For as long as I can remember I have suffered from migraines. That sounds so dramatic. I’ve lived with them. I’ve suffered, yes, but I’ve also soldiered on, shouldered through, sucked it up, and built up one hell of the mother of all tolerances to head pain. At least most of the time. The fact remains that I am in pain more days than not.
I don’t whine about it. I don’t bring it up. I generally only really mention it on days when it actually becomes somewhat unbearable and I am forced to throw up my hands in surrender.
I try not to do that very often.
On occasion, people who have had migraines will say to me, “I don’t know how you can function!” Well. Honestly, what choice do I have? I function until I simply can’t. The world doesn’t stop, my responsibilities don’t go away, just because I have pain. So I suck it up.
If you’ve never had a migraine, you can’t even begin to imagine what it feels like. I am always trying to come up with some way to describe it and I always fail. There simply isn’t anything to compare it to, and I’m just not creative enough to adequately convey the nauseatingly unstoppable severity of this particular agony.
I did discover a musical piece recently that comes kind of close – the House from the RoadÂ soundtrackÂ by Nick Cave and Warren Ellis. (which I would Youtube you to, but it isn’t there)
Modern medicine has failed me completely, thus far. And, to be honest, I’ve really become pretty fed up with doctors. Particularly their complete disregard for anything their patients are trying to tell them. Listen, pal, I get that you went to school for a ridiculously long time, and that you do actually (usually) know what you’re talking about. But you’re still not me. You don’t live inside my skull. So shut the hell up and hear what I’m saying to you. Just stop. Every single prescription I have been given for the last I don’t know how many years has failed. And I can tell you precisely why. So please stop telling me that we really need to try this beta blocker again, because this isn’t the beta blocker of 10 years ago.
A beta blocker is a beta blocker, my friend. And my blood pressure is still too low for them.
Along with my ridiculous pain tolerance comes a ridiculous susceptibility to side effects of medications. I once tried anti-depressants (which are cross prescribed as a migraine treatment) and stopped sleeping entirely. After day 3 I threw them out.
See? My wiring is all kinds of wonky.
At any rate, I don’t tell you all of this because I’m trying to impress you with my insane fortitude. Although, it is impressive, if I do say. No, today I saw the neuro again, and he finally listened to what I was saying. So I’m really just blathering to say I’m making progress (I think), that I came away with brand new migraine specific meds that no one has ever thought to prescribe me before, and some vitamins that have been shown in sciencish studies to help block the daily pain. I chose to ignore his “exercise regularly (already do daily, pal), and pay attention to what might be triggering them, (That was just insulting. I’ve been getting migraines for more than 30 years, I think I know what triggers them, thank you very much.).”
So this is my “serene-ish making progress” face. Of course it could all still fail. But at least I’m trying to have a little faith.