Don’t worry. I’m getting tired of my face too. Well. Sort of. Whatever.

I will shoot otherness this week. I will. I will. I will.

There are times when I really, if only very briefly, wish I owned a pair of sweat pants. Happily they are few and very far between.

I need to dye my hairs.

Shortbread is one of those things where it can easily cross the line from buttery dreaminess to sugary queasiness. One bite too many is all it takes.

Mixed breed pens!

Chickens are complicated.

See, sometimes things are funny because they’re so blatantly the opposite of what is true.

I would totally wear a Guns N Roses t shirt. If I had one.

Interesting take. My first thought was how this type of technology could help quadriplegics, not “couch potatoes” or people who have short attention spans.

Of course, the inevitable Fox News cracks in the comments. Because conservatives are dumb!

You know, the problem with Wednesdays is that sometimes the random thoughts I have are great, hulking paragraphs that are just too much for the day.

“You’re looking for something beyond terrestrial restraints. If you’re trying to defy gravity, the best place to do it would be Bespin. While you’re there, say hi to the Baron Administrator, Lando Calrissian.” Huh. You know, I’m not really a Star Wars fan.

You spelled listserv wrong. Page 203. Seriously. People should pay me for this shit.

Can we do away with the whole “let’s make it go viral” phraseology now? Please?

I’m feeling oddly invisible. Odd. That.

I love Alex Kingston’s hair.

I like Charlie Daniels’ daily Facebook words of wisdom.

I call bullshit on page 209. Michigan State Troopers don’t wear brown uniforms. They wear blue. So if this chick did, in fact, run into a law enforcement officer in a brown uniform it was likely a sheriff’s deputy.

Also ran. Story of my life.

“Oh my God, the suspense is killing me!”

And there you have it.

No one even noticed that I put February on that sign up sheet and not January. Not one single person. The Earth is doomed.

I read that as “Gallifrey”. It says “gallery”.

I’m telling you. That painting of Paul Revere looks just like Bob Hope.

Yeah, that is pretty much right on.

Aw, he’s so cute!!!

SIX INCHES OF SNOW?! Have they declared a state of emergency yet? Is anyone coordinating relief efforts?

Ha!

You completely fail to mention the minor fact that the very reason it was more difficult for him to obtain a handgun is because no one under 21 may legally possess a handgun! Your “facts” are so disingenuous that this book is causing me actual head pain.

Of course, those rare occasions when I could genuinely use a Scotch, like for real, could murder for a Scotch, and I can’t bloody drink.

I hate this book.

Ha! Again.

Argh. Now I have that damn song stuck in my head.

Not one word.

I love this photo.

Wow, I haven’t had cinnamon sugar toast in years! That sounds good right now. Also a cinnamon roll. Actually a cinnamon roll sounds better than the toast. Can I have a cinnamon roll? Please?

I would really like to visit the Johnny Cash Museum.

each one she passes goes – ahhhhh

Nice, so I can’t even make a “fun” post on Facebook without some asshat coming along and being … well an asshat. Can. Not. Win.

New book. Here’s hoping I won’t be disgusted.

“… smiling cheerleaders on the sidelines, begging for notice.” Now, I might be wrong here, not having ever in my life been a cheerleader, but I’d be willing to bet that they don’t have to “beg”.

I wonder if Mike Rowe knows about this book. I imagine he probably does.

Shut up. I don’t need excuses to post gratuitous photos of Mike Rowe. I just post them. Because damn.

I definitely need more sleep.

Sis. Did. I’m glad you can translate my crappy typing.

Hmmm. I think they meant “shelter in place”, not “shelter in police”.

My friend Alan’s first time ever sledding. It will make you smile.

I think I’d really enjoy working in a toll booth. That would be a good job.

I just, for serious, need to not have to work. sigh.

It’s so weird the way that outlined. I should just crop that out.

No. Just no. Entire universes full of no.

Yep.

I like modern amenities, but I do adore the clothes. I wish I could dress like that all the time.

Great. Thanks, Amanda.

Honestly, I could go to sleep right now.

Sneezing actually hurts.

Ack!

I can’t help it if I have 37 questions. You should just send more information in your original emails.

My space heater is just not cutting it today. It’s 10 degrees outside and one entire wall of my cube is window. I’m freeeeeeeezing.

Oh “real feel” is -7. So there you go.

I had to take a break from the chicken purse.

I’m going to go through this entire bottle of lotion this week. I need to bring some Nivea Creme in to keep at my desk. This is ridiculous. And also painful.

More needles. More blood. So much yay.

I would like to visit Sleeping Bear in the winter sometime. Just for a minute. That would be a really cold visit. But I imagine very beautiful.

Robot shorts!

Can I have a massage when this is all over? Like a really epic massage? Maybe a whole spa day. Get all girlie. I’ve never done that. Manicure, pedicure, facial, massage. All that stuff that girls do all the time.

I like those purple pants. Those are cute pants. Too bad they don’t make those any more.

hahahahahahahahahaha

Aw, I was just looking through the Baltimore pix again. Such a great weekend.

I should just do them all in high key black and white.

poke poke poke poke poke

I think I need some Tylenol.

Yes. Yes I did make Steve McQueen my phone wallpaper.

Oh wow. Yes.

“So how does Jen like working at the college?”
“Oh you know, it’s alright. It’s a job. She gets to go to school for free, so that’s good.”
“Oh great! What does she want to be?”
“Well … I think she might want to be a hitman.”
” … ”

I cannot get warm today. It’s hard to wrap up in warm snuggly things when all the warm snuggly things are not giant pregnant belly sized.

What? I just never even bother to put the witch hat away for the year.

Or, you know, just ignore me. That works too. Whatevah.

I brought a lot of formal communication. ~JenniferBot

Here’s something else that’s very very quickly becoming annoying. “This person did this thing. What happened next will amaze you.” variant: “stun you.” You know what? Almost never actually amazed.

Shut it, Little Debbie! Stop taunting me with your zebra cakey goodness!

Shut it!