antijenx

nobody here but us chickens

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Random Wednesday

I think that jar of coffee leaked on my book. A little bit.

I freely admit I’ve never read Jack Kerouac and it’s because it was the trendy thing to do in college and so I resisted. It seemed so cliche. Now, I feel like I need to look at some of his work, as I’ve learned more over the years about who he was.

Hey. I don’t knit some patterns for the same reason. Speckles aren’t that hot, and I am so over the fade trend.

I’m still annoyed at the ambiguity of that KAL.

Why should I have to leave? I was here first.

This is actually heaven. Let’s move.

This is really a special kind of torture.

It’s fine. I don’t need to be invited. I don’t even care at all. I’m probably busy anyway.

Deceased is not actually a verb.

Don’t get pissy with me, I don’t make the rules.

Wow. The tuition at that school is more than I make in a year.

I’d like to take this moment to recognize the teenager for trapping the mouse (and writing a note warning me, complete with illustrations) that fell into the cup of grease on the counter. And the husband for dealing with the grease coated mouse (that did not die from a grease overdose) trapped in the cup as I was not about to touch that mess while getting ready for work. And this, ladies and gentlemen, is just one of the many, many, many reasons that men are indispensable.

Well, I’ve seen the word jape. How has an English major never seen the word jape?

Wow. I wish I could have visited this island on the New York trip. I’d just spend my whole visit there shooting, to be honest.

“And she was Loretta Lynn’s sister.”
“She still is.”

But why don’t you just knock on the wall the number of statues that you see?

Don’t pick your teeth while I’m talking to you. I am not your wife.

Shit.

It’s not emashiated. Stop saying emashiated. It’s e-mace-e-ated. Come on.

ouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuch

describle

Oh right. There’s the imposter syndrome again. WTF am I?

So many “in case there was any doubt” posts. So self-righteous. Professional Scolds.

Oh look. I’m quoted in The Post Millennial.

Ooooooh. I have a new judicial crush.

My face hurts.

Wait. How would a trans woman ever need an abortion? That’s not even biologically a thing. WTAF.

Oh. I need some of the roadside memorial photos for this. Duh.

I’ll just spend tomorrow putting this shit together in publisher. Yep. For workshops no one is going to attend and I can’t find locations for. WHEEEEEE

Hey. Would y’all listen to my podcast about death? I’ll need subscribers. It won’t be morbid. Usually.

I admit I did not read past the headline, but I’m not sure that narrative ever matters more than fact.

Wait. This math does not compute. I think this is still wrong.

If the future is female, I’ll stay here in the present, thanks.

The longer this KitKat sits here, the less I want to eat it. Why do I take candy? It just gets old.

All it takes is a jackhammer, man.

Yep. I was there. Sounded better when you could just hear the whole crowd though. Ha. Here you go.

Yes. Yes, I did buy the overpriced t-shirt.

all the very best of us

This is what I mean by selective memory and selective outrage from the left. Don’t pretend like this shit just magically started under Trump, because you know damn well your lord and savior built those facilities and enacted those policies.

I’m feeling some serious melancholy today.

Alright, look.

Dude. It’s fine. Stop re-sending it.

Why am I even bothering to look at the job postings? There’s never anything there.

I’ve never seen Eyes Wide Shut.

I’m starving.

When am I not starving?

I did alright in New York, actually. I ate very little the whole time I was there. So strange. I need to get back into that frame of mind somehow.

I hate my summer hair.

Must be weird, being treated like a rock star everywhere you go. I wonder if that changes how you see yourself.

Two days with people who treat you like you have something of value to contribute then back to the reality of people treating you like you’re nothing more than your job title.

OK This is ridiculous.

I will not feel mentally shitty. You can’t make me.

I’ma go eat some pizza or something. And take migraine drugs. And tell Stormageddon how much I like his bloody horror drawings. And stuff. And things.

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Random Wednesday

JESUS. I am not ready to change my password again. CHRIST.

So. No one wants to hang out with me in NYC then? Whatevs. It’s totally fine. I don’t even care. I go places by myself all the time.

I wandered around Austin by myself for a full day. I can do New York.

This is an interesting read. It’s also refreshing that such a liberal magazine recognizes the truth of the horror of bureaucracy in the Soviet Union.

It’s fascinating how easily bureaucracy can be made a tool of oppression and control.

It’s also fascinating how easily Americans miss it happening here.

Stop scenting things with rose. Rose scented things just smell like sad bitter old people who hate you and won’t let you sit on the good furniture.

It’s just

Actually, cops are not required by law to put their own lives in danger to protect anyone else’s. It’s just that most of them do.

It wasn’t about YOU. It was about your insistence on popping popcorn in this office and then rustling around in it and then crunching on it and my instant headache and homicidal impulses. So chill.

You guys.

I may have another MP4 I need squished.

I wonder what has convinced her that Bradley Cooper is gay.

This shit is never going to upload.

This dude’s religious beliefs are pretty much the least of my issues with him. They’re frankly not even on the list.

It was back to parallelogram one.

It’s not coomin. It’s not pronounced coomin. Come on.

I’ll admit that I did not read this whole article. I mostly skimmed. Because yawn. But while this is kind of an admirable venture, and best of luck to these companies in the market, I’m sure they’ll get loads of self congratulatory virtue signaling customers, pretty much all of those customers will be the very wealthy. I wear most of my clothing multiple times before washing – I just don’t get that dirty working behind a desk. I also don’t put most of my clothes in the dryer. My clothes last longer as a result. I rarely wash my sweaters at all. But I also have gross kids and a husband whose clothes really do need to be washed weekly. I guess get back to me when these companies want to turn their efforts to actually affordable clothing.

I guess that’s my holier than thou sermon for the week.

I’d take some of your Cuban chickens, but we don’t need any more bloody bantams.

Stop filtering out comments Facebook. I want to see all of them, not just the ones you think are most “relevant.”

Wait. So Rand Paul is actually calling himself a libertarian now? When did that change?

My biggest problem with audio books it the person reading it. Dear God. Maybe read the shit through first, THEN read it out loud.

These people are lunatics.

I NEED A BIGGBY

I

NEED

A

BIGGBY

Jesus. Thanks for making me cry with your photo. Not cool. But totally cool.

I forgot my phone was in my bra and couldn’t figure out why my boob was vibrating.

Soooooooooooooooo sleepy.

I really do not want this food.

WHAT even is the point of this particular bullshit?

I should have picked up donuts this morning.

I guess this will be a little shorter today. On account of I got distracted and forgot to say rambling things.

I’m telling you now, so you have time to prepare yourselves, there will be no Random next week. I will be traveling.

It will be OK.

No, really.

I promise.

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Random Wednesday

The obelisks are gone when you look away. Prepare: they can still see you.

I maybe feel a little sad for Boyd Crowder. He did seem to genuinely want to change. It’s a shame he didn’t stick with it.

That article somehow got truncated since I linked it. So I’m unlinking it.

SO many of those responses could have been said by me.

I thought she said “walking through damn bears.” She did not say “walking through damn bears.”

Damn bears.

I am pretty sure you mean loath, not loathe.

There was a brief period in the 90s when Anthony Michael Hall was kinda hot. We have the same birthday (not the same year).

I guess she’d have first hand knowledge about the intelligence of sea sponges …

I’d really love to know how you’re not able to support your family on $81K a year. Cos I make a WHOLE LOT LESS than that, and my family isn’t starving.

Ohhh I forgot I put that jar of coffee in my fridge. Iced coffee treat for me!

Wash your produce. Don’t wash your produce. Wash your produce. Don’t wash your produce.

JAYSUS.

Wait. What day is this?

Ticks are God’s way of reminding us that we’re actually pretty easily brought down.

God I hate ticks.

That woman is freaking the fuck out.

Yes. Yes I will order some lunch.

I only like parts of this new voicemail system. Some of the parts are lame.

It’s getting gloomy. That must mean it’s time for a nap.

I smell especially amazing today. You’re welcome.

100 of eleventy

Dammit! It’s sunny again!

Gah. My hair looked great til I walked out the door this morning.

T minus 21 minutes til the meeting of doom.

Duh duh duuuuuuuuuhn.

Oh this will be interesting. I don’t think an hour is enough time.

Now this seems like a religion I can get on board with.

OMG with the creepiness.

Miley Cirus is gross.

Did I spell her name right? Do I care enough to look it up?

Decision fatigue. THAT is my lunch problem. But I’m not eating pate on bread.

I’m not eating pate period.

Pate is gross.

Pate and Miley Cirus.

I do really miss that Norwegian cheese. Even after all this time.

I think you mean the scourge that is, not the scourge of.

Is there anything to like about Detroit?

I’ve come to a grinding halt. My brain will no longer function.

Also, I’ve been standing for hours. It’s time to sit down.

Someone changed the height on my chair. What the actual fuck.

Watch out for turtles!

Maybe it’s just the quality of what you’re reading.

I can see the almost zen appeal of Keanu, but it is sort of bordering on cultish.

Maybe I’ll run into him in The Strand when I’m in New York later this month and I’ll have my own Keanu story.

hahahahahahahahahahaha right

I am hungry.

Maybe I’m annoying people.

I definitely have enough fingering weight in the stash to do this hat, but I’ve got so many WIPs already.

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Random Wednesday

one day, he will be mine. oh yes. he will be mine.

Pour some vinegar on it.

Speaking of which.

Kill. Me. Now. Please. I beg of you.

Learn to care less. Learn to care less. Learn to care less.

I need to move to Denmark.

I wholeheartedly support this concept. Stormageddon would be in heaven at a playground like this.

No human should be forced to endure this level of micromanagement. This is how bullies behave.

How do I not have any bat tattoos?

Here’s a tip: Stop adding “I’ll wait” to your questions, like some kind of smug self-righteous dick. Almost invariably you will not get the answer you wanted. And you’ll just look like some kind of smug self-righteous dick.

When you ask a question like that you’re not genuinely interested in the response. You’ve made up your mind about things. You could just ask the question out of real curiosity and an interest in learning more about what people actually do. But no. You’re just trying to show your moral superiority. Which almost always fails. How do you not learn from these mistakes?

They can’t all be the sexiest accents in America.

Well. This is a weird little bucket of nostalgia for you. Also the animated spray paint makes it hard to read and is annoying as shit. Actually, it’s not a very good read.

JAYsus. Of COURSE Beto O-Rourke is an Ian MacKaye ass kisser.

Well this is yet another “short post or wait another day?” week. Sheesh.

I somehow find Evan Dando a lot more attractive now than I did in the 90s.

and now this is stuck in my head

But what if you’re both lawful neutral and neutral good?

Man I got nothin’ for ya today.

Dead to Me is a good show, so check it out if you haven’t.

I will be working on this reading list all year.

All. Year.

How am I cold right now??

Think I’ll watch Justified again.

I should watch Deadwood again, get ready for the movie.

But is it like toe?

No, this will definitely be better if I wait. Maybe I should wait til next week. Yeah. Then it’ll be super long.

Actually, it will likely just be normal long by then because clearly I have a problem. Maybe I need a Random hiatus.

Must not weigh in. Must not weigh in. Must not weigh in.

inn

“Everything smelled like cigarettes and Drakkar Noir and then our parents got divorced again.” Dying.

Yeah, you’re not being “shutdown.” Facebook is glitchy as hell and always has been. Something is constantly not working properly. Settle down.

Calm down, ma’am.

This is a long and kind of amusing read and what you should take away from it is – live your life like you could die at any moment.

I think this will be very very helpful.

You can’t just start “terminating people.” First of all, you don’t even have the authority.

I am so gonna get bitched at for this.

I don’t really understand that.

Yeah, I’m not sure the ghost of Johnny Cash would be nodding in approval of your abortion stories.

I will gladly take all the babies. Just send them to me.

How do people still come here looking for that program? It’s been gone for years.

Maybe you should have some muscle handy.

Ah, but that was part of the genius of Twin Peaks – there is no ending.

Sometimes I wonder why people I used to know don’t look me up, but I’m afraid I don’t really want to know the answer.

Oh good. Annual review. Fucking hooray.

This is appalling and heartbreaking and awful.

Maybe it’s just because it’s so quiet around here lately.

Hard to care about the pile when

I’m just going to go ahead and tell you now that there won’t be a Random next week either. I’m on staycation.

The new National feels like it’s a “We had all these songs that we like but didn’t really fit on any other albums, so we just threw them together” album.

I KEEP FORGETTING

I’ll remedy the whole thing.

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Random Wednesday

How many times do I have to say I give up before the Universe stops kicking my ass?

Wait. What?

I’m never going to make it through this staff meeting.

I would really love to know what this woman has been smoking.

Whhhhhhhhhhhhhhy won’t Blurb talk to Instagram? WHY. I need to finish these bloody books.

It is just a 30th birthday party.

I keep attempting to type a sentence here, but every time I do, I get half way through and the thing is so fucking exhausting I stop. The world is exhausting me. Just shut the fuck up. The National Day of Prayer doesn’t “erase” or “stigmatize” you just because you don’t fucking pray. How about you just don’t fucking pray? How about you just let other people pray? How about you all just stop whining and fucking move on with your day? JEEESus fucking Christ.

Sometimes I think, well I’m not wishing that person a happy birthday, they didn’t wish me one. But then I just go ahead and do it anyway, because I’m clearly a better person than they are.

I had no idea that Scott Hutchison died by suicide last year. That just makes me so sad.

I’m not sure that the County Commissioner should be using her official office to send constant updates to the mailing list about her personal life. First of all, I don’t care. Secondly, I’m reasonably certain that’s not why you were made chair.

I certainly didn’t vote for you.

‘Live now, love hard and appreciate everything.’

My alarm went off at the usual time and I jumped up thinking I’d already hit snooze three times and patting myself on the back for sleeping in a little. Clearly I have a problem.

Accurate.

And here are all your dead friends.

Stop ringing.

Here’s a novel idea (see what I did there?) – let people write what they want to write and if you don’t like it, don’t read it.

This is a good question, actually. What do you want played at your memorial? This ranks pretty high on my list.

Yellowstone is kinda like the Dallas of the west.

“Is it just me or did that seem really long?”
“Don’t all Kevin Costner endeavors seem really long? Because they usually are really long.”

Which is not to say they aren’t good (well, Waterworld wasn’t good. Waterworld was … I don’t even know what the hell that was. I never even finished watching that movie.)

If you limit a person by what it says on their degree, you’re losing out on some outstanding talent. It’s a shame that that is the prevailing attitude and practice.

Garden Herb Triscuits are best Triscuits.

Every time I have to be fake nice to someone I feel like I’ve sold another tiny piece of my soul.

JESUS CHRIST. WHY. why why why why why. W    H      Y

Having spent the majority of my life in rural America, growing up in a working class family, I’d appreciate it if smug asshat journos who have never visited rural America would stop making assumptions about my intelligence.

Sometimes, for no reason at all, the Fraggle Rock theme will suddenly just start playing in my head. And now you know that about me.

Interesting construction.

Hey, Lithium? Chill with the fucking Sublime all the time. That band has always sucked and will never not suck.

I don’t have the slightest idea what that means, but you seem really excited, so congratulations.

Sooooooo now I have a day and a half free in NYC. I thought I only had a day.

I wandered around Austin by myself for a day, surely I can keep myself occupied in NYC for a day.

It’s Lucifer day!!!!

OK Holy shit episode 1 ending. WOW.

Also Helloooooooo Graham McTavish. *swoon*

What a bizarre hairline.

I have never experienced the urge to jump from a high point. This is so bizarre.

This is one of those weeks where I have so much to do I don’t even know where to start so I just don’t.

And now tomorrow is completely full of meetings. Awesome.

I admit, I kind of want one.

I don’t know what fucking planet on which that makes sense, but it ain’t this one.

OH MY GOD you have a phone for a reason.

drive drive drive

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Random Wednesday

Look. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying a good REO Speedwagon song.

I don’t know what I was thinking. I get these crazy ideas in my head and then I talk about them and then I have to actually follow through and it’s like a Super Big Gulp of anxiety.

This is pretty cool.

Now I can’t read stories from the Wall Street Journal either. Whatever.

I really don’t understand what happened with that KAL. Did somebody win something? I’m so confused.

This album came out my senior year and for weeks it was all I listened to.

The irony of Amanda Palmer talking about how Patreon fully funded her music video protesting capitalism as she is driven to the airport in a private car.

People just really do not understand what capitalism is at all.

finaaaaaaaaaallllllllyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Hey kid. It’s a repository agreement, not a respiratory agreement.

That season finale was reminiscent of the Angel series finale. I am not disappointed. Also, confirmation that Chuck is, indeed, a dick.

i try to laugh about it

This was legitimately hilarious.

I should clean out my backpack. Damn.

Oh this is gonna be fun.

And when I say fun I mean pure unadulterated hell.

I kind of feel like I owe my advisor an apology for my less than stellar workshop. But I’m just so fucking tired.

I bet you didn’t do it, did you?

wow

There are some patterns I just regret buying.

Grand Rapids is hardly “rural Michigan.” It’s like the second largest city in the state FFS. Maybe third. I can’t remember. Regardless. This is kind of hilarious. Maybe it shouldn’t be. But it is. It’s also likely 100% bullshit. I wonder if that’s even a real person.

I am constantly saying I’m sorry when I’m trying to express empathy or sympathy and very very few people ever get that that is what I mean when I say that I’m sorry. Dude. I know it’s not my fault. That’s not what I meant.

I give credit where it’s due. Even if I don’t like you.

I dunno. If you had exactly one day in NYC, how would you spend it?

I’m going to put this Triscuit in my mouth and immediately, the phone will ring.

Well. But. Why would you go to hospice if you don’t want to sign a DNR? I mean, what’s the point?

Aaaaaaaaaaaand another one.

This is fantastic. Now open it up to all the trades.

People don’t paint like that. That is not how you paint.

We call this ambiguous loss.

Why am I here.

Dammit. Maybe I should be re-vaccinated. That pisses me off.

Pizza insurance just seems a little over the top to me, that’s all.

Goddammit. Now I want some pizza.

Look at his shirt! It has tiny tiny skulls all over it!

It’s true. Rice Krispies treats are basically crack.

I was just invited to submit my resume for Executive Director at Michigan Potato Industry Commission. So there’s that.

I may as well just put this song on repeat.

chewin’ potatas

It’s possible I’ve actually doubled my tea intake rather than reducing it.

I kind of wish Netflix wouldn’t release an entire season of its original programming at once, but only did shows a week at a time, so that I wouldn’t be tempted to watch them all in 3 days and then be at another loss for something to watch.

Of course, their programming has gone WAY downhill lately. But there are still a few things worth watching. Plus the new season of Lucifer is here in a week. Yay!

bleah. food. now. need. pls.

my arms were always

There are too many commercials here.

I just read this headline and I think it broke my brain: “Inside the Cut-Throat World of Toddler Bike Racing”

That was legitimately the worst KAL I’ve ever participated in. Were there winners? Did something get announced? Who even knows???

Reasonably certain that if they were going to pick me, they would have offered me the position by now.

There. Two more As. Grad GPA 4.0.

All my NRA students are starting to follow me on IG. Those poor kids are gonna be so bored.

Damn Hell Bathroom. Sleeping Kid. Damn Hell Bathroom. Sleeping Kid. Damn Hell Bathroom.

Jesus, why does anyone follow me?

No one wants to see the Spin Doctors. Let it go.

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Random Wednesday

I just want to read all of these books.

ALL OF THEM.

Hello, person in a position of much power. Help.

On the regular.

I’m starting to think that Amazon thinks I’m a serial killer.

FML

The deluge just never flipping ends.

OK. I literally just had a dream that this was going to happen. And now it’s happening. And that’s just a little too weird.

I’m just reporting all Instagram cat ads as sexually inappropriate at this point. They simply refuse to stop advertising cat crap to me.

I feel like I have no idea what to do now.

I don’t even eat jam. Why would I have subscribed to a mailing list about jam??

I don’t even know how to respond to that.

I asked for no hot sauce. I can’t even get the person taking my lunch order to respect me enough to not put the hot sauce on my food when I ask for no hot sauce.

I’m not all that complicated, really.

This is actually a nice story.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

I cannot.

I have read the second half of this paragraph three times and retained absolutely nothing.

Oh, hey thanks for passing me over for yet another teaching gig. Really, it’s fine.

No one has time for my issues, so. Yeah.

But then a beautiful person brings you a mocha frappuccino and some Rice Kristpies treats and your faith in humanity edges up a notch or two. Or eleven.

Why do I even do this?

I kind of love these book darts.

It’s not like I enjoy being a basket case.

Man. All those years of moving our cars every two hours to avoid a ticket. Goddamn parking fascists. I bet they won’t be giving any refunds.

Oh right. Well a 4.0 in grad school is better than a 4.0 in undergrad. Although I’m pretty sure I’m the only one who cares what my GPA is anyway.

Most unexpected.

It took me a minute to realize that was Neil Gaiman narrating. So great.

I’ve hit capslock about 47 million times today.

My life doesn’t suck. I’m just not happy with what I do to pay the bills.

Think I might need a break from my morning hot tea. Sadness.

OK, I’m absolutely certain now that it’s the Apocalypse and no one told me.

Well. New York. Huh.

Hello, imposter syndrome.

Once again, utterly forgot it was Wednesday.

I like saying ickle.

That was not nearly enough lunch. I’m not Ghandi.

I don’t like bandwagons. They’re loud and annoying.

word

I wonder how long it would take to glue all those eyes to your face.

OH MY GOD IT’S ME

I’m not crazy.

I was trying to read this article about Bari Weiss, but it’s too goddamn long.

Man. Did you even know that? Because I did not know that.

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Random Wednesday

funereal spaces

Well. There you go.

Nobody knows what the Bird Cage is.

No, not the movie.

Ali knows what the Bird Cage is.

Didn’t Al Jourgensen used to be kind of hot once upon a time? Good Lord. I wonder why no Maori are up in arms about his chin tattoo.

Every time I type cinema I add an n to the end. I have no idea why.

Thanks, I’m handling it. If I needed your help I’dve asked.

Stop saying panties. Jesus.

I’ve found my new compound, now to fundraise.

infulence

Whatever. When is the AP going to change its convention on Oxford commas? That’s the only thing we care about. And the AP bloody knows it.

Ho.Lee.Shit. This post might not happen today. MADNESS.

OK, yeah, I wrote that like 5 hours ago. No way this is happening today.

I’m pretty sure I don’t deserve this shit.

Fuck. This. Noise.

I’ve never been to France, so I have no Notre Dame to add to the fray. I suppose I never will.

I say again, it’s a lot harder than you think.

How did I even get on this mailing list to begin with??

Two people just came in here and thanked the hell out of me for being supportive and inspirational and awesome. Made my day.

SO MUCH SHIT I WANT TO SAY BUT MUST REFRAIN BECAUSE WHO KNOWS WHO MAY STUMBLE UPON THIS MADNESS

Damn.

“Where are you from?” “AMERICA!”

Y’all make me tired.

You know. It’s not like I’m getting paid to write this.

Some asshat stole my cookies.

Happy Birthday, Justin Amash.

“[S]cience might not be progressing toward a truer representation of the world, but might simply be moving away from previous representations.”

I’m so angry. Definitive proof that I can’t get a fair shake to save my fucking life because the well is continuously poisoned.

I’m at a total loss as to what to do about this. I suppose there’s nothing I can do.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand now my student hasn’t shown up for work. Perfect.

Please don’t comment on my shit just because you see it as an opportunity to virtue signal.

Weird. I wonder why she’s not in the directory.

I have a list of wishes I seem to be wishing every single day.

I keep hitting some F key instead of backspace and it makes my window go all giganomous.

No sir, I don’t like it.

Meeting – then migraine pill. And food.

I feel like my entire life is half-assed right now and it makes me very uncomfortable. But it’s also highlighting the fact that my standards and expectations are about eleventy times higher than everyone else’s, and no one else seems to see an issue with my half-assery, because they don’t see it as such.

But it’s not like I’m going to lower my standards.

When did Steve Yzerman get old?

Just seems remarkably unethical at best.

ABUSE. That’s the email. I was looking for risk.

I’d like to say that these people should be sentenced to experience the torture they inflict, but then we’d be no better than they.

I have got to get this shit together.

sweet as pie sweet as pie sweet as poisonous pie

These things are important.

5 down/15 to go

Look. My format is my own. I don’t care if it’s conventional.

I feel like a porcupine.

You know who’s an incredibly talented photographer? Heather Binns.

I’ve never read Little Fires Everywhere, but I feel like that phrase is the perfect descriptor of my job.

I’m actually really good at my job.

I can’t believe how much my neck hurts right now.

I will never do that again.

Well then.

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Random Wednesday

Why would you pay that much money for a movie ticket?

Last night I wrote my memoir in my head as I was trying to fall asleep. In it, I died three times. You were there.

But is it a noun or a verb?

This is going to be so so so so good. And this version of Pictures of You is absolutely beautiful.

Of course I love that song anyway. Of course I love The Cure.

I should make you a list of songs that make me cry.

Just when the MI SOS was really starting to improve, Michiganders elected a bunch of idiot progressives who had to go and ruin the whole thing. Once again, progressivism proving to be the actual effective opposite of progress.

Just leave people alone. Why is that so hard for you?

Keep this up, I just might vote for Trump in 20. I know at least 10 people whose homes I’ll no longer be welcome in should that happen. Mwah-ha-ha-ha-ha.

I don’t think forcing me to attend a lecture on how biased I am is really going to do dick about my alleged biases.

P.S. I don’t have the biases you think I have. I took your stupid IAT.

I’m getting mighty gorram sick of people. There was more to that sentence, but I realized it was SO MUCH more that just stopping it there really does suffice.

Who the fuck can afford to stay in one of those hotels anyway?

That might be the weirdest voicemail I’ve ever received.

Clearly I have to go.

Nothing throws sand in your face quite like someone you know in the real world turning down your friend request on the socials.

Well, that would explain a LOT of what is going on here.

Well obviously there’s a certain level of trust there.

Right. It’s a 12 year old boy’s fault MI roads aren’t being fixed faster.

I mix ketchup and ranch together every time I eat chicken strips. But do I want to buy a bottle of it pre-mixed? Not so much.

Man. When do I not need a nap?

Some of these spaces actually fill me with anxiety. But the rest are beautiful.

I totally would have gone.

Probably.

I GET TO SEE THE NATIONAL IN JUNE AND I AM SO HAPPYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

I would probably benefit greatly from this jobby.

But why did that Theranos chick change her voice like that? She just sounded WEIRD.

Man. Want. Feels.

What if you’re somewhere in between the dark triad and the light triad. What if you’re like 2/3 light and a third dark or something. Just. You know. Out of curiosity.

I don’t actually think the actress that plays Lucifer’s mom is that hot. I find her kind of offputting, to be honest.

That doesn’t mean it isn’t real.

I don’t think I’ve ever slow danced in a kitchen.

Absolutely everything is conspiring against me at this moment.

I really can’t talk right now.

Is it a tiny desk hosting a concert or is it a tiny concert at a desk or is it a tiny concert at a tiny desk? Why does this vex me so very much?

I can’t for the life of me think of any questions to ask these people. I just don’t care.

I want to go work for Bad Robot.

OK, not really.

I love cilantro, actually.

Why do I keep applying for jobs. Why. It’s such a waste of time.

Man. Every damn day I hear about some other person I’d love to see at Motor City Comic Con. Sigh. The Lucifer cast was just announced. Damn. I’d love to have the kind of disposable cash that would allow me to just spend a weekend in a hotel going to a con all day.

I would’ve looked inside.

Today was crazy busy, so I guess this will just be short.

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Random Wednesday

It’s harder than you think.

I like the word autochthonous. It feels good in your mouth when you say it.

What the hell happened to this KAL?

I need a darning egg.

Three Mexican countries?? How does that work?

I don’t think you can build community by telling people what and how to think. I’m pretty sure that’s just fascism.

I talk too much shit about shit.

I wish I were sorry.

If you’re going to say someone was shot with a revolver, probably the photo you use to accompany that statement should be of a revolver, and not a .45 semi-auto. Just a thought.

I wish people paid for me to attend conferences, cos I’d really like to attend the Heterodox one I was just invited to.

I really have a deep seated dislike for April Fool’s Day. I think it’s awful.

There is nothing transparent about this. Where is all this money going that you’re taking away from our budgets? What are you spending it on instead?

Telling people what they’re allowed to say = fascism.

Whatever. I can’t keep beating myself up about shit like this. It just shouldn’t matter.

I’d love to see the Psychedelic Furs, but I have no interest in James. I saw Love Spit Love once upon a time and Richard Butler was fucking incredible. They played with Live. I was 10 feet away from Butler. Swoon. That was a kick ass show. March 23, 1995. Wow. An actual lifetime ago.

That doesn’t make me feel old though.

Listen. I suck. Completely. I’m a terrible wife. I’m a terrible mother. I’m a terrible friend. I’m a terrible everything in between. I know this. I try not to suck. But I suck.

I dreamed that we were on a road trip headed … somewhere. We stopped at a gas station that tripled as a bar and a greasy spoon. We all piled inside for road snacks and drinks. As I as getting some water I realized Jordan Peterson was there. We started chatting and ended up in a lengthy and dark conversation about serial killers.  … I had said something to which he replied, with a chuckle, “As long as you don’t judge me for my fascination with serial killers.” I said “That would be like judging myself.” He said, “But what draws you to the subject?” I  said, “I imagine much the same as you – the darkness.” People who were listening laughed and I said, “But it’s true. You can’t appreciate the light without the dark. You can’t understand good without acknowledging evil.” Peterson nodded, took his drink, and walked away.

Every single word of this is true.

I want to like Jenny Lewis, but I just can’t. I do love one or two Rilo Kiley songs though.

I’m reconsidering the podcast idea. Cos I have a really good one.

I don’t even remember Air Force One, though I know I’ve watched it.

I will never understand how anyone can look at this model and think, “Yeah! That’s just what we need!

My second cup of tea just has not been hitting the spot in the morning. Sadness.

I should probably just go into seclusion.

Maybe becoming a nun can be my retirement plan.

I bet Jordan Peterson would enjoy a conversation with me in the real world. So would loads of other people who just don’t know it yet.

WOW I’ve been waiting for this one for a while.

I don’t want to do this any more.

Sympathy for the devil, indeed.

That was fast.

Parallelogram one.

I can’t remember that thing you said about Paula Zahn that was so funny.

Look. I’m not really into things that look like vulvas, thanks.

This seems like something I would do, and I know you’re shocked that I did not.

How the hell am I supposed to know what vaccinations I received as a child?

I am not generally a fan of coconut flavor, but I do love a Samoa cookie, I must admit.

Sometimes I censor myself. I know you’re shocked, but it’s true.

I’m not sure if you got the memo, but no one appointed you our great high priest of right and moral living. You’re just as bad as the progs with some of these posts. Jaysus.

I really need to stop looking at Facebook today.

You don’t need this kind of negativity in your life.

Yeah, but why is Paul Holes still not on Instagram?

Probably the most frivolous thing so far.

This is excellent. An excellent step, anyway.

No, really. How did you get that PhD? You can’t possibly have actually earned it in any real sense.

I can’t focus on anything for longer than 5 minutes today.

I wish I had nicer handwriting.

Look. I like pizza more than I like being thin.

Dragetreneren

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