Go tell it to somebody who cares, pal.

I just remembered Richard Grieco.

I don’t know. Sometimes free shit just gets old. Like thanks, but I’m actually really picky about my lip balm, you know?

This is why I don’t listen to podcasts. Well. One of the reasons.

Just because it works for Karen and Georgia doesn’t mean it works for you. Find your own voices. Please.

No. Tom Selleck is the only Magnum PI. Sorry, sugar.

Googley eyes are never not hilarious.

Your bookstore is entirely too pretentious for words.


The more I think about this game, the more I miss the low-tech life of my youth.

I would rather not say that out loud, thank you.

Look. Sometimes I just go look at how much something would cost. And I comment on it. That doesn’t mean I’m going to buy it.

Now seems like a really good time for Chuck to make an appearance. I mean WTF.

Yep. Still hate speaker phone.

I love that giant globe.

What’s with all the mohair everywhere all of a sudden?

I can’t wear mohair.


Why does my breath taste like mothballs?

Jesus, would you calm the fuck down with this shit? NONE of this is an emergency.

OMG I wasn’t gonna, but I think this day needs it.

If Apocalypse World Bobby dies in this world, what happens when he gets to heaven and meets this world’s Bobby?

Oh shit. Well, that solves that problem, doesn’t it?

I literally could not stop myself.

I’ve been saying literally a lot lately. I need to stop that. Literally right now.

That’s not a real thing. Cut it out.

Could someone tell Paul Holes to get an Instagram, cos I don’t really do Twitter anymore.

I’d just buy you a phone myself if I thought you’d respond to me trying to reach you any quicker there.

There was too much corn in that Mexican Casserole thingie, but aside from that, it was pretty tasty. For an unfrozen lunch.

That is quite possibly the most horrifying photo of me in existence and now that it’s out in the world I want to crawl in a hole and die.

ILU standing desk converter.

I haven’t been able to crack my back since I was pregnant with Stormageddon and I miss it.

everybody’s goin down

I might be dangerous.

I love animals too, but I’ll never refer to them as my children in any way.

Am I the worst mother in existence? Well, I’ve never locked my children in the closet, so … probably not.

I’ve almost completely lost interest in this thing at this point.

I have no interest in moving to Detroit, thanks.

Wow. Complaining about being successful. Your life is so hard.

Not at all sure how you came to that conclusion. But OK.

Look. Paul Holes is hot. That is not in dispute. But I cannot with that hashtag. It’s just weird.

I like aspects of Frank Lloyd Wright houses. But overall, it’s just not my thing.

They’re photographs, not talkies.

If I do it, I’m not telling you about it.

I’m in like Flynn.

But I don’t have a Maltese named Falcon.