I used to (unfortunately) go out with a guy who said I had a Judas Complex because I couldn’t sit with my back to a door. I don’t. It’s just good strategic sense. I absolutely loathe working in a space where I can’t have a ninja proof seat. It makes me less productive and it stresses me the fuck out. I really can’t function with people walking up behind me. Which I’ve said over and over. And so few people respect that.

Bye, Kirsten.

Literally every time I start working on something I get interrupted.

I need to be infused with vital spirits.

I have no experience in that area.

First of all “plant based meats” are not meats.

It’s here in the states too. And all I can say is NO.

“And go!” is still just as annoying as ever.

IT’S NOT ME

So hilarious.

Literature reviews. Yawn.

When I said I’d be on this committee I did not realize I’d be responsible for coming up with a list of speakers and panelists. However. I realize I’m probably ideally suited for that very task.

I love this podcast.

I just love it when people tell me OK no problem when I haven’t apologized because it was, in fact, their fault.

Curses! I burned my finger on my lunch steam!

Looks like your Randoms are going to be short and sweet for the foreseeable future, chickens.

So. Fucking. Busy.

I sincerely loathe this song, but this is legit some awesome cosplay.

I opened at least 4 different articles to read today and never got beyond the first paragraph in any of them.

That’s not at all how I pictured that woman from just hearing her voice. I still wish they’d stop letting her read the news.

Is there an actual committee even? I’m starting to think there is no actual committee.

OMG new Pernice Brothers!!!!!

Why does my stupid toe hurt?

I honestly thought the vegan suing her BBQing neighbor was satire for a whole day. I’m still not quite convinced it’s legit.

Now I want BBQ.

And cupcakes.

Oh I have cupcakes at home!

You could always go back to jolly olde. Won’t break our American hearts.

Guess I must be on yer list too, eh?

Read it.

I just ate a Rice Krispies Treat the size of my face and I have no regrets.

so dull

Yeah, we didn’t move.

The crazy too many people time to adjust hectic lunacy is upon me. I’m not ready.

This is the funniest shit you will see on the internet this week.

Um. Someone might want to tell her that that’s already the law. And has been for decades.

This is clearly gonna be late again.

Wait. Punching people with whom you disagree on an ideological level = civil disobedience? WTF universe do you inhabit??

“Imagine if the left said this.” “Imagine if the right said this.” They both have. Repeatedly. Because they’re all children. Stop amplifying the stupid. Stop electing the stupid.

I think I’ll just hold off on this til next week. I just have so little for you at the moment.

So very little.

It’s Sam Hill, not Sam Hell.

“It’s 10:30. Do you know where your children are?” What a patronizing thing to say to people in your broadcast.

Crossbreed Holsters has fantastic customer service.

You’re not the boss of the exec assts. Your boss isn’t the boss of the deans. Stop telling everyone else what to do.

Why would re-reading books you love need defending? That’s ridiculous.

I don’t understand people who find Leonardo DiCaprio attractive. I know I’ve said this before but I just got slapped with another picture of him and his weird Amish beard.

It’s weird being allowed to do one’s job. I actually am slammed from the minute I walk in til the minute I leave. Hard to get used to again.

Of course there’s new crap on top of all the usual. So there’s that.

I need to start making wearing my glasses a habit instead of contacts.

Nothing like looking someone you thought you were on good terms with up on FB to discover that they’d preemptively blocked you. I wasn’t even going to send a friend request, I was just looking for a basic piece of information that would have been readily available there.

You know. I should be in a really good mood with this great new boss and honestly I’m just not. I’m stuck. I don’t fit anywhere. It doesn’t matter who your boss is if you’ve got the same stupid job that you’re overqualified for but that no one can seem to see you’re overqualified for.

And your friends all live far away with their own lives and best friends and things to do.

I’m going to stop typing out my wallow now. It’s pitiful.

Oh this is going to be a messy messy day.

Holy shit.

At least when it’s nonstop I don’t have time to think about

What kind of person looks at this water slide and says, “Yep. That’s what I’m doing next”?????

Man. Cupcakes. I love these fuckers.

It’s about the message for me. I believe in the message. I don’t know what you’re in it for.

And now I’ve screwed up and pissed someone off and I’ll spend the rest of the week beating myself up about it.

You know. I think I need to hang this one up. Today has been so stressful that it actually brought on the migraine full stop. I’ve cried twice. I’m a mess.

I don’t actually find Jude Law particularly attractive, actually.

I’m almost ready to take up the tea habit again. I’m missing it.

I typed that and five minutes later the Headspace app popped up a Mindful Moment that read “Fancy a cup of tea? …”

I am much too connected to the world at large. I hated the book Feed, but it doesn’t seem too far off the mark these days.

Sorry for the depressing post. Better luck next week.

sunflower planted by Stormageddon.

Some weeks Random is hugely popular. Some weeks I might get 3 likes if I’m lucky. I just never know. It’s weird.

When did you get old?

I’m tired of the Russian Mob trope in TV shows. I instantly lose interest when it comes up.

Wow. I had no idea!

I don’t think anything I’ve done warrants being attacked by ground bees every time they dig a hole on my Compound.

Maybe the ground bees were a message.

I’m soooooooo excited about the new season of Jack Ryan. Such a good show.

Wow. I spent literal years of my life in a dark room. This saddens me greatly.

I don’t think people should have been mean about it though. There’s no reason on this Earth that the kid would know what a dark room is.

HOW did I not know about this???

I feel like this is what I want for dinner every day. But with not adventurous cheese.

SERIOUSLY??

OMG STOP CRACKING YOUR GUM

This is actually nuts. But also didn’t Obama float something along these lines? I seem to recall he did. Maybe his wasn’t forced though … Whatever. This is nuts.

This is also totally fucking nuts. *Update* The prosecuting attorney dropped the charges.

I completely forgot that it’s Wednesday. Which seems to be happening a lot lately.

Now I’m gross. Stupid basement.

Now it’s Newt Gingrich. Leave me alone, dammit!

“You gotta stop talking to me over the wall, kid.”
“Sorry.”
45 seconds later …

Ooph.

Bitch, please.

This is strangely hypnotic and beautiful.

Ha. Like 10 people have sent me the link to the new death museum in Mt Clemens. That is awesome.

Human beings are actually designed to eat meat. It’s a biological fact that we are omnivores.

safe from what?

be calm bee balm- now with more calm

Well. That was interesting.

I don’t know how you start your vacation, but I start mine by being woken up by a migraine and the urgent need to vomit. Good times.

I’m not really a Luke Bryan fan, but this song is pretty great. He’s allegedly playing a farm just up the road from me this fall. That’s kind of cool. That he does that, I mean.

I like the Irish theme song better.

I have a Meijer cupcake problem. Don’t judge me.

Have I mentioned that before?

The acting in this particular episode of Crossing Jordan is especially atrocious.

dreeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaddddddd

So much dread.

Wow. It’s been non-stop since I walked in the door.

Holy shit. I don’t want to jinx anything, and I know it’s only been one day, but my new boss is kind of amazing.

See. I actually really like this song.

You know I can’t stand Bill Maher, but this is pretty good.

hot cold hot cold hot cold hot cold hot cold

I need to get this book read. I have no motivation to read this book.

He probably left her over the abortion cake.

Why the hell did he marry her in the first place, anyway? So weird.

Maybe I should learn to play an instrument.

Maybe after I graduate I should start martial arts of some kind.

Maybe after I graduate I should take an obscenely long vacation somewhere I’ve always wanted to go.

I suppose I should start saving all the monies.

“This is the best deal, maybe ever“

I just can’t really explain how this feels, and I’m pretty sure that people don’t believe me when I tell them.

I’m quite sure that the doctors don’t believe I experience these side effects.

I should just quit going to doctors. Except my chiropractor. I like him.

Plus he smells nice.

Nobody wants to hear me complain. What am I even doing here.

I hate Detroit. But hey, y’all have Juggalos, and they already know how to thwart facial recognition software, so maybe you should think about changing your style.

That health assessment makes me irrationally angry. But it saves me 20 bux a pay period, which adds up. Bastards.

So cool!

I’m perpetually torn between wishing I had a lunch date and not wanting to speak to other humans on my lunch.

OK, chanting “send her back” is classless. Cut that shit out.

Man. I have life insurance. Stop emailing me about how I’m gonna die.

Did I say this here, or only in my head? I was talking somewhere about the Trump digs, etc. at the conference. Attending really was a privilege for me, and I do believe it was worth my time. But Heterodox really does have an issue with representation. I said that it was much like the representation at a typical university – a handful of cons in a sea of progs. Trump’s name should never have come up at all. But whatever. I still think it was a valuable use of my time, for the most part.

Except that one panel I sat through. EGO EGO EGO. And all progs. Every one. Waste. Of. Time.

This is clearly not going to be enough coffee.

bless you

Kalamazoo College is not “suburban.” It’s in the middle of the fucking city. It’s two blocks from us. We’re not suburban either.

I think we’re the “someones.”

!!!!! This is probably my favorite ‘Mats album altogether.

It never ends. Interesting side note – Kathy’s family became U.S. citizens after emigrating from China.

Immigrating?

I never know which one to use.

Also, I keep being told that only white people can be racist. So how is a Chinese American even capable of racism?

I was telling a friend that the constant progressive correction of all the things reminds me of the episode of The Simpsons (way back when I still watched the Simpsons) where Ned Flanders is lamenting something I can’t recall and he’s questioning his faith and God and says something along the lines of how he always follows what the Bible says, “even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff!” There is no way you can ever be “right” in a progressive world. Not when feelings trump all.

OK, yeah, but. The bear was tranquilized. In the ocean. Dude probably wasn’t likely to get eaten or mauled. Drowned maybe. But whatever. Good on you for saving the bear. That was a good thing. This makes me sound like a bit of a dick maybe.

But stop overinflating things I guess is my point. Loads of people could save a tranquilized bear. Maybe he was the one who tranquilized the bear in the first place. We don’t know.

I should stop talking now.

I gotta stop veering into these moods where I just criticize everything. Maybe if I had a less toxic work environment …

I think Walt’s abrupt killing off in Season 6 is weird. And abrupt. And weird. I really don’t even remember any of this season.

Maybe I’ll just delete all that.

Once again, questioning whether I should even continue Random at all.

Haaaa this is fantastic.

It’s not like it’s a secret that – self censorship engaged

Actually. Re-reading this. It’s not that bad.

I already answered that question.

Hmmm. Unfriended again. I never know who it was. It’s a puzzle.

I think people are getting tired of me.

Maybe I should learn to play an instrument.

Also, Mr. Rogers was talking to children. Not grown ass adults who should be the ones doing the helping.

I say again, I just never felt the same connection to Mr. Rogers that evidently the rest of my generation did.

And those puppets creeped me the fuck out.

I’ve never cared for rhubarb.

I do enjoy zucchini though.

My shoes are stinky. And now you know that about me.

At least these particular shoes anyway.

I would love to see what happens to Detroit under a $20/hr minimum wage. A city that lost more than a quarter of its population in a decade, filed for bankruptcy, and has been struggling for survival. Sure. Go ahead. I bet they’d still re-elect her. Michigan would be OK if we could just give the east side back to Canadia.

Eating should not be this complicated. This is why I need a personal chef. Or something.

Why did Orwell have such weird hair?

Look I tried to read the New Yorker article on Al Franken, but I just couldn’t finish it. Y’all are whining about due process now?

Well. What shall I re-watch now?

I can’t be that goth if I like New Order better than Joy Division.

I don’t think that student was especially impressed with me.

Great, now Karl Rove is emailing me. Listen, Karl. Just because I let you get a picture with me that one time doesn’t make us friends.

GULP

I just have a hard time seeing this as anything other than using the law to force a woman to do something against her will – essentially state sanctioned sexual assault. I don’t believe anyone, ever, should be forced to perform any kind of service they’re not comfortable with. This guy is clearly not truly trans. This guy is clearly a predatory monster. This is insane.

These photos are the best thing you’ll see today.

The scariest thing about this house is that it’s in California.

FINALLY

What kind of lunatic turns down an offer of $22K to wipe out children’s debt? This whole thing is insane.

I serve on a University wide committee. I volunteered for every sub-committee entirely because it would get me out of this office regularly. This place is a toxic hell.

You guys. Rutger Hauer.

I’m trying to come up with some of my favorite movies and I can’t think of a single one. Also it’s been a ridiculously long time since I’ve watched a movie.

My head is really turning the pain level up to 11 this week. I don’t know what’s going on, but JESUS.

This post is probably long enough. Probably.

the “indian trail”

I can’t believe there isn’t one photo of them actually in the wild in this whole story. So disappointing.

red-hot news in the firefly community

I, for one, miss the character driven action movie for adults.

Jesus, Lord. Just take a piece of candy and go. You don’t need to rifle through the whole damn candy bowl, stand there opening your choice, then make all the mouth noises ever while you consume your sugar.

A damn fine man.

No, really. Stop emailing me, Mitch. I don’t know you.

OMG Beard & Goldfish HA. I could play with that site all day. Legion & Fang is also a good one.

This is hilarious.

NEVER AGAIN

This list is fucking appalling. McCarthyism at its finest. Anyone who doesn’t find that list terrifying is the exact kind of person who stood next to Hitler and Stalin and Mao and so may others, and said “this is for the greater good of our people.”

I work with someone who absolutely will not be corrected and her mistakes have actually cost us money. But whatevs. What do I know? I’m just an executive assistant. Nobody has to listen to me.

Sorry, but if burning the American flag is protected by the First Amendment, then burning ANY flag is protected by the First Amendment. And rightly so.

I’ve actually known this was coming up for months, but I love that so many of my people tagged me on it. SOMEDAY!

So many links this week. Sheesh!

Dave

God dammit. Now Newt Gingrich is emailing me again. How do I get on these stupid lists?

It’s just me. I’m an asshole.

There’s no reason to hold staff meetings in the summer. And yet.

hungry

WTF did you do, dude.

I knew things were leaning this way after hearing about the famous case of Kitty Genovese. The claim was that no one helped, no one called police, etc. because everyone assumed someone else already had. This case is used in training even here on campus to teach people to act. The thing is, people are naturally inclined to act, reflexively. Even in the Genovese case, dozens of people called police after hearing her screams. People tried to find her and were not able to.

While you’re at it, go ahead and read this. Is the president an ass? Yes. Is what he said racist? I don’t believe that it was. But stating that makes me a racist. He shouldn’t have said what he did. Or he should have said it more eloquently and intelligently. But he made a legitimate point.

You shouldn’t have been there.

OOPS.

oops.

Oops.

Wait. I’m from Michigan.

Ope. Things got weird and I forgot what day it was again.

Gotta come up with a Halloween/Death talk with video. I’ve been asked to present. The right vid is tough to find.

But why would you do this though. So much dumb.

I feel like this is the kind of job I should be doing instead of the ridiculous job I am doing.

I would like to be not in the office.

Chris Pratt seems like one of the most genuinely nice guys in the world. This kind of shit is petty and tiresome.

It’s a quibble with the Karen hair, ladies and gentlemen.

Look. Just leave. It’s fine. No one cares.

It’s a death reading list!

We will suspend your social security number posthaste!

I definitely need more headache drugs. Definitely.

i’m not the only one who took a photo of this phone booth in the wild.

Millennium was one of the greatest television shows ever made. This is an old story, but an interesting comparison.

Wow.

The live action Mulan looks pretty kick ass.

But I can’t wait for the new Maleficent.

I feel like “Black Noir” is kind of redundant.

God I miss film. Maybe that’s why I’m so MEH about photography lately. Maybe I need to get into some FILM.

Maybe I’ll just take my 35mm on the road with me this weekend.

Revisiting places I thought I’d never see again.

This weekend is not enough time.

It’s really only one day, with the driving.

The last thing we need is more roosters.

No butter is worth $50 per pound.

WHAT is wrong with this stupid email?

I probably better tone that shit down a little.

I suppose I’m in no position to judge.

The difference between us is that I’ll never be convinced that what I do matters, while you’re absolutely convinced of your own vital importance.

I think you mean faint. Not feint.

“Unsending” a message on Instagram is a miracle. I did not mean to “react” to your story post, you horrible creature.

I have just realized I have nothing nice to say about anything just now. So I shall stop.

Tiny Statue of Liberty!!!

I feel like a lump today.

There’s never a bad day to drum up some outrage. P.S. Hey Brooke Newman? That’s not why they feel marginalized.

Sometimes you have to try a little harder.

I think this website is broken.

I regret the olives.

I barely slept last night and I do not know why.

It’s probably because of this place.

Wow, people really like this dress.

Really. Everyone could use an hour of laughing their ass off with me. I’m hilarious.

Why is Mitch McConnell emailing me? I can’t help you with your problems, Mitchell. I can’t even fix my own shit.

Ooooh another unfriending. I wonder who it was.

WTF am I supposed to do with this kid?

Oh good. It currently “feels like” 98 degrees. I can’t wait to walk into that wall of awful.

I don’t know what it is about that little girl’s voice, but if she doesn’t shut up I might start throwing things.

You’re selling a refrigerator and you can’t even be bothered to clean it? “Needs to be wiped out. 5 minute job.” Take five minutes and clean it, bitch. Nobody wants your gross dirty refrigerator.

Townsend 2020 : I keep reaching for duct tape.

This is hilarious.

“I’m tempted on this day to remind you that there’s nothing inherently dangerous about a sneaker company currying favor with a woke athlete, or fellow citizens complaining about displays of patriotism and military might. On the other hand, I think Ronald Reagan was right when he said we’re always one generation away from losing the freedoms we currently enjoy. Along with the siren song of socialism, the persistent promise of ‘free’ stuff, and the breathtaking level of censorship on our college campuses, I worry about the growing belief among many that we can somehow improve our present by erasing our past; by toppling statues, outlawing ‘problematic’ symbols, or rewriting specific pieces of our history in ways that leave us feeling less offended.”

I love you Mike Rowe.

God I hate florals.

i need to find some lower thinking

This is legit a bleak as fuck book. Definitely not for the newly trying to be death positive.

Kinda wish you could still get No Doz.

sooooooooo dizzy.

the shot i didn’t use for the random confederacy round 2 on lymtml.com this week.

I’m sorry, my house seems to have gotten in the way of your golf balls.

Reminded, again, that I’m not very good at speaking Human. But I try. And I’m a good friend to have.

I’ll explain everything to the geese.

I love you, quesadilla.

Honor Roll Fairy Princess, and Other Reasons No One Will Talk to Me

Seems accurate.

None of us are as clever as we think we are.

This will make you smile. I promise.

Unless you’re Joe.

Just kidding, Joe.

Kind of.

Yeah, this is worth a chuckle or two.

“Oatmeal is still the world’s best performance breakfast.” Maybe. But I still hate oatmeal.

But how do you just let this happen on the side of your house for fuck sake. I MEAN JESUS MAN.

I think it’s selfish and rude to wait until two weeks before you plan to scatter the patriarch’s ashes in another state to invite the majority of the family. Really kind of feels like this was done purposely. I have no doubt that the people you wanted there knew about this well in advance.

My new hygienist told me I don’t look old enough to have a 15 year old. Even if she was just being nice, I appreciated it.

COFFEE?!

Yes, children. I am drinking a hot cup of black coffee. This fucking place has reduced me to new lows.

Dear Stephanie Moore, DEAR GOD NO. Sincerely, me.

I’d interview John Douglas.

Who wants to help fund my podcast about death? Looking for executive producers. I need a little equipment and I’m poor.

Maybe I’ll go to Bilbo’s for lunch. If I stay here someone will just interrupt my personal time. Like they do every goddamn day.

Plus I love pizza.

pizzzzzzzzzzzzzaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Just go ahead and admit that you don’t really want me there anyway, and we can all move on with our lives.

Who am I kidding. I’m not going to Bilbo’s.

Oh good. Now Instagram is broken.

I CAN’T GET ANY ZEN TODAY.

There’s lunch interruption number 1.

BLEAH

Now I can’t stop listening to The National. Of course.

Man. Every time I take a shower and decide not to wash my hair, “Nah, I’m just gonna shave and move on with my life.” I regret it five minutes after getting out of the bloody shower.

Hello, rain, my beautiful friend.

It’s not lyme.

Every time I write ANYTHING I go back and read it over and think “This is bad, this should say this, I should have said it this way, this is dumb, why did I write this? I should have added this.” Ad motherfucking nauseum.

These are really beautiful! I’d love to have that owl.

Appalling.

Why do people always think libertarians are being bought? Because we believe in a capitalist society? Free markets forevah? At this point I WISH someone would pay me off.

Jesus.

Now this is a tragedy.

It won’t kill you to get ice out of the old fashioned ice tray. It’s the same fucking water.

I thought the Arsenal of Democracy was Detroit?

I’m doing my best.

I should take a nap when that meeting gets underway. HA.

My eyes are all bleary. I need new contacts. I need to go to Walmart and order new contacts.

I will never read that book. I don’t know why I’ve added it to my list.

I can’t make people show up for meetings.

I can just close my left eye, like a pirate.

We’re all strangers now.

Come back, rain!

Honestly. I am almost in just the exact right mood to just remove this list of people from my FB contacts.

Honestly. I am almost in just the exact right mood to just delete my FB account entirely.

Someone is going to bitch at me about this. Well let me just stop you right here – my feelings were hurt first. So I guess we’re even.

How’s that for grade school?

T minus less than an hour til my 4 day weekend and it cannot come soon enough.

I probably have some kind of nerve or muscle disorder. This is going to suck.

More likely – run all the tests, “We can’t find anything wrong with you. SHRUG.” And I’ll remain in pain and miserable.

Once again, I don’t need yet another email from you telling me I’ve been unsubscribed from your emails.

I need some zen, chickens. I need some zen.

I think that jar of coffee leaked on my book. A little bit.

I freely admit I’ve never read Jack Kerouac and it’s because it was the trendy thing to do in college and so I resisted. It seemed so cliche. Now, I feel like I need to look at some of his work, as I’ve learned more over the years about who he was.

Hey. I don’t knit some patterns for the same reason. Speckles aren’t that hot, and I am so over the fade trend.

I’m still annoyed at the ambiguity of that KAL.

Why should I have to leave? I was here first.

This is actually heaven. Let’s move.

This is really a special kind of torture.

It’s fine. I don’t need to be invited. I don’t even care at all. I’m probably busy anyway.

Deceased is not actually a verb.

Don’t get pissy with me, I don’t make the rules.

Wow. The tuition at that school is more than I make in a year.

I’d like to take this moment to recognize the teenager for trapping the mouse (and writing a note warning me, complete with illustrations) that fell into the cup of grease on the counter. And the husband for dealing with the grease coated mouse (that did not die from a grease overdose) trapped in the cup as I was not about to touch that mess while getting ready for work. And this, ladies and gentlemen, is just one of the many, many, many reasons that men are indispensable.

Well, I’ve seen the word jape. How has an English major never seen the word jape?

Wow. I wish I could have visited this island on the New York trip. I’d just spend my whole visit there shooting, to be honest.

“And she was Loretta Lynn’s sister.”
“She still is.”

But why don’t you just knock on the wall the number of statues that you see?

Don’t pick your teeth while I’m talking to you. I am not your wife.

Shit.

It’s not emashiated. Stop saying emashiated. It’s e-mace-e-ated. Come on.

ouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuch

describle

Oh right. There’s the imposter syndrome again. WTF am I?

So many “in case there was any doubt” posts. So self-righteous. Professional Scolds.

Oh look. I’m quoted in The Post Millennial.

Ooooooh. I have a new judicial crush.

My face hurts.

Wait. How would a trans woman ever need an abortion? That’s not even biologically a thing. WTAF.

Oh. I need some of the roadside memorial photos for this. Duh.

I’ll just spend tomorrow putting this shit together in publisher. Yep. For workshops no one is going to attend and I can’t find locations for. WHEEEEEE

Hey. Would y’all listen to my podcast about death? I’ll need subscribers. It won’t be morbid. Usually.

I admit I did not read past the headline, but I’m not sure that narrative ever matters more than fact.

Wait. This math does not compute. I think this is still wrong.

If the future is female, I’ll stay here in the present, thanks.

The longer this KitKat sits here, the less I want to eat it. Why do I take candy? It just gets old.

All it takes is a jackhammer, man.

Yep. I was there. Sounded better when you could just hear the whole crowd though. Ha. Here you go.

Yes. Yes, I did buy the overpriced t-shirt.

all the very best of us

This is what I mean by selective memory and selective outrage from the left. Don’t pretend like this shit just magically started under Trump, because you know damn well your lord and savior built those facilities and enacted those policies.

I’m feeling some serious melancholy today.

Alright, look.

Dude. It’s fine. Stop re-sending it.

Why am I even bothering to look at the job postings? There’s never anything there.

I’ve never seen Eyes Wide Shut.

I’m starving.

When am I not starving?

I did alright in New York, actually. I ate very little the whole time I was there. So strange. I need to get back into that frame of mind somehow.

I hate my summer hair.

Must be weird, being treated like a rock star everywhere you go. I wonder if that changes how you see yourself.

Two days with people who treat you like you have something of value to contribute then back to the reality of people treating you like you’re nothing more than your job title.

OK This is ridiculous.

I will not feel mentally shitty. You can’t make me.

I’ma go eat some pizza or something. And take migraine drugs. And tell Stormageddon how much I like his bloody horror drawings. And stuff. And things.

JESUS. I am not ready to change my password again. CHRIST.

So. No one wants to hang out with me in NYC then? Whatevs. It’s totally fine. I don’t even care. I go places by myself all the time.

I wandered around Austin by myself for a full day. I can do New York.

This is an interesting read. It’s also refreshing that such a liberal magazine recognizes the truth of the horror of bureaucracy in the Soviet Union.

It’s fascinating how easily bureaucracy can be made a tool of oppression and control.

It’s also fascinating how easily Americans miss it happening here.

Stop scenting things with rose. Rose scented things just smell like sad bitter old people who hate you and won’t let you sit on the good furniture.

It’s just

Actually, cops are not required by law to put their own lives in danger to protect anyone else’s. It’s just that most of them do.

It wasn’t about YOU. It was about your insistence on popping popcorn in this office and then rustling around in it and then crunching on it and my instant headache and homicidal impulses. So chill.

You guys.

I may have another MP4 I need squished.

I wonder what has convinced her that Bradley Cooper is gay.

This shit is never going to upload.

This dude’s religious beliefs are pretty much the least of my issues with him. They’re frankly not even on the list.

It was back to parallelogram one.

It’s not coomin. It’s not pronounced coomin. Come on.

I’ll admit that I did not read this whole article. I mostly skimmed. Because yawn. But while this is kind of an admirable venture, and best of luck to these companies in the market, I’m sure they’ll get loads of self congratulatory virtue signaling customers, pretty much all of those customers will be the very wealthy. I wear most of my clothing multiple times before washing – I just don’t get that dirty working behind a desk. I also don’t put most of my clothes in the dryer. My clothes last longer as a result. I rarely wash my sweaters at all. But I also have gross kids and a husband whose clothes really do need to be washed weekly. I guess get back to me when these companies want to turn their efforts to actually affordable clothing.

I guess that’s my holier than thou sermon for the week.

I’d take some of your Cuban chickens, but we don’t need any more bloody bantams.

Stop filtering out comments Facebook. I want to see all of them, not just the ones you think are most “relevant.”

Wait. So Rand Paul is actually calling himself a libertarian now? When did that change?

My biggest problem with audio books it the person reading it. Dear God. Maybe read the shit through first, THEN read it out loud.

These people are lunatics.

I NEED A BIGGBY

I

NEED

A

BIGGBY

Jesus. Thanks for making me cry with your photo. Not cool. But totally cool.

I forgot my phone was in my bra and couldn’t figure out why my boob was vibrating.

Soooooooooooooooo sleepy.

I really do not want this food.

WHAT even is the point of this particular bullshit?

I should have picked up donuts this morning.

I guess this will be a little shorter today. On account of I got distracted and forgot to say rambling things.

I’m telling you now, so you have time to prepare yourselves, there will be no Random next week. I will be traveling.

It will be OK.

No, really.

I promise.

The obelisks are gone when you look away. Prepare: they can still see you.

I maybe feel a little sad for Boyd Crowder. He did seem to genuinely want to change. It’s a shame he didn’t stick with it.

That article somehow got truncated since I linked it. So I’m unlinking it.

SO many of those responses could have been said by me.

I thought she said “walking through damn bears.” She did not say “walking through damn bears.”

Damn bears.

I am pretty sure you mean loath, not loathe.

There was a brief period in the 90s when Anthony Michael Hall was kinda hot. We have the same birthday (not the same year).

I guess she’d have first hand knowledge about the intelligence of sea sponges …

I’d really love to know how you’re not able to support your family on $81K a year. Cos I make a WHOLE LOT LESS than that, and my family isn’t starving.

Ohhh I forgot I put that jar of coffee in my fridge. Iced coffee treat for me!

Wash your produce. Don’t wash your produce. Wash your produce. Don’t wash your produce.

JAYSUS.

Wait. What day is this?

Ticks are God’s way of reminding us that we’re actually pretty easily brought down.

God I hate ticks.

That woman is freaking the fuck out.

Yes. Yes I will order some lunch.

I only like parts of this new voicemail system. Some of the parts are lame.

It’s getting gloomy. That must mean it’s time for a nap.

I smell especially amazing today. You’re welcome.

100 of eleventy

Dammit! It’s sunny again!

Gah. My hair looked great til I walked out the door this morning.

T minus 21 minutes til the meeting of doom.

Duh duh duuuuuuuuuhn.

Oh this will be interesting. I don’t think an hour is enough time.

Now this seems like a religion I can get on board with.

OMG with the creepiness.

Miley Cirus is gross.

Did I spell her name right? Do I care enough to look it up?

Decision fatigue. THAT is my lunch problem. But I’m not eating pate on bread.

I’m not eating pate period.

Pate is gross.

Pate and Miley Cirus.

I do really miss that Norwegian cheese. Even after all this time.

I think you mean the scourge that is, not the scourge of.

Is there anything to like about Detroit?

I’ve come to a grinding halt. My brain will no longer function.

Also, I’ve been standing for hours. It’s time to sit down.

Someone changed the height on my chair. What the actual fuck.

Watch out for turtles!

Maybe it’s just the quality of what you’re reading.

I can see the almost zen appeal of Keanu, but it is sort of bordering on cultish.

Maybe I’ll run into him in The Strand when I’m in New York later this month and I’ll have my own Keanu story.

hahahahahahahahahahaha right

I am hungry.

Maybe I’m annoying people.

I definitely have enough fingering weight in the stash to do this hat, but I’ve got so many WIPs already.