos.

I can’t find my copy of Lonesome Dove anywhere.

Huh. I got unfriended again. I wonder who it was.

Share

I should have put my Michigan Native sweatshirt on for this shot. I clearly didn’t think this through.

I held off on posting this here because I thought my new book blog was going to be ready to go, and this would be the inaugural deal, but. It hasn’t happened yet. So. here you go.

I got this book for Christmas from the Mister and I was super excited about it because if there are two things in this world I love, they’re true crime and Michigan. Don’t judge. I love other shit too.

This book started out fun and quickly grew annoying. For an author who allegedly spent 25 years in Traverse City, he certainly seems fixated on Detroit. Like everybody else in the world. Guess what, America! There are, in fact, a whole bunch of other cities in Michigan. And somebody’s been murdered in all of them. I guarantee it.

X marks detroit, which is evidently the center of the known universe.

OK, I’m being a little harsh. This book is a fun, quick read – each murder is presented as a brief summary – like a book full of murder blurbs. (Although I could easily fall into an argument over the difference between killing and murder, and some of the cases presented here don’t seem particularly murdery to me.) Each murder is also accompanied by the “murder map,” which gives you the location, or approximate location that it took place, and whether or not the house/hotel/school/whatevah is still standing. It also gives you a little bit of loosely related history of the era and or area. So obviously it’s not an in depth true crime masterpiece.

But dear God. If you’re going to call your book “Blood on the Mitten: Infamous Michigan Murders 1700s to Present,” shouldn’t all of the murders in the book actually have taken place IN THE MITTEN?? Just because a murderer hails from the Water Winter Wonderland, doesn’t mean it’s a “Michigan Murder.” St. Valentine’s Day Massacre? Didn’t happen here. And frankly, you present only tenuous evidence at best that it was even related to criminals from – you guessed it – Detroit. The killing of peaceful Cheyenne at Washita River? Nowhere near this pleasant peninsula, my friend. Who gives a bag of Better Made if Custer grew up here? His famous Last Stand was over a thousand miles away from here. And while Fort Custer may be about 5 minutes from my house, I’m not convinced the man ever actually even set foot on that land. (I suppose it’s possible, I’ve done no actual research. But he was from the east side of the state. What else is on the east side of the state? Hmmmm, let me think. Oh yeah! DETROIT.) The Oklahoma City bombing? Last time I checked, Oklahoma City was in Oklahoma. And while McVeigh and Nichols, vile and loathsome murderers, indeed, may have hailed from eastern Michigan, they didn’t commit their horrific act of terrorism here. McKinley’s assassination? Guess what? Went down in Buffalo. New York that is. Decidedly not Michigan. I mean. If you wanted to write a book about famous murderers who hailed from Michigan, you probably should have done that.

decidedly not a michigan murder

Also, dude. WHYYYYYYYYYYY so much Detroit? (I’m 100% including the few suburbs of the Motor City when I say Detroit. As far as we on the West Side are concerned, it’s all the same.) What about the Marshall murder of local television news anchor Diane King by her husband, former police officer and WMU adjunct instructor, Bradford King? (I read a book about that one.) Or the 1999 murder of Kalamazoo College student Maggie Wardle by her ex boyfriend? (I read a book about this one too – The Events of October, which is a good, though incredibly tragic read.) The only Kalamazoo murder mentioned is the Uber driver who terrorized the city in early 2016 and gave what was ultimately the final shove to centralizing our county-wide 911 dispatch system, for good or ill, we shall see.

OK, again, I’m being harsh. And slightly exaggerating. There are other cities listed. Mostly the U.P. and northern lower Michigan. Very very little from West Michigan or South Central Michigan. (We’re a much bigger state than you think, my chickens.) Still, Detroit isn’t literally the only region represented. It’s just over-represented. And frankly, West Michigan is tired of that shit. The second largest city in Michigan is Grand Rapids. Which is in West Michigan. (Granted, I don’t spend a lot of time there either. Me+Big Cities = claustrophobia.) Pay attention to us!!

Despite my trash talk, and the presence of a handful of editing misses (always annoying), the book is indeed full of interesting things I had not known before. For instance, I’m going to have to make a trip back to Mackinac Island – I haven’t visited since I was a kid anyway – to see the “Drowning Pool” where the Brits shoved women weighted with rocks off a 20 foot drop into a pool of water. Like all accused in the 1700s, if they could swim and save themselves they were witches. If they drowned, they were innocent. The pool is said to be haunted. (If you’re in the Mitten and want to find out for yourself, it’s near Mission Point Resort.)

I also learned that The Lone Ranger began as a radio show in bloody Detroit, along with The Green Hornet.

I really am not a fan of Detroit. (Don’t tell my sister in law, she’s a native. I’m pretty sure she has an old English D tattooed somewhere on her person.)

2.5 out of 5. If we’re handing out stars. Fun for true crime buffs, but not the best ever. Definitely a must for MI true crime connoisseurs. Sorry, Tom Carr. Please don’t show up at my door to punch me. This is all meant in good (honest) fun.

Share

Random Wednesday

This will always be one of my favorite photographs. It never fails to make me laugh.

Stormageddon looks so much like my Grandpa Norman.

Hello snow day number 4.5. I love you. Let’s be best friends.

yep

Knee-jerk is the default. For everyone. Exhausting.

Welcome to our dystopian future.

I don’t even care about football.

You make everything worse. There’s nothing wrong with these napkins. Nothing. They’re kind of funny.

My pants smell weird.

Well. Thank your mom for being a lousy housekeeper, W and Stormageddon.

And all those farm animal germs.

I love you, caramel apple cider. You’re my real best friend.

I hate this town.

We don’t “need to talk” or “have a conversation” about anything. Cept death.

Well. I guess these people have nothing to hide.

This is fascinating and kind of brilliant.

I’m certainly not willing to pay people who are unwilling to work.

I wish I had a cinnamon roll.

This week is trying to kill me.

Ask again later.

What do I know? I don’t have a PhD in English, so clearly I’m a moron.

Gorram paywalls.

Yes please.

No 4H kid is ever gonna stop cuddling their chickens.

It’s not a lower bar, it’s just a more succinct one.

This is not a complicated process. Just follow the very incredibly easy instructions spelled out for you on the website.

Yep.

The 1460s are my jam. Ma’am.

At least I take a minute to learn how to

I don’t know why I join these email lists. It’s not like I can afford to buy anything from these people.

Take your antisemitism elsewhere.

Yet another reason for a home funeral and burial in my own private cemetery.

First of all, WTF is Post Malone? Secondly, I just saw a photo of that thing on stage with the Chili Peppers at the Grammys and all I could think was if I saw any of these people on the street, I’d cross it with my hand on the grip of my pistol. How utterly repulsive. Anthony Kiedis has somehow evolved to look just exactly like what you picture when you think “child molester.” Put your tongue back in your mouth, freak show. Bleah. No thank you.

And getting back to that Post Malone thing. He’s a musician? What does he even do? WTF with those fucking prison tattoos all over his face? He’s repellent. Just no. Tattoo the shit out of yourself, I don’t care. I have tattoos. I want more. But this guy? Ew. Ew ew ew ew ew. And what the hell kind of name is POST? Dude. Post is a cereal brand, not a name. And what is on his teeth???

Harrowing is such a good word.

Stop telling me what to do. No really.

Everywhere I am is just another thing with

jen with one n

hmmmm that’s a little weird for me, I think.

No thanks. I cannot stand Leonardo “But I really really really wanna be Jack Nicholson” DiCaprio.

I’m pretty sure Instagram knows I don’t own or even particularly like cats, and that is why they insist on filling my feed with ads for cat related crap. Diabolical bastards.

Why did I think Justin Theroux was Canadian or something?

I don’t actually care for Book Bug or This Is A Bookstore. I’d rather spend my money at apolitical institutions. Or at least institutions who don’t club me over the head with their politics.

I need to sit with your comments for a while.

Jesus.

It doesn’t matter if people are looking at my profile, LinkedIn. None of them are looking to offer me a kick ass job.

No matter how many times I say it, I will always stumble over hermeneutics.

Holy shit, I’m tired.

I kind of really love this a lot.

I would not.

But what if I just don’t care?

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

What has The Little Prince meant to you?

You can buy me a cup of coffee by hitting the tip jar over there to the right. You can tip me for all this quality awesome from mah brains. And by coffee I mean tea. And by tea I probably mean yarn.

Yes, but how does she plan to pay for it?

I prefer red sauce to cream sauce.

Huh. I had no idea we were shutting down our FL campus. That didn’t last long. Glad I didn’t go for a job down there. What a waste of money that venture was.

That dude is asking thirty bux for his used Champion fanny pack. I’m cracking up.

“Be specific!” OK. How bout we sell off California. Who needs California anyway?

I have to look up the definition of that word over and over because I cannot for the life of me ever remember what it means.

Um. This is not a”for-profit” university, dude.

I don’t really want to share him with you. Sorry.

I love how faculty bitch about students not following directions (I do it too) and then I send an email out to 150 faculty and 20% of them don’t follow directions.

My shoulder hurts.

Nothing like trying to dig a sliver out of your own thumb to really make your day a great one.

I used to smile with my teeth more.

I want the cookies but I don’t want to do the work to get the cookies. I clearly do not want the cookies bad enough.

I completely forgot what I was just going to say.

Share

Random Wednesday

I don’t know this woman or her work, but to form a mob and suppress her work – work written from her own cultural perspective – in the name of social justice isn’t justice at all. It’s tyranny. It’s fascism. It’s evil. Stop this lunacy. If you don’t like what she has to say, don’t fucking read her book. Stop silencing people just because you disagree with them. You are destroying freedom one mindless chant, one Twitter mob, one Instagram feeding frenzy at a time.

YOU DO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT NOT TO BE OFFENDED.

Not to mention the irony of silencing an Asian woman’s perspective because it doesn’t track with YOUR view of how the world should be.

You know, I watched about 20 minutes of this movie before I couldn’t take it any more. Maybe every word of this is true, and if it is, it sounds like exactly the kind of beautiful film I’d love to witness. The problem with Mandy is that you have to bloody sit through Mandy.

People make me so angry. You can try to make the world a better place without destroying it in the process. Stop telling people what to do.

OMG LOL.

werd

the light is too light

Hey. I don’t appreciate it when conservatives tell me what to do either. You’re not my fucking dad.

I have a dad, and you know what? He doesn’t tell me what to do.

What if I don’t want people to trust me in an apocalypse?

I don’t know who transcribed this shit, but they put commas in the weirdest damn places.

jen jen jen jen jen jen jen jen jen jen jen

I’m not much interested in self-flagellation, thanks. It serves no useful purpose.

Bleah Wil Wheaton. Bleah.

BLEAH

People who read their speeches as if they were reading some kind of narrative don’t really understand how to deliver speeches.

Today is my 7th anniversary in this college. Not a single one of them has been noted by anyone. I’m on my 5th dean. I’ve been here longer than anyone else. I am desperate to leave.

I wish I could have stayed home again today.

I wish, actually, that I could stay home all the time.

I miss that show.

I’m just a ghost in this machine.

People are clearly bored with me all over the place.

There’s not much worse than that perpetual feeling that you’re about to sneeze and not fucking sneezing.

I didn’t throw the match on this dumpster, but I ain’t rushing to put out the fire either.

Whatever.

I’m sick and sad. That’s a pathetic combination.

See? The only reason for that kind of post is to virtue signal. You don’t have to announce the “good deed” you did. Just do the deed and shut up about it.

I’m an excellent house guest. I’m quiet and I clean up after myself.

GIVE ME ALL THE GRIDLOCK!

No, thank you, John Irving.

It makes me tense when I can’t see the clock.

I want pizza.

My head hurts.

What else is new.

You should go home. I’m such terrible company today.

I’d do well in a disaster though.

I should have been an engineer.

Nope. Still don’t care for Felicia Day.

Yeah, that’s pretty much what I figured.

Once again, I am wholly unable to get temperaturely comfortable.

That’s not what that means.

Is it a migraine or is it this cold? WHO CAN SAY?

I am falling behind now.

I’d love nothing more. Alas.

I’m not even going to proofread this.

What? I’m sick!

I’ve read several articles in the last week or so about people and social media and social media personalities that just illustrate to me how profoundly shallow and vapid this world has become. I mean I just hadn’t really noticed how bad it was. It just seems like nothing has any real worth any more.

Y’all make me tired, man.

Tired and lonely.

This is a sorry place.

I don’t know. I guess I miss the 90s. The 80s. The pre-internet everything.

i want all the stupid old shit. like letters and sodas.

I am the merest speck.

Interstitial.

Share

Random Wednesday

I’d like to be the kind of woman who can afford this. Alas. Sadness. I’m in love with that Frozen Bay colorway.

This shit? Is a good 50% of what is wrong with this country. It’s disgusting. Also, apologies for linking to such an awful site. Bleah.

I keep thinking I need to live outside my own head more, and then I peek out at the world and say “nope.”

I just picked up my glass of water to put it in my drawer instead of the thing I actually wanted to put in my drawer. I’m unhinged.

I don’t even like that song.

That is disgusting.

Is anyone else tired of Millennials whining about burnout?

GEN X FOREVER

If you’re a parent calling up and pretending to be your student, you’re kind of a dick. Cut that shit out.

Great. Now I’ve seen John Malkovitch’s butt. Thanks a lot.

might have be

Dear men everywhere – Never put tiny clip on roses in your beard. Just no. Ew.

*sniff*

Dentists should give out full containers of dental floss instead of these stupid sample containers. First of all, these are a waste of plastic. Secondly, they run out precisely when you need floss the most. Third, I have never, in my entire adult life, remembered to actually purchase a container of dental floss at the bloody store.

There are only two legitimate ways to arrange books: by genre and alphabetical. Anything else is a clear sign of mental illness.

Maybe it’s time to retire the Christmas card.

I miss my old space heater. I could always get the perfect temperature with it. This one sucks.

Huh. I thought Joy Williams’ album was already out. I don’t know where I got that idea.

Don’t expect me to make this easier on you.

There had better be cider.

No, we don’t have any sporks. Also why can’t you just use a real spoon?

Read also: Midwestern. Hey I’m both. Irish AND Midwestern. Dear God, I’m doomed from the start am I not? (The length of the leave-taking I mean. Not the abrupt leaving without goodbye – a practice I clearly need to adopt.) Look. I know what I mean here, and that’s really all that matters.

I know your claim to fame is being freaky fast, but sometimes you might want to slow the fuck down and actually make sure you’re constructing a sandwich correctly. I mean it’s just good business. You don’t have to be in my office five minutes after I place an order. I’ll survive if you don’t make it here for 10. Jesus.

Hell yeah, Hormel. Good on you!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I wish I had a way of knowing who unfollowed me on Instagram so I could unfollow them back.

I have no idea what I’m doing.

It’s Benny!

Um. Dude. It’s not Twitter that’s ruining American journalism. It’s American journalists who are ruining American journalism.

It’s the Golem!

“Are restaurants getting too loud?” Yes, and so is absolutely everywhere else.

It just seems incredibly ego-centric to have that kind of conversation, but what do I know?

Edgar does not have salmonella!

Everything does not have salmonella!!

How am I supposed to write four pages on this shit?

I wish I had some chips.

No. I wish I had a donut.

I pretty much always wish I had a donut. It’s true.

First of all, Zac Efron and heartthrob do not belong in the same sentence.

This is so fun, and also now I want one. I bet the kids would love it.

It’s funny thinking about that again. Sitting there saying the Rosary. Such a long time ago.

There have been colder actual temperatures in my lifetime, but I can’t remember a colder wind chill.

Um. I don’t know anyone who is grieving anything right now. How am I supposed to do this?

I mean, if you’re comfortable being a murderer, I guess that’s on you. You’ll have to forgive me if I disassociate myself from you entirely.

I was going to say “I think I’ll just post this tomorrow.” But we have another snow day tomorrow, which literally never happens, so I don’t know what I’ll do I guess.

We’ll all be surprised together!

I completely forgot that even existed.

I have a fundamental distrust for those people.

I don’t like not knowing what people really look like.

Maybe it’s the photographer in me.

Maybe it’s the Mulder.

Who can say?

Share

Random Wednesday

Well. They can’t all be winners, I guess.

It was really funny in my head.

offesnive

The snow day is throwing me off entirely. ENTIRELY.

Oh man. That was funny.

Dammit. Gonna have to find a new favorite Scotch now. Thanks a lot, Johnnie Walker. Bastards.

“Least Masculine Society In Human History Decides Masculinity Is A Growing Threat” So sad when satire is actually truth. Also I love you Babylon Bee.

Wow. These jokers get this wrong every. single. year. Unbelievable.

No one is ever bloody happy.

I for one would like to see the shutdown end in Thunderdome. But I’m a little bloodthirsty, so …

20 rounds per month?? What even is the point? Also why does anyone live in Oregon??

Here’s the thing I don’t get about My Favorite Murder. Why is everyone always showering them with gifts? Shit. I talk about murder and also death all the time and no one’s saying OMG JEN! Here’s a cross stitch of your face!!!

I like free shit too. That’s all I’m saying.

Well. At least that’s caught up. Still feeling woefully behind.

I thought Google+ was going away.

Sorry, Ash Williams.

Seems like it’d be really hard to pee in one of those blue Gillette catsuit thingies.

It never fails to crack me up when people use illicit when they mean elicit. It is never not funny.

What is it with Democrats and blonde women?

Where the fuck is Chuck?

Ohhhhhhh. I like that theory! That’s actually incredibly plausible.

Now this made me cry.

I’m just so fucking tired of ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING being politicized. It’s fucking SCOTCH. Just let it be Scotch. Just let me have my fucking Scotch.

I did my best every time. So. Whatever.

I don’t think you should get kudos for half assing the entire thing. But you will. Because that’s how it works.

It’s a shame you can’t mark email from your own organization as spam.

Sometimes I think “Maybe The Bustle is just REALLY clever satire …” But no. No it’s not. They’re completely serious. So tediously, obtusely serious.

This man is a hero.

I can’t help it if you don’t understand hyperbole when it’s slapping you in the face.

The Penguin Press Instagram account really needs a proofreader.

Damn. What’s a girl gotta do?

I suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder in the summer when there is no escape from the giant ball of face melting death floating in the painfully clear blue sky.

DAMMIT!

Why do I try to read The Atlantic. Ever.

I don’t care about this topic. I don’t want to go to this meeting. That could be said of nearly every single meeting I ever have to attend, actually.

Hey. I don’t smoke weed. I could be a marijuana billionaire. He’s probably a billionaire because he doesn’t smoke weed.

I still hate Zac Efron’s eyebrows.

If you’re not 17 years old or younger, stop making heart hands at people.

(Totally guilty of making heart hands for a photo. But also to my son. Who is FOUR, which makes it ok.)

I should go back to never posting on FB. I was doing alright when I was being self deprecatingly humorous. I think now I’ve just pissed people off.

But you literally just said the end of the world was nigh.

I was thinking about getting the mail, but I’d rather not break my neck on the ice.

“New York just protected access to abortion.” “New York just legalized murder of fully developed human babies.” I guess this sums it up for me – all of politics I mean.

I don’t want to know the kind of person who is OK with aborting a baby up to the moment of birth. Sorrynotsorry.

This woman just gets dumber and dumber.  But also more and more hilarious.

It kind of breaks my heart that people actually voted for that level of stupid purposely.

I got the mail!

OK Let’s just go with it.

Share

Random Wednesday

Listen, just because something doesn’t bring me joy today doesn’t mean it won’t bring me joy three weeks from now. I can listen to The Replacements all day long for three days straight then need a three month break. Our affection for things comes and goes. Holding an object to see if it “brings you joy” seems like a stupid way to go about your life.

But what do I know? I definitely have too much stuff. I just think you need to take a more logical approach to minimizing that’s all. Stupid trends.

Nancy and Chuck are totally sleeping together.

Good luck getting that image out of your head now.

But what will they wear in the summer?

Let’s not question the validity of this study, but rather simply enjoy some Bill Knapp’s Celebration Cake every morning, shall we?

I am officially wasting time.

I get very very little sleep, so you know when I tell you I slept like shit that it must be pretty bad. And probably you should keep a safe distance.

If I never hear the phrase “fake news” again, I’ll die a happy woman.

HA.

What.Ev.Er.

ARGH

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand I’ve just made attempt number 347,000. We’ll see if this one ends up like all the others.

OK, but why lick the intercom? And for three hours! What’s appealing about that???

Oh look, yet another person bullied into submission by the internet. Fuck everybody.

Beware the narrative.

And may God have mercy on our souls.

This is just fucking exhausting.

Well. Good luck with that.

Goddammit. I knew this was a mistake.

Good thing the government is shut down, or they might have gotten ticketed for serving food without a permit.

Never apologize. They’ll eat you alive.

There. Another social media account nuked. Excellent.

Cosmik Fries? Really? So dumb.

OMFG enough with the Russia bullshit. Let it goooooooooooooo.

I’m not playing along with your aging nonsense.

“You should not grade on quality of writing.” What kind of foolishness is this? You should absolutely grade on quality of writing. I’d rather a student submit a 5 page paper that is written well and hits the points it needs to hit than a 10 page paper that was clearly agony to write and is agony to read. Sorry. If your students can’t write it’s because you’re not teaching them how to write.

Furthermore, forcing students to add more words to a response simply to meet a minimum length detracts from the quality of the response. It’s ridiculous and a terrible way to teach.

Every single time I type grief, I type it gried the first time and have to fix it.

How bout if you just stop telling everybody else what to do? I feel like I have to say this entirely too much.

OK, but what if this isn’t actually a problem?

I fully support this proposition.

That’s the least mangy looking coyote I’ve ever seen.

And now that I’ve wasted entirely too much time …

I don’t have an Instagram husband, but if I did, his name would be Aaron Eckhart and he would actually be Aaron Eckhart.

We’re all guilty of the occasional ridiculous typo. That’s just a fact.

This is a very poorly written article, but thank all the gods Peace Talks is still in the works. But also, holy shit are people being nasty about it on Facebook. Like they’re entitled to Butcher’s work somehow. Insane.

But I ate cake.

But I’d actually prefer that the brands I buy don’t try to proselytize to me about social shit.

Hahahahahaha

I don’t care which side you’re on, that shit is funny.

Well. That is not good news at all.

SUPER BLOOD WOLF MOON

If you don’t want me to participate in the conversation, don’t have such a public conversation.

Like I’d miss this.

I wrote that joy comment before the FB conversation. In case you were wondering. I don’t write this all in one day, you know.

Just. I dunno. Gimme some pizza.

That is the hottest priest I’ve ever seen.

Now I’m definitely going to hell.

I am definitely not qualified for that position.

If your job is “Influencer” or “Instagram Influencer” you are just asking for a punch in the neck.

Ha. Tiny garbage fairy.

I feel more outside the knitting community than ever before, and honestly, I’m kind of OK with it right now.

Whelp. No pay bumps for me.

Ooooooh! And also Ooooooh!

I just almost bought a hank of yarn I don’t even need JUST to support this woman. I managed to stop myself.

Wow. I really hate this class.

I have completely lost every last ounce of focus this week. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I need to snap out of it.

My shoulder is killing me.

No this is terrible. I’ve basically wasted two entire days now. Haaaaaaaaaaalp.

I’ve now changed the description eleventy times. It should only need to be changed twelvety seven more and we’ll be good to go.

Share

Random Wednesday

Ho-lee shit has it ever been busy today.

Also, once again, totally forgot today is Wednesday.

I’m tired of the politics around here. No more holding back. If you ask me, I’m going to tell you the truth. And the truth is, that bitch is out to get you.

something or other

I’ve been waiting for that stupid thing for months.

Stop being a dick about people being new to something, and maybe try to be helpful. You were new at everything once too.

It’s Muh-comb. Like “Bring me mah comb! Mah hair’s a mess!” Not Make-um. How do you look at Macomb and see Make-um?

Pretty much all of this. I noticed the other day that Stormageddon is already saying “Ope!” The 45 minutes at the door leave taking goes even further when it’s your grandparents who will continue talking to you til you’re at least half way down the driveway in your car. No lie.

Some gun nuts are entirely too nutty for me.

Man. There will never be any doubt that Stormageddon is my kid. Little weirdo.

I can’t read the title of the song “It Ain’t Me, Babe” without singing it in my head. I can only read it in song.

Michigan needs to get on this wagon. Right. Now.

I want this.

Hey, thanks for making Michigan look super classy, Rashida.

Stop trying to take this away from me.

If you’re going to be buried out west, I’m going to need a plane ticket.

Well. This should be an interesting semester.

Januhairy? Um. A world of no.

Stop spreading false narratives. You’re making absolutely everything worse.

Oh Christ. Here we go.

Why both a rod and a staff?

I would rather clean my toilet than read this book.

I would do this on the bus that I pay for with my taxes if the bus that I pay for with my taxes came anywhere near my bloody house so I could ride the bloody thing since I pay for it with my taxes.

I wouldn’t call it technology related memory loss. I’d say the memory is never formed in the first place if you’re relying on technology from the outset.

Wait, was that the season finale of Travelers?? Gotta say, that dude was easily my least favorite character.

Beta males need not apply.

Whelp. It’s a good day for this mac and cheese, that’s for sure.

Stupid snow.

And just like that, I forgot it was Wednesday again.

I was feeling pretty good about the plan. Today I am feeling kind of daunted by the plan.

I don’t like the word daunted. It sounds whiny.

blue blue blue blue blue blue blue

i can be a complicated communicator

I’m hungry and I want to go home.

Yeah, I’m totally hooked on Lost Dog Street Band. Thanks, Old Man.

Except I can’t get on board with that name. There are better names.

No, really. I’m hungry.

This drive is going to take much longer than usual.

There’s nothing to see here.

Move along.

No, really. I’m doing a book blog. I need to get the URL. I’ve already drafted the first post. I’ll move all the book posts over there too. Probably. Maybe.

Why do I constantly add new projects to my life? I do not have this much time.

lemur

Owwwwwwwwwwwwww I am reasonably certain my knee is absolutely not supposed to do that.

Share

Random Wednesday

And where is the last place on Earth you’d like to be?

Are you kidding me? I do not answer my phone before 8 a.m. I’m not technically here.

Five bucks says –

She doesn’t have that much wiggle.

WTF FB. You’re not giving me notifications that I have messages and that’s annoying. What good are you?

Will he or won’t he?

Dude. Your first mistake was calling me dear. I don’t know you. I only tolerate that shit from little old people who are kind and mean it as an actual enDEARment. You’re just a smarmy jackass.

And also my friend Mandi, who calls me dear, which she got from her mom, and it’s nice.

The

shit

WTF did I do to my neck?

This literally makes no sense. How do you put 8 oz of water under your tongue?

Purple velvet Doc Martens? That is totally impractical!

Some people just get weirder and weirder all the time.

I’m firmly agnostic, but I still say bless you to people. It’s just a nice thing to do. And also, what if there actually ARE evil spirits waiting to leap into your body while your soul is momentarily expended from that sneeze? What then? Won’t you be sorry you told me to fuck off because I said bless you? Yes. Yes you will. And I’ll just shrug at your poor homeless soul and say “Hey. I tried, dude. Have fun out there in the ether.”

Gorram list.serv. Just once I would like to be able to update this shit without any problems.

Man. I just did a sarcastigraph.

Merry Christmas, cocksuckers.

If you don’t get that joke, you clearly aren’t watching the right kind of television.

Jackass. I know the difference between an out of office reply and a bounce back. I’m not a moron.

You’re kind of weirding me out, man.

A donut and a protein shake are a perfectly legitimate breakfast combo.

I have no idea what day it is.

I applaud FLOTUS for wearing sensible shoes in Iraq. But it’s not like the right didn’t mock Michelle at every turn for her fashion choices, myself included. Dear God that woman’s taste is sometimes atrocious.

Sooooooooo much to do. Soooooooooooo little motivation to do it.

I’ve never met anyone who patted themselves on the back as much as you do.

“Michigan Will See a Super Wolf Blood Moon Eclipse in January” That doesn’t even sound like a real thing.

Aw man. I wish they hadn’t canceled Forever.

Would have been nice if the actors in White Boy Rick had at least visited Michigan before attempting to sound like they were lifelong residents. Pretty sure the chick who played Dawn has Detroit thoroughly confused with Brooklyn. Good grief.

Hello, bacon.

Hmmmmmmmm.

I’ve literally never seen a pet shop that had actual puppies in it.

I didn’t even know Kim and Kanye had had a third baby. Now they’re having a fourth. Huh. I don’t even know why I’m talking about this. They do have beautiful children though.

I don’t need a recap, thanks.

Wow, that’s a lot of pages.

I bet she’s in there complaining about me.

First of all – these jackets have never not been hideous. Secondly, I’m not sure in this culture of METOO and all that, people really oughta be buying this hideous garbage and wearing it around. But what do I know? And finally, this article is full of typos. It’s appalling.

OK, for real I kinda love these bifocal contacts.

I haven’t done a test knit in months.

I can’t believe he’s still here.

I am never going to care about Hamilton.

Or your cat.

It will never be 5:00 again.

I think I’m gonna go ahead with the book blog. Jentober Reads. You’ll love it, or your money back. What? What do you mean you’re not going to pay me? Like it would kill you to hit the tip jar once in a while? You think this kind of genius is cheap to maintain?

Do ya!

“Have you had the conversation?” Reminds me of that movie The Rapture. I can’t put my finger on why.

I need a new job.

That’s hilarious and all, but Krispy Kreme donuts are sucktastic. Like the worst donuts ever sucktastic.

Well. There you have it. I survived the first day back from break. And so did everyone who came near me.

Share

Random Wednesday

I have no idea what’s going on. I was not invited.

Ugh. Dude. Don’t flirt with me.

Hell yeah. Support the trades!

I don’t know why these people think they can just put crap in the outgoing mail without postage.

All these people who barely show an interest in my life the whole rest of the year suddenly want to be close to me at Christmas. This is one of the many many many many many reasons I hate Christmas.

First of all, those fries are not that good. Second of all, everyone. EVERYONE. is fucking stupid. The world needs to burn. (Just kidding, NSA.)

I think I’m kinda sick of fries, actually.

LinkedIn is just about useless.

Stop. Changing. Shit. On. My. Spreadsheet.

Why do you have to turn everything into a THING?

It’s fine. Really. I don’t mind being shunned. Ostracized. Whatever. Really. It’s totally cool.

Wow, that Philly cheesesteak was delicious. I will definitely be going back there.

A placeholder.

*more sniff*

Look, being married to Christ doesn’t pay as well as you might think.

That’s a stupid name for a book. I can’t believe you couldn’t come up with something more clever than that.

Nobody wants me.

I’m pretty sure my wardrobe should just consist of concealed carry leggings and oversized sweaters. I haven’t worked out summer yet.

Why do we need yet another Little Women film?

Gingerbread cookies should always be firm but soft. NEVER crunchy. Never. Crunchy.

I did not know Dave Grohl was a Midwesterner. That makes total sense. He should find a nice girl, settle down, have some kids.

Fine, I’ll admit it. I do not love The Clash.

Someday, I, too, will be paid 6 figures to

Yeah, basically.

I put it on just about every playlist. I can’t stop myself.

It’s a ghost town.

Doesn’t matter how many times I watch Chuck. The ending always makes me cry my eyes out.

My new mantra: “Head high and fuck ‘em all.” ~ Nick Cave’s mom.

I don’t know what to watch/re-watch now that I’ve gone through Chuck again. I can’t stream Buffy OR Firefly. Bastards. I’m really in the mood for Firefly too.

You’re operating under the assumption that I want to live to be 100.

I wish Adam Baldwin had an Instagram.

Hey! It’s little Jack on Psych!

Wow, that smells just exactly like rancid fish. Pardon me while I get my gag reflex under control.

And yet. I cannot seem to stop accumulating.

I just read the most pointless article. I don’t even know why I kept reading. I couldn’t stop. It was so poorly written. Thanks, New York Times.

Ha Ha Ha

I find this terrifying but not because I’m a photographer.

Jesus, did you just bathe in that perfume? Because holy shit.

Hi-larious.

Why can’t people ever just stick to a plan? Why? Why is that so hard? You make a plan, you follow through. It’s a simple two step process.

Goddamn PTO.

Who’s refrigerator is that clean? No one’s.

Yes! That worked perfectly!!

It would probably suck to be an actual superhero.

Whyyyyyyyyyy are people so whiny? There is nothing I hate more than whining. Nothing. Stop fucking whining.

I need a Biggby.

Um. I didn’t graduate in 1986. I don’t know these people.

Wow. That is foul.

What the hell. Where are all these people coming from today?

Good Lord the lines!

I guess Serenity will do. Hi there, Jayne Cobb.

Share
« Older posts

© 2019 antijenx

Theme by Anders NorenUp ↑