antijenx

nobody here but us chickens

… and neither does my sister

wm1939Being a big sister is tough.

We got this great onesie from my friend Amanda. (Actually we have two of them, because I ordered one also.) It says “My mom doesn’t want your advice.” I told the Mister on Sunday that we need another one that says “My mom doesn’t want your advice, and neither does my sister.”

Miss W has been overjoyed about Stormageddon’s arrival from the very beginning. She cannot wait to be a big sister. She can’t wait to help out with everything (except diapers, she does not do diapers), to teach the new little one all about the coolest, grossest things in the world, to read stories, and go on adventures. She already knows Stormageddon is going to be so overwhelmingly CUTE she is going to just literally cry.

The problem is the getting there. Miss W is finding that all kinds of well intentioned adults have all kinds of well intentioned life lessons to teach her about being a big sister. What well intentioned adults don’t remember about being 10, is that all these well intentioned lessons come across as criticisms to a girl who didn’t know she was supposed to know these things. And why would she know these things?

So when a toddler gets his hands on a candle and W happens to be sitting nearby, maybe she doesn’t catch it. But maybe she has no idea she’s supposed to be keeping an eye on this toddler in a room full of responsible, well intentioned adults, because no one asked her to. When an adult points this instance out telling her she “will need to be paying attention to things like this and be responsible because she’s going to have to help her mom!” it comes across a little harsher than people intend. And maybe she doesn’t think about the fact that toddlers think differently than she does, so when she “shows” someone a toy and then takes it back, it isn’t her intention to be mean or to send the toddler into a meltdown. She’s just showing something off. But she’ll learn that lesson too.

There are so many things that well intentioned people have said, and it’s becoming just the tiniest bit overwhelming. People need to relax and give this phenomenal girl a chance to learn how to be a big sister as she goes. Stormageddon isn’t even here yet! Did any one of us get a manual on how to be sisters before our siblings arrived? Or parents for that matter! We know you mean well, but just like with new mothers, when tempted to offer unsolicited advice, perhaps you should instead consider biting your tongue. Please don’t take this personally. You shared with us, so we wanted to share with you.

Miss W is intelligent, kind, generous, and so full of love. Anything else can be learned along the way, just like the rest of us are doing. So thanks, well intentioned adults, but we don’t need your advice.

7 Comments

  1. She will be a wonderful big sister, and she will be guided by another wonderful big sister: you.

    • AntiJenX

      March 11 at 8:25 pm

      Thank you! I think she’s going to be a much better big sister than I ever was.

  2. Miss W, let me tell you a story about my very first day as a big sister. My parent brought this tiny, bald, noisy child into the house and laid him in my lap and introduced us. The tiny, bald, noisy, child smiled up at me and I, the brand new big sister…had a meltdown. I began to cry and scream and just generally freak out because the tiny, bald, loud child HAD NO TEETH!!! Everyone i knew had teeth…and I thought my little brother was broken.

    You will be a most excellent Big Sister and Stormageddon (oh please tell me they are really naming the newbie that) will be a very lucky individual indeed.

  3. ding ding ding. miss w will do exceptionally well:). having been down this road not to long ago, with exactly the same thoughts that you have shared, with many pressures put on an already conscientious child, i hear you and you know what? the ways in which she will find to introduce this baby to the world will blow your mind – with NO help from the rest of us:). can’t wait to hear all about it!

  4. ( there was supposed to be a perios in there. now i look like the run on sentence queen, something else my daughter would never have do…)

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